The Space Between: Letting Go, Trusting, and Simply Being #177

Welcome everyone. Welcome to another Wednesday night, the fundamentals to gain inner of peace with your host coach Man Bernfeld. The space between letting go, trusting, and simply being. I wonder what comes up when you hear these concepts. These are things that we've been talking not for a while, past few weeks, discussing letting go. We need some elements of trust and simply being. You know, it's not always the way we want, but how we can be okay in the moment with everything going on. So, just to see where you are, what's going on, how was your week, taking some time to reflect, some time off, or maybe not to reflect, just to be. You might not want to reflect, and that's okay. So, we've we've spent the past few weeks exploring what we're holding on to control, approval, or security. These three wants, the three things that we're holding on to the needs. and the fear of letting go. The fear of letting go of control, letting go of approval of of needing that approval. So tonight we're going to be sitting a little bit understanding it more you know some scenarios to see what comes up and to see what what is it that I'm holding on to go a little bit slower to create that space where you can pause take a deep breath and where you can connect to the body and the heart to see what's going on. What's really going on? What's behind all of this? What's behind the feeling just to sit with it? Let's spend a few minutes. Like we always say, if you're in a rush, if you're running, if you're on the rat race and you can't stop, then it's hard to connect to these concepts. Very hard to really tap into what am I feeling, what's coming up, my thoughts. really get to the feeling of the body where and how. But once we learn to slow down to be, we can eventually become aware of interesting things, things that we've never been aware of. And that's what we're looking for. might not like it in, you know, in the beginning, but that's the secret. That's what we want. We want to become aware of what's going on. What's controlling me? Why am I this way? Why can't I stop? Why am I running? What am I running from? Usually, it comes up when you slow down. That's why it's hard to slow down. So, let's do that. Let's slow down. So, let's get grounded. And let's do a short stillness practice to be still just to be to sit. Okay. So here we are. I don't know where you are. Just become aware of where you are. Take a deep breath. Very good. Hopefully you're in a comfortable place and a safe place and just be aware of what you're feeling and just welcome the moment now. Welcome. Welcome the now. Deep breath. And notice notice your breath. Is it shallow or is it taking a deep breath or not? Maybe too hard. That's it. Just being here in the moment. Sense. What's here emotionally? Any emotions or maybe nothing? You can sense that too. And ask yourself, could I just allow this feeling? Just allow it to be. Could I let it go? Any feeling that comes up, welcome it. Could I allow the feeling to be? Can I embrace the feeling? Let it be there. And then could I let it go? Could be. You could, could be, you can't. That's okay. And come back to your breath. And let's just sit here for 60 seconds and just notice if anything comes up, thoughts, emotions, sensations. Just notice. Beautiful. Nothing needs to change. Just to notice. You might be in a good place or maybe not. It's just allowing whatever is to be and not fighting it, not pushing it away, not trying to change it, welcoming whatever is, feeling it, allowing it to be, and then we can ask, can I let this go? But it's only after you allow it to be. If you see yourself running to can I let this go very fast, you might have to go back to just allow it to be. We've been fighting for who knows how long and now we allow it to be. No more fighting. Okay. So you can share in the in the chat if anything came up and seeing what what's that want. Is it a want of control, approval, or security? What's behind that emotion? What is it that you want or you don't have? So that's why you feel the way you feel. And again for beginners it might take time to see what it is. Some of us have a default the one want that we go we always go to it over and over. We're always going for that security. I want to feel secure. I want to have clarity. I want to know. But for many they we have all three. Sometimes it's control, approval, security. So it's good to ask yourself, you know, by every emotion, what am I wanting right now? What is that want? And only after becoming aware of the wants and becoming aware of what's controlling what's making me feel the way I feel, then we can go to the letting go to the Sedona method to asking the questions of can I let go of that want? But, you know, many times, you know, I'm sitting and and trying to figure myself out and I sometimes get to a place where I think it's just not possible. What do you mean I should let it go? This is if this is what I, you know, this is what I want. I shouldn't want it. I hear, but now I want it. Let it go. So, we'll see. Again, everybody in their own uh experience, but but the the idea is to become aware of what what's the want behind the emotion. Is it a want of control, approval, or want of security? You want to feel secure? You want to have clarity? You want to know? And then once we know what the want is and how it makes us feel then we can go to a place and ask can I let it go would I let it go if I could when but again only after we become aware so tonight we're going to go through some scenarios. So let me just see if you can share in the chat anything came up want of security a good job financial security feeling understood. Very good. So those are those are the wants that we have and if we don't have it we start feeling the emotions that come up. So let's spend a moment and think. Imagine you send somebody a message, maybe a friend, someone you respect, and they don't respond. And especially today if you have the blue checks and you see they read it. What's that feeling? You start checking your phone every few minutes. Maybe maybe did I say something wrong? You start thinking where does the thoughts take you? Should I send the follow-up text? Should I apologize? It's interesting to see what comes up. All of those thoughts and all those feelings. So, just what comes up for you. Let me know in the chat. That's right. Being ignored. Imagine being ignored. What is it? But what's behind that ignore? Somebody ignores you. They will respond another day. Wow. Those are for the, you know, today's days. You can't wait for tomorrow. It has to be like now. And if they don't h of the flood of who knows what comes up. So what happens when they don't respond? So is it wanting approval? Do I want them to like me, validate me? I hope they think I'm okay. They think something's wrong with me. or maybe wanting control to control them what they think about me or I want to control them. They should respond right away. Or maybe security. Do I feel unsafe not knowing where I stand with them? I don't know what they're thinking. I feel so unsafe. I don't know what to think. I don't know what to feel. So that's approval, control or security. So what comes up for you? Let's let's sit there for a moment and just happen to yourself imagining sending that message, an important message, something that you feel they would want to see and they would respond right away, but they're not. Take a deep breath and just become aware of what comes up. not being heard. Feeling abandoned. That's right. I need them to validate me. Beautiful. Okay, you can write write it down just for yourself to see those feelings. And again, if for beginners, it takes time to see what it is. Here's another another story. You have your day planned out. There's your calendar, events, everything is there's enough time and you look at it and you have it clear. You know the way this is how it should be. This is how you want it to be. Amazing. Beautiful. And what happens the last minute? Someone changes the plan. cancellations, people show up late, switching stuff around. Just sit, just see it. I'm sure it happens. It has happened in the past. And what comes up? What's that feeling? They, you know, they didn't even let you know. It's not the first time. Just become aware what happened to your day. What comes up? What comes up? You might be used to it when it happens. Often we're like, "Okay, this is what happens." But let's see what comes up. What do you feel? What's if I feel all three at once? Beautiful. I would want you to take one at a time just to to listen to one at a time. You know, the approval, security, just one at a time to see what it is. You could have more than one. Disappointment. You can't control it. Very good. So what's that? What's the need? Control. I want the control. Do I want the approval? Do I want security? And when this happens, there is no security. I get overwhelmed. So what is it? Okay, here's another another scenario. You find out that some people that you know and maybe some friends get together and they did not include you. Or maybe there was a conversation that they're working something out and you're not part of it. Maybe a decision that they decided and you weren't part of it. And usually you are. You're part of that that group. What's going on? Take a deep breath. Just sit there. You might have a story that's comes up. might have happened or just imagine it happening and what's that feeling? Just see the feeling. Where do you feel it? Name it. Are you craving approval? Security in your relationship which is falling away. I thought I'm secure. What's going on? Or maybe they perceive you different than you think. Maybe you want to control that. You want to make sure they know who you are or the way you look at yourself, the way you thought they do. So what's the want? Control, approval, or security? You just sit there and see the emotion. And then what's behind the emotion? Why do I feel this way? Do I want to control the situation? Do I want approval? They should approve or is it control? Want to be able to feel the control to be to be there or two or three. And what happens to you the rest of your day? This can bring down the spirit of my day. Yes. Yes. If we become aware of that feeling, then eventually we'll be able to let it go. Again, we can make up stories and just see the thoughts that we make up. That's also very to become aware of what comes up in my mind when things happen out there. becoming aware of the feelings, of the wants, control, approval, security, and then eventually we can learn how to allow it and then let it go. Okay, one more. You make a mistake in front of other people that takes it to the next level. Some people have just making a mistake. You know, the way they judge themselves, but now imagine it's in public. You send the wrong email. You say the wrong thing in front of people. You feel vulnerable. You feel exposed. What's that emotion? What's that feeling? Shame, fear, or regret? What's behind that emotion? Is it approval? I want others to approve. Do I want to control? I wish this wouldn't happen. Oh, what can I do about this? Or what are they going to think about me? That's approval. What might happen next? So, that could be security. Just now you feel you're in a space of the earth opened up under your foot and you're just falling in. You don't feel stability. You don't have the security. So what comes up? Okay. Okay. So, you have all of these things and I'm sure there are things that come up. Just seeing the emotion, seeing the feeling, allowing the feeling to be and then going a little bit deeper. What's that want that that's bringing this emotion? And once we become aware of the feeling of the want, we can take it to the next level of asking Can I can I allow it to be? Take a deep breath and just be aware. And once we allow it to be, we can slowly ask, can I let this go? And I say slowly because if you you're running, that means that could mean that you're not ready. You just want to push away the feeling. But step number one is always to feel. Be aware. Yes. We don't like the feeling until now. I I want to push it away. I want to deny it. I want to run. But now I'm learning to allow it. It's a feeling. It's an emotion. Nothing is going to happen. And then what's behind it? What's that want behind it? And then we can ask ourselves, can I let this go? Can I let this control this thing that I'm holding on to? Whether it's control or feeling secure or to feel approve. I need them to approve. You're holding on so tight. Can't let it go. What's if we let it go? Just take a deep breath and open your hands. What's going to happen? I'm going to fall. [Music] Okay. So now let's get back to that moment, the moment we started with and just being aware of where where am I going through these scenarios. What came up coming back to the moment to the here into the now. Take a deep breath. Just be aware of what came up emotionally and allow allow the emotions to be and ask yourself can I let this go? Would I let it go when? Beautiful. And last week we started discussing many people feel if I let these needs go, if I let the wants go, if I would let all of my ambitions and my excitement and all of these things that I'm my goals that I'm working on, if I let them go, I'm not going to do anything. So, we started talking about that last week. We discussed it's not letting go of the goals. not letting go your ambitions, your your your power, but it's coming from a place of of a positive place of growing from a place not because I feel not enough. It's coming from a place where every day we're here and we're building, which is amazing, but only if I can look back and see I have so much in my basket. I feel so grateful. I'm in a good place. I love the space where I am. I know it's not easy, but you know, if you can't find anything and you're always looking forward because maybe tomorrow is going to be a better day than tomorrow and tomorrow, tomorrow, you're never going to get there because we never live in the tomorrow. We always live in the today, in the now. So, start finding in the now. And uh we're going to continue discussing that concept of if I let go and like I mentioned sometimes I feel it's just not possible to let go. Well I shouldn't control I shouldn't know I shouldn't what do you mean then what what should I do then? But it's the same concept. It's yes I understand you want that control but as of now you don't have it and what's coming up is the emotion. It's the emotion that we're letting go. emotion that emotion doesn't help us much. All it does is pulls us down. And you can see from your own story when these things happen and you feel you you have a lack of approval, a lack of control, a lack of security, you just have such a hard time moving forward. That's because of the emotion. So, we're learning to let go of the emotion, not of the power, not of the ambitions. Okay. Beautiful. So that's a few minutes of not learning anything new, just being in the moment. And there's always something new that comes up. So we'll have two minutes for questions. And let's see, you can share in the chat if anything came up, anything that's blocking you, not allowing to let go. I feel all three. I have it at work. Thank you very much. Much appreciated. Topic was on target for me. You're very welcome. And I think this is always on target because this is what happens every day to all of us. Some more, some less. Just becoming aware of what's going on. Is it control if you are fighting someone else trying to control you? What do you think? It sounds like, it feels like, or maybe you want security, but uh could be it's control. But again, that's why you want to be kind of aware of what it is. Do I want the control, the secure? Amazing. Okay. Thank you. Thank yourself for taking some time off for yourself. Time that you deserve, time that's needed for everyone. a little bit of self-care. And like I mentioned, I hope the next time you take some time is not going to be next week Wednesday nights. Every day for a few minutes, make yourself warm tea or maybe a iced coffee, whatever works for you and be there a few minutes with yourself. You deserve it. Have a good night, a good week, and I'll see you next week. Thank you very much.