Soaring in Sorrow: The Soul Meaning of Tisha B’Av by Rabbi David Aaron

shalom [Music] shalom a special opportunity to be here thank you so much to the OU thank you so much to Rabbi cats a number of years ago can I can I hold this I just it's hard for me to just stand there okay number years ago I was um coming up from Nets at the cotel Sunrise doing at the cotel and um I love B the old city of and I'm going up the stairs and there's like a number of flights of stairs and there's I go up the first flight and I would love to I always love to just stand there and meditate on so one morning I'm standing there meditating enjoying and I see this uh middleaged guy not middle-age guy in his early 40s I don't know if that's called middle-age anymore but U guy in the middle a guy in his early 40s is walking down the stairs and doesn't have a keep on his head and he bursts into tears and he's balling and he's sobbing and I'm thinking to myself you know what do I do it's just me and him and he's crying and you never really know what to do in that situation should you give him his space and not not intrude on his moment or should you offer him help I I didn't know what to do so I I I I figured I do some kind of hybrid and said forgive me and I don't want to intrude and you know and give you your space but can I can I help you at all and he said thank you so much can you tell me why I'm crying so yeah I shouldn't have talked to this guy what a mistake you know I said what do you mean you don't you don't know why you're crying he said I'm Jewish I'm a taxi driver from Manhattan I said well there you go that should be enough right there he said I don't know anything about myself as a Jew I don't really know anything about the land of Israel although I just know it's our promised land and I saved up for many many years to make a trip and come to Israel I get up this morning I go downstairs from the hotel and I go down to the receptionist and I asked the receptionist what do you suggest I do today she said well everybody goes to the Western Wall and he said well what's that and nebba she said I don't know I don't know we're in big trouble she she works in the hotel she doesn't know but she saids but that's where everybody goes you ask a taxi driver he'll take you there well in those days taxi drivers didn't love going into the old city so he left neb the guy at Jaffa gate and told him he should walk so he he's walking and he's wandering and he's asking people do you know the Western Wall the Western Wall the Western Wall and uh he says and a guy told me you go down these stairs I'm going down these stairs I take one look at this wall and I burst into tears and I don't know why I'm crying and this is a true story and I thought to myself what he said some gilo of some R who knows what you know but deep inside the Y is that memory deep inside us is that pain and here's a guy that doesn't know anything doesn't know anything bursts into tears burst into tears I heard this very same story just come to my mind right now there's a period of time where I was teaching people in Hollywood and one of those people was a actress by the name of Goldy H some of you might remember her am I dating myself CU that's a lonely thing to do to get your but um and goldon told me the same story that when she came to the coil and goldon although Jewish doesn't know that much um she said when she came to the coil she burst into tears and she started describing if she actually had some sense of why she was bursting into tears I i' never ever heard anything like this I would have wish I had a recording it was so inspirational and it was such a download from a realness sh a a we can't get rid of it it's right ins theide so I want to talk about TSH and uh I I remember one of my teachers had a phrase called Cash Torah there's Tour on credit you know you get it you maybe get it later on you figure out what what he meant what he said cash tours you could take it with you okay take it with you and I want to share with you some cash Torah and I hope what I'll do is look a little bit with you at the uh a little bit from the daving of sh you don't have to have it I'm sure you're all familiar with it but we'll get to an a second what are we basically trying to do what are we trying to do it's kind of hard to be sad you know it's an interesting thing our yahor it's poor you're supposed to be happy I'm sad you know Tisa BMB you're supposed to be sad I don't know I'm feeling really great it's amazing how the yahor works just really gets you but the truth is we're supposed to be sad but not depressed very big difference between being sad and depressed yesterday I met some uh old alumni from Israelite and uh they said you know how are you Rabbi Aaron and I said you know honestly I'm really sad I feel really really sad I'm not depressed I get up I work I'm writing I'm teaching I'm very motivated depression is when you don't feel like doing anything they used to be a popular Israeli song I don't feel like going I don't feel like staying oh that's depressed you just don't feel like anything you you're so depressed you don't even feel like going to bed when you're depressed you have no motivation when you're sad you feel this emptiness you feel this yearning and um and I and I realize it's it's so it's so beautiful to be sad when it's the right time to be sad and I remember when my my mother passed away and we were sitting shiva and it was very very sad and I went to sleep that first night of shba and it was a very strange feeling I felt happy that I was sad and I realized a new understanding of what happiness is happiness doesn't necessarily mean you're smiling you're dancing you're joking Happiness is when you know when you're in sync with what's happening and if now is the time to be sad I'm so happy I know how to be sad and it would be really sad in fact depressing that I should be sad and I'm not feeling sad so um so there's a kind of Happiness when you're doing the right thing and uh I want to talk about what we're sad about what we're sad about we're not sad about a building I think that's part of the problem I think people are trying to get themselves into feeling bad that the Bas of MC dis isn't here I I've seen models of it have some pictures drawn of it but how do you mourn a building that you never saw and even if you saw it it's a building that you're mourning it's a building it's not a building the base of MiG dis is like a radio you know and imagine somebody smashes your radio you're crying because your radio smash smashed no you're crying because you have no access to the music and that's what you want it's the music the BET to M this just like a radio and when I smashed we lost access to the music what's the music what's missing and what's missing is uh what I think we're ding for and so I always like to share something that maybe again cash T you can take with you and maybe this will add a little bit to your everyday doing we say the word say is an interesting word the translates it as take pleasure some translate it as be pleased what would it mean that would take pleasure inem gets pleasure Hashem gets pleasure well it's that very very interesting right before the flood Hashem is described as being saddened Hashem is sad and how do we attribute an emotion like sadness to Hashem and some of the commentators explain what would it mean that Hashem is sad what would make hasem sad is when what he wants to give us we don't want to receive it's like a mother who's um whose baby doesn't want a nurse it's not only physically painful it's emotionally psychic pain that there's so much I want to give and you don't want to receive what I want to give you what gives AEM pleasure so to speak what gives AEM pleasure so to speak is we really want but he really wants to give us and what does Hashem want to give us which is what the Bas of epitomizes what does AEM want to give us to give of his goodness to other what is that goodness that Hashem wants to give us what is the greatest good when I think about the greatest good in my life a moment that I would describe as wow that was the greatest good what comes to my mind is I'm lying in bed and my mother is reading to me Winnie the Poo that was the Great great is good I must have been 18 years old I'm joking I was 20 and um I must I don't know I was three years old my mother was reading to me we the Poo now to for disclosure my mother didn't read to me Vinnie the poo my mother was from Poland she was a survivor of the Holocaust she read to me Vinnie the pet I grew up with Vinnie you I go to school I talk about Vinnie everybody thought he was a mafia leader Minnie the Vinnie the but what was so special about my mother reading to me Winnie the Poo she gave me the greatest gift and this is the greatest gift that we all want in our lives it's called presence not with a TS presence I want to feel the loving presence of someone who's there for me my mother enacted theim Tsum in the cabala what she did is she moved everything out of the way and put me in the center that she condense her entire focus and being and presence into this moment into this place and gave herself to me and that's ecstasy that's etched in my heart that's etched in my heart what does want to give us he wants to give us the we want the we want the presence of Hashem in our lives take pleasure Hashem in Israel we want to be your nation we want to be the place where your kingship will land we want what you want fah is not trying to get Hashem to want what you want fah is trying to get you to want what Hashem wants and what does Hashem want he wants to give us his presence to feel Hashem in our lives and uh you know that's what's called n by the way you know when I was a kid my parents would always talk about we want Nas we want Nas you've heard that before right we want NAS from people I had no clue what they wanted what is Nas years later I'm in California I'm Los Angeles I'm walking down the street I see a Taco Bell I see on the front that they sell n i figed that's it that's what they want why did it take me so long FedEx KN what is comes from the word l means to land means the spirit of hem lands in the world where do we want the spirit of Hashem to land in the world in our hearts in our homes in our shs and our schools how much do we want the in our lives how much do we reun the in our lives you know God forbid you know imagine a parent yelling at their child in the living room in their bedroom you know what if you really wanted a Shem in that bedroom you wouldn't be screaming at you kid like that if you had a weariness that Hashem is in that bedroom would you talk like that to your kid you wouldn't do that you wouldn't do that you know if God forbid you're in your office and you're doing some crooked deal you just do a Shem out of the office you know because if you really believed hasem was in the office and you wanted him in your office you wouldn't be doing deals like that you wouldn't be doing deals like that and you know we know that the first Bas of migus was destroyed because of sexual perversity and idolatry and murder you know what sexual perversity is you don't honor yourself you don't love yourself if you knew hasem was in your life created you cared about you filled you with his breath you treat yourself that way if you knew Hashem was in every other human being you would treat them that way and if you knew how much Hashem loves you you'd be go look for other gods Hashem so right there and now you go looking for anybody else you're just not in tune you don't have the radio you're not you're not plugging in you're not tuning in you're not bringing the sh into your life and then we know okay the base of MDES was rebuilt but the second ba of MDES is still not rebuil and we all know why why we all know that what are we doing about that that is a real a repellent you know you want to repel hem out of this world just hate people for no reason I don't I don't hate people for no reason I could come up with a lot of reasons why I hate no no no no what is really it's I hate because I love hating why do I love hating it's like little children in kindergarten when a new kid comes into the kindergarten very often kids hate him why I don't even know the kid he didn't do anything to me he's just different what happens is when people are different we just don't like them we don't like that and that's a real issue for us because we're all so different we're all so different so is a way to really throw hasem out of the world because if you felt Hashem was in the world in every human being every place why would you hate you would only only love you would only love many years ago I'm sitting at dinner with my wife and I turned to my wife and I said Han why do you love me and she said why do you assume that I said just she didn't say she didn't say and I said you know why do you love me and she said you know I don't have a reason oh that hurts you don't have a reason you can't find one reason to love me what about my bad jokes she said oh that's the worst reason I said you how can you don't have a reason to love you she said not only do I have no reason to love you you wouldn't want me to have a reason to love you I said I think I think I would she said no you wouldn't because if I had a reason to love you it would be the reason I love and not you and if that reason were no longer valid what would happen to my love seeing this kingdom is I don't have I don't need a reason to love you I don't need a reason to love you I remember I heard RAB once say to people here's my number call me for no reason here's my number call me for no reason I've learned to do that and I give people my number call me for no reason I know they won't call me anyways I'm just joking yeah call me for no reason love me for no reason this is what's missing it's the that's missing and so we say take pleasure in your nation we are your nation we want to be your nation we want to create that space for your kingship to be here and we want what you want so now let's upgrade now that you're taking pleasure we got that part down so now we're asking for and bring the the sacrifices back to your temple that's what we're missing the sacrifices that's a tough one because most people I ask honestly are you missing sacrifices a lot of people say well R cook says there won't be sacrifices it's not so simple what they what what they're actually quoting there it's not quite what he said but I I want sacrifices I'm a Cohen so okay I've got a a reason for that but what does it mean what is a sacrifice well the problem is that we've translated yish kite into English and I don't think a sacrifice is the best translation of a carbon and I really don't have an English word for carbon I just want to give you more of a conceptual understanding of a carbon a carbon comes from the word what word K and there's something about the carvon that brings me close to Hashem I want to get close to Hashem how does it carbon how does it how's it possible especially when we're talking about an anal of sacrifice how would that bring me close to Hashem why why would anybody even want that I think that's part of the problem I don't know how many of us really want that and don't even know why we would want that a friend of mine who before he was religious spent time in India he told me something really amazing they do these sacrifices in the street and he said he saw something that was shocking he said a person would bring a sacrifice a sacrifice they would put their hands on it they would then put their own head on The Chopping Block where the animal's going to be then they would put the animal on the chopping block they would Slaughter the animal and the fellow would sprinkle blood on himself I said whoa that sounds a little little too close to you know not very far also but basically what the person is doing is living themselves as an offering to God I so much want you in my life I want to give my myself over to you completely because how do you receive a person in your life by giving yourself over to that person do you hear that now the sacrifice of Hashem saying I don't want you to do this I don't want you to give your life to me but I have such a passion to give myself over to hem because I so much want to create that space in my life to be receptive to his presence in my life because when you give to someone they're in your life they're in your life life Hashem says I'm going to give you way for an outlet for that passion for is Isel for the fires of Israel within us is a fire a passion to give myself to Hashem because I so much want Hashem in my life and in the world do you hear that idea and I don't know how many of us are feeling that incredible passion that I so much want to give myself over to Hashem I mean what literally does it mean to have AEM in our lives what do we know about hem all we know about Hashem is his ratson his will and his midot his attribute and so what ises it mean to have AEM in your life it means to have peace in your life because that's one of the attribut the truth is it's not so correct to say that hasem has attributes because then that would fly in the face of the of hm the Oneness of hem the simple Oneness of hem as if there's God and and attached to him or stuck on to him added to him or attributes Hashem is his attributes although infin more so the truth is right now if I'm sharing wisdom I hope I am then in so much as AEM is hashem's in this room right now in so much as he's of course hasem is much greater than and as and as much as there is love in this room and I know there is that's the presence of Hashem in the room and so what does it really mean to bring AEM in the room it means to want to bring more love more compassion more truth more Justice more kindness that's when you bringing AEM in the world and how much do you want to give yourself over to that so I heard an amazing shot from one of the gdolim John Glenn you know John Glenn who was John Glenn anybody remember John Glenn he was the first astronaut of United States that was in the rocket ship friendship 7 that circled the Earth and he was being interviewed because the Challenger rocket ship had exploded people had died astronauts died and they asked him because he also had a very challenging moment because when his rocket ship was coming down to earth the heat shield was ripping off from the rocket ship and he almost died they God embarks him down they asked him an amazing question he saids something so deep so beautiful they asked him why are you willing and why do people risk their lives for things like why I mean you were risking your life to go into aspect why would you do something like that and he said something so great John Glenn he said until you find a cause that you're willing to die for offer your life up for you have not begun to live wow and oh my gosh and we see in the last number of months years of the Jewish people you know people wondered Tick Tock generation what will our soldiers be in this situation and that yid is unbelievable that passion for good the willingness to die for am Israel and what am Israel means to bring good into the world and compassion in the world and peace in the world and kindness to the world that's bringing the there's so much coming down right now we're so close to the base of mdash a lot of a lot of carb a lot of carbonos real carbonos of people that are not just using an animal as an outlet to make manifest and express this passion to give themselves over to Hashem there are people that are literally giving themselves over to Hashem and the more you give yourself over to hasem the more Hashem becomes present in our world do you hear that what we should be crying for is the we're missing the Shina we're missing the Love The Compassion the truth the authenticity the peace the wisdom what what happened what happened and so we're asking Hashem take pleasure we've been doing we're coming close to the end of doing in Esra over here now let us go to the next step and give ourselves over give us a place where the fires of Israel that burning passion inside us to give ourselves to you to be able to be receptive to you in our lives let usel I'm giving something to hem wants something from us you know it's a very interesting idea Hashem can do anything right we know that hhm is Almighty but there's one thing Hashem can't do or chooses not to do he can't force us to want him it's an interesting thing you know imagine it's your birthday and I want to honor you and I'm going to surprise you and I invite you over and I'm really cooking up a storm of all the food that you love but you wouldn't assume that David Aaron would be cooking for you you know and you don't even think he knows it's your birthday on your way over because 8 o'clock you know you you're hungry you stop off at some restaurant you fill yourself up you get to my home I open up the doors of the dining room and there's this incredible spread everything you love to eat the only thing is you don't want it you're not hungry so will you eat of course you'll eat it you don't want to hurt my feelings but it'll eat you all night long because you don't really want it this is the problem how much do we really really really want a Shem in our lives how much do we want the will of hem in our lives the wisdom of Hashem in our lives the love of Hashem how much do we what do we really really want in the first place what is it that we really really want and so this is where we're at the point of it all is we're not crying over Bas of Mikes about the building itself the building was already not working it wasn't turned on it wasn't plugged in it wasn't tuned in anymore we weren't getting reception we weren't bringing transmission that's why they were able to destroy it now we've got to get Beyond just it's not about the building it's about us we have to build it in our hearts we have to start really really practicing Ava really trying to do that and this is my call to action my challenge to you we all have a device very close by and there's definitely one person you know in your life that could use a kind note that's it I dare you to write me okay I'm gonna give you all my WhatsApp right there's somebody you know that could just just a kind word just a little word of encouragement something if we do that then we actually show Hashem we're serious but if we just do this and we just talk this we're not serious we got to do it you see I think what we really need to cry about is we're not crying we're not really feeling the the lacking you know the r mentioned that the the the teachings of our sages that on that day we cried and hasem says I'll give you I'll make this a night of crying I always had a hard time with that because it sounds like a parent say you don't like that toy well I'll give you a reason to cry you're crying over that I always had a hard time with it and I know whenever I have a hard time with something I must be missing a deep idea and maybe this is the idea maybe the idea is Hashem saying you know what one of the most important things I could help you with in your life is to teach you to cry I think maybe that's the problem we don't know what's worth crying over anymore we're crying over the things that don't really matter and I think our life changes when we cry and we cry because something's really missing in our life we really are really yearning for in our lives and then we cry and then we cry and I don't know how much we feel the OB them is missing and so I would ask you all today tonight before you go to sleep just one kind note and that would be a tiny task for World transformation thank you very [Music] much now I I would like to offer the opportunity for a couple questions I said I I could go till 8:30 and I intentionally I like questions more than my own class so I would be happy to hear some questions very often people are uncomfortable with the first question so I start with the second question so let's hear with the question the second question yes what is your name yes Ellie I feel a lot of us' kind of been experiencing last few months a little pain ofar [Music] I hear you I I I'm with you and I'll I'll put in a good word to the master of the universe to see if we can rearrange that the timing it is what it is and this is where we're at and I don't understand hashem's ways right now is a time to be sad and I and I believe that a lot of people are depressed not because they don't know how to be happy I think a lot of people are depressed because they don't know how to be sad so really really feel what's missing to really feel and what's missing and his we we just need so much AAS because it's starting to crumble a little bit you know we we felt okay okay we're we're getting together but we're starting to we're starting to kind of stray a little bit from it but I don't know as I started off I I am I am very sad make jokes that's my way of keeping myself above water but but but I'm very sad I'm not depressed it's a very sad situation and the sadness should open us up to cry and feel the sad you know uh years ago a woman came and did Israelite and she was a very tough there was something tough about her uh but it's not for me to Challenger that's not my way anyways I don't confront people so all right but she came she wants to learn that's fine after about three days of learning Torah she came up to me and she said can I can I speak to you I said sure So we went off to a corner spoke privately and she said I want to tell you a story my father passed away two years ago and I decided I wouldn't let that get me down and so what I decided is I went straight from the funeral to work and I said oh my gosh this is why she's so she's so harsh she's so tough this and I said to her really and she said yeah I decided I'm I'm not going to grieve and I said you know what you you did yourself a a disservice because you have to grieve they say the way to heal from grieving is to grieve don't deny the pain don't let it get you down and if you do deny the pain it'll get you another way and you end up being depressed so I'm with you I I I'd love to you I'd love to skip forward to tuav but right now we're right before tshav right now it's important to understand what is it that we're lacking and we're asking with our very eyes we want to see the we want to see the presence of Hashem in the world and what will that look like us it'll be a world full of love and peace and and and and mutual respect and P for each other but I I'm with you I I I I would love to uh skip forward another question yes please what's your name [Music] yes [Music] discuss basically that cries in the chamb and showsi face in the and so therefore if we try to enter has and toet him hisor and hope to bring Hashem power to bring happiness happiness and then Hashem will bring happiness to us and we will be able to share beautiful thank you for sharing that yes yes if we could understand how Hashem is crying you know I did a Tish program on the rooftop of many years ago there was a fellow there and he was very wasn't from theiva but he was very very angry both his parents parents were survivors of the Holocaust one of my parents is a Survivor but his were two and Holocaust was his entire life and he was a very angry guy and very angry at God and uh he came to the tishaa program and afterwards he came up to me he said I have been waiting for someone to tell me that God cries now I can believe in him I can only believe in a God that's crying and I think that's a bit of the issue here that somehow we think a is up there over there watching us in our pain Hashem is absolutely with us in our pain our pain is his pain and uh and the question is Hashem is crying because I want to give you the best like the best and people are running after things that just don't matter that won't last and we haven't figured out like what's really really really worth wanting for and crying that I don't have and yish kite says it's the presence of Hashem in our lives I've got one more minute quick question any more questions yes please what's your name like sucessful that should have been the first question that's like I would had more time um that's a very kind question thank you very much I'll pay you um I I think it was because I stopped doing kiru long time ago and I decided I'm just going to share and one of my teachers uh very special man who left this world was by the laich rebi and he asked the rebi for a br for kiru and the rebi said I will not give you a br for kiru now his whole life was kiru so he was devastated that the rebi would not give him for and he said R I ask you to never use that word again and he was really Blown Away by that and the rebi says he said R kiru means to bring somebody close to Hashem who are you and who am I says labi to judge who's actually I give you when I heard that story I stopped doing K and I just try to do a and I'm asking us all to think of just just one person that you could just light up their life to get a few words maybe even more than that and say thinking about you wishing you well and just send them some love and healing and hope and thank you so much [Applause] [Music]