Remembering, Transcribing, and Publishing the Rebbe’s sichos. Rabbi Simon Jacobson - 5783

obviously to State the obvious we're gathered because it's that during this year we get together multiple times in order to increase I don't think there's a better way for us to increase our Yoda shamaim by finding a new way and a new angle and for that we have our man the right man Rabbi Simon Jacobson with us here this evening and we're going to do this as an interview style which means we're going to ask questions first I'm going to ask the questions he's going to give the answers and then toward the end we'll open it up to questions from the floor just going to give a brief hagdama generally about sikhis it's important to realize that if you ask the question where did Seekers come from in other words we had many there are seven in a bay we Have No Secrets of Altera but we Have No Secrets of the summer like we don't have such either and that's because the Torah that the the first said was all my modern they were called drushum and maimarim these were deep Anonymous to this that they said and for the most part this is the way it worked that was to say the earlier in obey him so that's why if you go to kahas and you want to buy the lakute from the middle you're not going to find it it doesn't exist the real Secrets began with with they were open to the public because and they were open to the public and people came however there but Rashad didn't write this it was written by other people and that's to say for Taylor Shalom that we have but the secret but it was only three times a year put him pretty much that's the whole theater started saying a lot of Secrets some of the secrets he wrote down himself some of the secrets other people wrote down review those types of six you have a range when the Reba assumed the leadership in touch it became very clear in the beginning that the rebel is not going to be writing the secrets there's going to be success is not going to be writing and that's why this whole moisted began from the very beginning of the people who are involved in writing both the secret sometimes the rubber reviewed them was magia sometimes not and uh Rabbi Jacobson was an integral part of this moist for many years as we're going to be hearing about so that's my general hagdama Rabbi Jacobson do you want to say something before we begin I don't want to you know override the the chief Rabbi here but if I may correct a few points um a few things first of all the very concept of terrorist is basically everything delivered orally even from where should I been and we know Taylor so the true first and the first people who remembered things were all your ancestors all our ancestors going back to harsinai so maybe they didn't call it Secrets at the time but they did they were definitely part of conversations and discussions and dialogues that were delivered orally and then codified it and turned it into the mission which later because so same as with the the rabaim the rabbis spoke mostly Bape he didn't write almost anything there were very few things and what he said was short tailors but again they didn't call them circus they call them imres I mean you can call it all kinds of things but technically it was speaking and his Sid them wrote it down same thing with the market it was the Alta rubber actually that was the first really author the author Tanya all the rest of the outrabba's Taylor came about meaning the memoriam that we know although were said orally and those were manner which are just to give a little background there there is someone that remembers almost Verbatim what was said who commits it to paper foreign [Music] when he was a little older not all the member so actually there are times we have five versions of the same nightmare of the altareba and they're quite different they're not different in the actual substance but in style and so on it was the middle rabbit that almost wrote everything and the Little River was a real author and a publisher going into all the details he also things were also they were also crazy but most of his Terror was written same thing and the rabba rashab and the Frida Kadabra they all wrote most of their Traders they are sick there is a safer a secret actually of the summer sadik because that would mean that spoke at a meal or he spoke to a few people but it's correct I'm not uh completely disagreeing with what you said I'm saying the other rabbit turned it of course into a whole different world where most of his Toyota was not my modem remember all that potato was primarily formal my mother said this was called which as I said they wrote I mean they're not everything they wrote but most of it they wrote themselves like the altad in a way almost didn't write anything that ever has some things in writing we have streamers we have published Works through a suburbium egress of course letters but the bulk of the rabbis theater was delivered orally and we didn't know in tough shinyud I mean I wasn't around in the beginning but they didn't know how much the rebel would fabreng but then it became apparent that his main career has been and the rabbi though he wrote much less but his speaking and the volumes of all his talks are far more than other abaim sometimes maybe even put together not to say suggest that produced plenty I mean today we have the library every one of their bam has at least 40 50s for him if not more in some cases but the rebel was the bulk was tibur and therefore it became so much dependent on the hanukas even more than the other so just I'm just adding a few nuances here as far as it's just a general introduction before we get into anything because what can I say um you know this is my claim to fame you know when I come up to the Mila this will be the thing that I will use as my ticket in um because I wasn't doing my own work I was doing the work of trying to Faithfully document and for posterity with the represent we all make our mistakes but we tried our best and this was many ways what shaped my life so back when I'm back from my being a Bach and I'm sure you'll have some questions about this so I'm not going to go into the history right now but I just want to say in a personal and a personal and emotional note that my dears when I was struggling as a struggling young adult teenager with my own issues and my skepticism and my own questions so many ways really my getting involved in The Seekers was somewhat for myself also a personal Journey of um having access to the top I wanted access you know if you're going to have access you might as well go to the top and who's the top the Rev himself and working this has gave the opportunity to write to the rep and ask questions yeah Open Door nothing was you never had any limits I could write 100 times a day and would always get an answer almost 90 almost every time because it wasn't personal it was also for the public benefit and I can tell you I exploited the opportunity to the fullest means you know when you have such access wherever I had an opportunity to ask a question especially sensitive questions like about things that we all wonder about Good and Evil and pain and suffering and the Holocaust then you know all the big questions so wherever I was able to smuggle it in I did it and uh and I got answers and sometimes we got over our head as well already the rabbits with the men's words he knew how to be quite brutal um in a healthy loving way of course so it shaped my life let's put it this way I'm not who I am today he's completely defined by what happened those years you know we'll go into more details but I wanted to just say it so for me it's a personal type of almost a debt that I repay as much as I can to share of what I experienced because if so it was so critical in who I am today as a person and everything that I've done shaped my mind it shaped my way of thinking I mean I can't even know what I would have been like had I not done this work because remember it's hours and hours of sitting and absorbing not your own ideas someone else's ideas try it out it's not so simple and uh and trying to almost assimilate almost like you know if they almost put yourself aside and how are you going to Channel A Higher wisdom that's not your own and then you're subject to present it to the level who knows what he said and you have to be the one now to be subject are you did you uh did you align it and we tried our best as I'm sure we'll share that plenty of humorous moments and plenty of harsh moments but they were all in my opinion love it was not easy job not easy to remember six hours of a fabregan almost verbatim people think it's almost impossible to even imagine how could you do that but I'm sure you'll ask me some of those tricks and I'll give you some Trade Secrets not all and I still have to maintain certain NDA and maybe consign right the non-disclosure um frankly not there really no secrets because if you know how to do it you know how to do it and if I tell you that necessarily means you can do it there are there are methods um so we'll talk about it then as I said to me it was a it was a life transforming it was far more than just writing fabrings on paper and moving on it uh I wish I wish it upon all of you to be able to have that opportunity to be able to have the Bittle to be able to put yourself aside and channel as I said and and bring down to enter paper and and to communicate to others ideas that are not your own will come from a greater and higher place so thank you for having me and thank you for the opportunity to share some of the events that happen the history and whatever you want to cover and there's no questions I always say nothing is taboo nothing's off limits you could ask anything you like I'm an adult if I don't want to answer I won't but uh but you should ask anything you want you don't have to hesitate even if it's provocative or controversial or challenging and with that uh thank you again all right so let's go so let's start at the beginning uh when was that moment when you tell yourself hey there's this I can do that there's this concept of Hazara and why not me when was that moment well let me give it just a moment before the moment about that that's always more important to know you have to be ready for the moment um so I was as I mentioned I was to put it quite uh candidly the way you know I was born in 1956 you want to calculate my age you can if you like I always give people like 10 seconds if you like they like to do that you know um some one of the Baby Boomers you know before Generation X and Y and Z and whatever the generations I'm not even sure um so as a teenager I went through the whole system I grew up here in Crown Heights I went to school system we're not going to go into all the nightmares and uh yeah full disclosure I wasn't molested and I wasn't abused let's get that out of the way so I don't have any real Grievances and uh trauma and all the words that everybody uses today and the pains but at the same time I was very a very skeptical person and I wasn't very inspired in Yeshiva to be very honest it was what we would call today maybe I didn't have that word then mediocre you know a lot of good memories good people around me are a nice family so it's not like again I didn't grow up in round abuse and dysfunctionality as later I came to discover exists but nevertheless an uh intellectual and a spiritual level I guess I wasn't inspired at all and I would always wonder whether this whole um this whole system isn't just some type of mind control program to keep people in line I saw the value in it you know you know it's not like I didn't see the warmth and the family and Community power but uh but still on the level of this absolute truth and so on and though the rebel was a figure in my life obviously growing up here it was like but he was like a king on the hill I didn't have any personal connection in a real personal way it was the rabbi had no reason not to respect them like I didn't identify with him and uh so I had to I struggled internally because you couldn't really talk about these things you'd be blacklisted that I was wise enough to know you know um I was the guy that never got expelled but my friend always got expelled you know so I was like the Troublemaker like the guy that speeds right behind a guy that speeds a little more than you you know so if he's gonna get stopped so I uh I didn't cross any real serious lines in Behavior but intellectually across many lines which means I read a lot not of Jewish sources let's put it this way I was very curious and I was a ravenous reader and um and I really just was looking for for truth to be honest I really had no other agenda and it was in that time period that I began to um uh you know citizens didn't speak to me yet it was just words it was like a guy told me the other day he said yeah you know like all in one uh sentence like it's a you know a numbers game 39 here 10 here four worlds planets whatever they're called but then there were difference and again I don't go into detail because not so relevant But to answer your question so I think it's vital to understand where I was my mindset I was Desperately Seeking something passionate in my life you know I've I've today I would call it a Rebel Without a Cause I had that rebellious energy very strong energy but I had nowhere to direct it I liked physics and Mathematics but I didn't see myself becoming a passionate physicist to be very honest um and it was that time when I was really seeking and I was asking questions and I was exploring this when I first began to I remember it was in camp summer camp in the year 1974. and I remember the one of the counselors who thought he was a big so I used to talk to me trying to be my car with me you know so uh so I said to him how do you know this is a God and I just wanted to hear how he answers um so he said to me well the world is a finite world and you know that finite objects can never lead up to Infinity as much as you go with the finite you'll never touch the infinite which is a rule in mathematics anyone who knows math knows that and therefore you have to say the world therefore has a beginning because a finite world can go endlessly as to have a beginning so you know he didn't even realize that it touched my mathematical uh you know nerve so I said to him where did you how do you know that where does that say see you opened up a direction which was in the show maybe the only safer they had um and uh and he shows it to me in the hammanas of the summer sadik so this is the first time that I was like intrigued I saw wow that's actually written in a safe it wasn't just some type of you know modern psychobabble or something and it I can't say it's the only thing but it's a series of events that intrigued me that there's talk about the infinite about the finite and it was that time when I uh came back from the summer when I had to make decisions where I'm going to go and I went to Morristown that year and it was then I started listening to the web in a different way and I started hearing between the lines this talk about the infinite about eternity about things that are temporary and things that are permanent and that was I think one of the things that clicked in me that one second here it's all dressed up in the levusium and garments of parasha Sasha vua and apeke office and Isaiah wasn't speaking really then but other uh Torah but within it was really the essence of what life is really about and that was the thing that most intrigued me and then of course since I was so intrigued and as I said I'm an extremist you know like an anarchist you either it's all possible it's all kosher like you know I wanted something all the way so I said let me go for this let me really plunge into this and what was the best way to do it is to be involved in the process of uh producing these talks so I started hanging around with hazarda every Shabbos in Morristown they wanted to do Hazard on Sunday so I became the person to start doing it a nice and I firstly I think because I was passionate about it that made me better at it because I cared I didn't just do it because uh I had a Kabbalah sale or just a BH and as I was doing it I became better and I was I became aware I became a parent became apparent to me that I'm capable I can't say I was a master I was just a kid at the time I was what was I 17 18. and um and the Mars time people felt that I was really doing a good job and it's not like I you know in that age you don't even think of it in terms of ego or to me it was just like really intriguing and then I would hang around the small few around them became the rabbi and some other and some others so at the time I would just listen and uh but then once in a while I'd pipe in and say something and add something as you know nothing none of this was formal and as I became more involved I was really contributing and as I was contributing I was welcomed into this inner group but again nothing was official no one like said here you sign up to become a crazy there was no such thing even rabbiel I mean even though the rabbit did uh support what he did but he had to want to do it he did it and therefore that's how you be you know there's certain jobs that come simply because you do it not because someone appoints you and sometimes if you're appointed doesn't necessarily mean you're competent I'm not just that's an aside I have to get that in um and on the other hand if you're good at something you'll rise to the location and that's what happens is that we're talking now in the years 1976-77 when I really began then I came to 770 in 1976 mid 76 and then I got more involved with the them was that women was beginning to have a new a new team and um so I was involved both in the khazara part and then I used to also they would write it I would be one of the people they showed it to and I would look it over and give my edits and so on and comments and I just you know I look at it more like I guess I it was an intern not that anyone was a professional you know we're all really interns and rabiel was the senior he wasn't really writing fabrina's at the time he was looking over he was Hazard um but um me and myself and the few bokham that were around then I could tell you who they are if you're interested but I'll leave that up to follow up so that was my early early dabbling in it and as I got better at it obviously it became obvious that not many could do it so it wasn't like there was a lot of competition to be very honest either you could do it or you can't do it and then um in 1978 after the river had the heart attack 77 should be not set us that's when I really became very seriously involved because Rabel then took a liking to me you know I was his like I guess uh whatever pocket he had always had this Pokemon and I would sit with him because the river wanted to be my gear edit all the secrets that he spoke with so he all those Saturday nights where the devil was not speaking was speaking from his room with a mic which was a whole Parish of its own by going into the details so then the rebel edited them all for quite a few weeks I was working with rabiel that's when I really I guess got the real experience of writing and footnotes and research and we would sit up all night rabiel was the writer but I was his assistant so to speak whatever that means um I could tell you just as a humorous anecdote may I I don't know you know there's no script here so I remember we used to sit and he wouldn't want to begin working without me trust me it didn't really need me but he needed someone you need a sidekick you know um I was there at being a safer this he wanted to discuss a point so I was available I was there so I remember one night it's like four o'clock in the morning with soy shops I forgot which mature shop is Maybe and he turns to me he says it up Simon I'll say exactly how he told it to me says you want to do a favor for collection so I thought what he said for cigarette and a coffee that he wants cigarettes or a coffee that you know it was like so he says nay Len is what he tells me I shall learn the holocausted so I said to them right now tonight he said no it says you need more than a night for that even if you're crazy um so I said why what's why is this such a table for class Israel he says because everything is about pet we wouldn't have to be spending looking up this matter Mark and this everything is there and it would just ask you and you'd know I told them when do you need me to get back to you by this about this uh so-called offer suggestion anyway it might be a lot of good sense of humor um uh obviously I didn't end up learning it even though my grandfather I was told my great grandfather didn't know all the good today about Pat so maybe rabiel thought I can like uh reincarnate Channel him or something but I didn't end up doing that and and rabiel was right I could say this is if you know about pep but knowing about pear is not small so if any of you like have nothing to do with yourself and you want to do a table for Claudia so you can take on this project if you like that I remember anyway bottom line is I worked down in the river edited the secrets that was the first time was also very immersed in the river's edits and I can't tell you the I don't know what word to use I don't want to use the word ecstasy because some people may confuse it with something else but it was a unbelievable High to experience preparing something for the river and then seeing the rubber's edits because he literally took your words and he edited and corrected and erased an ad and so on especially those Secrets which were very emotionally charged because this was right after the rabbit's heart attack remember I remember right after the river spoke that which say Yom to simchostera that was no one knew the rubber is going to fabrango speak spoke from his room around 20 minutes and then he edited it and the edits the rebel usually edited with pencil then he edited with a pen and you could see his hand was weaker than usual especially if you knew the rubber's handwriting but he edited some very profound Indianapolis which to us was like unbelievable that the rebel was like under this whole duress and all the challenges the rebels facing bigashmias but you see the Gilroy Mercedes that were coming out then was very obvious to us remember that ever wrote a whole other than a mask from Tanya it was very very fascinating so that was my very early uh formative years I guess um I know that you're probably going to ask me when I just to give you the history in the end of 1979 is when I became the official writer till then I was a Heiser but official writer of David Feldman who was the writer before me of the anonymous um there was no Hebrew he went in before Hanukkah meme which is basically December 79 and I took over his position and from then on that was my that then I became the main writer of the fabrina's which was the additional title of mania which is a whole nother responsibility very different than remembering is one part writing frankly is even harder but we'll get them short into that so that somewhat gives you a little okay so not all my answers will be so long I just thought I know I'm trying to bring history into background so it's not just uh so if I'm looking for Rabbi Simon Jacobson's first hanoka first written piece that will be found in the war first one really is spoke to the children um right before Purim Lama tests um so double filament as I mentioned was out of town I think he went to Israel for a family or something so I wrote that was the first one I actually wrote from beginning to end and the devil is my gear that but the first one that I wrote that became after that that was it meaning for me till the rubber stroke and tuftionun base so we're talking now a good 12 years was Shabbos pasius mccates and again just to give background remember the rabbit was speaking because of the doctors wanted him to speak Masai Shabbos not Shabbos because it was less exertion because you can speak with a mic the river was very clearly unhappy about it and whatever he had an opportunity he would smuggle in a fabregion shop like for example I remember tests was Sunday and Monday so it couldn't be cause there's no mic it was the hunter for ready so sharp is by mid brother was a fabrina by day that year whenever the rebel could make a fabrina without a mic he he clearly wanted to go back to that so the last one bringing with a with soy Shabbos I believe was schmoist of shinman and uh that was it after that became shabbosim and a few weeks later was um I'd really began a Me Kate stuff should man but literally when I began I remember rabiel said to me maybe it's in your schools again meaning only shop but after that the rubber never went back to my toy shops don't you want to know my experience that night don't ask it was a nightmare overnight the first time that I had to write from beginning to end so maybe you share what happened that night see we work well well together that was a setup um so I remember okay so we had it was a very difficult fabrina I remember saying to myself there's like a real Cabela's upon him here I'll tell you it was I'm extremely very deep and complex if I bring it just to give you a taste of it if you go to McCain stuff she mem it's one of the unknown gems I mean every fabling is a gem but that one was unique that ever made us see him then I'm not exaggerating he connected at all and everything connected Apache mikates it was extremely complicated was a big theme I remember Carl Prat klau everything was Cloud Prat Cloud you got to check out it's an interesting ends which was take place in 770 downstairs usually in those years earlier it was upstairs um and there was uh like you know it was Winter it was Winter already so it must have been not late maybe eight nine o'clock would begin within the an hour or two later and now starts the hard job so grazada would write down notes sometimes someone else would very often he would turn to mirchiser and someone wrote notes of the khazar just to get the points just uh you know like bullet points the flow and people would uh weigh in it was open Forum if you were there and you once said I remember something you'd say it and someone would say no that was later well it was earlier and sometimes an argument would break out I mean all the good spirits of like where did I said it what did he mean but there was no real discussion of Havana it wasn't about understanding he was trying to just get let's get everything out so to speak you know because this was the first opportunity to write down what the rep spoke about you know we'll talk later about the actual process I remember I went home I decided I'll work from home it was quieter I had a little blue typewriter you know what a typewriter is no seriously they don't have that pliers today a typewriter um a real typewriter there's no word processes no computers everything was on paper and if you typed the page you didn't like it there's no uh like going back and manipulating it you take the paper out of the typewriter you roll it up and a ball it's called throwing it into the garbage can you start again another draft another job and if you wanted to you know it was white out and there was cutting I mean it was a very primitive so I remember I'm sitting in my toy shop is now it's around 11 o'clock at night and I'm starting to make heads or tails it's the first time I have to write off my brain completely for memory if I bring in that I wrote that I mentioned before was from a tape which had its own challenges but there at least you're working with something that is really something has a is on paper here I'm writing completely from memory because other notes are just notes and I cannot tell you what happened I mean I started typing the first page and again the second again didn't come out I didn't know what I was writing next I did it again I probably wrote 30 drafts of the first page there were two garbage cans filled already in my living room and I remember around 4 a.m I mamish started to uh Panic really I said to myself maybe I'm not capable just not happening as much as I was I couldn't get out the first page and I knew this is going to be at least 70 Pages because we knew from the rubber's rate of speaking every hour of the rabbit speaking yielded around 20 Pages double spaced eight and a half by 11. so let's say five hour for Billings 100 Pages this was a three and a half hour if I bring and I remember exactly so I knew 70 80 pages is minimum and I couldn't even get one page on I remember it's around 4am I'm sitting there you know I didn't know what I'm gonna do you know I was ready to go back to the office the next morning and tell her I'll be able whoever I can't do it someone else has to do it and I was ready to admit that I couldn't it's not shy My Father I remember who's a you know as a early riser a late sleeper suddenly start walking around and he sees I'm like uh all uh like you know all Disturbed and he said to me what's going on he said I said I I have to write this fabrina I can't even get one page out so remember he told me calmly said to me my father was a writer himself but he was a writer and had a lot of years of experience he said to me I remember these words he said that's how it works that's the process of writing you keep throwing out the garbage at some point you keep doing it 40 drafts 50 60 can take 100 you'll finally get the page and more importantly he said remember that this will be forever not just now all the rest of your years of writing you'll always know in the beginning it's always going to be difficult and you're never going to be able to do it quickly the difference between now and in five years from now is in five years from now you'll know you can do it now you don't know you can do it yet remember that's what he says like running a marathon once you do it it's still difficult every time but you know you can do it 100 right he was right on target I I trusted him simply by Kabbalah sale it's not like I had the experience and I kept hacking at it by by around nine o'clock in the morning um I finally got out the first page where I can consider decent that I thought reflected at least what I and then after that got easier and easier but he was right till this day I write it's always difficult to write but you know you can do it so you there's a light at the end of the tunnel so to speak so you know you're going to go through the frustration that was my first experience so it was very I did not think I could do it and then it worked and I did it and I got that for bringing out I finished it Friday right before the soon now next Shabbos was in a case by egash no there was no fabrina about you guys but we didn't know there won't be a Feathering I had to be ready you cannot if I bring his overlapping fabrina so I had to be finished before Shabbos and then it got I used to be able to do it in three four days after that and that fabrina just for the record I wrote maybe 25 questions to the level and I guess again it was maybe the Deb is welcoming me that as there's so many hagas on that secret it was never a mogadike if I'm bringing but if you look at it it's all filled with the rubber's notes and comments and so on on all the pages the rubber edited at the beginning 10 from all over so that that was a once I got through that hurdle it never was quite as difficult but still the challenge was there that was my first those notes from whatever on that hanoka was responding to the specific questions that you asked or he edited he was my gear the whole city just unofficially the way it worked was in the context of hagas um you all know the quotations right was initially prepared a short abbreviated version of a fabrina last year two years ago or combination and the rep was my gear that every week the process was getting down everything the river said at the Shabbos fabrangin or yantev and wasn't expected the rep is going to edit it there were times where it was a pretty clear like a secret let's say yeah the river first came out about the tacon of rambam so it's pretty clear that it was going to be my gear I would rather Rob him like that but generally speaking was not necessarily going to be Moga so there are a few scenarios there were secrets that we knew the rebel would want to edit so we prepared it as such and the rabbitaka edited it there were times we prepared something and the rabbit didn't edit it there were times the rabbi asked for a secret that he wanted a certain Seeker prepare and he edited there were times that we sent it in not edited and published already and the rep edited after it was printed she had a lot of different pictures then there were those like mccades where we asked questions based on the questions we worked in the rabbit's edits and sometimes we would give it back to the rubber did we work in your edits correctly so the rep would then edit a section that was based on his answers that he gave us in the process sometimes the rep would add it more so Me Kate said or had everything had all the above there's no full seat indicates that I could say is edited but their entire sections and sometimes we'll say on the page that's a sign that there were edits from the rabbi on that page there are ways to figure out and sometimes you see real footnotes that they've ever edited and wrote they were they were fascinating those any of you like physics I'll give you just one thing that ever wrote If you like physics exercise so that was speaking if I may example um so the river spoke there now I told you cloud pratclaw was a big theme remember there's a lot of those were the themes very abstract ideas so the river brought a Dogma foreign tells his brothers the his dreams and then there's this strange Posse the brothers of course get jealous and they get upset but it says Yakov heard the dreams the expression what does that mean and Yakov watched over what was going on so the gomodo says a Yakov that that is a dream follows its interpretation and if you don't interpret it it won't be fulfilled necessarily says he decided I'm not going to interpret it because who says it's going to be fulfilled so the rabbit touched upon this and said what does that mean if it's a dream that's real if it's a Bubba mice a dream so obviously it won't be fulfilled it's nonsense every dream has something nonsense but if it's a real dream who cares with the interpret it or not so the rubber said there's a state he didn't use these words I'm just translating into English where it's still a state of probability that it can go either way and when you interpret it you're giving it substance that's why when you have a bad dream you're often told ignore it because by interpreting it you're giving it reality it's like the idea of a nine horror I know how to only affects someone that believes in it now as you give it you give power to uh to negative energy if you consider it if you take it seriously so that but then when we presented to the rabbit that ever wrote her out of there which I found fascinating he said yes foreign that before their Spirits as the sphere is there's a level of Swedish and cats why because there's a state where the Spheres can be all the potential possibilities are there and then neighbors that chose to take from those from those all those possibilities potential and make it actually tense fears now if you're familiar with quantum mechanics there's the concept of an indeterministic what they call a state of probability that before something is defined even though it's hard for us to imagine could be also a table is a table it's not a chair you know an apple tree is not an orange tree but there are states in the quantum level in the subatomic particles that are neither we don't know if it's going to be a wave or a particle for example with light I'm going to go through all the details but the river was clearly is suggesting that there's a state like a dream state that's like more of a super conscious state that has not yet gotten defined one way or another so that was one of the hardest that ever wrote that okay so now let's uh let's jump ahead and talk about you know that I've had different genres of Secrets well is there a certain genre that was more difficult consistently for you to follow well look um sometimes the rebel would speak very have shut the dick which means like I remember a bullock toffee members was a very long fabrengan went over 100 Pages maybe 120 pages went like till 6 30 5 hours or more and they're ever spoke then about I think um I was extremely abstract the hardest genres when they'd ever spoken is very have shut the language which can be interpreted in many ways you know for example even though some of them were very deep and complex but they were very concrete because sarashi it's a text you could follow the text here's a question is an answer but the more of shut the dick especially exidis could be really very complicated because the rebel is speaking and it doesn't always have exactly like he's not quoting necessarily A mimer I was explaining an idea and some of those were extremely difficult and we would argue about it I remember I was argue with rabiel and you know what did it ever mean sometimes we mamish that is we disagreement so we couldn't even agree what the point but one person said it was day one person said it was night that's how I've shot the dick it was those were the probably the hardest genres um this was a tape fabrina but it was also very the seam of the rambam and top shalam but hey which later became a printed book it's very it's a classic when the rubber said it hey so I remember hearing it and thank God there was a tape of that but there wouldn't be no way that we would have been able to able to write that down that was one of the hardest fabians because most of when the rebel become like a Maya namaskaba like literally like you're going to see and there's no end and then it would start throwing my mother and connecting one thing to the next thing that would also be very difficult and it was like a shorter at the beginning and an end when the Reb would start bringing from every part they had to really concentrate so those were some of them um sometimes hadronum there's no real rule because you never knew when it's going to come and uh one more thing I would say you have to keep in mind also if I bring in like simple stator before that office was one of the most complex was the most deepest barbarians and it was extremely noisy in 770. because remember going from the fabrina Tak office and have the children know if it's a coffee so if I bring them like a chicken Market I'm telling you your Pasha couldn't hear um I had to move literally within a foot or two from the river I still closed the river I moved all the way up Ravel would point to me stopped making his ears you know I couldn't hear anything and that was the hardest really because that's so much because besides that the theme the token was very complex if you missed a word would you do that there's no no recourse and I can tell you I remember the last hour of that fabrengan I'm not saying to toot my horn I had no one to turn to afterwards so I Bill didn't hear it and many most people didn't hear it and I had to write it so I had no choice what am I going to write and I couldn't just say okay we you know so um and it was uh that was very big pressure I had to move as close as possible and then remember it goes right from that doc office with all the drinking I didn't drink obviously but there's no khazada right away because it's still young till the next night just to really thicken the plot if simchostata was Friday so if I bring was Thursday night it was a fabling on Friday night if I bring a shop this afternoon 1 30 another fabrina that began before the skier Shabbos late afternoon all before you could even write down one word it was orientif so we had four vibranians said something honestly not because because it was all from memory and sometimes one second was that if I bring him before a conference or after our coffee or the next night so that was that was definitely from a point of view simply the share amount of material and also um you know people always ask I'm sure you I don't know if you're gonna ask this why don't you divide it this one remembers the first hour this one remembers the second hour so let me just tell you right up front it doesn't work that way if you can't remember five minutes you can't remember five hours if you can remember five hours you'll remember five minutes it doesn't work that way the brain doesn't run out of a hard drive it's not a hard drive that runs out of memory either you have it or you don't have it so it wasn't this it wasn't like we divide the only thing that could happen is you get your mind gets tired so ours we're on your mind simply you need a lot of stamina simply to keep not just alert but really sharp and and that was difficult when it went long fabrina's but there was division with the maimon you weren't responsible for Trans to writing the memorizing and transcribing the memory right so here's that word from the hazard point of view yeah we were responsible to remember everything whoever could remember remember you didn't have I mean people think there were a lot there were very very few that could when I say I mean someone that could hear a five-hour fibrillion and sit down a minute later and repeat five hours very few could do that there were people if you know there was like the of course if you're you're I'm hustling I'm sure you'll have what to add to it but that's that's like the ipra Mustafa you know you say this father and I'll tell you you know so they're definitely people that helped but there weren't many that could really do that so whoever could do it had to do it there was no choice um the writing was that was the vision of Labor um there were the my modern writers in my day was SV Greenblatt when in the late laments then Sean had a ton of I did write a few my modems simply because either no one was around Etc um but I I was primarily a secret writer but I was writing the khazada we all everybody contributed yeah what did you do between the secrets was there some device that you were using then to help you I mean like a hidden tape recorder there are many methods uh I think before I talk about between the secret let me just share an important point the key to really memory and this is the real Secret um and actually do workshops on this these days I even wrote up a draft of a book you know secrets of the mind that my that I learned through my years of remembering because I learned things about the mind that would blow your mind honestly because completely counter-intuitive what memory is like so let me just say two things about it and then I'll share what what we did between the circus memory everyone thinks is a power of the intellect the smarter the person the more they remember it's not true you'll see many many smart people they don't have good memories smart people may be able to understand something grasp something quickly maybe understand things deeply but memory is not a faculty of pure intelligence it's actually a faculty of the opposite of intelligence let me explain you know who remembers best as a group of children children the stories you heard the songs you heard as a child remain etched in your memory forever adults find it very difficult to remember we have all kinds of tricks and we have to write notes in this business try teaching a 20 year old a new language children five-year-olds are learning three-year-olds are learning ABC and why because they I tell you why because a child's mind is like a dry sponge who absorbs best a dry sponge adult mind is a wet sponge a saturated sponge doesn't absorb as well so the smarter you are and the more ideas you have actually works against memory because your ideas get in the way let's put in different words if you're familiar with if any of you have learned the hill closures you're busy absorbing you can't be exuding you busy exudi you can't be absorbing simply put you can't speak and listen at the same time I know some people think they can but it doesn't work so when you're listening listening to the rabbit speak the key thing is to put away your intelligence and just absorb what is being said without processing anything I know it sounds weird obviously you have to have your ears open you have to have some intelligence you have to know the language Etc but the less processing the more I understood what the rubber said the worse I remembered it I remember this vividly ma'am that ever spoke a whole thing about yogita that children you start learning by Euclid with them because the Tahiti study and a whole thing that never spoken negla the whole thing about Tara and kadusha it was it was I didn't understand anything of that after the fabrina yesterday he says he never heard this he doesn't know what the devil's talking about because it was you know usually the ideas that I ever talked to may have talked before because it was like a whole new sugar and I remember I remember this secret better than any other because since I had no pre uh no pre-coordinates and no preconceived you know if it was an idea that I was talking about mammala column save a common so we all have something to you know the people who know this topic because I didn't know the topic I was able to Hazard the best because it was completely based on I have no idea what the represent what the rubber meant then we found it was him and then we realized it was a whole Suge that the river never spoke about before that I remember vividly so as counter-intuitive as it sounds understanding is not is it works against remembering so the key is first you have to absorb you put it down on paper then you begin the process of really processing that was the key key thing so in that context what do we do after what I did at least one of my methods was remember memory Fades immediately doesn't fade a day later it doesn't have fade hours later it's like it says Tina Michelle memory begins fading immediately the only difference is a minute afterwards it's not going to fade completely a year later it'll fade completely so knowing that you can't take for granted anything most of us think we're smarter than we are and when you hear something that you like you think I'm always going to retain it try it out try repeating to somebody after what you heard tonight to someone without notes or anything you're going to say I remember I heard something really interesting and then say know what you remember I'm not really you know I don't have the right words what happened because you really didn't understand you didn't really absorb it what you heard was a good idea so the first thing we had to do was essentially repeat what I would do after when they were singing the Negan I would go over like a make a mental map of all the flow of ideas I actually would number it sometimes I have a number like the episode 72 things and I would go in my mind just like you know let's say someone's driving you somewhere you want to remember did you make a right or left another left or right so you're like say okay after two blocks we made a right then we made a left so I would like make a mental map in my mind that ever started with let's say today's shoppers schmoise and then went to certain logical sequence and then the river went on a tangent so I made a mental note to myself that the river went off to a certain point and I would do that the concentration needed to do that is very very difficult because it's so easy to say okay I remember that array let me move on so I really would go over the whole point by point from beginning to end through the when I was singing the that changed everything because essentially what I did by doing that my mind had made a carbon copy of what I had heard remember you don't remember what you heard you remember what you remember you heard that's why we often make even our stories that happen with us change uh shape and form over the years because you remember what you remember so I would try to do this as many times as possible it's like making a copy of a copy of a copy I probably would do it four or five times till the end of Shabbos so I did it once between the circus then become the next circus I had to do it again again then when I went home after the fabringan I probably brought some Bachman with me and we would do it again and I try to do it as many times because the more you did that the more the fresher it was so when Shabbos ended by that time you already had reviewed it at least three four five times the more I did the better the memory was sometimes I got lazy to be honest sometimes I took for granted I said ah this one's going to be an easy one and those were the hardest because I didn't do the this this the the hard work so doing that was the key after a secret to create that mental map and if you have the numbers then what happens later is okay one second I only got 65 out of 72 what happened but at least you know that you're missing something so now you have to figure it out amazing absolutely amazing now on your right there's a few envelopes um did you bring some things that can help demonstrate some of the things that we're talking about so I so crazy the rabbi asked me to bring a few things I also sent them something that I could share with you all as a uh as I go away gift before you go um I mean send it by phone you could send it I once prepared something from different manuscripts so just to give you a little background what I have here I just quickly chose a few things that I had in my hand most of it is actually locked away in a safe deposit box um because you may have heard of the concept of exercise you know what that is a theft it's called it means that these are pretty much invaluable material because as the Reb is original handwriting so I have copies of it of course but I also have Originals I have all the originals that was the actually the only reward we got we weren't paid for this work just for the record um as important as it was I mean later once I got married we started raising money but it wasn't uh it's not a career you want to pursue if you want to make money let's put it this way um there are other benefits so what the what what the reward we did get was the rebel would not let all the rubbish answers had to be returned to the Reb nobody got an answer this is already in the early in the mid 50s um people were writing to the river just to get excavat that get a manuscript and then the rubber stopped so no one got manuscripts anymore but we were the only ones because of the work we did it was like I guess but it was also for public for the public benefit because in case later you want to check for as a mistake this you could always go back to the original manuscripts so I had this course I mean I've literally probably a few thousand pages of the river's handwriting and it's fascinating to see first of all you just see the rep is you know it's almost like artistic in a way and in some cases actually you'll find the river even even we even found crumbs of what the rebel was eating when he was editing the secret so we even have the crumbs in some cases um don't ask me what we do pay sakuri just uh never put but but because of the the the value here um I have to I can't keep it in any way it plays that's not protected so I put them into save deposit boxes which also protects it from weather issues or fire God forbid or stuff like that but I do have a few that I was working with so I brought it here so I'll show you guys this is a you know something quite uh unique some people won't want to touch it if you didn't go to the Mikvah maybe but this is the river actually not just the hell that he actually edited it and you'll see mostly it's pencil sometimes pen I just as I said a few of them I'll give a little background and um I don't really want to pass it around maybe if you guys want to come around I'll show it to you so I don't want it to be in any way let's just do it generally now and then maybe after okay I'll just give you a little sense of it and this is just um just a little selection of of uh the work we did I mean this was really almost on a daily or even weekly basis where we had this interactions and as I said the rebel would always answer and it was the most exciting thing what can I tell you to see these answers because sometimes it was very you know very sensitive matters so let's see what I have here I'll just start from the top [Music] um okay yeah you hold the mic if you don't mind ah okay yeah this is an interesting one so I'll show it to you guys see so that's actual original pencil handwriting this is the rubber writing um yeah yeah of course I'll tell you I just want to show it first okay everybody sees yeah not pencil actually don't fade this is you're talking now over 40 years ago a pencil doesn't fade pen actually Fades more than pens but the rebels pen or pencil never fades not for miraculous reasons just stuff I mean the paper can fade faster because paper is acidic and it could you know okay so this is an answer to a question it's actually a deep engine next to this so we write like this I'll just quickly give you the sense it says expression and you say if you had seated that there's nothing higher than Enoch and after yes so the river goes on to explain what samalov says so we had a few questions about what the river said doesn't like that we're getting into delving into such deep topics other rights come of a comma because there a number of your questions recently now in this type of Signet this is the style of in other words you're having a problem that their contradictions in different places of cities foreign but ruggle become a chemist but I'm sorry or the lake Canal when the rubber met mittler sometimes he writes an idea and then he says with the light canal it's not like it was what I wrote before so based on you that everything has to fit why is it calculated himself say an idea and then say it's not like that in other words the river is not appreciating that we don't understand the subtleties that not everything has to be consistent there could be different approaches to something there could be contradictions not everything has to be reconciled that's basically um the river writing and then the rubberization and maybe at the end of it all you'll finally look at the beginning of Tanya the river underlines the word beresha Tanya which says that there's 70 different facets to the tale and then after we get this this is what we call you did this Breville you know this is like this this uh I don't say slap in the face because I don't see it that way at all because this itself has a lot of powerful messages I'll tell you in a moment and then the rabbit does answer the question so right here you'll see there's a line that Emma makes after he gives this uh so-called hey look he makes a little line rub his line and then speaks and then he talks about what is ETS I don't want to go through the whole nuances okay you know maybe you're beyond you but it's not beyond that that's true but we have a limited time I noticed that the note you didn't sign it but other notes I've seen that you you did you used to sign your name at the bottom of the question no I never signed the name except if it was more of a like more of a administrative thing like if we wrote to the rebel should we change the letters of the publication or hatsaw to print the caveats so then I would sign a name was more just to show who's writing but the the this but the questions on circles were just not signed um yeah they were not signs no anyway the rebel so how did I feel I have to be very honest with you I I felt I was a professional and I was getting an instruction from the top professional of them all so actually all this to me was education I never took anything personally I never took it like you know I didn't have thin skin there were people I worked with that had big problem every time they'd get a helic they couldn't sleep for a week I was much more calloused than that I guess um I don't mean that I meant to say nothing I took it as the rubber I saw the rubber like a master surgeon with a scalpel every Nuance mattered and I learned from it what I learned from this is precision much of my uh if you call it if you want to call much of My Success today is a result of the Precision I learned from the rebel the Duke subtleties things like sometimes the rabbit did not like when things were written black and white he wanted a gray people don't realize that every letter counts I mean I can go on and on Precision that's what I learned from all of this so every time the rubber wrote whatever it was to me it was always a tremendous education I see in the language of your question that the rapper seems to have marked up your question itself yeah very often he would either mark it up or sometimes edit within it here he wrote a whole answer after after it okay so that's one example let's take another one I may this is more of an answer this was just for the record one another source okay let's see what other goodies we have here what is this Jen okay so this is probably a whole uh let me see what this is this is the mimer YouTube mem when the rebel after 30 years of the 30th anniversary of the rebels leadership so this again you'll see pencil see the River Road hanoka it's the Rebel's words which meant that some maimorium the rabbit wanted to say it's my mom just says my just doesn't say usually meant it wasn't Baby written as Shoppers that ever wanted you could interpret many ways here but he edited it seriously what you see is a footnote here on the side just to show you every page is edited usually sometimes small edits like a line uh here and there just to go through uh quickly oh here actually interesting thing the river wrote something and then cut it off at the bottom of the page so we have no idea what he wrote wow so trust me we set hours trying to figure it out because that was like more intriguing than oh what did they ever write then why would he you know we even looked at the next page maybe the the trace went over so that was it cut it off so um and this is what you see here the edits I mean I'm not going to go through the actual edits each one is it's page after page but you could see how much time they're ever put into this this was probably in the footnotes um sometimes again these are edits the other crosses out a half half a footnote so you crossed out sometimes at this one the rubber adds a minor from toughrish pay and uh here we wrote a note afterwards and the river edited the note crosses out some stuff that note made it into the mimer yeah yeah yeah that was like a but sort of bizarre Gail okay we sent gelly's and we we wrote something and the river added some some notes and then in those days the custom was they rather edited everything twice twice so after this was finished after what we do it we give this to the printer and he said and add all the rabbit notes in it and then we would give the rubber back a typeset version so here's what we call the second haggar agoshnia this came as galleys galleys would be longer Pages like this it's the same armor but this is now the rub is second edits so you see how knock is there already and everything in the first edits are Incorporated but then the rep edited more sometimes small things here the river that's my handwriting but everything else the pencil is all the rabbit that handwriting was on the page when it went into that yeah yeah yeah yes you know sometimes when we read it we added something something was missing or so all this is the rubber's edits again and and let's see the last page a second well we would write it over for him and the printers were good they have their model system in Schaumburg at some point model Hayne abortion they were like Empire Press today it was bouncing remember they also prompted all the Americas for him all the costs for him so they were accustomed to it they so sometimes they would actually get the xaviat we didn't give them the saviad we would give them Rewritten here the river rights levada sometimes it gives us notes that sometimes the river writers check it out check out something you know in this place in that place um here the river right exclamation point two two points yeah two explanations so we would get it over our heads at many times and that was perfectly fine we learned from it um and that is the mimer possibility there you go you wrote the hanaka for this moment or someone else wrote it no this um who wrote this I didn't write it no it wasn't me probably uh Maybe I could check maybe it was raviel even because he'd like to always usually ride the bus Lagan in my mark um yeah and finally one more thing let's see what is this big envelope because of the big pages okay let's check out this what is this let me see these are the original envelopes oh this no he didn't send it in with an envelope we sent it in just with a paper clip then later I put it into envelopes oh this is a very fascinating one every year um you know Rabbi Weinberg would learn Tanya on the radio I actually do it now and my choice Shabbos so every year when it came to the time like to see him well it wasn't a CM every year the anniversary when he began teaching was around every year about learning tiny on the radio and this year this year Toshi mandalad very heavy heavy circuit unbelievable and so these are the Edison this is so the edits well as it gets goes moves further this is printed this is printed everything by the way is printed somewhere it's not nothing here I'll look at this page here's a little artistic page all that is the rebels hagas you know all over the sides so sometimes the rebel would just let it flow see all this you can see it okay yeah this one too these these few pages were very heavily edited and this became this is you know when you see a full series if it doesn't say building and everything printed circus is so later years it became to say for a circus almost every week okay [Music] yeah I'm going to show you now example of that I don't this I don't have the original here I only have a copy see this so when the secret came out with the rebels edits the rabbit wrote a whole page to us and he writes on top to add this in the prop appropriate place so the rubber wrote up a whole piece he added a whole Sif and it's out of there where to fit it yeah yeah if we couldn't do that so are we correct five hours of our brain and we can't figure out how to fit it in um you know anyway this is a fascinating piece by the way about technology this is Ben dalit we're talking about 1984. so no internet yet just the beginning of the PC this is I mean you know it's very early the first PC came out in 84 approximately or 85 even um and the level is speaking about learning tiny on the radio and he's answering the timer that many people had a radio is full of garbage on it you turn the channel you could hear a Jesus who knows what so many people said how could you use a radio to teach Tanya so I'm not going to read the whole piece but the kids are the river writes was and he goes on and he says how much more so here's how he defines technology radio so how the River defines a radio but it's the same thing technology and rubber also added footnotes so we added this but in addition they never wrote another thing he wrote also this is also an interesting uh Revelation most people don't know it ever wrote another piece Maxim and he writes at the end so this is not a letter that ever wrote to anyone but never wrote it as if it was a letter and he said we should write that it's a letter from a letter which is fine because the rebel can write his letters any way he wants to it's a letter toss so that's how he wrote it so this is all printed in this you're familiar it's a famous it's a very powerful foreign and if I have it here do I have it here let me see yeah I have it here [Applause] so this is the second edit as I said before and here again the rubber so actually just for the record when we added that piece the river had a chance to look at it if he didn't like where it was he could have changed it so just for the record um but but he but the rubber agreed where we should put it and here are some uh you know the edits of these Pages let's see wanna check it out this is a pure submission I don't think it's ever been published I don't think anyone has it the guy novum didn't get a hold of it yet but now you guys have some videos of it which is fine if the rebel was uh here he'd probably demand that you'll learn it before you take pictures of it did you ever have an instance where the galleys came back with no edits the rabbit says it's good commercial no sometimes few sometimes the rebel red Enos mangroma lagia and just go with the first we had times we sent the first algorithm there were no edits and it wasn't edited right once the Reb even wrote once the times that ever looked at something here you see the rebels have more footnotes here that I've actually wrote even though he edited it because I guess he was not he didn't want to take a cry so it wasn't really well written you know there are some sometimes we got answers oh boy they were sharp yeah so let's pick up over there so it's okay so fine this is a little taste my friends I hope you uh enjoyed the presentation this presentation let's let's ask a few more questions Rabbi is that okay I'm ready okay good I have a few more questions my life was this okay perfect so there is sometimes they won't ask questions yeah sure we're going to open it up in a moment so there's a number of instances in where the rebel would write on the side of the secret you mentioned about the sharp responses the devil would use the word mavil which I think means something like shocking maybe you have a better translation was there a certain um was there a certain theme or was it predictable or what was the when were the instances when the rebel would use that type of term um okay so Marvel means shocking right it was a very common expression um so the different categories sometimes things were blatantly uh out of line sometimes we couldn't even figure out why there was a Marvel because the river's mind a little thing that was a little off you know like you know a little piece of dust um I think recently with that secret that you pointed out when we walked in was there a Marvel there I don't remember but that would have been a category of a Marvel I'll just give one example I don't know if the red actually wrote Marvel there but there's that idea the river was talking about the mittler that's altered in the middle rabbit that's it is something like that okay so two friends that are not are inseparable but then for some reason I decided to add the second half that one is not complete or not not without the other and they never oh they're not like that he said who who writes something like that on the Midland and alter them in the middle of the second half who writes that so I don't know if he wrote Marvel but that would be that would warrant them up now I just want to point out I'm not saying in my defense obviously I was wrong and we corrected it and I I'm not recorded then that was that but remember we're talking about I'm not talking about being of a few with two uh fools there's no problem to write that one doesn't fulfill the other but with another level you can't write it that was what I remember taking away from that now again I'm not defending we shouldn't have written it because firstly there ever didn't say those words the reason I wrote it was because it made stronger so-called the question of at the end of the day you're also suggesting one is not complete without the other didn't uh there was another time he wrote novel I wrote about the samak sadik the Rebecca and the river wrote Marvel and the river changed it the day day now you tell me what the difference I don't see much difference in the language but yanam Dar sounds like you know like like a distant past but Dede means in his generation in other words if I wrote in zeindor but not the anim door so that was another example now again most of you if you read it you would say what wouldn't probably catch it it's not like a blatant mistake but on the level that remember this and this is the Davis for generations for posterity and it's not accurate another place more not so much Marvel would be with the river than not like you pointed out to me and I have quite a few of these with it evident not like when we've gotten to a very deep and delicate suggests that I would say are you thinking about the readers are you thinking about your own understanding of cities now is the evidence like you said you're writing it for the public write something they're really gonna enjoy you're gonna start getting into these nuances and these subtleties you're just gonna it's not it's not a footage and the rep was very adamant about that many times to be very honest and actually I learned this from Nabil himself we still did it because to be able to slap out from the river this was too much of a tiver to uh to so-called overlook so we got a helic every time not every time Amish but many times but we also got answers so um you have to weigh the two you know like uh like the story when there was the safe and the Babbage and a lot of the manuscripts were burned so that was it said why didn't you steal these manuscripts she said still how could we still they said someone said they said this is you know who's going to steal from the time outside but had they stolen them they wouldn't have been burned so he said I'm all definitely so we have a little Mercedes Snappers I can't say it was a Snapfish like uh and stalinist the Soviet Union exactly but we got a helic I'll tell you one story about it if I may this I've shared but uh not so often I'll share with you um it was Shabbos passes boy two days before so the lab always would connect the partial the the the not the pasture the curious the date with yuchwat was the connection so the rubber said and Satan Satan says foreign the scanning of the generation of Yeshua passed away that day so I said as the connection is stalkers of the Philippe and the stalkers of this Kingdom but then that I've asked the question is a many skin so what's the connection Scandium is not the rabbit it's not Yeshua answered it's an interesting answer he said the truth is that they were all like so why is the only red one rabbit by us because we cannot tolerate and contain so much light so we could only have one rib then they were able to because they were a dirt there or a generation after the day they were able to contain more than one episode to speak that's what the devil said I Remember by the fabregan like today I really said okay I'm writing it settled tonight immediately you know what does that mean we always learn this one not because like you say one crying God like by karak one God one Tata one Maisha one abused it it's not much there's one it's etsam and there's no two there's no two and I wrote this to them I mean we wrote very respectfully like late tafasana was the expression we would usually use we didn't grasp we didn't understand and I wrote even more that you'd based Thomas himself told the story that he asked the Frida kareba what was the behavior like during the time of the middle of because said that he behaved a little like a Deb even when the midterm was 11 it was his father-in-law his uncle so the Frida could ever said that episode's name his second name man he said what's that startup is not in it there's only one rabbit there's not two rabbits it's printed the story so I wrote to the devil so what's the name is and then a little uh I guess machava crept into me you know what since I'm already writing why don't I like take go out on the limb a little risk I'm gonna ask a sensitive question said maybe with that we can explain that when Bashir comes and all the rabbin will come back who's going to be the dev foreign so who's going to be the rep so maybe according to the lab a sins will be such a big Elohim we could have many that babe I knew that this was treading on very uh sensitive ground but boy member so I decided you know what Mr snappers it was worth it whatever happens happens if we get an answer great if we don't get an answer we get a helic okay I'll take this I don't know if I showed it to him there's a question he wouldn't oppose I probably saw um it depends if he was around I wouldn't I didn't hide it from him if he was I probably would ask me probably would be against it but he didn't he never imposed himself he told me many times he said you're writing the fabrina I defer to you I can tell you my opinion and I looked I listened to his opinion obviously we had arguments sometimes I wrote what he wrote what he how he understood sometimes I don't know I understood it to be very honest I understand the great rabbiel but he's still Immortal just for the record um and uh you know there were people by w i remember there just as a joke the people who were Yale worshipers we call them you know they that I remember there was one bucket he wasn't the wisest guy let's put it this way um so I remember someone asked him he said let me ask you who has a better careers and he took her naps he said that you're asking a difficult question you know I mean so you have to let's let's put this compared to the dead but we were all equal I respected IBL professionally I learned much from him I honored him until this day I have a debt of gratitude to him but that doesn't mean I agree with everything and we had plenty of arguments and disagreements and um I I definitely would defer to him in many cases but sometimes there were different approaches you know what can I say the episode you know um I'll share one story but let me finish let me finish with a question so ask the question to the debit I knew this can be a big helic um and that's what happened so the debit didn't even answer most of the questions he went straight to this question and wrote The Following um he wrote the Asus sniff temperate meme [Laughter] you all understand the answer in what in what branch of temperate are they sitting and debating the nuances and the subtleties of such questions basically you know what are you clicking in places you don't belong that's essentially with the represent which you know I have the answer and I got it but I don't I don't regret it I asked and so be it we don't have an answer or maybe we had a few times things like that the river basically I'll tell you one actually rabbiel and label Groner and everybody did not want to ask the question and I insisted and I sent it in I didn't care what they said sometimes when I would bring it to the to this masculus he would look and he always had an opinion sometimes you know I told him I'm not asking you you're your secretary you would have to deliver it but I still had a big on his good side I didn't want to you know sometimes he would have his opinions you know we have to let's put it this way there's always some maneuvering going on here and there um I was good with them all but sometimes you know like in this case I'll tell you what happened it was talking about the later years now and the rebel would say kaddish every year Robert said College I think four or five times a year I remember already besides the famous YouTubers um and then later but like he said I think utkus live and they say that was for his brother battle um of course I think you'd gimmel uh here for his brother Elsa's brother but but we didn't know why he said Kardashian there was speculation but no one knew why he didn't die after the that year the rebel also spoke of sikha the whole secret was of a yard site from beginning to end the whole thing was an explanation of so now we're preparing a whole yard side so it was a very complicated very deep secretary and all the time so I thought you know for the same machine it published a secret yard site who's The Outsiders so I asked label Groner I said you mind asking the rabbit he said no I'm not asking that episode all the years we didn't know who it is I'm not asking the devil such a thing that wants us to know it'll tell us that was his approach so I thought what to do so I said you know what I have a bunch of questions on the sick anyway you know just that question I wouldn't just send in one question but since I have a bunch of questions I'll ask the questions and then I'll write very respectfully the schlamist you know we looked and we couldn't find who's the outside it is I don't forget the lotion could add what you know who's yours I wrote it very uh neutrally the rebel could easily have ignored it or if he wants to add he would I thought it was a professional a question it's not like what's the Husky here I'm not telling the Debbie has to tell us a secret I remember when label saw it he said how could you write such a thing I said I'm writing it not you I'm responsible for publishing the series it's a professional question uh BL also told me he says I don't think you should write it but no but nobody I I had I had a day it wasn't like and I didn't accept what that they they were I said listen if I get a helicopter I'm going to get the hell you're not getting a helic what do you want and what am I doing already and that happens at ended up being actually the biggest Brach everybody thanked me afterwards because they never wrote a whole lot harder that's printed he wrote he wrote The Yard side shall image the mother of his mother 's mother's name was and they never even added why is he saying katish for he wrote he would spend time in Nikolai by her and she took care of him so I mean even without that he could say college for his grandmother especially if she was killed by the Nazis but he actually routes that so we have also a little piece of History and then I remember label says Hashem you wrote no I I didn't need his ass comma or he could have ignored it but I thought like that case I know no I have no missed question marks at all should we ask or not it makes total sense to ask and so with their heart is printed and we have that piece of History just for the record that ever wrote to me on the side not the pr not the print that lawyer Dua yard site because remember the Nazis they killed wantonly Jews and then no one knew exactly that's why a lot of yard sites are like the day after because they had to say the sadism they killed Jews you know that was part of their their animalistic Behavior so they knew more or less that people were killed but no one knew exactly when so the River Road I forgot the exact lotion like he almost like was asking me to go be Movado and he said to be Movado in pinkasize Pinker size are like uh journals that were written up in the statlach and he translated Pinkus yeah type of like a town record yeah Ledger and and as well as to go to mishbachevsky because that's the mishpaka of the Robinson so I felt like Mama's like a personal request that the devil wants to if we can figure out when exactly is the yard site I didn't leave any stone unturned I was making phone calls I got kazaminski on the case I don't know if you know kazuminski was like the resident in-house scholar or researcher they say it comes from the time with altered but um yeah and I got everybody involved we were calling and calling I called the yanovskis I called this one that one spent a good three weeks and I was like you know really I thought if I could ride to the level we find and we found out you know she was killed in the Goliath that's for sure but we can't know exactly because the Nazis were like going through Ukraine then like big time and they were Mama's wiping out the Jewish population day after day so we know what day they went into Nikolai but it was a few days and there are no eyewitnesses because almost everybody was killed there's no documentation yeah it was definitely around circus time we know for sure we know the period when the Nazis came there also the Babbage they came they they they this was Bobby yeah this was Ukraine you know kind of massacres they did their shootings it was all shootings it was not uh concentration camps they were just shooting thousands and thousands of Jews huh yeah because otherwise they would have been there and uh it was possible it's possible yeah most likely yeah because anyone there it was it was uh the game over all right I have many more questions but now we're going to open her up I just want to say this so then I wrote back to the web I was Mama's I remember I couldn't stand writing to the left of this I wrote we worked they checked on this and we could not find the number one thing in the scope of the attack or something um but I really wanted a like finish that I still I still by the way keep my eyes off every time I meet a researchers you know maybe today they find new documents I still feel like and maybe we could still find it so you know we'd have it for the record at least but it was not just her it was anyone that was killed in that uh that region so if anybody by the way you ever hear from somebody no seriously today there are documents that are found today that were not found before so maybe you know there are things that uh you know especially now there's a lot of research basements you fun time so I'm just finding a note you know I know I'm just as inside when the rabbits in Shayna and Mendel harvesting were killed in Treblinka so the rabbit writes a whole a whole heart like a peso Dover one of them that there was a witness and he gave all the details that ever wrote out all the details about when they were killed and how they were killed you're familiar right to that so it was very uh important to know this so there you have a little okay we'll open it and the question is what the what language was there ever speak and what language was it written so from day one as you know the alternator writes in Tanya and again it's okay and spoke in Yiddish even in my modem that were later written in Hebrew they were all spoken to Yiddish that's why you'll find sometimes my modern media this from other as well and sometimes even in Hebrew you'll see whatever will write the Yiddish you know so we call jargonor so remember spoken Yiddish exclusively there were a few Secrets One in Hebrew to the Mexican Israel there was a second Russian in French even but these were very rare never spoken Yiddish so hanakas were always written in here this look what the sickness was written in yadish sometimes out of just because of kitsu would write us you know even in you find many anachas in Hebrew but that was just simply because Hebrews a shorter concise language um as the years passed obviously the community in Israel grew the Benet Taylor grew so has came out in Hebrew the actor that was actually not happy with the signal in the Hebrew so that went back to Yiddish but anakas were always written in Yiddish by rabiel from the early years and throughout our years we always wrote in Yiddish in tough Shin members came back from a lot and he began the goal there was really to write hanaka's the notion case for those that don't understand Yiddish that was the objective so then hanaka started coming out Yiddish I continued working I was always in Yiddish I wrote samanachas in Hebrews or some secrets were written in Hebrew because the primary the bulk of hanaka Yiddish lahaq wrote only in Hebrew that was the whole purpose went back to Hebrew what year so in the later years the last volumes look with six men back to Hebrew for the same reason it was more the Lush and the NATO basically now because you have everything like for example is written in Hebrew because it's more of like a classic uh you know for learning purposes in Hebrew you have the things that were printed in apartheism these were part Circles of the river neglers were printed in some of these title journals you but they were all in Hebrew because that was the Taylor language that was the the story so you have anakus now both in Yiddish and Hebrew going basically from Member now after gimotamus has been publishing everything in Hebrew from the early years so yeah soon you know they'll soon have everything in Hebrew but and the rest is and and you have simultaneously everything in Yiddish you can compare there are differences you know one is obviously closer to the web is actual lotion the other one is this Hebrew um but you know you'll see from time to time you have to write a word in theaters because certain words Hebrew just doesn't uh fully capture um the rep is letters translated to Hebrew for the Israeli media and for Israelis um so the numbers letters always remind you this I mean Russian letters and and the space letters but then in English you have letters in Yiddish you have letters in Hebrew we know there's also letters in English just for the record secrets in English began in 1978. you're in absent took over so that's secrets in English that's translated into English I will just add for the record when fax machine started coming out which was around 1985 86. we would then it was at kufa there was a period in our office where we literally were publishing every hanoka in 14 languages I'm not exaggerating we had Bachman from Argentina they did in Spanish we had French we had Portuguese Italian Russian even Persian you may see in 770 sometimes there's a pages in Arab in Persian and other languages Dutch I'm trying to remember all the other languages yeah it was very uh all Sunday the bottom of different countries were writing the hanakas sure shorter version summaries and they were being facts remember facts changed a lot more than you could imagine because facts was the first time you can get a full printed quickly before that had to go by mail you know it's not but a printed document if we mailed out the hanoka let's say on Thursday or Wednesday it didn't get the people to have the Shoppers so in Israel or Australia and France or England they didn't have that until a week later um facts as soon as it was it was uh written you could fax it and this we're talking before digital before email and and what would come later so the faxes and 80s change things not only that um we then started writing the Techno and then came the rad and the nakudas I mean you have a bunch of summaries that were all done Saturday night but sorry Shabbos so people should get immediately a short version Sunday people already had all over the world by facts uh summary and the labor I will tell you people don't know this I can tell you that ever changed some signaling in how he spoke like usually the rabbit's directives he knew wouldn't get to other countries for a week later but then when the rabbit knew that was being faxed he started giving directives that I knew were for Israel or other countries right away because he knew they would get the message so I mean subtle difference it wasn't very blatant but the rubber definitely recognized that and uh therefore use the use the technology the rabbit was terribly upset when we did verbatim I'll tell you how I wrote I think was boytov shmemp and the rebel wrote that it was started being my guillot and I didn't write it for haga I wrote it like you know in the river wrote on top tape now everybody thinks that's a compliment because it's Shabbos but the devil was saying it's word for word mama's like the tape and it's not for publishing remember the spoken word is not really for publishing except if you have let's say the Havel presidents who read a speech but someone like the rebel was the opposite he spoke and then we're writing it down if you write a word for word it's not readable really remember the rabbit didn't write in didn't speak in paragraphs no periods no commas so everything has to be structured and uh the rebel was they ever gave I have I have many directives that was part of you'll share with them I have directors from the red but directly writing how to organize a sikha how not to make it literal not verbatim verbatim is good you know I mean for somebody who's like these guys that print out the crazy uh you know what are they called the diagram you know every cough and then I says the right days out I mean that's a little insane I understand that goes with the cloud button but you know but the tail is pretty uh there's no you know but the Taylor doesn't have any stutters in it or coughs you know even though even though who's a famous crazy they said that uh that when he became when the rabbit was his cover so they said they didn't have the same discussions to feed the club as he had to the laborator shop and uh and he said and he said it's true it's good you cough because that's the story because he said also the corpse he missed a few coughs so it means this conscious wasn't perfect um so I mean that's a little nutty and uh definitely the rebel would not accept something I know started editing and then stopped because he said it's not written it's not the written word it's the spoken words spoken and written are two different worlds I mean you have to be a writer to see that it's just not it just can't do it that way and writing in general writing for example the Rebeccas are over something 10 minutes later you can't just you have to sometimes organize it and make it more like a one one um one uh what's the word one cohesive uh piece Etc yes we did of course we got the first computer in Lubavitch by the way if it's of claim to fame um in tuftshin mamdalat the first PC which is from um from IBM came out I think in 85 if I'm correct or 84. but before that there was you may have heard of commodore these were names we got what was called a uh um uh it was a what was it called it was a name of a company it doesn't exist anymore computers then I don't know if you know this didn't have a keyboard on the screen it was all one one body it was a green screen with a typewriter in built-in I still have the original one that I used and um and it still works by the way five Meg of memory and it you know boots up with a big big it's it's a it's a machine but like I whenever it's like a museum piece I have it I have in my office I whenever I show it to people I say this thing has more cities than all of us you know so don't don't dismiss it um so we got it and we asked that we got better wise gave us twenty thousand dollars for two computers each computer cost five thousand dollars five Mega memory I mean less than a calculator um and then we needed to also buy a a printer then it was not yet digital it was what's called inkjet you know which meant it would spray ink eight times it would go back and forth on the same line eight times spray Inc and we had to design Hebrew fonts which is another five thousand so it's five five five five twenty thousand we wrote to the rabbit and explained it would save around the day because you didn't have to retype that was the main no first there was a Lino type that was within with with lead that's why it's called typeset it would actually set type with lead they would engrave letters and Lead there's big big machines they look like trains you know then they went to cold type that was the beginning of digital ultimately those were the years the 70s the late 70s and 80s everyone went to a printer then there was no such thing as having a digital uh a laser printer Laser Printers didn't exist that didn't exist till the mid 80s I remember we grew with it I always wanted to use technology because it would save around a day because we didn't have to retype that was the Kiddush of a word prostate once you type it you could edit it as many times as you like and you don't have to retype I know it sounds weird but you had to retype and how do you put numbers in we had a guy with with with with wax with little numbers and a uh and a razor blade sticking numbers like you know these superscript numbers you have to do it all manually and if there was a mistake there was a thing called whiteout you had to write it out and retype over it and if a paragraph Was was cut was forgotten instead of retyping the whole thing we have to cut don't ask it was a but you do it you do what you have to do it how is accounting done before computers handwritten you know writing you know the good old-fashioned way so we wrote to the rabbit and the rubber wrote back Y2 computers so I wrote Because I need one to type the original and meanwhile the other guy can work simultaneously so the rubber wrote yes um and that was as common we got and that was that why did you feel you needed to get permission you know we worked in the circus and we felt we didn't want to do anything without the rep as uh scum also the letters would have changed the rebel would see it was a different type used to be typewriters typewritten letters and the rub actually chose the font we showed the rubber three four fonts we asked him which one he wants and he chose we try to copy Frank rule was the was the real fund that was always used in swarm even that's not today the same like if you look at say for him the original you'll see it's more it's it's classier the old fonts actually were classier than the new ones I mean it's easier today and it's almost uh it's it's a it's like a no-brainer it's changed completely but we as the Rabbit shows the font and I remember once we by mistake did a different fund and the rubber sent it out and says it can't be read you redo it so we redid it you know you had a group of like the Kim and all of like Toyota or I mean not a one person out of that how did you know where you know very good question it's a good question um well let's put it this way none of us could do this without without some measure of the case so uh you know I'm not going to speak about myself but yes I had a little the case it's not just about writing from memory you have to Now look up and compare you know not only that I mean I could tell you I didn't start writing that actually typing until Sunday late afternoon what did I do all Sunday I was researching because after the Hazara we had the Rebus points but now we have to look up like for example the rebel let's say spoke about something and then you found interior Ah that's what the rep was talking about didn't always quote and say I'm quoting from here the rebel was like a walking encyclopedia so so hold on so let me so let me tell you I met someone I said so first of all all of us had to have a measure of Kiss um when there was a topic that we had people we showed it to like for example when I would write down I would give it to three four people to look over one was about niggler it was about um when we had a particular question there were people who are very good at rashi's people were Rashi circus you know the people like mailers for example were big Bucky baklal and tater um and others and uh and we try to give it to a few people like that now excuse me oven I'm sure there are things we may have missed we may still have things that that ever quoted that we maybe have never generally speaking there weren't many obscure sugius that we couldn't find you know someone who knows their stuff doesn't mean they know it all but you know how to find it so one thing it's like a detective it's like you start looking at a maima hazal so then you look at the magbilis you know you're looking uh the different spot in that and like you know tell the son that tell you where all these are brought so there's not that difficult if you know what you're doing like today I don't even really use Google or it's I do I go back to my old because I'm it's faster for me to find it through spot him honestly because I know that I've done it so many years now obviously for someone who doesn't know anything they're just typing a phrase when things pop up but it's also amadatsis you can also have uh a thousand things pop up until you find what you're looking for I'm not saying you can't find it I I sometimes use Google Hebrew for a phrase but for things that are more suggest I'll use my own approach by the way I don't know if you ever looked and say for the which I worked on before I worked in Circus is a tremendous resource of finding almost anything you need because it's because so you bring a possik he'll bring you everything my mother you got it so there are you know methods of finding one thing that leads to another and today it's a lot easier I mean you know obviously encycloped a period of time well this is a very valuable resource Taylor schlemer these are by the waste form that ever had in his room you could see it he used it all the time so that was a big user of encyclopedias Taylor schlemer you have any mamakazan any um and so on you know um but there's a way you know once you know your ways like navigating you know how to navigate I remember once the Reba wrote um so and he wrote he wrote a a uh a mark to find the matter Mark in the source look it up you're not going to find a sore soak easily the gemara says so what do you do um actually look it up even in Google you're not going to find it you'll find it in the secret I think so we were looking and looking and looking there we finally I wrote To The River 10 minutes later I remember label growing a calling he was so excited they never wrote out a whole bunch of modern mccamless and they were all obscure ones like uh like uh like um like a mataponium and the xiaomi somewhere some perish on tesafta it wasn't original it was commentaries which was that that's a tremendous Mickey now it's very likely that ever had already written down and found it somewhere else and he just founded zashima I'm not saying it's purely from his memory but at some point they ever did the research and he sent it out so there were things like that I have around 20 25 untied knots so to speak that the river wrote us I never found the matamuck them for so if you ever want to do a little research I can give you unto you and I still look for it time to time you know you look through things you have it always in mind like well I find it I remember quite a few things like that that ever once wrote that korov levada and when the dashimas came out I thought it would be there and it was not there which tells me there may be other shimmers we don't have so there are things that ever wrote to us that we never really found and there were some hanachas we didn't even print because we couldn't write down without I mean I can give you examples if you want but um you know I don't know how much I should elaborate you probably have more questions right and now it's all printed because we print now even you know everything was printed so we spot him tough Shin meme yesterday the following there's a there's we're not famous Expressions Rashi brings it in yesterday and the rep said you could do that eye of them if we yesterday that yesterday said by ishma yesterday even though vaishma but till he came and saw with his own eyes because you say I'm sorry why Atta because now he saw it shmir was not enough so it's the number says why do we need a Ayah from issue there are other lies by by Martin Taylor there's a bunch of rice and the neighbor's answer was unbelievable he said because yesterday was one of the biggest so if it was time a person who says until I see it okay but here's a person who's a real so Shemia should be enough because he understands things and still by him and he is stronger so it's a real lie in other words it's from a from a fool it's not an ice or a fool sees something right that was the debit now this is all predicated that there is a diet from yesterday or else the whole piece doesn't make sense and I thought I'd look at Methodist I'm sure it says yesterday I look in the filter all the places all the regular sources he's not mentioned even though it's impression yesterday but but not yesterday himself and and based on that you can't ask a question that that I heard from you today and then there's ways to die from yesterday so we looked and looked and looked I went through I can't tell you I went through all of my modern in the topless um uh [Music] one of my modem of the of the summer of the maharash I think maybe he talks a lot about I remember going through the pages and I was every time I saw it I said oh maybe here it just has to mention you say that's all we need you need one place I mean couldn't find it so I wrote back to the devil and that's where the devil wrote is and I so at the time I asked label I asked people are there Sheamus I mean I knew that we knew they were shimmers from the web but no one was going to show them to us and also I don't even know if label had a right and it was by the river in his private drawer so so that was it then when the dashima started getting printed I thought maybe it's going to pop up it didn't so it's still hanging I still my mind somewhere that's an example so that whole Sikh is not in the hanoka no it's now and it doesn't say it just says then we didn't want to print it because people would ask so now you'll see Mr the set is printed but we we didn't print it officially that week because we were still looking for it so it's there I mean again I'm sure it's somewhere in a safer how did you keep yourself healthy shopping who says I'm healthy breaking your head then the next day the next the next day now you're already getting into a very uh sensitive matters um we lived I lived on basically on uh on the fumes as they say on adrenaline that was a big force in my life kept me healthy I always felt that I'm doing the rubber's work and if I keep sticking to it I'll be fine yes I learned then to almost not sleep I sleep very even until today I'm very sleep only very few hours and the sleep and memory don't go well together just for the record um and I learned a lot of you know adrenaline is the right word you build this you build up stamina I mean maybe God also blessed me with some stamina but definitely the work the pressure I can never even describe I'll be very honest at times I really thought I don't know how I can continue on sometimes it was so difficult I remember times I used to walk in the office almost want to bang my head in the wall because either the sick was too difficult we forgot pieces you know it was just it was extremely extremely difficult it's hard to even imagine but you know the lab always says I guess because we had the responsibility we were given the ketchers I can't really explain it completely I think what it teaches you that when you really really put your mind to something you can achieve things that can seem impossible I even think they're remembering that we remembered I have a good memory I definitely have a gift but to that extent it was the pressure it was also the sense of urgency like for me I really believe this in my deepest heart that the rebel moishra Bain was coming down from Hacienda and either you remember what he said and write it down or forever lost I used to feel that way every week I felt the the that pressure that if you don't do it it will be forever lost I will never know where the represent to me that was like the worst possible thing that's like you know the rep is spoken they don't remember what you know we have fabrangans by the way my modern we don't even know we know more the names of my mother but then we know there are my mother we don't even know it's like tragic so I felt that that definitely when you have a sense of urgency like that it's not optional it's not like you know I'll try if it doesn't work out I'll do something else that definitely fit I mean I'll share a story about it you talk about adrenaline and it's not a I meant that seriously when I was a uh a teenager I had allergies you know summer the Ragweed called hay fever and if you have that miserable uh it went away when I got older thank God it was not life-threatening but it was a beautiful summer day mid-august and September forget about it your nose doesn't stop running your eyes don't stop itching your throat is tickling right sneezing it's a pain in the butt the nicer the day the worse is you're going to be your life that day okay one I remember one summer I I had such a bad I had an asthma attack I couldn't breathe so that they they rushed me to a hospital they brought it was it was an infirmary in the camp in Detroit and they they put something I think which opened up your like the channels so I was able to breathe fight after the summer I went right to a Dr redner the famous allergist Brooklyn and uh you know they do the tests they they scratched us so he did Ragweed dust some other things and the pollen of those two blew up I had a very severe reaction in his office because I was very sensitive I was very like a very low tolerance um and I right away had a big another attack I really couldn't breathe so he came and injected me with something and suddenly everything cleared up it was like Canadian I couldn't believe it I said so what are you doing with all this stuff just inject me he said this is adrenaline adrenaline and if you keep injecting you're going to build up tolerance and then it gets very dangerous General is not something you want to play with it's like it's it's a very powerful uh drug so I said is that the adrenaline that we talk about when you get excited you know when we get excited adrenaline runs through you he says yeah and I said can I ask you something you know I have histologies but every time Sunday I don't feel these allergies and I'm very busy that's my biggest most pressure day because I'm writing the the fur brings and I don't feel it so I always thought I was so busy I didn't even notice my nose is running but I really don't feel any allergies so he said to me absolutely when your adrenaline is Flowing you have a superhuman pop control over yourself this is what he told me he said you ever see opera singers pianists concert pianists actors and Broadway they never sneeze and they never yawn how could they four hours go without a sneeze sneeze is a natural thing you can't control the sneeze he says because when your adrenaline is Flowing you have more than normal control over your body that's why if you set your mind to wake up six o'clock in the morning you don't need any alarm clock you'll wake up exactly six which is a fact if you really set your mind has to be like very important to you so I said to myself one second here's a chemical called adrenaline and when it's really rushing through your body it push it physically has gives you a healthy you know you can be more immune I mean I'm answering your question I have no doubt it's part of that I think people have a sense of urgency in life and like they know they must do it it's not like today we have oh it's optional maybe today I'll do it tomorrow there's always you know we we have no uh no emergencies which is a blessing but it also can be creates a you know I have to tell a joke um if I may you know the guy was sitting on a bench and he's all very upset how old Drew his friend comes over to him and says to what are you so depressed about he said my wife is very angry at me what happened he says there's very actually he's always angry at you what's so what's the big thing he said no today's something special this morning she went to work she asked me what I'm going to do today so I said nothing she said you said that yesterday so I told her I wasn't finished okay so there's the art of doing nothing and that is that's the opposite of adrenaline that's all I wanted to say can you talk for a minute about the secrets that you didn't put to writing because maybe they were too sharp or something like that yeah of course um you'll find it sometimes the word khasir sometimes um those are usually lines or words that everybody said very sharp about himself which we just didn't feel comfortable to write or it was something about a person or a moisted that we knew there ever wouldn't want to be publicized in most cases we had our own common sense to know that there were instances where the Reba made it very clear we shouldn't publish something can you give us some examples yeah I will not always there are secrets like you'd based Thomas there about when they tried to you know put a microphone in the river's room it's on tape I'm sure but maybe the tape is also I don't know so so well let me say I I didn't finish I did I didn't finish hey my friends I didn't finish the story so so in the officials you're going to find and sometimes the whole city is not there and we might have not even write question um I'll give examples in a moment I between us I wrote everything but then I would tell make sure that the one who's typing it didn't type that so it didn't go published so I kept for myself what has been known as ashmatis now those are smarters have already been smuggled out so people have that I think it's on rubber Drive even frankly or other places um it still needs to be done used with discretion you know frankly even the Sheamus of the rabbit there are pieces that were not published because they're very sharp very personal and and we had discretion um um it was it was in most cases pretty under self-understood what you shouldn't publish you know to give an example I I didn't want to say it because that's the reason we didn't publish but I'll just give an example there never sometimes we speak about himself quite critically like he would bring that says that someone you know someone that doesn't have Euro that's why you don't listen to him so since people are not listening to that but that means he doesn't have your mind we didn't think it's appropriate to write that Shaman you know it says someone that doesn't so things like that we would not publish or that would speak harshly about himself about why he's uh why is he even coming out the fabrina it's a waste of time huh that for sure not if anything we probably printed some things that ever wouldn't have been so happy about you know no there ever never commented on this at all it's not repeated the rabbit did write to me once up is for sure wrote that more than once I got that settled once meaning sometimes for example the devil would be very sharp I'll give you an example people criticize let's say mifs and nashik little girl should light it's a meaning of Saint what is this and the rebel would sometimes respond sharply like saying and your grandmother's read newspapers so since there's more we need more air nobody only go back to the past with mitzras what about all the negative things that you're doing so a thing like that if we wrote that once I wrote it and the never wrote back how many people are going to start lighting shabba's candles if they read that in other words that episode of the record to know the fact but but prep also is practical such a line is not going to necessarily be make out of someone it's like it's like someone's going to go so this is you know this comes down to things even like there are a lot of things that are true doesn't mean you have to go say it everywhere because it's not necessarily who just told me the story it's not a Pella someone was saying over someone that ever sent them to go to I think Rabbi salavechik or someone one of the not khabad and he said to the devil should I say in the neighbor's name or not so never answered whatever the Tellus is if it helps say my name if it doesn't help don't say my name is me it's it's idiots that don't understand this so this is because you have to be practical what is going to work I mean I know from a communicator myself if I get up and say to audiences who don't know what aparsh is it says and we speaks Parsha what did I do wrong but they don't know what a parish is I lose them as soon as I say that I'm not even talking about controversial communication is is know who you're speaking to you know it's like with the mental footage you know like so someone asked him what he had a broken that whatever he says should be so they asked him what does that mean he says it means like this if you tell someone good morning in the morning if you tell him good morning in the evening that's not me if you tell someone good morning when you meet him in the morning that's good if he's in the bathroom and you say good morning that's not became me you know you don't say good morning to someone behind the so it's a matter of common sense of understanding that the communication is what is not what you say it's how you say it who's your audience you know speak to a five-year-old like you speak the 20 year old so this was a cloud throughout um so that we had to use our discretion another example was in the year noonal of so that was the war the Iraq War the Persian Gulf War and the rabbit then spoke in the secret that Saddam was saying yes that he was killed the killing of of the enemy Etc boy like party Etc then was discovered he wasn't killed so he has the red but I think we didn't even ask the rep maybe the Republic I got a call I think from rabbit Groner could be we asked or we didn't I don't remember we didn't ask in writing we definitely didn't ask him writing but it was very clear that episode not the princess why because it didn't happen yet even though it did happen later and the rabbit did say it that you know time will tell so that was an example that there was a clearer not to print it um there were times that what we would call a plitte sape which is also country with the neighbor sometimes said something like that I think so there they corrected it now for those that are wondering I'm sure you could start finding something in the river's in in the connection I got a print on a date or like the rabbit told us many times that if the devil for example would say braces we wouldn't print it that way the rebel would be furious if we did that now that ever may want to be madaic that there's sometimes there's the Gili Hawaii but that's a Havana thing you're not going to print a person that doesn't say the person this was this was basic rules of the game so then not exactly he would want us to write it like the Miami if we didn't we got a real hey look how could you write now sometimes we would ask the Reba that he said that different and that explained why he said it differently so that's different then we'd bring the hazal and then explain aduke in that but it had to have explanation you couldn't just these were regular clothing that's why I look in the secret what's the first thing you see my name is everything as a matter of welcome the rebel was was Furious when we missed braces aleph aleph now who doesn't know the source vibrations so besides the man of mockument has a message but the rep was very very adamant if Amara Malcolm was missing or or it was written the wrong way that was clear I mean that I knew from I didn't need experience to that that was pretty obvious you have to write it the way it is either ever spoke he spoke sometimes you know you like anytime you speak something you speak the Indian you don't always say sometimes it says so we this was a big deal other examples and there are some that I would say should not be published ever I wrote everything because I felt I should write everything I don't know why I did but there are things that ever said should be burned there are things from the mimer was it in half uh about the the answer is and then said that to be burned they should erase their member so I remember they had a whole circle of attack I heard what to do so someone said burn them all except one or something I don't remember what they did they found some cons but there was because I think there was a lotion there that was without a market I'm not sure I think I'm not sure I never got to the bottom I'm sure there's an artist about it there are secrets that the lab made it very clear that should be completely uh eliminated so I think there are secrets that maybe have no record I wrote everything hey but that was clear not to be printed because man was about to spot him you know the famous at the end of the fabrina not officially people have it but that is very very sharp secret and very clear it's not for printing um that was obvious it took me actually more time to write that than the whole of our brain and then went to 8 10 in the evening seven o'clock approximately rather than everything changed this is yeah this is Thomas's mem hey this is oh it's uh yeah a few weeks later right yeah yeah yeah yeah was a good hour and 10 minutes yeah you probably know I mean I wrote up it was very hard to write that secret because the secret is not a it's very emotional and a lot of unbelievable things that ever said there that are mind-blowing is it structured and that really I mean overall yes but not not I it took very long for me to write very hard it took me two weeks to write it I mean I wrote the whole family and then I wrote that later it took me a long time no I also had to describe the rabbit moved his whole his whole demeanor changed that everyone was facing not to mizrach but he spoke with his hands on top of the table um he turned it was very and the devil was I remember banging his head the whole shulker here that's how loud he was banging his head I remember the devil's banging his head like that and banged on the table it was very very hard to to watch extremely extremely emotional there are things that ever said there but that's that print I wrote it all it was really the reason not to publish it was first of all it wasn't going to learn you know it was completely personal and about very much about the whole I'm fish so the rep is said then I remember I mean there's so many lines about this the thing that struck me was he said I don't know who that I was referring to some Lieberman some said someone else I don't know Spain is but to speak about this in this subject I don't know I don't know I don't know and and then ever then I remember the rabbit took his hand and said like this he did like this foreign he doesn't begin to understand who I am thinks he's going to tell me what I should speak what I shouldn't speak if I think I should speak about it I'm going to speak about it if I think I shouldn't I won't and then the Riverside and how do I know what to speak about this is words he said um you're not going to hear such words every day foreign that's how he knows what to speak about it foreign but he should actually say it that was one thing the second thing that just I mean there's a lot that with the Reba said but that was very like revealing the other thing that ever said was he said um again I don't know who what that he he doesn't that he hates me foreign Lord fight I should have should be Adam Lord so you have it's it's what do you mean printed it's it's it's you could find it it wouldn't be printed it's not printed officially it's around it's what's called a bootleg copy it exists yeah that what I'm saying is not the it's yeah anyway so the devil said this is the interesting thing that ever said so the number said is other synonymous foreign things other businesses [Music] so I understood Cloud you know it says and we say one second we see people do so they say because it's not Adam so it says didn't want to say the second half then maybe we're not talking about another that's my that was my yesterday I don't know maybe wrong I'm not going to say it with I don't know there were things this was like I remember that because I felt that is to write it simply because I was a witness and I said I don't know you know let me write it keep them hey keep it undercover it got out it got out it's not look if someone sees it in the public today it's not like going to be some controvers you know it's not like there's nothing there that is embarrassing it's just very personal and I knew that I was calling that everybody didn't want circus going out there like that I would say what's the tales who's who's why they they're reading it for Sensational purposes let's be honest that's the truth you know you're learning I mean if you see actually that's look look in the sick and they think no but that's not necessarily always the case I mean frankly we all know sensationalism is attractive alternative Zion yeah sure that famous sister they'll ever crying yeah that was a big one am we on target okay well you know there's a lot of uh I just want to tell you for the record I mean and I was a an adult witness to all of this sometimes I hear how some of these things are Hazard they become people at a dramatic uh to flourishes that allowed Africa exactly he's got help um and I try to be very very precise because it's credibility for me something to say that's not so this then it quite puts in question everything you say you know so I always tell people who are exaggerating or for dramatic effect that it's maybe you may get a lot of hits and attention right now and like you know get people oh wow but at the end of the day long term it's not accurate so this simple state of enzyme I've heard of people you know has a versions of it and uh I'll tell you exactly what I saw and heard and I had to switch to write the Hanukkah you could check it out I know because I think quite well done I try to come capture the the Sanchez the river's words remember the secret is also printed but there I don't want to use the word dryer it's definitely more academic it doesn't have the whole emotions so basically as you know simchastata was always a very very I mentioned before very it was the lab is personal fabrina the first the only fabrina was um they have you know you have this book a few times was we saw it as like the labels anyway it was always beautiful so I always talk about Atmos all the deepest Secrets a lot of them and that's those the level would go through the position but what was unique mem Zion the rabbit said that since he speaks on arashi every Shabbos there's only one that actually never has a chance to speak about which is pasta because it's never Shabbos Taylor is always when you read it even with some status Friday you read it on Friday s is and he chose the last Rashi yeah and I'm not going to go through the whole secret but the kids that have asked a whole bunch of questions why would it actually be Messiah with a negative remember that episode the fast so enter from the the same as the worst things that happened to the Jewish people is and that's what we have to remember Maisha that he broke the Lucas Israel I mean there are a bunch of questions like that and you know I could see that was very very cocked in that he asked the questions and then or then then I've started answering and this was also very very upbeat it's a simple State I've developed and the lab right from the beginning you could see it was very emotional and he started speaking and saying versus I remember he said that Rashid bothered the inequal Israel means something has to be the highest thing is foreign clear sounds of Martin Taylor okay so it's great things that he did but is that the greatest and Mishra is looking what would be the ultimate greatness of a nosy that's what he's bothered by so the greatest thing he did of all was not the Gillum that he did that he broke the Lucas why did he break the Lucas like Rashi says it was like the Suba this way you can come back to Hashem and say yeah they heard him but they never signed basically they never received the start they never received the Lucas so by breaking the Lucas he essentially Was preparing his defense for the Eden that episode and they never started crying at this point I I mean I wrote I wrote Every place where I felt that I remember that I was crying and how he cried some places were uncontrollable your mamas couldn't even hear the rabbit's words remember he said as Mason effish National zengoof because it said you know even a safer theater false God forbid by mistake we know what kind of uh big thing and this is not just a safe Hotel not by mistake it's deliberate I remember that I was saying this is Hashem and that's really breaks so because they're missing his way because Eden are more important than anything and he was going to show the abuse to that he cannot destroy the that was the India's law that was the the gist of it it's hard for me to capture I mean I have to hazardous but the rep was I remember crying and it was very and it was again it was the whole mood it was quite noisy by the way a lot of people never even heard the secret properly but I heard it very clearly and it was very very very prominent and it was unbelievable it was one of the moments Where the River was bombers talking about anasi and you know when you when you hear the city the whole Rashi Comes Alive what means yes okay because you basically the power of Yom Kippur that they didn't survive everything are greater than everything that Israel called military that idea and that a nasif himself would have said destroyed it they were sinned and that's it but the nurses again I remember all the sayings now it brings back you know I have to think about it more but I when I wrote that I worked very hard on that because I wanted I knew this is like historical I wanted to people who weren't there to try as best as possible to capture the moment it I mean I again I I'm on a gay bit of it but a lot of people who read it told me they that it was those that were there they felt it captured to some extent because it was more than just again it's not just that there's a that whole I once asked rbl by the way I said why you know you don't see any of the Labor's emotions you don't know you would never know what a fabren was like from Asia from what is it what is it now ma'am you don't see it at all so I understand it's it's only an excerpt and it's only the but like I I said to him if I was around I mean I was I was actually the right person no I I was very you'll be able to I sat with him like this for years so we had a very good relationship we had some I mean people are very close with him and even even when we had this agreement was not a personal thing he respected me of oh he didn't respect many people he did respect me but he respected me because I disagreed with him at times I wasn't uh a pushover and sometimes he didn't like that either fine so be it it's fine you know I once told him I said sometime medium of yours have matured you know you should be proud we've become adults at the ocean it should be you know that's the ultimate of atonement no should become anyway I I mean till this day that uh so no I asked him because I you know as I said tremendous I learned a lot from him um I didn't learn emotional intelligence from him let's put it that way but intellectual intelligence yes because he did it because he wrote those secrets and I wanted but and it's not he doesn't have a hellish anyone knows if I bring beautifully tremendous he wasn't just as Moscow for some reason when it came to writing everything was translated to much more academic language but personally ever speak you ever sit with a NBL family it was extremely a balhead he was a bilbaodegas but I think it was more the Regis was more him was not what he taught it wasn't his uh Persona as a teacher as much beer so be it I mean everybody has their thing um but but it did always bother me so then I realized this is reflects one facet of the rib you go only look with the secrets you'll never know what a fabrina look like no way the secrets don't even end with they could just end and that's it I'm not I'm not saying listen there was my geared and it's definitely it's the Devastator but it's like a piece of like like I hadn't okay so we're talking about Adam I understand that I I mean look at the end of the day we do have that noches and you you could if you want to see a simple statement the liquid as muga it's correct and everything there's bedok but you're not going to get the the regular no way I mean I know I'm sure I I'm a big believer that even my mother it's it's the slame is before it was I know some people don't hold that up rabiel didn't hold from that I I disagree adamantly with that why not the devil spoke this way we're not suggesting that the bilty mug is more authoritative than the no but if you want certain I mean I know when I look learn a secret that's I go back even once I prepared I go back many times sometimes a Nuance sometimes a focus the way that ever told the story there's nothing wrong with that I don't see any issue with that at all I don't believe in the again authoritative obviously whatever is my gear is the one that's most correct and I built emulga could have mistakes and so on but if you want the regish you have to go back there just like listening to a tape what's wrong with listening to a fabrengan even if it's printed then you hear the devil's voice you see a Negan you hear that ebb is you know emotions a lot of that is not captured in a printed version sometimes if you go to the secret and you look it'll it'll say this part was so in other words the building is not accessible to us um well first of all even there there's probably hanukas that just uh didn't make it to that book uh so it probably exists um I if it was up to me if I had that I would published on and write but is that what I'd write I'd write by the beginning of that that is here and here and as clearly this is builty Morgan I don't see any issue with that look look you didn't do that there are sometimes you didn't do that maybe because we were lazy to be honest maybe we didn't have the time to do it I don't even remember why I see no problem right now everyone's caught the bus lagani see how many are knockers now they have of the Miami bustling then there's additions from uh and there's a hack version you start comparing then there's the tape and then there's different so I'll tell you the truth I'm teaching it I'm actually middle of teaching it myself and I look at all of it the best is obviously listening to the fabrina the the as the Rebecca says it then I look I look I look at all I'm gonna do I started with hakadama I'm gonna do tomorrow on teaching the curl I'm going to do first pay to get gimbal then I'll do half game on them the right order I see them as a flow that if you read them in that order you actually get the best out of it but you can't really understand if you don't understand the pedicure people think you can just jump now you have to you know have gimbals a beard and so um so I'm I'm looking at it all I looked at just today I was looking at the lahag version versus abiel's original certain things are a little more spelled out but rabiels is a little more bedeek in certain places so I go back to the tape I go back to the tape and I see the tape yeah you know it I know I I'm I'm a maniac myself so I could see why someone would have you know because they're they're working with the same original but sometimes that ever didn't spell something out I'll give you an example foreign so I pointed out in all these groups what does that mean where do you see such a illness and softness it's illness answers and when you look at the moment of Rich pay which is the southern bustling guy he says so everybody's commenting and commenting comments so I went to the momentum he says and actually he Compares it to AK which is foreign because everything seems to that you know we don't have expression it says so there is anyway you could push it but so I no one's going to take because it's not from exam it's from a hamitic so it could be an error but here's an example so then we I looked in they wrote elements of infinite symptom but the never didn't say that they just copied what it says in pedicated gimmel Yale did not because that but never said it and he hopped so he didn't add that but they didn't realize they just rolled from Perry so that's a small yeah never said that lotion he says he never says but they wrote it because they didn't you know they didn't necessarily think Gabrielle didn't so I would I would defer to rabiel here because that evidence then you go with it but you know why do you have to add it to the Debbie didn't say it I mean I'm not criticized they probably didn't have this and it's human beings after all on the other hand there are pieces that they wrote out that make things a little more understandable you know it's it's huh no but these things like this is elements is this fundamental depends if you're a real madai you can see this is fundamental is it fundamental I haven't seen anything I would say is two different uh Havana in the mimus no I don't think it's that extent at the end of the day it's more lingua it's more language and context I mean we needed to uh formal end to this program and then you can continue answering individuals so to all of you Heroes who manage to stay till now and it just goes to show how how much we care Robert Jacobson about the subject matter and we appreciate the fact that you came and absolutely we have a recording so we know what you said today and we're gonna start preparing for uh round two we're gonna do our homework and we're gonna start preparing as you see I love talking about this I think it's a I think it's a necessity in our generation people should see what really happened you know basically everything of the web is that and to know how that Taylor came and to print you know a lot of there's a lot of Miss also a lot of myths and and and falsities that go around it people think that I was hands off or something you could see how gods were very intense and it's it's important to know how authoritative it is and though yes it's true we wrote that but the rebel was magia and the thing's not you know obviously things that are not always subject to questions and uh that ever want them questions so you know so I think it's a I'm very happy with doing this and I'm happy to do more of it maybe some of the people still here if they can get a closer look at some of the materials [Music] thank you