Standing Up to Peer Pressure

When a child feels that he's enough, that he doesn't need necessarily the approval of a friend because I know I'm right. And if I know I'm right, I know I'm doing the right thing, that's enough. The opposite of that is is when I'm so desperate for friends and I don't think that highly of myself, I might lower my level of what's you know acceptable behavior simply to get their approval. So when I think one of the the mistakes that we make is [music] we we spend a lot of time on on the don'ts without necessarily explaining the reason behind it. The best way for someone to in their decision about what to do or not to do >> [music] >> is to understand that decision. Use the term moral code or moral compass. It's not like a jacket I take on and take off. It's who I am. It's the very fiber of my being. >> And I'll add to this general topic. When parents bring their children to an amusement park and there's a big sign that says, "If you're under seven, there's a different price than if you're over seven." And the parent tells the child, [music] "Today you're under seven." And the child says, "But I just turned seven two months ago. We celebrated my birthday." And your mother says, "I understand, but it's going to save us a lot of money. If they ask you, you're only six for today." And then they get to the booth and they say, "How old is he?" "Six." And they get the cheaper price and they get in. So the child, rightfully so in their innocence, will very often have a feeling inside of them of, "Did we just do something right? Something doesn't feel so good." But as they watch the role model, the parent, deal with that by just being okay with it, we're giving over to our children, very well possibly and usually unintentionally, and that correct and true innocent feeling of, "Yikes, I don't feel like we did something wrong." then goes away ultimately in that child. >> So I think as parents, we want to we want to get into their heads to understand their process, understand their neshama, cuz it's probably very different than our neshama. It's When a child feels heard and understood and is still told not to do it, that makes a lot more of a an impression. >> We planted seeds and we've had conversations where there was nothing at stake at that time. It wasn't the thing that everyone was doing yet and we educate with confidence. We don't worry no I can't talk about a smartphone with my third grader because then he's going to realize there's such a thing as a smartphone. We talk about it on age appropriate levels and we [music] inoculate with the education and the conversations before there's something at the front gates.