Shaar HaBitachon Lesson 28 with Rabbi Shais Taub

all right welcome back everybody and we are continuing in chapter 4 of shall I be talking now I want to just recap a little bit and retrace her steps where we've been since the beginning of the chapter because I think context here is important if you remember at the very beginning of chapter 4 just searching for it yeah the beginning of chapter 4 if you remember no better but I told us that there are a number of concerns matters regarding which one needs to have be talking in a show about the first two categories or that there are two categories okay two general categories what what he calls diva de ho Elam has it matters of this world and neva de ho Elam haba matters of the next world meaning material stuff and spiritual stuff and then he further broke it down that matters of this world could be divided into two categories worldly matters for this world and worldly matters for the world to come and then he further broke that down that worldly matters for this world can be subdivided into your own body matters affecting your own body then matters regarding livelihood wealth par no so and then the third subcategory of matters of this world for this world are the welfare of one's household spouse relatives meaning all the people in your life that you deal with and then it further that then it says the worldly matters for the world to come can be broken down into duties of the heart and limbs that relate only to oneself and then another subcategory duties of the limbs that can only be be discharged in relations with others and then the work the the the concerns of the world to come are broken down to the reward that is deserved and the reward that is a gratuitous kindness okay so basically all in total we had seven categories okay and then just to rattle those off the seven categories matters that relate only to one's body that's number one number two matters that relate to income livelihood number three matters that relate to relationships with others and those are all concerns of this world for this world then there are number four the duties of the heart and the limbs that affect oneself alone that's matters of this world for the sake of the world to come then five duties of the limbs that affect others that you do you know in a relationship with others that's again and the duties of this world for the world to come and then six the reward in the world to come that's earned that's matters of the world to come and seven the reward that is gratuitous kindness from a sham beyond anything we've earned seven total categories okay that was at the very beginning of chapter four now how many of those seven have we gone through so far so if you think about what we've spoken about so far in Chapter four you realize that the first subject that we dealt with at length was health body stuff stuff to do with my own my own physical body okay we spoke a lot about health and healing that was concerned number one matters of this world for this world category number one which is matters that affect me my own person my own body after that we started speaking a lot at length about our nose about income livelihood because that's category number two matters of this of the matters of this world for this world okay and now we're about ready to start category three which is does anyone want to surprise me and tell me that they remember after all that category three oh very good somebody wrote in the private jet matters that relate to people in our life I love it that's great you used to you used your own words which means you understand it because you use your own words it means you know what you're talking about so you know something that struck me just I'll admit today as I was preparing this class I was thinking about okay so first we spoke about our bodies all right then we spoke about our livelyhood you know having enough money to buy the stuff we need and now we're speaking about relationships about the people in our lives and by the way that doesn't mean supporting the people in our lives because that's part of the previous thing we're talking about regarding income this is more about having relationships with people that's something that you know a person needs his companionship Society of of peers family members you know having people to interact with okay so it struck me you know the Maslow's hierarchy of needs Abraham Maslow he Jewish psychologist he came up with this idea of the hierarchy of needs basically there are the bottom of the triangle are the things that are the most and that's why it's called a hierarchy those are the things that are most pressing most urgent and then as you go further and further up the triangle to the very tippy top those are the things that are lower priority meaning once you meet a lower-level need then you can go be worried about meeting next level need so it just struck me the lowest level are the physiological needs air water food shelter sleep clothing reproduction basically that's talking about your body that's your physical body then safety needs personal security employment resources health property ok that's talking about having a means to being able to buy stuff having a job so you can have income and pay the rent and then after that is and belonging which is friendship intimacy family sense of connection that's relationships with other people and then after you have that then you have the stuff that's more intangible like self-actualization right which is all the spiritual stuff so it's interesting you're being a Baha'i it starts off chapter 4 he says first the needs of this world for this world and the first of those I mean basically does a hierarchy the first of those is physical body your person yourself okay and he talks about health then then the next thing is having a livelihood being able to you know pay the bills alright that's that's the next level and then after that what's the next level relationships having people in your life okay and then after he does all that he deals with what he calls the say that the concerns of this world for the sake of the world to come which is you know the spiritual stuff the self-actualization stuff so it struck me very interesting how without saying and he doesn't say it's a say there milla mocked Allah my Allah that it's it's a hierarchy building from lower to higher but it occurred to me that that is indeed what he what he presents is a bunch of needs from the most basic to you know increasingly rarified so I thought that was interesting and probably a helpful way to remember what's happening in this chapter and refer back to it okay fight so let's do the third category of needs which is someone wrote in the private chat matters that relate to people in our life yes thank you okay so let's talk about matters that relate to people in our life all right Avel Peter Chou hail Akash lishi now let's deal with the third category the hey mignon the Easter you've an oven a vase you crave of a of of Ava of muta of makea of and these are relating to one's wife and children household members relatives friends and enemies intimates and acquaintances mashallah maluma manova shalom ottoman man Mickey tahini album as well as those who are above him and those who are below him in the class structure often ayay shall be talking al hool akimbo hem cashier ass a pair the proper way of relying on a Shemin these matters is as I'm about to tell you the nether bert case explains this that the available guy is talking about emotional challenges that you can have from relationships either when you have them or you don't have them so when you don't have them then there's the challenge of loneliness which is the first thing he's going to talk about when you do have them then there's other challenges okay of dealing with the people in your life and that's what we're gonna talk about now all right and you need be talking for this you need we're talking in order to have healthy relationships with people you have to have a healthy relationship with our show okay who should a nod them nim lot may admission aid bought it first thing you got to know is nobody escapes one of two situations there are one of two scenarios that everyone is going to have to face either one or the other she and nakri either you're gonna be a stranger or she abou sake mishpokhe they crave of or you gonna be among friends and family your ear in one of the two situations at any given time sometimes it goes back and forth sometimes different times of life as one other times the life is another some people have most of their life in one way some people have most of the life in there other way but whatever situation you're in either you're not among people you know friends and family or you are among the people that you know the friends in the family okay so let's deal with this the immunity if you are alone if you are a stranger how should you deal with that how should you deal with loneliness loneliness is a real issue right especially if we think about it in terms of like Maslow's hierarchy of needs right that companionship in society those those are things that a person actually needs for his own well-being so a healthy person needs these things so what do you do when you're alone if you're alone yeah see Vasa Belikov the ace is tama Musa he should connect to a Shem in the time of his loneliness leave to all of Big Eight who say and he should place his trust in him while he's feeling like a stranger he should deepen his relationship with Hashem Mahalo Ali Bey gave us her nefesh Balaam hozhet and he should reflect upon the fact that the soul itself is a stranger in this world soul isn't from here the soul is in the world it's not from this world Vicki I'm Shia audits Khmer Gaiden ba and in fact all of the people in this world are like strangers in the world to make sure about a cause of like the verse says ki gaydom they say shavon am ahmadi you are strangers and temporary residents is a similar pisaq that sidess explained that when of rama v no has to bury sorrow and he has to buy a plot so he needs to buy the Marisa Michaela the in have rung the the Cave of Machpelah and Quran so he's dealing with the B'nai case and one of the things he tells them he says gare visage of unlikely it's an interesting phrase Gera means a stranger a three-shift means a resident so hold on you're a stranger or you're a resident stranger means you're just passing through and a resident means you live here this is your address permanent address which one is it and of course Rashi explains what he meant he says look you can treat me like a local you can treat me like a stranger however you want to do business no problem let's do business and your terms but Sid this explains it that of Rome is actually speaking on behalf of all of us and he's saying this is the attitude that Jew has to have that on one hand I'm a stranger in this world my soul is not of this world you know I'm a heavenly being you know we're not human beings having a spiritual experience for spiritual beings having a human experience so on one hand I'm a stranger just passing through on the other hand Hashem created the world and sent my soul into the world for the sake of a dinner but actinium to refine the physical world and make to make this world holier than have it so I have to do physical mitzvahs and refine the world and worry about de la maza the physical world so it's it's it's both I can't just renounce this world and forget about it because a sham sent me here to refine the world on the other hand I can't just fall in love with the world and think that physicality for its own sake has any value because it doesn't so it's that paradox at any rate when a person is lonely in the most simple sense when he's feeling socially isolated he doesn't have companionship for whatever reason he should think about first of all he says he should deepen his relationship with Hashem and second he should reflect upon the fact that the soul is a stranger and in fact all of us are strangers in this world even the person who appears to be so well connected and we're all just strangers in this world the Yaak shade believe I let's continue inside the Akshay beliebe a he called me she Ashley Craven pay you should think anyone who has relatives in this world adds man moth yo shove knock rebated sooner or later in a short while relatively speaking he's gonna be left alone Volo yele who caught evil a bein the lie you scabbard mi academi hem and he's not going to be left with a relative or a child no one will be able to help him or accompany him in other words in a relatively short amount of time they say life is short right life is short he's gonna have to go on his own journey and this companionship he has here in this world had only lasted a certain amount of time okay we're talking to a person now who's lonely okay so we're like it's always very important to understand context context context we're not speaking to a person who has an active familial and social life and telling him oh who cares these people you get eventually you're gonna leave this world if we're talking to a person right now who's struggling with loneliness so to temper that situation to ease the situation to mitigate it so we're telling him look it's nice to have friends but at the end of the day when you have to leave this world you know they're not standing with you when you and you're when you're being judged when you're looking at your life when you're seeing what you accomplished you're on your own basically all right so that's what we tell the guy in order they should make them you know should feel a little bit better and again it's not just to make them feel better obviously that's fun that's saying it's you know just you know hot air that's a shell of what we're saying is for the purpose of comforting someone who's in this situation we take this very I would call it an extreme position okay where we're sort of minimizing or dismissing the value of of companionship and saying look in the end who's really who really has anyone who really has anyone we're all just strangers passing through okay the Yaak shave Africa and then he should think another thing this is like a whole series of thoughts miss doubtless caving Masson knave awesome that saw hey him they all love he should think that he is freed from the heavy burden of supporting relatives and fulfilling obligations toward them so hey good news you know you may not have anyone in your life but that means you're free you know you don't have to support anyone the options that tell them it a vase a beta all of and he should consider this a favor that a Shem did for him now obviously there's a person who has people in his life and he has to support them and not just financially but you know emotionally support them you know you have to come home and actually talk to people you know that yes introverts it's true okay but at any rate I'm wondering I'm the biggest introvert so I'm talking to myself all right the again the point is this is not like the end-all be-all way of speaking about relationships but if a person is in that situation so this is the context we give him the thick to comfort him meat nation here ready for any on her elaborate sort of because if he's busy with mundane things with secular things Jia you Jia say yes are Kalla all of me bleah he shabanam his Labor's are lighter without wife or child the Hyneman no Hawaii vltava and their absence means rest for him and is beneficial to him so if you're a money guy you're into the things of this world hey good it's good you're single the Muma vaca Shenyang it how do you say however let's say he's a spiritual guy he calls it someone who seeks after those things that are because the things that are there in the end meaning the stuff that goes on forever spirituality so if he was more of a spiritual guy yearly but yes sir Raik openly the easiest way they do segment bliss avec well his mind is undoubtedly clearer and freer when he's in a state of Solitude so if you're a guy who's into mundane stuff oh great you don't have to support a family if your guys into spiritual stuff great you can spend time meditating and thinking about the important things in life again this is for a person who doesn't have these things what are you supposed to tell him what's he supposed to do if he doesn't have this in his life or he doesn't have it right now you should feel like a loser if you feel like has nothing going on no there's there's a there's a way of looking at it in a positive way and that's a ribbon of Chi is framing for us right now now alkane how you hop Russian Burger King me crave a hem o me bought a hem L hahahha this is the reason why the ascetics would leave their relatives and homes for the mountains the mountains doesn't mean like going up to the country go to the bungalow in the Catskills no the mountains here means like a hermit a recluse living in the mountain like Ted Kaczynski today she a finally buy some lava decel Hakeem so that their hearts would be free to serve Hashem okay and again this is I think there's like the tenth disclaimer that I've given in this class but obviously this now is not a prescription for all of us he's gonna he's gonna describe now the very extreme lifestyle of the ascetics this is not advice that you should be like these people we're talking right now about a person who doesn't have people in his life okay this is like somebody who's struggling with health or someone who's struggling with fairness oh okay this person is struggling with loneliness so what are we gonna tell them we're gonna tell hey there are people there called ascetics they're called pradosham they purposely go put themselves into the situation that you're in they run off to the mountains so that they can be all alone look you're so lucky you you're right here and you're all alone so now he's gonna describe the the ascetics oh and by the way let me just as long as I'm giving disclaimers this is for someone to tell himself to feel better about his situation we've said this before about other matters when it comes to be talking that's for someone to tell himself or herself never say this to somebody else so if somebody you know is lonely somebody single they don't have a family never tell them this stuff that would be cruel this is not for us to minimize the the pain of someone someone who's who's alone to the contrary this should awaken us to that plight because the rate of a high is giving so much time to addressing it like it like it's the lack of any other thing like as if a person lacked health god forbid or lacked pardon also god forbid so to a person who lacks companionship god forbid is something that has to be addressed okay alright let's just continue here about the ascetics the pain how Johanna V and is man and avoids him man they say hem so to the prophets when they would prophecies they would leave their homes Oh miss baited him LaHaye Vasavada alayhim used to go seclude themselves and focus on their duties to a Shem comércio died the minion a Leo I'm Alisha like the story of Leo and Alisha and Emeril love it says name asserts Modlin Lafon over who be named ha uh sir twelve yoke of oxen were before him and he was with the twelfth the cave in sri rama's lay a Leoben mad enemies and as soon as it Leo gave him the slightest hint to Elisha Haven I say the armor he took the hint Elisha the student took the hint and he said shotgun Allah Veolia me let me go kiss my father and mother goodbye the Alpha haha and follow you he understood he's gonna have to take leave of his family and go off and be secluded with with his teacher for spiritual purposes well armor and he said the yell at hakurei leo you shall say who you follow dillio and he served him Vaman well and maja pollution Shanina slimming dina raucous lahir association where are they this well Hakeem the story about an ascetic who went to a land to teach its inhabitants about the service of God he saw him life ships ever heard we mount Boucher him with a sheet a ham he saw that their clothing and their ornaments were all alike in color they all wore the same color the rock ibrahim aitsl peace hey botella and he saw how they had their graves next to their houses usually graves are in the cemetery on the outskirts of town they had their graves like right by the front door so and they would come and go in the house they would like be walking over the graves of their relatives there like we even know for ups just leave it next to the grave ok Lily Robin am Issa and he says he didn't see a woman among them they were all met Vishal hey son how's that he asked them about this he said hey what's up with that vomit alight and they said to him like y'all wear the same color clothing you have graves in front of your houses and there's no women here like what what kind of life is this so they said to him Masha under life she whatever a hood why do we all wear the same clothes chalet yeah Nika running minute oh sure nobody should recognize the who's who's rich in who's poor well fistula Yamaha Shelly's got a silly spotted but uh sure the other your uh Neely's Bozza is a taillights might the rich man shouldn't get hearty and the poor man shouldn't feel bad they didn't like make a charity fund so that the poor people should be less poor but they made sure that the rich guys should dress like poor people okay all right Vichy hidden in your nano a la dama kit in your nano taffeta we wanted that our lives above the earth should be similar to our lives below the earth what is that it's a poet Eck way of saying the rich man when he's buried is wearing the same thing as the poor man so we do the same thing above the ground the nemr al-assad maja mocking it says about one of the kings which king he doesn't say which would show how you miss out of bein a vaudeville a how you nikuman ahem he used to mingle among his subjects and he wasn't recognizable among them he would like dress like a commoner and go out among the regular people meet Nisha ha ni Eggman egg huh she flows Natasha Tov Ruby mal Bush of because he would dress in a very humble way it's a similar type of idea that all right now the ascetics are continuing to explain their their whole setup here oh my Hassam new key phrase may say no aitsl pasaje no and this that we put graves in front of our houses today she navaja mayhem Vania knew her name Lamas it's so that we should be disciplined by this and we should become aware of death the Nazarene Londo had sada amigaos a son Ola Maki mom Nuka and it should prepare us for or we should get prepared that way in order to be ready for the place of rest ooh ma cherie ISA ship a - a gnome in an awesome the hob on him and this that you noticed that we have separated from our wives and our children da guia had no lehem here you Craver makan you should know we set up a little village nearby just for them cuz sheets Tariq I heard me man OH Aldo Verma dear I am that if one of us is in need of something that relates to one of them yeh Lake a lay hem we actually thought okay boyo shovel a no we go there and we take care of what we need to take care of and then we come back to our place so a guys like do you know where I put my jacket but his wife lives in the other village so it goes the other village and says where's my jacket she says it's in the front closet he says I looked in the front closet it's not she says it's in the front closet then he goes back to the village where he lives and he looks in the cloth and then he goes back to village where his wife live says you're right you're right you say no that's what I told you it was in the closet okay all right Miep nash utter Inu so why did they do this why did they set up life like that meetin a shara I know BAM a Chicano Cellino metier does Haleiwa Riva have said the gondola give a theta B Krav awesome we did this because we've observed the mental distraction the heavy loss in great trouble that result from their being close to us in contrast Bahama no chemicals a the peace that we have from all this the hawk awesome when they are far from us leave carbanion aha Alam Habba Valley my opinion aha Elam Hauser and this way we can occupy ourselves with matters of the world to come instead of matters of this world now yet Ville d'Avray M Nene hepato SHhhh the ascetic approved of this lifestyle the avada a sum he blessed them the ashram the in Yanam and he congratulated them on their conduct so again just want to make it a hundred percent clear remain about hi-yah although he does speak favorably of these people he doesn't tell us to be like that he's not telling us to live like this the context is very important if someone happens to be lonely god forbid because again that's a lack of a human need to be lonely but if that's the situation that he needs to be in for right now for whatever reason not that we would say this to him but he should know for himself that you know what there's something good to this as well and that there are people who actually seek out being in an isolated type of situation like that for various reasons or advantages that it might pose so therefore we're trying to grant some comfort some solace to someone who for the time being does not have these close relationships in his life but again okay for us bottom line yeah call a single person and invite them for Shabbos and if you know somebody who's alone especially during this weird covin time that we're in right now give somebody a call or you know just reach out to people okay all righty we will continue tomorrow night