The Torah’s Final Portion Exposes What’s Missing in Your Relationship

okay friends The Story begins and we dive into the Torah portion of PUD this is the last tourah portion of the book of Exodus and what we're going to hopefully walk away with at the end of this discussion is how to become more stable people how do we become more stable in our relationship with God how do we become more uh stable in our relationship with people I I think people crave stability in relationships and I I here's the thing with stability guys stability it it's easy to be stable when life is stable when circumstances go your way it's easy for things to be stable and it's of course I will have stability if that person changes and if this changes and if this happens um yeah right how do we develop internal stability despite our circumstances even when circumstances seem to take us for a ride sometimes God seems to take us for a ride sometimes people seem to take us for a ride and where do we develop that stability we can drive lessons about this from the Mishka on the Tabernacle the Torah portion of PUD goes through the entire basically um what's the word I'm looking for it's like this accounting this is the whole portion is about this accounting of what took place in the construction of the mishkan what was used and I'm going to read the first sentence of the Torah portion I'll trans I'll translate it from Hebrew to English because there's some interesting things that we need to unpack here it says these are the Mish the countings of the mishan Mish the mishkan the Tabernacle of testimony which was counted according to Moses the service of the Levites in the hands ofar the son of the so let's we have a few questions here we need to unpack to really get to this to get to the bottom of this number one why is there an accounting if you read the Torah portion of Tuma which was a couple of weeks ago Hashem tells go Moshe exactly how to construct the mishkan how to construct this home for God if you look in last week's portion vak MOS instructs the Jewish people how to build this how to build the mishkan for God how to build this Sanctuary for God and now we're going to recount what took place it's like those speakers who say what they're going to say then they say it and then they say what they said it's like why are you doing that why all the repetition what is the purpose of this recounting if I may to take this question a little bit further we don't seem to be fans of counting in Judaism usually usually in SCH we don't you know you're looking for a minion say not one not two we don't count people when mosha came to take a census of the Jewish people he didn't count the Jewish people what did he do he collected a half Shuckle coin from each person counted the coins we usually associate counting with uh the the opposite of blessing with curses usually counting is not a good thing our sages tell us that whatever is counted uh lacks blessing because when you count you flaunt when you focus on flaunting your wealth and Counting the money you have you're exposing too much and that creates ion harra when we're flaunting ourselves how do people view US negatively that's I Hara right the evil ey that doesn't attract blessings that attracts negativity usually counting is associated with negativity that's number two number three uh many commentaries do tell us the purpose of this counting I think it's interesting to note that Rashi does not because Rashi is unique among the commentaries because Rashi is considered to be the literal interpretation yet Rashi doesn't give any reason for this counting if you look in some of the commentaries they say the you know what the reason for the counting was it's quite a utilitarian purpose but if look in the OR and many other commentaries why is mosha counting what took place in the construction of the Tabernacle when we had just read about it the Torah is telling us that mosha didn't want to become uh accused the rabbi fundraised all this money and people might challenge his Integrity where is that money going what's it being used for is every penny being used for what you're saying so Moses is transparent Moses is demonstrating transparency to avoid um to avoid negative perspective to avoid cynics to dodge the cynics or Skeptics who are saying Moshe um are you sure that's the value of the Tabernacle is there any leftover funds that you're pocketing God forbid as if mosha would actually do something like that and why would people see that MOSI doing anything like that I don't know and that's a whole discussion for another time I think it's important to note that Rashi does not take that perspective that is a perspective that many commentaries take Rashi does not take that perspective the reason for Rashi for the counting no [Music] reason um but there's a lesson here Rashi is one of the most fascinating commentaries let me digress for moment the reason why Rashi is a fascinating commentary is because he is the most literal interpretation he wrote his interpretation so an adult and as well as someone as young as 5 years old can understand Torah properly in other words theoretically we read the Torah and there's obviously a lot of ambiguity and if you want to be clude in you got to learn talmud you got to learn midash and tamod and midrash are incredibly vast most people can't learn the entire Tam the entire midrash then learn the Torah then apply everything they learned in the midus to the Torah that that that is a crazy crazy task so Rashi extracted from talmud from midash the most literal interpretations the most simplistic interpretations not everything is you know some things are homolytic but masi is considered to be literal and his interpretations are considered to be life messages and perspectives and commentaries derive lessons both from what Rashi says and both from what Rashi does not say which by the way that itself was a great lesson in life you listen to what people are saying listen to what they're not saying right that that's a big deal that's a big deal Rashi does not give an explanation for this Counting what do we see in the donations of the mishkan one thing that you see and this actually connects to the fact that Moses felt the need to demonstrate Integrity what we see was incredibly generous Jewish people very generous in fact the Torah tells us in last week's Torah portion that they were giving so much that they had to be stopped it's like guys enough we can't even spend all this we can't even use all this it's it's just at this point it's just wasteful you don't need to donate anymore people were so generous people were generous with their resources financial resources and possession possessions people were generous with their talent they were incredibly generous in donating themselves their hearts their souls like we said that even you know a the the prime example of this was the the women the ladies who had donated their talents spinning the wool off the animals backs without even having to remove the wool yet which had reasons for but was considered to be a very difficult task the Torah obviously feels that this is worth repeating Jews have been generous Jews have invested Talent Jews have invested their soul and the Torah says God says I want to talk about this and I want to talk about this in detail because this matters um this is especially so by the way because the mishkan the Tabernacle is an atonement for the sin of the golden calf a very opening sentence in this week's Porche mishan this is the accounting of the mishan of the Tabernacle Mish the mishan of testimony and Rashi says why is this a mishan of testimony what is it testifying it's testifying that God forgave the Jewish people for the sin of the golden calf because the instead of using gold and silver and riches to invest in idolatry to invest in things that make us feel good but our fals and harmful and hurtful to our relationships we invest in something that's going to facilitate God's presence in this world that's going to create Eternal meaning and that's an incredible incredible atonement and the way we invested was generously the way we invested was passionately the way we invested was intellectually because we've put our talents in it and God says I want to repeat that I'll have a whole portion dedicated to discussing the things you've done you know when when when I meet couples one of the things I do is get them to talk about the things they've done but the things not that things they've done that have brought them into counseling the things they've done that they wouldn't have done gone to counseling for if they have done more of that does that make sense in other words I'm not going to ask a question like so why are you guys here tell me about the worst part of your life I I want to know what would it look like if you never had felt the need to call me theoretically like how did you meet what was it like before you felt the need to call me and I want them to talk about that in incredible detail because when you talk about good things incredibly in incredible detail you think about it you ruminate you become triggered and you start realizing how much good there is that doesn't mean that the bad isn't true doesn't mean we never sinned with the golden calf but the good is also true and maybe that good maybe that positivity is actually worth living for worth striving for worth fighting for and God is telling us in this message of the Torah I want to count every detail in this mishkan because I want to repeat every detail that is emblematic of our investment in this relationship of our investment in bringing God's presence into this world I want to talk about it more and more and more I don't want to talk about Sin of the golden calf as much as I want to talk about your investment in building a temple and building a home for God um on a uh I want to talk about that more in there's a whole portion dedicated to that the sin of the golden C definitely occupies space in Torah the construction of the Tabernacle though occupies a lot more space several portions and you have an entire portion here at the end culminating the book of Exodus which recounts everything in detail because when we ruminate about the good details in our life that talk about our investment we start thinking that way couple uh a while back I was working with a couple and it it was a second uh meeting I said to them we open up the session with this said guys what's been better since we have met I don't mean to say I understand that there's frustrations I understand that all the problems didn't magically go away despite all of that despite the frustration despite the challenges despite the difficulties and the pain and the hurt and maybe even distrust if you were to notice what's been better what do you think you would come up with so one party starts conveying the other person says nothing so I said how did you keep things from getting worse you did something and this person describes everything he did to invest in the relationship and I started asking questions to pick apart the details because I want to understand what I mean it's not just I want to understand what he had done I want him to understand what he had done because I want him to think about the details and to understand how everything he's doing the details in that relationship is emblematic of his care emblematic of his investment similar to the Jewish people them building the Tabernacle is in detail with investment is emblematic of their investment in this relationship going back to the Tabernacle of testimony that's what we call it the Mish and and again Rashi says based on the midash it was testimony that God had forgiven the Jewish people for the sin of the golden calf it's testimony that God's presence resides with us there's a lot of things in Judaism that we do why is the Tabernacle emblematic of the fact that God resides with us more than something like the tablets I mean tablets didn't last right maybe that means our relationship with God doesn't last but there's other Monumental events the Monumental event that Sinai God Moses giving us the tablets you know we we receive the Torah we carry that Torah with us yet the symbolism that God is with us is the Tabernacle so the commentary sorry isn't it also because of commitment of the people exactly effort that they put in to make it theirs and exactly exactly in other words when God had offered us the Torah it says in in par ISRO that the Jewish people stood at the foot of the mountain but if you look at the Hebrew that that's a translation at the foot of the mountain and it's not a literal translation if you translate it literally it says they stood under the mountain and Rashi translates it as Rashi again as a leral interpretation tells us okay it says at the foot of the mountain but what the Torah means sorry it says Under the Mountain but what the Torah means is at the foot of the mountain but the talmud takes a less literal approach and says that God picked up this mountain held it over our heads and threatened us do you guys want to receive this Torah or not and we're like we'll we'll do it we'll do it um commentaries have different explanations as to what that means the tal is not necessarily being literal and we know from our talwood discussions earlier that sometimes when talmood makes nonh halakic statements um sometimes it's figurative and some commentary say that God seduced us with love if you were to experience the truth of God and face God face to face and he says do you want to accept the Torah will you marry me sure so we were forced into it there's no symbolism of God residing with us because we didn't work for it which is why it didn't last sin of the golden calf happened several weeks later 40 days later but the Tabernacle is something we invested in it was our investment it's something we built and because we built it it's something we did we invested in it it's symbolic of God residing with us when relationships start off as inspirational it's not a bad thing by the way inspiration is good um infatuation right these aren't bad things but are they sustainable is inspiration sustainable is feeling great because of an event sustainable you can't live it's hard to live life that way you you need that you need inspiration you need a yum Kipper where you walk out after yum Kipper and you say the rabby speech was beautiful the service was beautiful it was inspiring and I want to just embrace you you need that inspiration but it's inspiration alone sustainable no you got to build a Suka afterwards after y Ker when you're on fire you got to actually build something and it might be outdoors and it might be uncomfortable and might be hot or might be cold and but you're going to live there anyways you're going to work on this together you're going to build this relationship I was listening to this uh marriage relationship expert he says stop this is brilliant he says people say we should stay married for the kids don't do that work on your relationship got actually build something so we had inspiration at Mount Simon and in order to properly channel that so it's sustainable we built something the Tabernacle and we build that in our own lives as well and when we build something like that in the way God wants us to build it and we ruminate how we had built that we talk about how we had built that that's symbolic and emblematic of God's presence resting with us I want to take us to the next Rashi again if you look back at the text these are the accountings of the Mish the Mish of testimony why' you say that twice these are the countings of the mishon the mishan of testimony just say it once this is the accounting of the mishan of testimony why the mishan the mishan of testimony the sanctuary the sanctuary of testimony it's like saying hi guys I'm Josh Josh zberman no just say hi I'm Josh zberman right this is the sanctuary sanctuary of Tes why is it saying it twice so what does Rashi say it's symbolic of a future historical event two historical events that are unfortunate it's symbolic of the destruction of the two temples the two permanent homes for God in Jerusalem because of our sins this is what Rashi says and it's like we have this whole portion ruminating talking about how beautiful the investment of the Jewish people are and it's like Rashi why would you bring that up now don't talk about that now that was it's like we're on this date with God ruminating about the great times we had it's like why are you mentioning that now why are you mentioning even though it's a future event didn't even happen yet but why are you mentioning our deficiencies it's not relevant now we're trying to talk about the investment that we have what we're building that's symbolic of God forgiving us that symbolic of God being with us no matter the circumstance because we've built this we just we didn't just rely on inspiration and Rashi says it says mishan twice because it's symbolic of the destructions that are to take place doesn't that seem unfair to talk about this now in a little bit out of place and just Rashi is telling us something incredible about the stability of relationships the temples were destroyed physically the physical structure was destroyed the first by the Babylonians the second by the Romans the third to be rebuilt in the coming of Messiah we still go to the Ground Zero to the Western Wall we still go there because the space is Holy the Holiness Remains the structure is gone and Rashi is telling us we've built a relationship and because we've built a relationship and that relationship that we had built has a foundation a spiritual Foundation even though the physical structure may not last in the future the relationship is still going to be there the connection is still going to be there so Rashi is telling us it says mishan twice Sanctuary twice because it's alluding to the Future destructions why talk about destruction Rashi is not talking about destruction he's talking about stability in spite of Destruction because there's going to be even sorry even though there's going to be destruction in the future even though the first temple is only going to last years even though the second temple is going to last only 420 years it's identity as this is the space where God will connect with us is eternal the core of the relationship is eternal and we have that in our relationships where we feel like there's things about the relationship that may not be working but fundamentally at its core there's something to to go back to and because at its core there's something to go back to it's something worth fighting and working on because it's there all along again this is why I tell couples I ask couples the first thing is not what is the problem but how did you meet let's go back to where this all started Rashi is not saying don't get too excited about the inspiration it ain't going to last there's going to be two destructions Rashi is saying in spite of those destructions this is still emblematic and symbolic of God resting with us his divine presence resting with us it's interesting to know by the way that the rambam refers to the temple as the Bim which means the Eternal home for God it's an eternal home for God it's been destroyed why is it an eternal home because sometimes the outer structure gets destroyed but the core the spiritual identity is still there I'll share with you something fascinating you're going to like this it's very much related ysep let's go back to the story of ysep and his brothers fighting they're jealous of him they abduct him throw him in the pit they end up selling him they wanted to kill him they end up selling him right he ends up becoming going to Egypt BEC the vice of Egypt but what they tell his father what they tell Yakov ysep ysep has been devoured ysep is gone and what does Jacob do what does Yakov do he Mourns he Mourns but refuses to become consoled usually when people mourn uh this might be a blessing and a curse but time heals not that people move on but but time does heal time does have this funny way of making unfortunate atrocities in realities a little bit more bearable but for some reason time wasn't healing him and Rashi says Time Heals when something bad actually happened when you think something bad has happened but it didn't actually happen time won't heal you can't mourn something it didn't happen so commentar say well how long have we been mourning the destruction of the temple our building was destroyed 2,000 years ago why isn't time healing us you can't mourn something that never really happened it did happen the the structure got destroyed but its spiritual core is still there couples often are frustrated over the relationship ships and are holding on tight why because they know there's something there worth fighting which is why they're frustrated otherwise time would heal they'd grow apathetic and they' just move on a similar parallel um is the concept of tsha right one level of tsha which we call forgiveness or or repentance or whatever you want right returning to God one level of tsha is forgive me but another level of toua is returning it's going back to that space where problems aren't present or problems don't exist and if we could just have a conversation from that space it's a very different conversation um you know when when I work with couples it's couples are fighting and get get heated but if we could take a moment and get to this space where I'm talking about how they met or talking about the version of each other that they do like the conversation is very different right so so that's essentially same idea to your point that going to a different space than having conversations is much healthier so to talk we could talk about the destruction the building is gone but we could also talk about is despite the building gone there's still something here and talking from that space is incredibly healing incredibly empowering similar to the to the par aduma to the the service of the red heer so when you get to that space then you build from that space onwards and then do you ignore the rest or do you know that it exist you or do you you got to rebuilt so the destruction of the temple happened and you got to rebuild from the beautiful cor Temple is going to be beautiful it's going to be bigger it's going to be it's going to be Holier it's going to be something we've been working on for so long it's going to be something that had been worth investing in so that's my story and I'm sticking to it