SERENITY for ADDICTS | Rabbi Shais Taub's GUIDED MEDITATION

all existence is Oneness separateness is an illusion surrender allows me to live in harmony with the truth that there is only one reality and one existence um remember the most important person in the room is the newcomer and when we have the video machine here the video camera oh by the way if you want to be anonymous all you have to do is not walk between me and that camera if you want to be famous YouTube famous walk between me and that camera um but the most important person in the room is the newcomer and I can tell you this that the real newcomer is not in the physical room the real newcomer is probably someone who's going to search on Google or in YouTube 3: in the morning when their life just fell apart they're sitting there in their pajamas not knowing where to turn or what to do and somehow the algorithm is going to feed them this video and that's the real newcomer so through the Miracles of modern technology we have the ability to bring people into the room who are not even in the room so it's not just those who are here those who are watching on the video don't realize we're at a beautiful Ranch in Kansas in the middle of I say this in the most positive way in the middle of nowhere very very calm very Serene um room is full here with people but also of course then there's all the virtual people who are they're not virtual people they're real people but the real people who are virtually present because of technology so we welcome you and we're glad that you're here okay so this session is going to be a little meditation a little guided meditation and I just want to explain both for the people here as well as the people who are watching online because a lot of people um they hear about recovery and people should know this is a recovery themed Retreat I understand there's a big representation here from GA from Gamblers Anonymous I think we had a ga birthday for someone in in the room let me see if I get it right was it 56 years sober yesterday I'm w n hard okay that's that's 56 sobriety years that's not a belly button birthday that's a sobriety birthday and you should have many more years in the best of health and happiness okay um so people hear about recovery recover from addiction and they assume it means that we're going to learn how to handle our drug of choice going to learn how to gamble like a gentleman I'm going to learn how to drink like a gentleman we learn how to get high like a gentleman and that's not recovery that's Act of addiction recovery well I should I should preface there are many approaches to recovery I do not um purport to speak for them or even to be familiar with all of them I'm speaking from a spiritual perspective which is based on my Jewish faith and my studies as a rabbi and which to those of you who are familiar with the 12-step model of addiction and Recovery I think we'll find it very very comfortable and very you'll find yourselves at home with this approach so just to to preface I'm speaking within that model and if there's another approach that you prefer that's perfectly fine there's no Monopoly Here on recovery but from a 12-step approach Rec recovery is not about learning how to manage one's Addiction in fact the first step says that we found it to be unmanageable it's really about having excuse me a vital spiritual experience turning our lives and our Wills over to the care of God and um having the obsession removed and that as long as we maintain and enlarge our spiritual condition we have this daily reprieve where we are free people and so it's all about spirituality and so part of our spirituality is prayer and meditation in fact that's one of the 12 Steps right prayer meditation what 11th step so we're going to do a little guided meditation um based on some cidic teachings by the way this is the book that I wrote on recovery which is called God of our understanding Spirit uh Jewish spirituality and recovery from addiction a lot of people wonder why is a book about addiction and Recovery called God of our understanding well first of all those who are familiar with the lingo in the rooms they all know the expression God as we understood him and it's like Chuck C famous AA speaker said that God as we understood him doesn't purport to make any claim that we can understand the infinite what it means is the necessity for personal experience so God as we understood him means not the god that's written in the books but the god of my personal experience The God Who took me personally out of Egypt so um that's what we're going to do we're going to talk about God we're going to talk about spirituality um I'm going to read to you from we agnostics from the big book just a couple of lines when we became am alcoholics crushed by a self-imposed crisis we could not postpone or evade we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else he is nothing God either is or he isn't what was our choice to be so the program does not align itself with any sect or any religion and everyone's free to believe what they want to believe but it's interesting here in we agnostics it does make what I would call a theological claim it says that the god that has the power to grant us sobriety is either everything or Nothing what does that mean either everything or nothing in the Ten Commandments the first commandment is I'm the Lord your God that took you out of Egypt right that means the power greater than you who did for you what you could not do for yourself second step I mean the second commandment is you should have no other gods so you should have no other gods means that God is the only God one God fancy term for that is monotheism there's one God that's not what the big book said it didn't say that God is the only God it said God is the only thing he's either everything or nothing so it's not just making an assertion that God is the only God it's really making an assertion that God is the only thing nothing exists but God whereas the Torah says the book of Deuteronomy there's nothing else but him okay great how are we going to understand that so here's our little meditation can keep your eyes open you close your eyes you can continue to sit if you want to Pace go ahead and Pace whatever helps you to pay attention I also want to say before I get started um before I really get started I want to explain also to the people in this room but primarily to like I said the the newcomer somebody who's watching this who's like what does this have to do with the fact that I have this terrible terrible habit that I can't control why are you talking to me about God why are we meditating I'm I'm I'm losing my marriage my house my job my sanity why are we talking about meditation so I I just want to explain something there are a lot of bad habits and uh generally speaking when somebody's bad habit starts to ruin their life it becomes um inefficient to continue with that habit and it's no longer fun so you stop doing it so then why is there that person who has a bad habit it's not fun anymore not even fun anymore um it's ruining their life and they're still doing it why they still do it so we're not talking about bad habits over here a lot of people think of it that oh I I know what addiction is it's like having a a really bad habit so I I'll tell you the way that I view it I view it like this um addiction I write it in this book in God of our understanding it's not my original Insight I've heard it in the rooms many times but that our drug of choice is not our problem it's our solution it's just a solution with terrible side effects what is the problem that the drug of choice is trying to treat it's being profoundly and constantly uncomfortable with existence itself think sometimes it's called Restless irritable discontent what's wrong what do you mean what's wrong what's not wrong but everything's good you got what you wanted you worked for something you accomplished it you don't understand I'm not uncomfortable because of any particular reason I'm uncomfortable with existence itself what what do you do if existence is your problem so you discover one day a magical Panacea whether it's a drug or it's a high-risk activity but whatever it is it's so intense that for that moment you don't feel your own existence and it is the greatest feeling of Freedom you could ever experience if you've gone your entire life with crippling self-consciousness always lonely in a crowded room always wanting to be a part of and feeling apart from and then suddenly this thing sets you free because it just takes over everything and for that moment you don't even have to think about the fact that you exist it's so utterly liberating so you understand why this is not just a bad habit a bad habit when it stops being useful when it stops being fun you move on but this is a solution to an existential problem existence itself is uncomfortable this is my only way to experience distraction from that maybe at first the distraction lasts for an evening then it diminishing returns the distraction lasts for an hour then finally the distraction probably lasts for half a second but it's the only Freedom so how can you take that away from somebody the answer is you can't because if you remove from them that solution and you leave them still with the problem that existence itself is uncomfortable how long are they going to continue to be miserable in their own skin before they're going to do the smart thing and go back and do the one thing that provides relief even if it ruins their life so what we understand those of us who take a spiritual approach to addiction and Recovery is that we need a spiritual experience because it's the only thing powerful enough to get me out of my ego to get me out of my my self-obsession meaning everything that I'm chasing in my drug of choice that is a distraction from self but in the end it just leaves me back in myself I really find in my relationship with God where I can surrender to him not just my will not just my behaviors not just the way I live but I literally surrender to the point where I cease to be a separate existence that's called being in the zone when you surrender to God to the ENT where there's no longer any separation and people think well that's a weak person you just gave yourself away what I'll be like the hole in the donut so it says the what's that that's in the 12 and 12 um right if I'll give away all my defects of character what'll be left you know that's my whole [Music] personality and when you actually do it that's the fear before you do it but after you do it you realize I'm so much more powerful when I'm powerless because when I surrender to God and I realize he's the only thing that exists and he moves through me to the extent that I'm surrendered to him that's that's that's real power that's real power and it's real Serenity because now instead of trying to blot myself out instead of chasing after self- obliteration I can experience self Transcendence and that's what a spiritual experience is it's a it's self Transcendence so that's what we're trying to do here we're trying to meditate to have a little self-transcendent experience get out of ourselves get into God and to start to see how God is everything not just the only God but the only existence and I'm going to try to do that with you right now okay so let's start like this we live in a world the world is full of stuff people can't see this but I'm looking through the window and I see trees and I see a pond can I see the cows can't see them right now but I saw cows a minute ago in here there tables there are chairs a lot of different stuff people places and things lot of stuff so here's what I want to do I want to try to understand how it's all Oneness it's all one thing the trees and the pond and the tables and the chairs and the cows and even me even me there's nothing else but God he is everything again not just the only God but the only existence okay so I assume that most of us believe that the world came into being at some point from non-existence and whether you have a religious narrative to explain that or a scientific narrative to explain that we all sort of understand intuitively and agree that the world wasn't always here it's not Eternal it wasn't always here it started to be here and before it was here was it like a miniature version of itself or just wasn't here at all just wasn't here wasn't here so what that means is all existence comes from non-existence I'm going to repeat that all existence every something you will ever see comes from non-existence it was once a nothing now what's the difference between a something and a nothing it's about as much difference as there could ever be between two things the essence of nothingness is its non-existence so to cause nothingness to become somethingness that's not a minor change in fact to cause nothingness to become somethingness is to override the essence of nothingness now I'll give you here what do I have uh anyone have like a pen or uh pen would be good yeah just all right so this will work all right so objects at rest tend to stay at rest so the natural state of this pen is inertia it's inner it doesn't doesn't move now I can impose movement upon it and it'll move but it itself is not a mover I've imposed that state upon the pen because the essence of the pen its essential state is to be at rest not to move [Music] the essential state of nothingness is not to exist the only way that nothingness will exist is if that is imposed upon nothingness and in fact not only does it have to be imposed upon nothingness but it has to be continuously imposed upon nothingness or it will revert to its Essence just like the pen I could I it only stay up in the air as long as I throw no lost it okay but eventually it comes down if I want to keep that pen in the air I got to keep throwing so think about it like this everything you see the tables and chairs and the trees and the pond the birds I see a little birdie once did not exist it was nothingness it was not existence the fact that it exists right now is only because there is a force imposing and forcing it into existence right now you know the splitting of the sea the most iconic miracle in the Bible or at the Universal City Studio TS how did that work the Bible tells us how it worked there was an East Wind that blew all night and pushed the water powerful air air pressure pushed the water and then at the end of the evening at dawn the uh air stopped blowing stopped pushing and the water collapsed water collapsed went back down to what it used to be just flowing so think about it like that the water will stand like a wall like says in Exodus stood like a Walt as long as something's pushing on it making it do that once that Force stops pushing on it it goes back to its default it reverts to its default flows now think about it like this everything around us the tables the chairs the floor the ceiling the light fixtures the pond the trees the birds the cows it is here at this second because a force a creative power is imposing it into somethingness and if that creative power were to cease for a moment what would happen to all those things they would revert instantaneous L and quite comfortably might I add to their essential default state of nonexistence it would be it would be as if they were never there they would just slip into non-existence which is their default setting now you know the difference between you and a table and a chair a table a chair I hear a bird chirping a bird these things are being forced into existence but they don't have a human brain to make them neurotic about that fact but imagine you're being forced into existence at every single second and you have a human brain don't you tell me that at least on some level you are painfully aware of the fact that your existence as a something is unnatural and that the most natural state of being is non-existence now there are some people who feel that more acutely and some people feel feel it less I read about in in God of our understanding about the spiritual canaries Canary and the coine they send the canary down to the coine to know if there's poisonous gas because it's more sensitive than the miners so it knows if the canary drops in the cage it knows that there's poisonous gas and the miners have to clear out so Then There Are Spiritual canaries people who are sensitive to The Human Condition only more so like the canary is more sensitive than the miners there are certain people who go through life painfully aware that it's weird awkward uncomfortable frustrating just to take up space and exist and have a human brain that can can be aware and and self-conscious and those are the people who seek a solution for that through Escape then there's the rest of the population that maybe once in a while they'll be bothered by it but mostly they can get through life functioning as adults and the fact that it's absolutely bizarre to be a separate something separate from the Oneness separate from the everything doesn't really trouble them doesn't keep them up at night doesn't make them uncomfortable by the way you tell me which is normal so think about this fact everything around us is nothingness being brought into its current state of somethingness at this moment by the will and the power of God if you don't like the word God use another word what's important is the definition that this power is what's bringing all somethingness into its state of being as it is now and that if it were not exerting that that creative force all these somethings would just simply disappear okay so now you tell me think about the chair think about the table maybe even look at the table in front of you is there a cup in front of you look at the floor The Walls Start to understand that that that's not permanent that wasn't always here forever it's started being here at some point and even now at this second it's not permanent it's only here because a force is bringing it into its existence at this moment and if that exist if that Force were to be removed that somethingness would disappear so you're looking at the table you're looking at the cup and you tell me without the godly power if the godly power were removed where would the cup that you're staring at right now go poof so then you tell me when you're looking at the cup what are you looking at are you looking at a cup or are you looking at a particular manifestation of God's power if God removes his power everything disappears therefore everything we're seeing is just another way of glimpsing God there's nothing but him you take him out of the picture everything disappears let me explain the difference I don't just mean that God is enlivening the world and that without the godly power the world would be like a toy without batteries it would be dead I mean much deeper than that I mean that God is bringing the world into existence you know what existence means the fact that it's here the fact that it takes up space as opposed to not taking up space not existing not being here not being anywhere because it doesn't exist so you start to look at the world from this perspective you start to realize that it's all God it's all just an expression of the Creator there's nothing independent you want you L use the philosophical term there's nothing ontologically independent nothing has its own existence it exists but on borrowed existence so we we start to realize everything we're looking at is just God communicating with us now we go a little bit deeper we go a little deeper we said that not only is it all God putting it here but it's all God putting it here now like keeping that pen in the air it's if he doesn't keep exerting that influence it just reverts to its default goes into slips into non-existence so it's now what does that tell us yesterday I missed a plane went to LaGuardia and they closed the parking lot and had to drive to the other terminal so stressful telling you I'm stressed out driving even if I'm not trying to catch a flight now I'm trying to catch a flight trying to come out here and I had to go to another terminal and then I had to take a shuttle I was waiting for the shuttle wasn't coming and finally I got a different shuttle paid the rental car shuttle driver a few extra dollars to take me to my terminal and then I get to the get to security that I tell them I got to get to gate 88b my flight's boarding right now I never did this before but I got on that electric cart they were whizzing me through LaGuardia Terminal C and I'm going to tell you something my body was in fight or flight that's my body is triggered because I'm trying to catch a flight but I've been doing this long enough that my brain knows that everything is happening right now exactly the way that my loving Creator is causing it to happen right now it's not just that God created the world and set it in motion like a spinning top and now it just goes on its own no it's that every something is truly a nothing being forced into existence at this moment and if God weren't putting it here right here the way he's putting it here at this place right now it wouldn't even exist so how can I be stressed out about a flight when I know that every single detail where I'm at in the airport where the plane is at if it's pulling away from the gate it's not pulling away from the gate if the pilot is scratching his nose every deep detail is being created something from Nothing by my loving Creator at this very moment how can I be anxious now yes I told you my body still gets a little kick of adrenaline but it used to be my brain would feed off of that and say to my body adrenaline we need more of that we're in a life or death experience we need to freak out we need to panic and I have an option today of telling gently telling my body it's okay we're in God's care we're in God's world nothing is happening right now that's not exactly the way it's supposed to be happening right now and I know that for a lot of people that opens up questions of why the bad things happen to good people and how can you justify human suffering and my answer to you is that's not what we're talking about I'm not having a philosophical discussion with you right now about why bad things happen to good people and why there is human suffering I'm talking to you right now about my human suffering my option to make myself insane or to have the serenity the serenity to accept reality at this moment the way God is created and I got news for you if I don't have that tool in my spiritual toolkit to be able to calm myself down and show up and be present for my life then all those other other discussions about why the bad things happen to good people I can't even be part of those discussions because I'm useless to myself and to everybody so I'm not trying to tell you why you're going through a difficult time I don't know why you are I'm telling you what I have to think about when I'm going through a difficult time whether it's being late for a flight or it's a bill that I can't pay or it's an interpersonal relationship issue or just no reason at all feeling uncomfortable in my own skin whatever it is that's stressing me I look around and I say this is all God there are no independent operators in God's Universe there's nothing operating independently running its own show I had to realize not only am I not able to run my own show but nothing can run its own show reality for me just speaking for me is God conducting an orchestra the symphony that he's written and my job is to listen and there are parts of the song that are triumphant and uplifting and joys there are parts of the song that are dark and and and forboding and ominous and even terrifying parts of the song that are boring parts of the song that are over stimula but my job is to to know that it's a symphony there's a conductor and all I have to do is just listen just be present and for me the ability to be present is not a simple thing I don't know about you I'm tell talking about me it's not so simple to be present if I knew a way to be present without having to think about God you're thinking well this guy's a rabbi he thinks about God all day no I mean I think about God a lot but not cuz I'm a Rabbi think about God a lot because if I don't then I start trying to manage the universe and it's too big of a job for me and it's too stressful and it doesn't make me a very likable person either what in the Hulk say you wouldn't like me when I'm angry you wouldn't like me when I'm playing God W so we realize that God is literally everything all existence is Oneness all existence is everythingness somethingness is an illusion separateness is an illusion surrender surrender allows me to live in harmony with the truth that there is only one reality and one existence let you ponder that for another minute or so and I'm going to kill your Serenity Buzz let you think about it maybe we'll take another minute in uh in Qui quiet think about this and then move on okay let's just take a minute and as you uh at your own Bas when you're done absorbing you can do whatever else you got to do okay just leave p I could honestly do that for another hour um that was good stuff I I feel very grateful to be in this room because I want to tell you there's not not a lot of places where you could leave a bunch of people and tell them to just think quietly for as long as they want to and they just do it I think you know that in the world we live in not a lot of people can handle that not a lot of people are search for that and to be in a room with people who are all not only okay with that but understand how deeply we need it is really really special I'm very very grateful to be in this room to be with all of you and this very very holy and godly space okay