Taking a Closer Look - Rabbi Zecharia Wallerstein

[Music] so there's a missional I'm picky of us and I want to talk about and a little bit about the parsha and connect them together so the mission says the following it's written by Rabbi Akiva everyone knows or be Akiva for 40 years didn't keep anything you got married because of his wife she turned them around he saw water on a rock and he saw that the water was able to make a hole in the rock and he realized that even though he was off to direct for 40 years that if he gets back into it sooner or later he'd be able to to make a hole in his heart and and open up and and and learn Torah so he wrote this Mishnah who are you oh man he said the following and I talked about is actually I spoke this morning in the Catskills to 700 specific men just men so I their wives I spoke to last week on Tuesday and there's wife phone me you better give it to them the way he gave it to us so it was a lot about talk a lot about solemn bias so this Mishnah has a lot to do with Schoelen bias and we all need as good as our marriages are you know a little coaching here and there I never heard she says the following causes Adam beloved is the man she NIV rabbits Ellen who's created in the image of God Sheba is Sarah even more blessed or more loved is man Sinead oscillation everybody Ellen that God told us that were created in His image what does this mean if I know a poor man and he has a bank account that has $1 in it he's never gone back to the bank he hasn't put money in the bank in 30 years and I secretly go to the bank and I deposit a million dollars in his account this is a discussion that I have in seminary I like to make the girls think so there's a million dollars in an account but he has no idea that there's a million dollars in his account he's eating scraps of garbage he's wearing these wearing dirty clothes thing he's going around shooting he's collecting because he never looks at his bank account he never dreamt up someone would put a million dollars in the bank account is he a millionaire this is the question that I had with my seminary is this man a millionaire there's no idea that he has the money he's living like a beggar and he was gonna look like a beggar for the rest of his life because he left a dollar in some account that wasn't clothes he's never gonna look at it is he a millionaire so he is a millionaire because he's worth a million dollars but mentally he's a poor man so the Mishnah tells us that God shows us a lot of love because he created us in His image he being a Sabra the extra love is that he tells us that he created us in His image for to create us in God's image and not tell me that I'm in God's image then I don't know that I'm on such a high level I won't live on that type of level how do you know this it says in the pasta Cupid selam aleykum also seldom Hashem made us in His image car leaving Israel the Jewish nation is loved by God she Nick Ubuntu ma ma cone because we are the children of my shell he being a Sabra an extra love no - lehem that he told us Bhanumati tell ma sham that we're his children and the people that I shall give us the Torah and as Hebrew you say within a sham told us that he gave us the Torah this morning I spoke to these men and I said even in the class scenic world and I don't know if you could say I love you I don't know the rules in the Hasidic world I know that my daughter was going out and she was going out this very she was a boy a very nice boy and they got engaged and he sent her flowers and he wrote a card and at the end of the car he wrote yours truly because there's a she with doesn't have to about until your marriage now let it right you're not allowed to sign off love but for some reason a lot of these got a lot of us like we took that till the never right now never a lot of sign off CB you Sarah to show someone that you love them no he died a slow you have to tell them you have to tell your children that you love them you have to tell your grandchildren that you love them wherever else think they know I love them I buy little Konica presence I guys always tell me this when I'm like the wife comes I do a lot of Shawn bias nobody comes to my house to tell me that marriage is going great when they knocked on my door and it's a husband and a wife I'm like okay it's not good so the one there's two things that women complain about one my husband doesn't express his feelings for me he doesn't communicate and every husband says the same thing what do you mean she knows I love her and she's like so why don't you say it and he's like you have to say it if somebody knows something you have to say it so I say yeah you have to say it not because it says that in the therapeutic marriage book but because it says it in the Mishnah femur you say well if you want to show extra love like da slow tell the person what you feel about that even if they know it tell your kids that you love them tell your kids that they're the most precious thing in the world to you tell your wife thank Hashem that you are my Zippo tell your wife you look pretty tonight tell your husband you dick you're doing unbelievable boss I've shared business I'm so proud of you that you don't miss minion I'm so proud of you that you should have learned an hour a day that you go to the DA feeling me I'm so proud of you that you still have hair if you don't have hair I'm so proud of you but you look good even when you don't have here I'm so proud of you that you get dressed well I'm so proud of you that you exercise did you care about your health and women think that men don't need to hear that he's a guy guys don't need to hear that guys need to hear that maybe more than women need to hear that when a man goes off to work in the morning and his wife says you look good you smell good I'm so proud of you you work so hard for us and I appreciate everything you do he skips into that car he's in a mood he is high he is flying he comes into the office and I'm like what he's like we didn't say consonant today why not cuz I told everyone I'm a cousin the guys would know about toxin to know that for a close one you don't have to sleep document but when you leave your house and your wife screaming at you you look like a schlump you better come home on time you're not working anyway you're not making money for us anyway get your act together you better lose weight what happened to you you got so old the guy goes to work he's like well I'm supposed to be happy that's what my wife thinks about me relationships our relationships shouldn't I dice like I'll tell you a true story so I get up and speak a lot about to parents I don't think that parents understand because a lot of our generation had Holocaust parents who never told us that they loved us because they lost so many loved ones and they were so scared it's gonna happen again if they get close to anybody so they even though they did love us very much they couldn't show that emotion because god forbid in their head it's just gonna happen again so I got up and I was speaking in Florida before minutes off an hour before minister and I was talking about the importance of parents to tell their children before they go to sleep and when they wake up and even if they don't do well on the test that the test is not everything you got a 50 well you got 50 percent right how did you get the 50 percent right and you sit down with the kid and you go over what he got right and guess what's gonna happen next time he's gonna get 60 percent right and next time he's gonna get 70 percent right maybe not more than that but that's enough because you focus on what's good about them and you told them that you're a smart boy because number four that you got wrong is much is much easier than number three which you got right you're such a smart boy we don't give them false hope but we give them real hope when you tell someone they're pretty guess what happens they become pretty because they feel pretty when you tell someone you're smart they become smart because they believe in themselves and they believe they're smart and this is that Rabbi wallenstein talking the terrorist says then when Clara went the Moroccan went into into Aris well they came back you know what they said they said in our own eyes we are grasshoppers and in the Giants eyes we are grasshoppers asked us al how do you know what you were in the Giants eyes if they would have told you you're grasshoppers they will squash you because al says because if you project if you tell everyone that in your own eye you're a grasshopper then you project everyone else that I must be a grasshopper in everybody else's eye there's the reason I'm going here it has a lot to do with this week's power shop so there are many different stories about people who were complemented and who who were were told something good about themselves I was involved in Crown Heights you Shiva and I'm not gonna tell you who the name was and there was a kid in fourth grade he was the most miserable kid we ever had in that school he came to school he had stuff growing in his briefcase he had green bread he had mamas penicillin he had a whole laboratory growing in that briefcase it stunk his clothing was never cleaned his his sisters were hanging out of his zipper and out of his back of his pants he just was totally out of control this kid and he didn't do well in class at all and none of the kids wanted to be near him he smelled they said he smells rabbi nobody wanted to be near meanest teachers they don't like him and he was a 35-40 student and he was doing miserable and they decided that wasn't mark he's looking at me I'm like mark it's not you the way I'm not talking about you and there's a true story and in our school we had this rule that mrs. Wofford the English department and the Hebrew Department had to sign off that you're gonna throw a kid out we had to sign off all the teachers were supposed to be signing off they didn't but I was assistant principal also at the time and everybody had to sign off to throw this kid out of school because just nobody wanted to have anything to do with it and he was failing we weren't doing we weren't doing a job with him we weren't we weren't helping him so I sat at that meeting I remember her by Goldstein is Robert and I said before we throw him out give me two weeks if I can't turn him around in two weeks I'm signing on the paper you can let him go so I went down to the lunchroom I even remember the raashi and I sat down next to this little third grader who everybody was sitting totally on the other side of the table and I said to him I want to tell you Arashi third grade cry nice they weren't so much interracial yet and I said Rashi says that yes Rho didn't have one name yet seven names well party or whatever they were I he there was no way he could remember that so remember this flow had seven names why do I need to know that I just you just need to know that I did this for a week that max I sat next to this kid and for a week I told them this row has seven names I come in one day now you understand in our school in every school extra recess is bigger than mushiya bigger than na then bigger than most try bein no bigger than PS counts of it's bigger than anything else in the world third grader actually says forget about even eighth graders I come into class remember who it was that wasn't pretty Ito Bagheera's fifth grade I remember what the teacher was whatever I walk into class Hebrew department and I'm like okay everybody sit up here's the deal I'm gonna ask a question if anyone in third grade gets this question right the whole class gets extra recess for a week they were like oh well we have to recess instead of 10:30 to a quarter to 11:00 10:30 to 11:00 a half an hour for a week they were like okay everybody's like looking in my boy sitting in the back totally in a different world know what he was picking he was he was busy with something so I said okay here's the question how many names did you throw have now they weren't even learning Leslie yet at that point they had no idea who useful was impostor schmoes so all the kids are looking at me how are we supposed to know the teacher looks at me Wollaston like what are you doing like I'm not I'm not I'm teaching braces what are you what are you asking and I'm looking at this kid in the back and I'm like he's not even listening to a word so one kid says one another kid says three bucks from nowhere you get seven one kid said to and I had all the kids answer I'm like okay I'm not telling you one who's right or wrong but you're all wrong sorry no extra he says we'll try again next year and I look at the kid in the corner I'm like but there's one boy that didn't answer the question wrong let's go see if he knows it and I walked to the back and he's sitting he's playing with stuff on his desk and all the other kids are like he's stupid they said he's stupid nevelocity he doesn't know anything I'm gonna make up his name cuz some of the kids might here might know who I look at him and I'm going I am sit up whoa whoa what time I have a question you want extra recess no way yeah they gave up ready they're all like looking at the board I am focus how many names did you throw have and he's about to say two and I might no no you need to think remember lunch well you're eating lunch you were dreaming about you sir oh oh I know oh my gosh and please help this child seven no all the kids are sitting there seven I'm white I don't believe it I have to give extra recess I don't believe it sighs right in one motion the whole class gets up like on a football team [Music] felt like was flesh benching time so Salaam Casablanca console timer so if we shall aim on the whole place is going crazy it all became his best friend time got to make sure recess of course to teach you knew that I did something because he he never learned that he definitely didn't know that and she looked at me and she goes I might let's see what happens I have a safe behind me not by the end of the year for the world he made friends cuz I'm the extra recess the deal was that they had to play with him because he got them the extra recess that's what I told them so the whole it shifted totally and not only that he began to start doing work in school but a time he graduated my class he was a 68 to 70 student that was his ability but not 40 why did a kid who the forty student become a 70 student did I sit and learn with him after that no because he thought for a moment that he was smart even though I set it up he believed that he lose something that no one else knew he decided you know what if I could do that then I could know what everybody else knows and he became a student he will you Sarah if you love someone no die slow tell them what their attributes are so I'm giving this speech in Florida and an old man is standing in the back waiting for Mincy and I finished my speech about about telling your children that they let you love them telling your wife that you love her telling your husband that you love him grandparents especially we didn't have that resource growing up because we lost our grandparents in the Holocaust today both ashame children have grandparents and great-grandparents what a resource a safe place for a child to go just to be loved by his grandmother and grandfather a place to go just to be hugged and kissed and loved and if they make trouble we just send them out back to their parents but you don't understand I know a child personally that if it wasn't for his grandmother he would be failing school he would be a very depressed miserable kid his grandmother brought him up even though he had parents because every time his parents were very hard on him that's where he would go and she would never have a bad word grandparents is a resource don't say I brought up my children I did my job your job is never over my father Oliver Shalom he died 17 years ago about 20 years ago we were talking about Kindles and stuff like that he said Zakaria I hope to live long but I'm tell you right now that after I die you you mess up I'm coming to you in a dream and I'm gonna whack you in the dream process I said I haven't seen him I haven't seen him in 20 years then it whacked me in my dream so this is what this man tells me this man is a very famous Jew who's very very wealthy and very very powerful I couldn't believe that he even came over to me to talk to me he says rabbi I was in the back by your speech you don't even know what you're talking about am i oh no he says you're so right I'm like oh yes said my mother had eight children in Europe all eight children were killed in the concentration camp and her husband she lost everything around my Wallis thing my mother never told me that she loves me he said one day he sold three buildings in New York City his profit was two hundred million dollars he said I thought that that day was the greatest day of my life my father told me when I was younger I was an only child and I said how come mommy doesn't talk to me nicely and warmly and my father said your mother lost eight she said I didn't even know about it until my father told me lost eight children and her husband in Europe and she just what she loves you no one loves you more look how she takes care of you but she can't say it because she's scared that she's gonna lose you too he said we've all seen so at that point I buried it I let it go understood my mother let it go three days before she died I'm sitting in the hospital my mother's laying in her bed she's fully awake and she says hair Sheila come me I want to tell you something through a wall Steen my stomach I felt like it was Yom Kippur I had butterflies in my stomach like oh my gosh my mother is going to tell me she loves me I'm waved this all my life and he pulls up a chair and he rolls up next to her and she looks at her son this big Macher and she says Harry Sheila I just want you to know one thing I've never told you what he's like yeah what I'm so proud of you I'm so proud of who you became and I'm so proud of you Robert Wallace in it was the last three words that I ever heard my mother honor you think making all that money was my biggest day my biggest day the whole world was proud of me they make speeches about Mina's dinners and luncheons and and Lynn and I'm written up and I'm money and covered in power nothing compared to the day my mother said to me she's proud of me another wall steam when you get up to speak tell women to tell their children they're proud of them tell father's to tell their children I'm proud of you because no matter what happens in the child's life that's the most important moment in a child's life Heba you Sarah krishna das law said rabbi akiva who went through a terrible hard life and a terrible hard death he said you want to know what love is love is is when you tell somebody how you feel about them what does it have to do with this partial so we're gonna go back a little bit I'm gonna go back the Pasha's by a row and partials by a row and the first plastic talks about relationships a realm of you know very interesting plastic it says the following second posit by Yi Shan of Avril Lavigne who lifted up his eyes by Yaron Esau Vahine equation awesomely tell him all of there were three men standing on him what it means it's a Malo bhaiyaa he looked again but y'all watch we'll cross him and he ran to meet them he pets us lol from the opening of his of his tent by his Shakalaka and he bowed down so the question is number one why does it say twice why are says why yeah he saw them he HD salacious on ocean there were three men why did save Aiyar again and also the first way out says Bahia Ashley on ocean he'd sell them all over there were three men standing in front of him and the second layer says bye yeah right you're almost across him he saw them any ran to meet them one second if you're standing in front of me I can't run to me then I'm gonna run them over so what the public should have said is he ran to meet them when he got there right he was standing in front of them the opposite of what the posix says and why does it say the plastic twice and this has to do with relationships and also has to do with said first of all when you want to have a relationship with your wife or husband a child someone you want to do a set for the first thing you have to do is what well ye say ain't of now just stop looking at yourself a realm Aveeno well ye sir ain't no he lifted his eyes away from himself if you're busy looking at yourself and you're busy with yourself you can't see your wife and you can't see your husband and you can't see your children the person that gets in the way of a good relationship is this is the person when you remove yourself you're able to see others but when you're in front of yourself you can't see anybody else so the first thing I'm probably you know is telling us who you want to see the other person you want to see them but you say no you got you got to stop looking at yourself that's number one number two the first way yaar oh is this true I can tell you this all my life especially when you do care of the first value when you your first look at a situation or at a person you nee needs of all of all you see is what's in front of you that's it you don't see anything pass what's in front of you but it's the second look if you take a second look that's the true look then you have the power while you're all across them then you have the power to run to meet the other person I want to give you a few examples of this I don't know if they bother you here in insure when you're diving they're collecting Sedaka people collected Elka and they have a cup and you throw a quarter in or a dollar in right and you're bothered trying to dive in go away from me why you bothering me well we don't realize that Cup is connected to a hand and that hand is connected to a person so at first look it says Shannara i'm domine what are you bothering me for that second look his wife has cancer and he has nine kids and because he has to raise money he can't work but nobody ever takes a second look we just get aggravated and agitated so it's the first look meeting a needs a bowl of get away from me the second look is why yards lacrosse home there are kids where I live that walk around the girls that I have in my school and in my ranch they look different they've got piercings they got tattoos some of them are smoking pot they're not dressed it's nice at all and they walk down the street on Avenue J and everyone's like oh my gosh that's Friedman's daughter oh Knab Knab ik on the Freedmen's look what happened to their child first look that was look at her well where is it by yardstick awesome that's the second look oh my gosh that's Friedman's daughter oh my gosh they must be in so much pain what happened to that poor Shaiful oh that she looks like this today must be she went through some trauma let me call the Freedmen's and find out what her name is in hebrew let me find out what mrs. Friedman's name is tomorrow morning when I down them for my own children wish my master a I need to have that kid's name so I could dive in for her too that's the second vy y the first where you are is a kid off to Dara the second way Y is why you always look awesome how am I gonna help that child how am I gonna help that person I don't do care of I don't know how to talk to kids like that who needs you to talk to the kid get the kids name and daven for them how many people in this room I'll not give you muster how many people in this room have names in there sitter of people that you know and I'm not talking about sick people that you have a list but people that you know that are struggling in pain osa oh my gosh you heard this guy lost all his money he made a terrible terrible investment with these gun of amount right he stole all those money there guys I'm sure like wow what a tragedy you think that's gonna help him that you running wild with a tragedy I feel so bad for him or is there something I could do you need a little bit of a loan to carry you over while you're looking for a new job I know you can't pay the mortgage right now it's not Seductor I know you don't want anything it's just a loan I expect you to pay me back you're a proud person I want to help you out even if he says no the first look is lost all his money yeah everybody's sure was talking about some guys are happy he lost his money they didn't like the way he spent his money other guys they're not so happy they wanted to get some money from him everybody has a different opinion the guy that lost the money but who walks over to him who calls him and says I want a company hasn't want to talk to you few few minutes let's go out for a coffee hey man I got some money in the bank you need help you know what next year of mortgage 30 grand he's playing 3,000 a month here's 30 grand it's a loan so for next year you don't have to worry about the mortgage you go find a new job how many of us do that we only have the first look the only first look is just what he looks like that's it I'll tell you one of the craziest stories about a first looking second look first of all tell you straight happened to me in Flatbush there's a store called hapa nosh hoppin us they had the best coleslaw that's close law so for Shabbos I go to my coleslaw roughly shed my wife cooks but they got the coleslaw that's what Colson so I go there and they also have these great muffins so I go every era showers as a lady she's still there there's a lady that sits outside a little short lady she sits outside without like an old coffee cup and she collects a whole Friday so it's already years that I go and I put a dollar she happens to be amazing for sometimes she says to me I'm a Wallace teen she looks so young so she gets five dollars but she says that she picked up she picked up on it already I might you know the five dollar business has to stop she does know you're really getting younger okay finalists so everybody comes put the quarter in put the dollar in put the quarter in put the garland and she sits out there cold warm through the whole year one day I usually come at 11 o'clock one day I came at 8:30 in the morning 8:30 in the morning there's a bya girl a shocker girl whatever in a uniform and she's giving her I'm walking and I see her giving her a chocolate Danish and a tea she likes to drink tea and I'm like I stop I turn around and I walk over to this young 16 17 year old girl I'm like to you I'm never here in the morning do you do this every Arab Shabbos she goes I'm doing it for a while I'm like that's so nice so I'll tell you the truth about a year ago I was watching I was here in the morning and I saw it I put a quarter in because she picked up stuff for her mother and she looked like for some reason she looked very hungry so I went over to her and I said why don't you go across her Jerusalem to get a coffee and some and a Danish and she said because she's a poor person and they have a poor the way they think she said if I get up to get a tea and a Danish you know how many people are going to miss you know many dollars I'm gonna lose so the girl says to her so you don't get up a whole Friday she says no I don't eat total store closes yeah she's fasting from 7 o'clock in the morning until 4 o'clock in the afternoon she's fasting because all the guys like me who think with big set D came right we walk by and we put money in her cup but meanwhile the lady hasn't had anything to eat three o'clock you putting a dollar in a cup she's fasting on a Friday because she thinks she gets up she's gonna lose money so this girl asked me you don't eat a whole day she said no so now every single morning she brings it to eat a Danish and her tea so the girl had the second law the girls saw that the cup is connected to a hand the hand is connected to a person and that person hasn't had anything to eat Wallace teen only show the cup and the cup gets quarters and dollars so I said the cup but I didn't feed the lady I just fed the cup because I only had the first fire I only had the first look and the first look all you see what's in front of you it's the second look there's another story about a first look in a second look I love this story so there's a little boy is a true story little boy in the Shiva and he's talking to himself during recess the kid is talking to himself sometimes in class between subjects he's talking to himself mumbling under his breath finally the Shiva says we need to send it to a therapist he's talking to himself so they call the parents town the parents come down and they listen your child needs help we have to send them to some therapists and they're like what's wrong what is he doing he talks to himself he mumbles and they said you know what that's so interesting he does it at home with his brothers and sisters we see it also we didn't know that he does it in your Shiva we're gonna take him to a therapist so they take this little boy I don't know how old he was maybe 12 years old 11 years old and they take him to this big therapist and he sits down in front of the therapist and the therapist is gonna try to figure out who are you talking to so she asked the little boy I hear that every once in a while you mumble or you talk to yourself maybe you want to share with me who are you talking to he goes no no no no it's a secret she's like yeah I figured that would be the answer maybe you should just show you seek with me I won't tell anyone I promise okay I'll just tell you and listen to this crazy story he said that his Rebbe a few months ago and got up and told a story a beautiful story from a Franken esky that there was a couple that came to her sign we didn't have children for 15 years and they came to have time if I asked the lady what did the doctor say the doctor said she cannot have children she doesn't have what it takes to have children she cannot have children so if time said listen I can give you a bra so the husband said no I don't want a bra so I want to have talks I want you to promise me that we're going to have children he said I can't give you such a promise it's an eight a miracle is needed here according to the doctors and aints I'm Colin ace I can give you a bra skal but I can't give you half talking but if you wanna have talker which means a promise find someone who was embarrassed in public and didn't answer back just took the embarrassment and didn't say a word if they give you a bra it's a half taco so he came back to his wife and he told his wife and she said she didn't get a taco from oak I am you failed us the end of the day you didn't get it Oh some woman's a person back stories she goes to a wedding of neighbour ox the true story she goes to a wedding in Iraq and the husband and wife of the month the father and mother of the girl were divorced and it was a very bad divorce and the mother was not invited to own daughter's wedding but she decided she's gonna go anyway so she walks into the wedding hall because she wants to dance with her daughter and her ex mother-in-law is standing there and she starts to scream at her in front of everybody how dare you come to my granddaughter's wedding you destroyed this family what you did to my son I don't forgive you get out of here you're not dancing with my granddaughter and Mohnish threw out in front of the whole brave rock before all the people are at the wedding this poor lady and she mom is crying and running out of the wedding hall and everyone's what this woman mom is the ex mother-in-law ripped sir in front of everyone and this lady who has no children is standing there I was just like oh my gosh she was just embarrassed in public she didn't answer she turned around and ran out she thoughts running after her this lady was running thinks someone from the party is running after she's running even faster finally she catches up what do you want from me she says listen you were just embarrassed it was not normal how you were just embarrassed and you didn't say one word I'm childless I don't have children for 15 years but I am said that if you give me a maraca a promise your promise will come true me I'm a nobody I couldn't even come to my own grand my own daughter's wedding just give me the brothel she's okay what's your name did that what's your husband's name than that okay next year at this time bris okay you happy bite she gets pregnant she gives birth to a boy sighing hey Nevsky is the sondik and he says over the story of the power of someone that gets embarrassed and doesn't answer can do miracles where the normal natural way won't work but can do miracles and that's what the Rebbe told the class this little boy when the Rebbe would say the names of the ten names that they used to say she Ramallah swore that was sick right so he would say ten names the kids would all say because kids feel is very big the kids would say the Torah and then the Rebbe would say the ten names this little boy memorized the ten six people and every time another kid in the class during recess would embarrass him he would say the ten names underneath his breath because he was being embarrassed and he wasn't answering so he would say all ten names of the people that was sick and he would say Hashem just like you did it for that lady you have to do it for me I didn't answer her back and that's what he was mumbling everybody and when he was at home and his his sisters and brothers would make me fun of him that's when he was mumbling Samba Masha who they've been liebe he will say all the names of the people that were sick at first look you have a kid that's a maniac what are your mumble you're talking to yourself there's something wrong with you you need a therapist at second look you're looking at a Sadiq 11 year old boy that's such a Sadiq that he's mumbling and he's not answering back somebody the people who need his name if you do the second look you will see a new world you will see things that you never dreamt of if you look in the mirror and you just see yourself looking back at yourself you may not be so happy with what you see and I don't mean physically but if you take a second look and you focus on your accomplishments and what you did that day between you and Hashem and what you did that day between you and other people you realize that you accomplished that day and the more accomplished you feel the more you will accomplish the more depressed you feel the less of a person or less that you're going to do a person when it comes to yourself you have to take the second look not just on the surface I'm a loser I'm a failure this didn't work that didn't work you have to take the second look I just spoke to very sad very very sad 250 girls over the age of 40 who are not married very sad it's 44 or 46 froze their eggs 48 don't ask well what am I supposed to tell them I got mad I was 19 my wife of 17 is only girl I ever knew what I'm going to tell these girls who are dating their whole life and now the people that are left for them to date they're like right well see I don't know maybe they can do something on Mars I think I do better and they're depressed and they need to freeze their eggs and it's a whole it's not normal and they asked me to come speak to them like what am i what what am I gonna tell them do you know what I told them I said at first look it's tragic tragic poor yeah wish I wish I could get each one of you will be too married at 20 and you ready being grandmothers I don't run the world so the first look it's tragic I said let me tell you what's second look girls you're single and I don't know why you're single and make sure we're gonna get married but while you're single there's so much you could do that married women cannot you can volunteer for hi lifeline and sleep overnight in a hospital with a kid who has cancer so his mother could go home my wife can't she's got kids take care of there's so much you can do that you're single then a married woman with children and a family cannot do so with the second look focus not on what you can't do because right now for whatever reason it's not happening it'll happen but until it happens don't sit there depressed you're single because you're single you can take sick people by car you can go do weekends and res Habs there's so much you can do that other people can't do focus on the second look in the mirror not the first look not at what I don't have but what I do have because the more you focus on what you do have the more you're gonna have the more you focus on what you don't have the less you're gonna have that's what your focus needs to be each one of us is that tell them a little Kim and I'm gonna finish with this what does it mean what does it mean that I'm going to tell him alo Kim I'll tell him is a shadow comes from the word sale a shadow can only take the shape of what it's shadowing if you have a round ball you can't get a square shadow if you have a square board you can't get a round shadow I'm sure you've walked in the street you saw your arms long your arms little but you're gonna see two arms and two feet and a stomach and a head if you don't see that something's wrong maybe you're an angel angels don't have shadows so what does that mean who in this room thinks you look like God don't answer but honestly who in this room thinks you look like God what does it mean that we are created in the tell'em of elokim for the shadow of God what part of me shadows God and the answer is that there's one thing about God that everyone in this room has some people say I said never discuss it and Hess is not a shadow of God it's a meter of God the shadow of God everybody is shema israel hashem elokenu hashem o'clock listen you saw Hashem is God of Shem is one shema israel hashem elokenu mark a HUD there's only one marks are Gelman they're never right you're not no comments there never will be another one there never was another one and even in gilgul Maj Trevor Boehner was a gilgul of Hevel but he wasn't Havel in gilgul you come back with a piece of someone else but you and that combination has never been here before says Rabbi Akiva God made a school of fish and a herd of animals when it came to human beings each one of us in this room is the only one that will ever be and that is godliness godliness is not being a duplicate being an original I never understood people get crazy about arts the girl I went to speak in Manhattan in high school and they pushed me off a day because they went to the MoMA they went to the Museum of Art and they came back and I was here the next day and I asked them sell girls what did you think and they're very culture girls you're like it was amazing but you don't go you can't go huh nor does a lot of nudes you have a wealthy now you can't go there there's all kinds of naked women all over the walls I'm like oh you could go but I can't go that's beautiful you know that's culture that's culture that's beauty that's art even though Hashem said the opposite is art under macabre wearing dress - M made them clothing and dress them so it seems to be that God for beauty is being dressed not being undressed no right woloson you can't go I'm right okay so one goes in no no it's not just that right whomp scene there was a painting in the MoMA of a farm and a field and and the artist in the lake is the reflection of the Sun and the stars it's like she said it's like you can't understand until unless you see it oh my really you got so excited over a duplicate so no no it's an original art I did that that bit by this guy might it's a duplicate had the artist draw it they went outside and they stood by a barn and they painted the barn and the water in the sky Hashem created all that how come nobody ever gets excited oh my gosh a tree a reflection in the way a Calabar he's the original painting yeah we get excited the duplicate some guy painted what I said created they're like oh and every foot of that says that shame you came up came the bottom of every painting on the bottom of every single person and your fingers and the swirls and your fingers it says your cave of K each one of us is different than the other one each one of us is God's masterpiece there are no duplicates so it's really like Eva you want to know love love is that God created billions of human beings and he gave each one of them individuality he gave them godliness is only one of them they'll never be another one of them that's who we all are you look in the mirror there's only one of me I'm godly you and I could do I could change the world for one child for one person for my wife or my kids for myself Heba you sailor ship tells us you are wrong 'no oneness is a human being why do we keep trying to duplicate each other are godless our greatness is that we're not a duplicate and all i want to be is like the Joneses i want to have her car i want to have her address i want to have her money i want to have her power we're so busy trying to duplicate when the greatest thing we have is that we're all in original it's gonna take two minutes to get this at the end but you're gonna get it so there's you got to end on a happy note it's a happy note but happy no mark likes jokes you saw he told a good joke to open up well I'm gonna tell a better one to close so there's a drunk and every night he goes to the bar and his wife finally got sick of him getting up in the middle of the night and going to the bar and she tells him if you go one more time to the bar I'm telling you the next morning I'm throwing you out of the house and we're getting divorced I'm done what you're drinking no no I promised Hilda I'll never drink again I'm done I hear you you're right for sure that night one o'clock he needs a drink and he's a drink he sneaks down the steps he goes out the back door he goes to the same bar and he starts drinking he starts drinking he realizes oh oh I'm about to get thrown out of the house so he comes back quietly closes the door she's fast asleep what am I gonna do I smell some liquor so he goes into the kitchen and he fix it fills up a pitcher of water and he feels he's gonna drink water a whole night right he's gonna go to the bathroom was gonna get it out of his system she'll never know that he got drunk and he's going up the stairs and he's he's really drunk and he's got this picture and he falls flat on his face and the pitcher explodes in the glass goes flying all the pieces go flying into his face he's bleeding from all over the place he's like oh my gosh what am I gonna do now oh it's perfect I'll tell her you see I went downstairs instead of going to the bar I went together another thing of water look what happened perfect but he's bleeding so he runs into the bathroom that old man I better have band-aids and he opens up he's got a box of 50 band-aids and he looks into the mirror he goes oh my gosh here here there and he's putting on band-aids band-aids band-aids and he sneaks into the bed and he pulls over the blanket good we're good I'll tell her in the morning I was going with water and broke my fate she'll never catch me seven o'clock in the morning she pulled off his blanket get out of bed get out of my house you drunk you went to the bar no no custard something on my mother's grave my father's grave country shot my never went to the bar there's a whole story to understand what to get water and a broad look at my face oh my gosh because I listen to you look what happened to me you didn't drink you go to the bar no my mother's great no she says your mother's coming out of her grave you're a liar you're a drunk you went to the bar now admit it you're a girl about my promise really really okay get up gets out of his bed get it to the bathroom gets into the bathroom she points to the mirror she says if you weren't drunk why are they 50 band-aids on the mirror takes a little moral of the story is stop putting band-aids on the reflection stop trying to fix your position in society your position amongst everybody else you don't compare to anyone else you are a hood you are one there's only one of you make it happen change itself change the world every single person in this room can change the world I was dealing with never for girl who was suicidal she tried to kill herself she was in a psych ward and I went to talk to her and she couldn't get out of the psych ward because usually they only hold you for seven to ten days she was there for a month because she kept telling them that the minute she gets out she's killing herself so there was no exit plan without an exit plan they don't let you out so I got involved and I went to Cornell psych ward and I sat down with this girl and it's very interesting because she was a leadership girl and what the therapist over there were not Jewish they couldn't understand what she was saying what she would say she said to me I said why why this suicide thing very nice kid she said well I was sexually abused and because I was sexually abused I am never going to get married and if I never get married I'm never gonna have children and I was taught that the only reason a woman comes into this world in creates a woman is to have children and being that I'm not gonna have children Hashem I should die and another girl should come that's gonna have children that was her that was it that was her hustler and that was it so I said I want to tell your story I said let me ask you something if we're both on Avenue J in Brooklyn and then we're walking me and you and there's a lady walking on the other side of J and she's pushing a carriage with a little three-year-old and she doesn't realize because she's on her cell phone that the three-year-old let go of the carriage and ran into the middle of Avenue J and the the bus the Avenue J bus is bearing down on this little kid and you have a second to pull this kid away from the bus I said to her who's pulling the kid away from the bus me or you she said I don't know I said I know see me I want to live I got kids grandchildren I want to live so it's gonna be an extra second I'm gonna think can I make it can I not make it I don't know if I'm gonna be able to make it I probably won't be able to make it and the kids hit already by then you say you you didn't want to live you're gonna run it through the middle of the street to save the kid cuz you don't really care if the musket you yeah that's right I definitely would go I don't care I'm like Shh you willing to save a kid faster than I am you got what to do in this world kids you're not gonna have kids you are gonna have kids well buck Hashem she went for help and she's in a much better place but at that point I said you're not gonna have kids you are gonna have kids you are gonna get married I'm not even talking about that I said but you're a pedestrian saver because you would pull that kid out way before I would everybody has potential to save someone to save themselves to tell the children that they love them to tell husband and wife that they love them every morning every second every Brussel that you make to a sham Mark's mother is in Idaho and she's been there for 19 years and the question is why we sad when someone dies really when you go to be Manasa Melba what do you tell the people who are sitting Shiva you tell them Baca sham she's in a better place she think I need Dan she's next to Hashem she's bi so rifka rocof Alea we're stuck in this sewer over here but she's in a much better place so if you really mean that and they really believe you why are they sitting on the floor if my parents got caught in a snowstorm in New York and I got him on the last JetBlue to Miami and they just called me that it's 85 degrees and my father's at the pool am I gonna sit on the floor ripped my jacket so if we really believe that the people who pass away I mean guy named Dan by Hashem Hashem by the amorous and the otherwise what are you so sad about why are we sitting on the floor ripping out clothing crying there in Miami and the answer is that as great of the next world is I've robbed it's a Yakko the sheena one second of life in this world is greater says the Mishnah one second of life in this world of doing good deeds and praying is greater than the whole infinity of the next world life is potential that's why we have a birthday we celebrate a year of potential life is time time is potential that's why it's called the present for it's the greatest president that there is so when someone passes away their potential is over and that's tragedy the greatest tragedy when there's no longer any potential greater than the whole Olam haba but a mark case his mother's potential is not over for every single year there's a shear in her memory and that Shearer is a FedEx that sent to her tonight if one person in this room changes their life goes home and tells their children I may not have told you this and I'm sorry that I haven't but no matter what our relationship is I may not love the things you've done but I've always loved you one person goes home and tells their child how proud you are of them or tell your wife or tells your husband what tells your grandchild how special and precious they are then that's a FedEx that you're sending to the next world and that means that marks mother's potential is continuing and therefore there's no reason for tragedy here just the opposite we dollar for the almond on a yard site and we give food and we make a look I am and we say look I am to life life is potential and I broke up to everyone in this room with God should give you lots of life and lots of time and i refresh the oven bhushanam and there's some people in here thinking rubber Wollaston it's not fear it's not fear my parents never said to me that they love me my wife never said it my husband never said it it's not fear to get up there and tell us to do this I cannot fix what your life was with your parents but I can fix what your life will be with your children and today more than ever because there were children are going through and they're going through hell and there is no elbows they're going through Gehenna from so many different points I love you and a hug and a kiss I tell everybody I have ADHD I have a DD I have everybody has different letters today I heard a new level a new a new diagnosis new diagnosis is called s B s you ever hear that spoiled brat syndrome but the one thing that covers I'm telling you from 40 years of a Rebbe 40 years believe it or not you're supposed to say you don't even look like you're 30 I only got that in LA for some reason 40 years as a Rebbe I can tell you but the kids that make it are the kids that knew their parents love them and it's not good enough to say he knows she knows the love the extra love they die slow let them know how you feel thank you very much [Applause] [Music] [Applause]