☎️ Thu Jan 9 | 9 PM ET | Rabbi Shais Taub LIVE call-in show

all right welcome we are live again for another edition of Soul wordss live or whatever it is that we call this program forget what we officially call [Music] it just yeah messing around here with stuff on my desk okay um got I got a new thing on my desk by the way I don't know if people like pay attention to all the stuff that have on the desk over here but um I'll just share with you a new addition here we this is brand new um a new mug I don't know if you can see it actually um I'm GNA have you know I'm going to get up and walk over and show it to you [Music] shahak and then on the back now I'm back okay so I got my new mug and as you see on the front it says shahak shahak means uh the blessing that we say on a beverage except for wine wine is a different blessing so shahak like the braa that's the blessing you make to thank God for the beverage then on the back is a toast to life to life anyways I made a blessing shahak earlier so I'm not going to make it again now but you could always say this is uh Sprite Zero and tomorrow's a fast day although we fully expect msah to come and cancel the fast and we'll all be celebrating and the fast will turn into a feast but uh I don't know maybe this shows a lack of faith on my part I am prepping for the fast you know that I'm a prepper I am a prepper yeah not a doomsday prepper a fast prepper I'm fast I'm prepping for the fast um so I'm going to show you about my fast prep I got you know I am a 50-year-old Jewish man I have to make that noise when I bend over okay um I got the big I don't know Gatorade didn't pay me anything I'm going to block the brand by the way we are taking um brand deals we're accepting brand deals from corporate sponsors if you would like us to promote your brand and if it fits with our ethos has to be morally um in line with our mission then we will uh we'll plug your brand over here anyways this is a a sports energy drink that starts with a g I don't want to say what it's called cuz they didn't pay me anything at any rate but this electrolytes okay so we're going to drink this for the fast prep up for the fast um yeah also I got these little pills it's called Fast Aid so these are electrolytes I guess that's Superfluous cuz I got this big giant Gatorade um these this pill is these are uh like delayed release pills you take them the night before and then it like you Coast in with it this is a cedam minen cedam minin is uh Lake Tylenol and um this is caffeine caffeine pills we got caffeine pills okay so that's if you're used to drinking coffee every day like I am and you don't want to get a caffeine headache so you do that anyways no free shout outs that is right except for coal save I will mention that I just came from Co Save which is the best cleanest most organized economical friendliest Kosher grocery in the world and um I'm just so blessed that I live five minute drive away from Co safe that's I just you think I'm joking I came from Co save not joking this is not a joke we're not joking look at my co safe bag now you're going to see the unveiling okay so I'm going to admit to you I got one bottle of sports energy drink which shall remain nameless for prepping for the fast to be a fast prepper and then I got another jug of sports energy drink electrolyte infused Sports energy drink to break the fast tomorrow night Friday night I'm going to make kiddish on this actually I shouldn't say that cuz someone's going to actually follow my lead and make kiddish Friday night on Gatorade which you can't do but right after kiddish I'm G to right after Kish hamit I am going to drink oh you you can ask me next week and you can ask me and find out and you will find out that I the first thing that I embibe will be this you can bet your bottom dollar tell you that yeah I do prepare anyways I bought this all at Co safe see the co safe bag yeah I love Co save okay um yeah electrolytes you know you can't come up with these genius ideas like I do unless unless you have the electrolytes you know what the electrolytes are those those are your ions your potassium and iron ions that that's what allows the the the electrical impulses to jump the synapses so um you know to come up with such brilliant ideas on the flaw you got to have your electrolytes yeah anyways L someone's saying in the chat yes l if you would like this there's only one of these um we will give this there's only one so I don't know if it makes it worth less that I drank from it makes it worth more that I drank from it but um for a significant donation to Soul wordss um if you go to um by the way if you donate here it takes me like a month to get the funds because it goes through Google but if you donate at soulwords dorg SL donate then I'll get the money the next day is that clickable or do I have to write the HTTP s colash soulwords dorg SL donate kosher Greetings From Paris you didn't say kosher I I added kosher greetings from par from Paris Bon good evening that's it that's all I know comu how's it going Shas my name I am called Chase there you go that's French okay um how do I pin it someone's saying I should pin it I should pin it how do you pin it I don't know how to pin it and I don't want to waste your guys time hold on oh I just pinned it okay yeah I just pinned it all right so listen here's how it's going to work whoever donates the highest dollar amount not Franks not French Franks or Franks but whoever donates the most US Dollars tonight whatever amount that is you guys are going to is this is going to be like an auction except everybody has to pay you don't just pay if you win the auction everyone has to pay whatever the biggest donation that comes in tonight is you're G to get the shahak L cup we're going to send it to you okay now hold on let me qualify that if you live in the contiguous 48 states okay if you live overseas so to the person who's saying hi from France I'm not shipping this to France okay um but if you live in the contiguous 48 then whoever has the biggest donation tonight we're going to send you this mug L okay all right now I want to talk about something that uh grinds my gears and that's called cyber bullying cyber bullying is a serious problem how do I know that cyber bullying is a serious problem well I don't want to shock you dear viewer but your dear Rabbi talking about me was the victim of cyber bullying recently and I want to talk to you about that um Mandy Herz I don't know your reference I'm sorry that you actually whipped out a pop culture reference that I don't know am I going to sign the cup with like a Sharpie it's black the Cup's black I I don't no I'm not going to sign it I'm not going to sign it by the way I toyed this twice oh let me talk to you about that today I went to kfe kfe has a a Caleb mck kfe is just the best I love kfe kfe has a Kayla mikah and I went there and I toed not going to explain what that means but but I immersed in this ritual Arium the mug and then I rushed off because um in fact some guy came up to me at the C he's like are you Rabbi to I'm like yes he's like oh my goodness I I I wanted to meet you for so long where can I see you I said you can see me at kabad three times a day where I doav in which which kabad I said kabad right here kabad of Cedar Hurst then he jumped in my car and I drove to Min 4:35 M and as I pull up I look at my mug and I saw there was a sticker on the bottom a what do you think of that yeah a little interposition so Thea was not good it didn't count like alsoa didn't didn't amount to anything so I had to go back to Cove which I don't mind I love going to Cove I see my Herz when I go to Cove if I could I would hang out there if they would give me a little stender if they would give me a shender I would hang out there and do ramom every day in CA right in the middle of the produ section I would I'm not joking um so I had to go back to cve a second time and retal the mug but that's the myish that we have to have for okay um so I want to talk to you about cyber bullying now give me a minute here because I'm a oneman show I'm not a oneman show I shouldn't say that that's Cy to that's ungrateful I have a whole support team over here but there are certain aspects of the production C that I'm the only one doing so it's going to take a little bit of time to do this properly so just give me a second here um all right hold on a second um can you hear me while this remember last week we had a problem that while I showed a picture you couldn't hear my voice can someone just let me know that you can hear my voice while the picture is up is up just say yes we can hear you while the picture is up that'll be helpful um so this is not about the cyber bullying can you hear me while the picture's up last last week you couldn't but I spoke to um shamay from 321 motion who set up my studio here and I asked him how to do it so what yes you can hear it thank you okay you came in and he said you can hear it so I just want to share with you a mazov that we are now at 990,000 well actually more than 990,000 followers not not they're not called followers subscribers on YouTube and I just want to tell you something that when I get 100,000 subscribers with hashem's help I'll get a silver plaque from YouTube so could you guys help me out just subscribe subscribe like we say in Chicago vote early vote often okay um if you have multiple accounts go ahead and just subscribe from all of them I'd really appreciate that that would be awesome okay my French is great moku I don't think it's great I thought the French are like renowned for harassing people for not speaking French properly my by the way by the way my French is a joke like really literally the 15 words that I used in French are all the 15 now actually I probably know a little bit more if I like sing Alo I'm going to pluck the night andale right okay so that's a little bit I can sayu 400 Mak it's not Mak from the gamar it's a FR movie what else can I say uh uh AB yeah Jean L gar how's that Nel vag you like it okay that's but that's really the extent of my French and then uh espan okay um all of your eight YouTube channels are subscribed that is awesome cyber bu yeah we're going to talk about the cyber bullying okay fine um yeah so that I wanted to share that one second um media wait how do you do this so I'm going to go to I go to 10 uh what's up image 20 okay just forgive me here okay I'm back I'm back um just give me a second here um uh is this the right one let's see no that's not the right one uh 12 no uh 10 uh yeah okay I want to share with you also some good news that we reached 400,000 followers on Instagram hooray we're at like 403 now 43,000 followers on Instagram that's pretty cool and would you believe that I'm the most followed Rabbi on the entire Instagram I don't believe it either it's pretty crazy and by the way can you tell that I did not take that screenshot cuz it's in dark mode that's the Millennials my kids do that they do the dark mode I can't do dark mode I feel scary can I tell you when I do dark mode I feel like I'm in a room with the dark with the lights off it makes me nervous I'm going to bang my shin on a coffee table okay that's that now you want to talk about cyber bullying I'm going to talk about cyberbullying okay we're going to talk about it let's talk about the good old days okay um one second I'm sorry I wish this were so much more professional but that's what you watch for you watch for the authentic the rawness the authenticity um yeah okay purple one thing with the purple okay no I'm sorry uh bam 12 no 11 uh 10 no hold on a second uh nine no uh 16 yes okay cyber bullying let's talk about it so so I got this comment last week um from Mo 5868 Mo 5868 I got this comment and you see it says six hours ago so I saw it in the morning um after the show or maybe like 4 in the morning whatever it was what's up with the singing can you guys read it by the way is it too small for you to read it or can you see it um on your screen I wish I could zoom in I I don't have that capacity okay but you know what I can do I can like slow fade in between me and the see it's like a ghost don't be scared it's not really a ghost okay so what's up with the singing you're a smart guy you must know it's horrible I'm genuinely curious cracking up emoji why not stick to what you're good at dot dot dot dot that's the most passive aggressive punctuation because it's more than a period but it's not quite an ellipsis it's like I won't even give you the extra dot because I'm like too lazy to do it I'm just showing you how little I care about you this guy's a genius of cyber bullying I tell you he's got it down to the nuances of the typographical errors okay so how how do you guys feel about that that cyber bullying okay that's pretty rough this guy first of all he gives me the backhanded compliment you're a smart guy you're a smart guy meaning like he's complimenting me kilu as if he's complimenting me but he's using the compliment to stick the knife and twist it more to say you should know better you're a smart guy you should know better that you're singing is horrible and he called it horrible that was the word that he used he called it horrible by the way I have a brand new thesaurus and it's it's not very good not only is it horrible it's horrible it's not a very good thesaurus that's why I didn't have extra synonyms okay um at any rate let's let's continue this Saga so this guy writes what's up with the singing it's horrible blah blah so John ww or WWE says dude and I like it that he addressed him as dude because it's a little bit like know your place sit down young man he says dude if you don't like the singing maybe the show isn't for you I agree with that Rabbi tab does what he does I love my I was gonna say fans but I'm not a celebrity I don't have fans I love my friends you guys are my friends you're all my friends all right Rabbi tab does what he does and if you can't appreciate him sharing a moment with his son my son was singing with me last week and I like that too like put he made the he like pulled a little bit of the emotional trump card there like a father and a son singing together like how you going to put that down if you can't appreciate him sharing a moment with his son then stick to what you're good at complain stick to what you're good at complaining you heard that okay I thought that was galic that was galic stick to what you're good at complaining okay then it continues look the singing may not be your jam I like that that was colloquial it was like kind of cool like like jazz cat slang the singing may not be your jam but it's a big part of Jewish culture and Rabbi tab style it's cool to see him share that with his son if it's not for you no worries it's kind of like no worries no no skin off my back and that's how you got to treat a cyber bully you got to show me you don't care too much no worries but it's definitely part of what makes the show unique I personally look forward this is from Dallas Smith 195 I personally look forward to the singing every week it's a heartwarming experience and the Highlight the highlight of the show the highlight of the show how you like that not only is he not upset or turned off he waits for it considers it the Highlight or or she could be she okay now let's let's go a little bit further because it continues the saga continues all right let's uh yeah oh I got it on the first try okay look at this now let's look at this look at this look at this okay okay okay okay go to the bottom Mishi David 8297 I know who that is that's my son-in-law and I love him he's my beloved son-in-law I love him like a son and he sticks up for me and he takes care of me and he's my right-hand man in building the soul word's house which you're all going to see is going to be awesome God willing very soon I'm going to talk about that for a second hold on I'm going to just pull this okay God willing the next few weeks we're going to finish construction on the soul word's house it's a half a block from the ill in Queens and it's going to be a place where we're going to be able to first of all we're going to have a full proper uh video studio in the basement the whole basement is going to be a video production facility so we'll start doing the live show and all of my shows over there and we're going to bring out guests and we're going to do a lot more content God willing then the first floor the ground floor is going to be event space where we'll have faans and classes and seminars and it's a half a block from the ill which is is to me the spiritual epicenter of the universe so it's a pretty cool thing and Mishi is my right-hand man on the construction project okay let me pull this up again um so uh Mishi writes please be more thoughtful with your comments and don't say anything you wouldn't say in person quote what if your son is the next Picasso that was a cryptic reference to the parenting course what if your son was the next Picasso but I like that Mishi said don't say anything you wouldn't say in person you know why I liked it because it was very kind Mishi is very kind he's an ishid but it also implied that this cyber bully is uh is a coward he wouldn't say that to my face I think it was Mike Tyson who said that the internet internet has made you guys very comfortable with mouthing off to people and uh not getting punched in the face now I would never punch someone in the face for something that they said to me I don't think I would but I wouldn't just stand there I wouldn't take it no oh you would you'd be taken to task my friend I can assure you that if you've come for a verbal sparring match you will find a most formidable opponent in me okay so that was my cyber bully and here's what I want to say in all seriousness um I actually spoke to a professional Voice coach um who actually recorded some stuff about it and I don't know if he's going to post it later but um one second one second H this ain't working anyways I spoke to uh one just pull up his Instagram tag so I could probably plug his business cuz he's a professional Voice coach and um let me just pull up his Instagram tag properly thank you guys for bearing with me yeah Michael huitt one what is it one two uh two two three I'm sorry Michael huitt with two T's 23 Michael huitt with two T's 23 so I spoke to Michael huitt who's a professional Voice coach and I was like hey this guy said I sing horribly Michael HT said that's not true objectively I could tell you several things that you're doing that are pretty good so no you're not horrible and he says and besides you're not singing to entertain anyone you're singing to express yourself and to bring glory to God that's what he said bring glory to God so this is what I want you want you to know mo what was his name MO Howard what was his name Mo 5868 yeah I am a smart guy he says you're a smart guy you should know you sound horrible I am a smart guy let me tell you something you know why I sing on this show no I don't think I have a professional voice no I don't I don't think that I'm anywhere near a professional voice I don't even think that I'm particularly good but it's definitely not horrible uh and even if it were horrible that's not the point because the reason I sing is because my life experience has taught me that when I diminish my light in order to avoid the possibility of experiencing social rejection that I forfeit for that moment at least my calling in this world now that's a negative statement I want to St state it in the positive statement that the way that I show up from my soul's job in this embodiment is by shining my light and that means by channeling whatever it is that I've got so I know I have certain qualities where I am excellent yeah I know there's certain things that I do really really well better than a lot of other people but you know what that's not the totality of Shas I have other aspects of me where I'm average and then I have other aspects where I'm below average but I'm not going to suppress different aspects of myself in order to avoid facing social rejection because I Fear God not man and what that means is I fear the consequences of not living up to my calling that my maker has instilled in me that is much more scary to me at least now that I'm 50 it's a lot more scary to me than somebody judging me and making fun of me and thinking poorly of me and the reason that I do this is because I want people to watch me and learn from me that they should shine their light so yeah I know I'm going out in a limb it actually from an educational standpoint it makes my it makes my message all the more coherent and clear that I'm not a good singer if I were a good singer you might think that I'm trying to entertain you but that's not why I'm singing I'm not singing to entertain you I'm singing in part in large part to teach you a lesson that what you've got in you you've got to let it shine you got to let it flow don't hold it back for anybody or because of anybody if you're not hurting anyone you're not taking anything from anybody you're just putting stuff out there and you're trying to bring glory to God like Michael huitt 2's two three said then why hold it back why suppress it and you could even argue that it's sinful to suppress it that if there's a potential that you have and you suppress it that that you're robbing God so I don't think I'm a great singer I don't even think I'm an average singer I think I'm a below average singer but this is my voice this is how I sound this is the voice that God gave me and to tell me to not speak or in this case to not sing with the voice that God gave me is like telling me not to show up in public with the face that God gave me do you understand what I'm saying do you understand what I'm saying this is not a joke this is not funny you telling me not to use the voice that God gave me and trying to shame me and and and and invoke self-consciousness which is the dirtiest weapon of all because it's the first it's the first thing that happened to humanity after the sin of the tree of knowledge we gained shame and self-consciousness that's why Adam Adam and Eve became aware of their nakedness so that's deeply embedded in the human psyche from the time of the the the the tree of knowledge so to use that to invoke my self-consciousness and self-awareness and and and and sense of shame in order to make me diminish my light for your comfort um no I will not do that and to tell me to do it is like to tell me you walk down the Fate you walk down the street with that face you're not a model you're not a GQ model why are you walking down the street with that face this is the face God gave me this is the street this is the face that I walked down the street with and this is the voice that God gave me this is the voice that I speak with this is the brain that God gave me these are the ideas that I share and yeah maybe I make myself look a little bit silly by singing cuz I'm not good not great at singing maybe I'm not even good at singing that's fine that's fine dude see I know how to use the word dude passive aggressively as well um I'm trying to teach here and I am a smart guy like you said and I know what teaching is and I know how to teach and one of the things I'm teaching week after week by making a little bit of a fool of myself and we should mention yat is coming and we're going to learn about kadha holy Madness holy silliness by making a little bit of a fool of myself I'm teaching people who are watching me that they should set aside self-consciousness and let their let their light shine and not hold it back for anybody else or because of anybody else how you like that how you like that Sabrina wrote three flame emojis in the chat you know what that means fire okay so that's what I got um I guess we should do calls I could rant like this like I I could do like an Alex Jones thing here I could just rant for hours and just but you're here to he the uh calls so we've got calls okay let's let's do uh the calls y could you put the first caller on the line uh oh hold on I have it muted wa one second okay all right is the first you said all who's the first caller can we get the first caller not hearing anything the first caller is on oh okay hold on all right now I hear it fine got it awesome hi there hello good evening good evening thank you for joining us so what's going on well I am learning so much from listening to you right now it's uh so topical and true for many of us uh as a mom and a teacher uh cyber bullying or just bullying bullying and you know just in person it happens so often but uh there there's so much right there to absorb and understand uh I appreciate you uh talking about that topic it's uh it's a it's a lot it's yeah it's heavy stuff you know it's painful no matter how old you are young young children I teach four year olds uh pre kindergarten but I'm myself you know I'm 51 years old and and it's you know uh words do hurt whether they're printed or said out loud that's right yeah yeah I'm sure that you teach the four-year-olds to use kind words yes we work on that it's a always a work in progress but every day and they are little lights uh the things that come out of their mouths it's funny at times and then other times oh my uh you know oh my goodness but that's it's it's a joy it's fun now so I am uh I'm calling to to speak with you and ask about the embodiment that that really it has struck me uh and I and I've been thinking about it the older I get the more I realize uh I have so much more to learn still and you know in my own personal life with uh my children as a mom uh my one of my sons is 20 and I you know I love all my my children but my 20-year-old he's uh he was diagnosed with ADHD and the psychiatrist said you know just kind of a comment off hand that uh you know one of you one of you you know the parents either mom or dad probably has yeah in all likelihood one of the parents yeah right oh and you were it you were the lucky one with me yeah it was 5050 I you were the lucky winner yes my husband looked at me yes what was your diagnosis yes and yes ADHD I think like the combination and how recently you said you're 51 now so how recently was this like that I was diagnosed maybe a year ago or so so your son got diagnosed at 20 and you got diagnosed at 50 well or your son got diagnosed even earlier he was diagnosed yes and and I just was not not in disbelief but I think it was during the pandemic and so um you know there was a waiting list for psychiatrists and being evaluated and you know uh my my suspicions my life has been it's like you know if you give a mouse a cookie I am a walking talking thinking runon sentence so we guessed it was I guessed it was me but I wanted to be sure but uh but no you're right 5050 no my my husband is steadfast like a rock and yeah so this is a neurodiverse marriage where you have a neurotypical spouse and a neurod Divergent spouse house yes yes and we've been married uh over well over 30 years now and and you know blessed with four children but it's still something I hope we're married for 50 you know uh for you know 30 more years I hope I live to be a hundred and you know that we're married you know many many more years but uh is it's a that's a that's a challenge yes yes yes and my children I hope you know we have many grandchildren but uh it's something I I deal with every day and then also the students uh it comes up the students in my class they're too young and I do not know I'm not that type of a professional of course to diagnose them but I wonder sometimes and you know uh and even previous students because I've taught also middle school or you know other ages that we as teachers we are not of course to diagnose but even if they're not if the student not been evaluated there's just something you you know you just wonder you know whether the parents let you know or not but but yes I'm all over yes all over the place Your Story by the way is a very like 2025 story it's in some ways it's very indicative of the Zeitgeist of the it's a sign of the times meaning to say your son got diagnosed as a teenager you got diagnosed at 50 but that's a very like that's a very common story nowadays where how like how I mean I I'm 50 so you know we're Generation X it's a very interesting demographic and by the way I think half of my Instagram you saw that I have 400,000 followers on Instagram I think 200,000 of those 400,000 are late in life diagnosis gen actors who um just thought they were weird for for a long time and couldn't figure out exactly what it was or what it was called so in a in a lot of ways it's a very common story and and there just two comments I want to make about it one is that it doesn't change the reality to have this diagnosis but knowing that it's a real thing and understanding what it is gives you some just new ways of approaching it doesn't change the reality the reality was even before you the diagnosis but now you're able to sort of navigate it better um and then the other comment I want to make is isn't it amazing that your son is able to find this stuff out at such a young age before marriage for instance like it sounds like you and your husband are happily married sounds I could I feel that energy but you know there certainly are stressors in a neurod diverse couple where you're speaking two different languages and you're running on two different rhythms and imagine if you had had the information 30 years ago before you got married it would have probably made things even smoother at any rate those are the two comments I want to make so what did you want to talk to me about regarding this I guess uh I am I worry or I feel guilty well I feel guilty as a mom uh as a mother that I feel like uh you know I'm the reason my son has to deal with this and with it and then I I do feel guilty as a as a wife and even well guilty guilty sometimes and then not not to sound totally crazy but blessed I do not think this is a superpower I know some people say I it's quirky but that's who I am and I do feel very fortunate where I am teaching now um my director you know she's a kind woman uh you know uh this is the first time I actually and it's pretty recent that I shared it with a you know like a principal director you know boss um you know but I don't want to like burden her or sound I don't know weird it just I don't know it's still kind of it's it's not I don't know it's not something that everybody looks on favorably or or or also some people truly don't believe that it exist or think oh you just you you you TI to video you decided to exctly that's it yes and people say that people say that and and then I'm like no I really I went to a psychiatrist D I'm not going to show you the paperwork or the bill my goodness but yeah yeah it's so no I just I do struggle I guess with Mom Mom guilt and that's as old as time mother mom guilt and just or uh and feeling uh I don't know uh it's so many things and going forward in in my life I do want to be the best mother and um you know wife and teacher and and and and to help not just my family especially my son but or if I can be of service or help others that that struggle and thinking about and the embodiment that really just so strikes me and and sticks in my mind so I I enjoy you know I'm one of the followers on Instagram but still learning and just I'm curious and I want to learn more so okay all right so you're bringing up a few points these are but these are all related points so let me no no it's all it's all good it's is great stuff and I'm sure that many other people are interested in it either because it's interesting or possibly because they're going through the exact same thing okay so let me address a few of these points um regarding the mom guilt I hear you and there's no guilt like Mom guilt like you said it's as old as time I have a parenting course which actually just started this week so um yeah I'm in that mode right now I'm not really liking this lid on the new mug I'm going to take the lid off I'm finishing the diets right and I'm going to switch to uh Gatorade um actually you know what this is too big I it's just going to be too unwieldy I'm opening up the Dr Brown celr and as we mentioned last week Dr Brown cellay is we don't get they're not a brand deal but we get um we don't get any kickbacks from Dr Browns but I just have it here because it's the most iconic culturally Jewish drink so I'm just going to pour some cell right here um here's the thing I'm giving the parenting course right now so I'm in that mode I'm in that mode right now thinking about parents and children and parenting I got to tell you something you use the word embodiment you you spoke about you know your embodiment which is something that I speak about a lot in my videos I speak about the discomfort with embodiment that it's weird for a soul to be in a body um so you're not the only embodied Soul your child is also an embodied soul and when a soul is embodied it's embodied with Infinite Wisdom meaning to say God in His Infinite Wisdom chooses which soul to come to which body at which time under which circumstances born to which mother and which father so you could look at this from a completely secular materialist redu cist view where your son has ADHD because he inherited it from you and or you could look at this in a spiritual way and say God knows what he's doing and he wanted your son's soul to come to the world in this place at this time to grow up in this family to be raised by this mother and it's not a mistake it's not a mistake at all this is what your son's Soul needs he needs to be raised not just by a mother with ADHD but you and everything about you everything that is unique and special and peculiar or I think you use the word quirky about you not someone similar to you but you exactly you precisely you and none other and so there can be no guil guilt about this whatsoever God's timing and decision making and judgment is impeccable there's no reason for Guilt now the other thing I I'll I'll address because you brought it up was um how to communicate this with other people um you mentioned how people are not necessarily always so understanding so here's what I want to put out there for you and anyone else listening for whom this might apply and that is one of the greatest tools in the world just such an awesome tool is self advocating self- advocating self- advocating means to know what your limitations are to know what your needs are and to honestly and fairly communicate with other people about them so that they can have realistic expectations of what it's going to be like to deal with you so for instance I'll give you an example of self- advocating I do not have an ADHD diagnosis but what I can tell you is you know one of the things they say about people with ADHD uh there's two times there's now and there's not now when somebody asks me for an appointment I tell them I don't do appointments you want an appointment call my daughter tyel she runs my office make an appointment with me I don't do appointments there's now and there's not now did I pick up the phone I'm talking to you if I can't talk to you I'm not picking up the phone right there's now and there's not now so um because that's the way my brain works sometimes for instance somebody will ask me um well I'll give you I'll give you a very very specific very specific example so I told you we have the house at the oel which God willing will be opening I hope in a few weeks um one of the reasons I bought a location there I bought a house at that location is because I'm there anyways three four sometimes five times a week meeting with groups and when I meet groups that I don't charge anything I shouldn't say this on YouTube because people are going to hear it and they're going to more people are going to call me about it and I'm already kind of overwhelmed with the requests but I mean some people don't know one of the ways that I bring in money for soul words is through speaking fees so I do charge a pretty hefty honorarium for speaking fees but when I meet a group at the I don't charge for it I I feel that that's part of my schas here in the five towns the in the five towns I don't charge for that um but what I tell people is and this is self- advocating I say to them listen if you paid my speaking fee which is a very Hefty speaking fee part of that money is going to an office whose job is to make sure that I show up they're going to make sure that I book the tickets that I get in the car that I catch the plane that I actually show up at your event but when I come to meet a group at the O and I'm not getting paid so if I'm not getting money I don't have money to spend on the office help to to manage me and get me to your event so I tell people I'm coming to your event but here's what you have to do and I'm and and I tell them and I'm not joking I'm not joking you have to text me the night before to remind me and don't think that I'm not putting it into my calendar I'm putting it into my calendar it doesn't help you have to text me the night before you must make sure that you get a response from me even a thumbs up you have to text me the morning of doesn't matter how early it could be 5 in the morning but you have to text me the morning of and then you have to text me again 30 minutes before to make sure I'm getting in the car if you can do those things then I'm showing up now in some ways it's it seems like like such a primadonna thing so like what what what am I asking somebody to be my personal attendant but then I I thought about it I'm like hold on a second it's perfectly legitimate I'm not forcing them to do this they're asking me to provide a service I'm providing that service for free now we're talking about the terms and conditions I could say give me money I'm I'm no instead I'm saying don't give me money just text me three times and I had to learn that communicating what my needs are and giving somebody the option obviously they have to respect them if they say I you know what that's too weird I'm not doing that um but giving them the option to accommodate so one of the big tools is self- advocating and just being able to communicate here's what's going to work and of course like I said but I'll repeat it accepting if someone will say I'm not interested in that no I don't want to uh adapt to your special needs okay fine no problem I'm not forcing you um I'm just telling you what's going to work and then you know if they're not going to accommodate then I'll tell them then here's what's going to happen now if it's a situation where they say you know what I can't work with a person like you then it's on me I got to be ready to live with those consequences you know person could say well I can't make all those accommodations and in fact I I don't want to work with somebody who requires that kind of different uh treatment and they're entitled and they're perfectly entitled to say they don't want to have a relationship with me whether it's a business relationship or a social relationship that's fine that's fine but at least I was honest and I communicated and I gave both of us the ability to make an informed choice about how we want to relate to each other and was that's I would highly highly uh recommend the tool of self- advocating okay um yeah anyways we have a lot of callers on the line tonight I want to move on you can we move on to the next caller please is that uh is that okay can we get the next caller queued up you I'm not sure who it is but can you make sure that whoever's next is on the next caller is on the show welcome hello is it me I guess it is yeah I hear you if I hear you if you said all if I hear them that means that's it's them right okay great I'm honored okay um all right so I emailed the two questions and I was told that I could present um both because they kind of overlap okay in fact I think that they actually perfectly overlap was um two things that were already discussed on the show one I think it's m sh that you shared cyber bullying story because the the bottom line of the story was if God gave you a a talent or a gift and it's not something that jibes to somebody else it's not their place to extinguish that claim yes um and the other was the a concept of self advocating and I think both connect to my question so here they are Isn't that cool by the way we did not plan this out and yet it's this happened repeatedly on the show where a caller will say you know what come to think of it the last caller and the caller before that sort of perfectly Segways into what I want to talk about we don't plan any of this this is so cool okay so the first thing I spoke about before the caller it's it's it's synchronicity so the first thing I spoke about was cyber bullying and don't let anybody uh extinguish your spark okay the second thing was was the the caller who spoke about or I spoke about with her self- advocating okay now based on that what do you want to tell me okay so not it has nothing to do with fiber bullying per se okay but I'm a young mother of several kids who all have different I would say I don't want to even say diagnoses although that's probably true not like it is true um like they're neither here nor there they're like too mainstream for for special ed classes but too Corky for for the mainstream classes and that's um continuously like been an issue for us one of my kids one of her one of the things that makes her great that's really um one of her strengths but that is also like challenging uh refine I would say is she's very excited and she loves to share her stories and she's very loves to share her answers in school and she's frequently um like interrupting also she's a very much a Justice seeker and she'll you know she's the type of kid she can't stand by either if someone is being made fun of she will say hey that's not fair like she never she never God forbid BEC violent or anything like that but she likes to stand up for what's right so socially awkward with Justice sensitivity okay perfectly normal okay you have been blessed with with a wonderful special child I am so happy for you how old is she did you say how old she is this particular daughter is six but my question is in her ability in her really something I've admired in her since she was able to speak which was very young was her ability to to say not only the truth but also to to be so outgoing and to outen walk over at the bagel store truth y okay so but the problem is she bus heads with the teachers either teachers love her and they love her Paz or they don't get her and that's one of the issues that we've had this year is that she's doing things that she thinks are so good-natured and somehow she's called out on it she like but I was trying to do a mi and I'm very scared also with the interrupting I'm very scared that in refining her will we will um extinguish her flame and God forbid hands in hand with that is like the flame also for Torah and mitzvot she's so excited so he wants to interrupt but if you keep interrupting a girl like that you could easily turn them off yes so I just wanted for everybody who's not um writing this down so socially awkward but super confident outgoing with Justice sensitivity and a truth teller and doesn't recognize social hierarchy write that down I don't even know that she's socially awkward she's not socially awkward I'm not saying socially awkward like she doesn't have friends I'm just saying that you're not talking about the typical six-year-old she's going she like years ahead like she uses you're a Jewish mother you know they say what's the definition of a genius an average student with a Jewish mother a Jewish mother should see by the way yes I don't think that of myself cuz I'm very honest with my children's shortcomings at the same time while I admire their strength I also I'm very proactive about the areas that where they struggle but but but like a true Jewish mother you definitely see the strength in your child and that's a good thing and that's the way that it should be I'm I'm that's the exactly how it should be okay but I want to tell you something this is not a typical little six-year-old okay she's having adult conversations with people in authority and doesn't understand how they are taking it and some of them jfyi are threatened by it usually those are people who very much yes those are usually rigid people who are very into the um the hierarchy the social hierarchy there are certain types of people who love being in Authority because that's what makes them feel safe um and then when there's somebody like your daughter who doesn't recognize that hierarchy and she's like what are you talking about I'm six and you're an adult but let's have an adult conversation together and the adult is freaked out like hold on a second this desk between me and you was supposed to be a buffer to put you in your place where you're supposed to be automatically intimidated by me and she's like I didn't get that memo yeah it's so interesting that you say this because on one of the first days of school specific Al the desk was an issue it's like again I should put the right words in your mouth yeah the my daughter my daughter saw something on the on the teacher's desk that she believed belonged to somebody so she said I'm doing a and she tried to return it out of literally the goodness of her heart and she got a major Tel yeah approached the desk you approached the MB how dare you come to the holy desk right uhuh yeah um and she was so for days she didn't want to go to school she was like I did something nice I tried to do a m to return something we always learn about how I wasn't doing anything I had best intention y yeah but see she was so foolish that she thought that doing a Mitzvah was the right thing she didn't realize that even though it's a Torah observant school that at the end of the day we're more concerned with social hierarchy than we are with God's laws right yeah you s what's up how you got through syst just tell me just tell me okay fine all right yeah what what you I'm Sorry Miss You Came in he was talking to me um you my so yeah the end the end of this question is how do I help her um like Smooth the edges to make it through the system enough and how do I in a way that like she still remains this amazing person who does want to do and does want to speak to adults and does want yeah yeah I don't know how to balance these two things yeah I hear you okay fine so let's talk about this this important stuff um you first of all your question is coming from a really good place like where you're really um recognizing the risk and there's a real risk of crushing a child like this God forbid and it happens all the time and parents loving parents with the best of intentions end up crushing kids like this just because they they don't want the child to be in pain they don't want you know just be normal just be normal just just fit in and they end up extinguishing the light of this special child and it's a tragedy and like I mentioned before about my singing that we can't diminish our light and we have to be exactly the person that Hashem made us as we're not here to be something else or someone else you have to have a talk with her she's a mature girl and she's definitely capable of having an adult conversation you have to have a discussion with her you have to explain to her that she's right she is actually right that for instance she saw the Lost object on the desk and she wanted to do the Mitzvah of returning a lost object it's a Mitzvah it's God's commandment what could be more important than God's commandment and yet the teacher was threatened what are you getting up touching my desk for right well if I have to compare what's more important doing God's commandment or not uh not making somebody uncomfortable for an arbitrary foolish reason I'm sorry there's a lot of judgment dripping from my tone right now and my diction but that's how I that's how I see it um you know if I have to choose between those two of course I would choose what what God wants and and and not choosing what's considered socially appropriate so I I think you need to have a discussion with her and say to there like this you're right you're actually right and the fact that you consider doing the right thing more compelling than doing the socially expedient thing is amazing it's a strength it's an asset because most people aren't that way Mo you have to inform her this she doesn't realize this she doesn't realize this and I don't want her to have a roote Awakening when she someday puts two and two together and finds this out you have a duty to tell her this it's not disillusioning her to tell her it's actually preventing her from becoming disillusioned you have to inform her that most human beings would rather do what is socially expedient than to do what is what is moral most human beings would rather avoid social rejection or even sticking out and looking different than doing the right thing tell her the fact that she has this ability to focus on principles ideals values morals and that that is more real to her than things like social convention that's wonderful that's wonderful however explain to her that you're dealing with people and you can't you can't overwhelm them you can't blow their circuits you have to be respectful of what they can tolerate just like if you're speaking to someone it's not polite to get up in their face and talk two inches from their face you have to give people their space and I'm telling you specifically use that example because I think she'll appreciate it something gives me a hunch with all the other qualities he listed that she also has certain sensory sensitivities so I think she'll definitely understand this example that you know you don't get up in someone's face it's invasive it's encroaching it's it's uncomfortable so tell her there are certain things that socially are getting up in someone's face and therefore even though you're right you're 100% right but when you go out among people that means school or anywhere else you have to keep in mind something that is not intuitive to you and you're going to tell her this tell her you know how there are certain things that you think of that no one else thinks of let her know her strength you know you know there are certain things that intuitively you are aware of that other people are not aware of you know like being sensitive to Justice let's let's say she sees you know Justice where other people are oblivious you say to her on the other side of the same coin there are things that everyone sees then you're you're not seeing and you you have to tell her this there are things that everyone is seeing and you're not seeing them it's your blind spot it's okay honey everyone has a blind spot so you need to keep it in mind because it's not intuitive because it's not your default because it's not natural to you just check in with yourself whenever you're interacting with a person and just think about what's considered the socially appropriate thing and even though even though it's going to be frustrating for you you're going to be like well why do I have to do the socially appropriate thing I'm trying to do the moral thing I'm trying to do the right thing you're right you're right you're right but and I'm going to use a word that we used earlier on tonight's show and that word is embodiment Hashem put your soul in a body and part of being in a body is getting along with others in fact one definition of embodiment is the experience of others because when we're Souls we're all one you don't experience otherness when you're in a body we become separate from each other and that's when we experience otherness our own otherness and the otherness of other people and part of embodiment is learning how to negotiate that reality in a graceful way without losing our light without losing our idealism without losing our higher sense of purpose but you have to you have to explain this to her and explain that this is her Soul's mission in a body is to learn how to deal with these annoying things like social hierarchy and social convention and a lot of other things that make seems silly to her but we do this out of respect to others and that's an important Mitzvah to at the end of the day and in fact some would say the most important Mitzvah in fact I think Hillel said it pretty succinctly in the famous story where the prospective convert came to him and said summarize the entire Torah for me while I'm standing on one foot and he said what is hateful to you do not do to your fellow he formulated the biblical injunction of you have love your fellow as yourself he formulated it in the negative what is hateful to you do not do to your fellow so that's not only also a Mitzvah in some ways that's the biggest Mitzvah like hello said that's the summary of the entire Torah so Hasa is important and daving is important and uh telling the truth is important I know she likes to tell the truth all the all the Mitzvah are important but what is hateful to you do not do it to your fellow and and the thing is like this what is hateful to you do do not do to your fellow doesn't mean only that exact thing that you don't like because that doesn't even make sense I shouldn't do to somebody something that I don't like but I can do something to somebody that they don't like what it means is not the exact same thing but the exact same effect so things that make me uncomfortable may be different than the things that make you uncomfortable but just like I don't want you to do things that make me uncomfortable I shouldn't do things to you that make you uncomfortable anyways I think you're going to have not only a great conversation with your daughter I think you're going to have several great conversations with her and I think she's going to challenge you to really explore this concept in a very deep and meaningful way um yeah Mendy Herz is trying to Rabel Rouse he's trying to he is writing in the comments tell us what you think about the school system let's not okay y who's the next caller can we get the next caller on the line please does it say Miriam hi Miriam welcome do we have our next caller on the line Miriam um is that me I think so yeah r hi Rabbi hi I'm getting I'm getting so so much out of already what has been shared that it's incredible I appreciate you so much thank you and thank you for being here and willing to share um yeah so um I wrote you quiet an email even I was surprised with then that I wrote all that stuff and put it on paper but as I'm listening to you you know what I understand is that what I want to do is God's will because it's so easy to know what is not God's will like I know what is wrong it's easy for me to understand that but I'm not sure what is God's will for me in terms of my spiritual growth and spiritual connection to Hashem um you know I have a situation where you know how that joke goes um like what's your religion um and their person answers it's a jxa what's that my father is a Jew my mom's a shika you heard that joke right no no no I never heard that before well anyway um my mom converted after she had me uh after she gave birth to me so um according to the Jewish religion technically speaking I would not be considered Jewish okay um however when I was a young child I was always told that I was Jewish I was even discriminated against I never knew anything different but my family was not religious it was they were not religious so um I mean it was hard to be religious in the former usar it was hard um so here in America that's where you grew up you know it's I grew up in Ukraine and then I came here when I was 10 years old okay um so basically I am really strong Ling because a part of me wants to be genuinely Jewish like fully in the eyes of Israel and anyone you know what I mean but like um I also feel like well why did God give me this mother and father like you mentioned it in your previous um on the previous caller you know the parents you get there a reason for that right so there's a reason why my mother is my mother and my father is Father ABS that is absolutely correct yes I am right so it's I am in a such a like turmoil inner turmoil that I just like I want to become religious even I want to be more observant but it's hard because I'm not surrounded by people that are observant really you know when you say you're not surrounded by people who are observant I just want to clarify something do you live near a Jewish Community an observant Jewish Community well I mean there are like people here and there but in in like as a whole no I'm not near like there are synagogues here of course but um I wouldn't say it's a huge community and the people that are are they're not like very religious does it exist I mean of course no because I'm just trying to think when you say that you're not surrounded by observant Jews that can mean two different things that can mean that you it could mean that you are let's say someone was just speaking to me today who told me that she has to drive 7 hours to get to synagogue for the high holiday services so could mean you're literally in the middle of a place where there are no Jews and there's no observant Jews or what it could mean is no that no they are here but that's just not who you associate with so they're not it's not it's not your Social Scene okay that's very different that's very different definitely the latter yeah okay so that's very different that's very different meaning to say you could change who you hang out with with yes I think I could but you know um the more observant a person is that's the that's who they hang out with so um it's really hard to get into a community um you know like I like why would I be friends with the htic person right if I'm not in the community and they wouldn't want to be friends with me either I mean if pan I I'm not going to ask you because we're on YouTube so I don't know how like personally how much personal details you want to give but like I I'm temped to ask you where you live it's fine it's fine okay where do you live I live in Brooklyn I live in Brooklyn but not Brooklyn do you know how many observant Jews are in Brooklyn that's where they come from I thought you were telling me I I was trying to figure out where do you live where there's not so many observant Jews there are some but not so many maybe you're like in the like in Florida but not in South Florida maybe you're like in like the upper part of Florida I was trying to figure like where are you you're in Brooklyn you yeah listen very funny okay if you wanted to immerse yourself and by the way not only are there observant Jews in Brooklyn but there's every level there's literally every flavor every stripe you could easily find a community where you could start hanging out and surrounding yourself with very like-minded people who would be open to you and finding out if you're really meant to take this journey to a proper H conversion which is clearly something you're considering and I think that you owe it to yourself to find out one way or another whether that's the direction need to go well how do you is so what you're saying is you're suggesting to immerse myself within a community to better understand if I want to do this yeah but I want to know see I don't want my will I don't want what I want I want what God want very admirable very admirable and I can't tell I don't know I just don't know because um like I said with parents that I have there's a reason right why I'm associated with these people yes and um from my beginning to where I'm now I come I came so far in so many respects you know and but this thing has been like lingering in my head and in my heart and it never goes away to the point where when I was younger I would avoid so embarrassing to say but I would avoid having a like a Jewish boyfriend because I wouldn't want to them like I knew that they shouldn't marry me oh my goodness you know like I was taking responsibility for that's incredibly sensitive I mean my goodness that's incredibly sensitive I'm Blown Away by that I've never heard such a thing that's amazing that's amazing you clearly have a deep sensitivity toward Judaism whether or not you're meant to become Jewish is another question but you clearly have a deep sensitivity to it yes that's true and um I love Judaism but I feel Jewish you know what I mean I don't feel not Jewish if if that makes any sense I I I yeah it makes sense and and that's why a convert in Judaism is called gin is g a uh a g means a stranger but there are two ways of looking at it you could call them a stranger because they are from another community and they come to our community so howdy stranger or a deeper explanation is they are a stranger until they come to the Jewish Community meaning to say they live their lives feeling not really at peace like they're not they're not where they need to be until they come to Judaism so they they're a stranger in their pre life and then they become reunited with their true self when they when they come to Judaism and and that's also why the term Gan is g a convert who converts we don't use the term a non-jew who becomes Jewish we use the term a convert who converts meaning to say in some ways they were Jewish all along now Hally according to Jewish law they're not Jewish yet but mystically speaking there's something about their spirituality that's pulling them almost in a way they cannot avoid to become Jewish and and and so once they do become Jewish it's almost like it it reveals retroactively that that was what they really were all along and now they're just formalizing it and making it the halic reality to match the spiritual reality that's I I generally I tell people who are interested in conversion like if you're interested in conversion because you find Judaism inspiring don't pursue it don't pursue it because Judaism is inspiring and it's interesting and it's thought provoking and but you can enjoy all of that without becoming Jewish but if you feel I agree with yeah if you feel inexplicably unsettled like you just can't feel comfortable with yourself and you don't know why but something tells you it's because you need to be Jewish then there's something to look into because if somebody can be settled and normal and comfortable without becoming Jewish then by all means please continue serving God as a non-jew you can serve God as a non-jew and there's no reason to become Jewish and have to serve God through the Jewish obligations but if some feels literally like like I said a means a stranger if they feel estranged from themselves and they need to become Jewish in order not to become something that they're not but rather to become what they really are then there's something very serious to consider and of course the fear is like if I do take the punch let's say right um the fear is always like can I do this because I want to do it the right way and I don't I don't have experience oh you're in luck God just sent you an angel uh Jackie is writing in the chat no I'm serious a real angel Jackie is writing in the chat um so Jackie is an old friend of our family we go back we go way back and um she just wrote in the chat Rabbi to feel free to give this woman my email address you've known me since before I was Jewish and I'd be happy to help her okay she's an incredible person and she knows exactly what this journey is and she just offered right here on the chat to uh be in touch with you so I think that will be a great sh a great match put you in touch with her and you'll be in good hands I think that's what you got to do and I think basically uh you got to go to some Jewish events go to you know go hang out and some uh Jewish uh you go to a Shabbat dinner or go to a go to Services go to a class and just see if you feel more like yourself when you're there you know what I mean all right I have been and I do feel good um you know my fears are more like uh how to execute this whole thing yeah well you said overnight it's not and and like you said originally you just want to do what God wants you're not trying to do what you want you're trying to do what God wants okay so I'm telling you explore it see if it makes sense see if this is where you feel at peace see if this is where you feel more like yourself and and if it is then I think that's a pretty clear indication that that's the right direction or conversely you may have the experience that this was very interesting and I really enjoyed finding out more about the tradition of my father's um lineage but no I don't have to do this in order to be at peace with myself and and if that's how you're feeling then I would say God's will is to not become Jewish your your gut is going to tell you what God's will is I know it sounds funny because I wouldn't tell that to everybody because they would take that as a cart blanch oh I that's another French we're talking French at the beginning of the show so there's two more French words I know car blondish so anyways if I would tell them your gut will tell you God's will they would take that to uh excuse all types of stuff but in this case it it's it's only it can only be that way and um I completely understand what you're saying by the way I completely understand you yeah okay Jackie do me a favor send me a maybe send me a WhatsApp so I'll see it and then I'll get you and how about tyel or you thr if you have the caller email which you do because that's how she got the call-in number WhatsApp me the the her email and then I'll forward that email to Jackie Jackie pop your number up in my whatsapps and then I'll forward you her email okay amazing amazing I wish you success in your journey and Clarity and peace okay amazing thank you Rabbi it was an honor and a privilege it was my honor the honor was mine really really really incredible incredible story and the story is not over clearly and I I wish you so much success okay so do we have uh you do we have more callers tonight yeah we do okay fine um who's our next hi Rabbi there thank you so much for doing this it's an amazing amazing inspiration I love every single one of them I really do yeah aren't these callers great um so let me they're amazing you take your lesson and like just apply it to different you know parts of our Lives it's really amazing it is amazing yeah yeah okay so thank you for that I'm going to jump straight into my question um I'm a young mother of three adorable little kids I have a great relationship with my husband bash I'm extremely extremely lucky I thank everyday for him I really really do he's really amazing there's just one little thing that like we disagree on that bothers me obviously when there's two people there's always disagreements but baram is a great husband and we we get along really well and I don't take that for granted because I know like you know it's not something that everybody has so I'm just want to put that you know down before yes going to my actual question um so with that being said we have this like um different um difference of opinion different different views exactly different opinion of of listening or watching and we just want to profice you have a good relationship you respect each other you get along but there's one that's right issue one issue but this is one thing that like the one issue that like that bothers me you know what I mean that bothers me constantly I we spoke about it Conant I personally think that it yeah so I personally think that listening to non- jewi podcast is not not the right thing well of course you should only listen to you should listen to sh talk Chas Tanya Chase to paraa yes of course I actually I actually listen to those I do where do you listen to on Spotify I do where do you what do you use to listen to on on YouTube usually either so so I go into your into your.org whatever I'm in the mood of yeah what do you listen to what's your what are you into lately what do you listen to from me I actually I actually enjoy your Tanya Sharon very good which Tanya the ones the text based one where we're reading the words or the summaries where we're explaining the each chapter no the summaries the words are a little too after to hold of kids and work the summar is are amazing awesome awesome what chapter are you on so I would have to check I I didn't listen to this past hanuka before kanuk I would need a click in yeah but I could definitely shoot you an email okay wh what was the last interesting thing you heard in Tanya I actually also listen to one of your um marriage you know classes that you have yeah which is also super duper amazing amazing so you are a real Super Fan you're consuming all of our soul wordss content that's amazing I TR that's amazing no no you're succeeding you're not just trying you're succeeding okay so your husband wants to listen to this is my question non Jewish podcast like like anything wrong sports sports no not not even Sports a lot of politics exactly no not Ben bar others I prefer not to give names because like you know Candace um maybe may maybe maybe one of them but like something that I personally think that like I don't know you hear certain things the way they speak certain topics like even though it's not maybe things higher you know 40 minutes of the podcast or whatever it's 10 minutes or whatever but like I feel like more is not necessary like it almost makes me respect him a little less which I don't which might be my problem yeah might be a little like narrow minded but to me it's like something so important and he's like there is nothing wrong and and he's he's very he's he is yeah like he's a good guy that's really like a little bit he's a good guy he is and I'm you're very lucky yeah and I know it and I know it okay so it's just one thing that like really it bothers me yeah I hear you okay so I'm going to tell you something and this is a nuanced answer but you know how I mean you listen to my classes you know how I am I'm always into Nuance I'm always into you know but two things can be true at the same time so you are right you are totally right and you're not narrow-minded you are making sure to take care of the precious brain that God gave you and to only put in it wholesome things that are going to nourish you in a spiritual way that's you're 100% right so I don't want to tell you it's no big deal no big deal so he listen to Little Tucker Carlson it's okay is that one of the ones no you don't have to Alex Jones no okay doesn't matter doesn't matter what he's listening to okay all right maybe it's NPR from guy listening to NPR that I want to I want to meet that guy okay um it doesn't matter matter it's okay it's just fun it's just relaxation I'm not saying that I'm not saying that I'm saying you're right and your standard is the ideal and your standard is the goal that we should all aspire to so I don't want to tell you that you're being a fanatic or going overboard no no no like you're really doing the right thing at the same time I'm going to tell you that so apparently he doesn't have that sensitivity that level of sensitivity obviously he has a sensitivity he has standards I mean there's certain things he's not going to listen to he's he's not going to listen to things that are beneath his standards whatever that is wherever he draws that line right but he doesn't have as high of Standards is you okay so here's what I want to tell you something okay here's what I want to tell you this what tell us who is an is who is a proper wife now you could translate that normally the translation is the one who does her husband's will OA she does her husband's will however there's a deeper way of translating it the verb that's the infinitive can mean to do but it can also mean to make like we sayem makes peace in his Heights who he should make peace Among Us so OA can also mean she makes so who is a proper woman the one who makes her husband's will what does it mean she makes her husband's will it means you listen to my marriage thing so a couple of them yeah couple of them so did you hear me talking about the provider and the recipient yeah Mia maal stuff provider and recipient and the relationship of like the six work days and chabas chabas is the feminine the queen she receives the work that was done from the six days she becomes pregnant with it and gives birth to something on a even higher level okay yes yes I listened to that one great so I want to tell you something I didn't I didn't talk about over there but you know how the sphere I work you have the intellectual spher and you have and then the of so there's a concept of that these layers or levels are cyclical so that the the the exact term means that the ends are wedged in the beginnings the beginnings are wedged in the ends it's a cyclical comes full circle so malus which is the feminine aspect actually comes back and is the highest of the higher than what's higher than is called ker literally means the crown and it's called The Crown because it goes on top of the intellectual faculties the intellectual fac faculties those are in the head ker is the crown that goes on the head and what is will so Mal the lowest level is connected back to R Ora the highest level what that means is that the feminine attribute has a special power to create will to create a will what that means is you can elicit a will in your husband you can get him to want something now focus on what I'm saying here I didn't say you can get him to do something I said you can get them to want something see the masculine approach is to get someone to do something that they don't want you don't want tough luck I'm bigger I'm tougher I'll make you do it that's that's the masculine approach which is to be Kish to conquer the way of the the way of a man is to be cish to conquer that means to make someone do something they don't want to do the feminine approach is not to make you do something you don't want to do is to make you want to do it but to really make you want to do it not like blackmailing somebody or threatening them because that that doesn't make them want to do it they don't really want to do it they just don't want whatever disincentive you're threatening them with but to make them actually want to do it to the extent where they don't even know that you put the idea in their head and the hardest thing the hardest thing is going to be when he says it was his idea and you're gonna have to smile and say you have the best ideas even though you're you know you were the one will to do that but how do we do that I here well the how did that got done the key is to continue to respect him that's why it's so tricky because you're saying you know and I heard how emotional you were when you said that like when you think about the fact that he's listening to these other things makes you lose respect or almost lose respect you got to you got to avoid that that's that's what's going to bring you down God forbid don't lose respect because when you lose respect for him that creates distance between you and him and when he's distant from you see you are his anchor and when he's distant from you he flies away so you have to do the exact opposite you have to focus in the things that you admire about him and get closer to him get closer you're close now get closer CL get closer and when you get closer to him and he feels that he is satisfying you that he is pleasing you that you like him and you respect him and then you enjoy him and that you want to be around him this will have an automatic influence on his desires his desires will start to align themselves more and more gradually more and more with your desires there there's a madish talks about an interesting uh story it said that there was a rasher and a maras and a kusher and AA that means a wicked man and a wicked woman and they were married and there was a proper man and a proper woman and they were married and for whatever reason both couples ended up getting divorced and they ended up marrying each other so the Russia married the Kera and the koser married and what happened I don't know how long it took but by the end of the whole story the proper Man became Wicked and the Wicked Man became proper because says the med everything goes according to to the woman now you're going to say but I know so many good women whose husbands are bums okay that's because they're not deeply connected to them so the trick is to continue being the righteous woman that you are and only listening to Shaw podcasts and at the same time thank you for laughing at that I'm glad that you knew that was a joke but it was only half a joke the other half was dead serious to continue with your lofty spiritual I know you do I know you do I know okay to the trick is listen to me to continue with your lofty lofty lofty principles and at the same time not only continue but double down and triple down in your closeness with him he's going to end up being more and more like you that's just how it works that's just how it works you're the woman he's GNA end up gravitating more and more toward your values not because you preach to him no you're not going to preach to him counterproductive no I'm not preaching no you're not going to do you're you're just going to continue having your awesomely High impeccable standards and being super super bonded with him and that means show him that you enjoy your relationship with him when a man sees that his wife appreciates him and enjoys him this opens up everything in him and just makes everything flow and that's where your power is that's amazing well okay not not an answer I was expecting but I apprciate I thought it was pretty predictable see it's so funny I always think nobody needs to hear this from me it's so like when I used to write the Amy column I was like why am I even writing this like everybody knows this is what I'm going to say and then people would come up to me I never thought anyone was say so okay I'm glad it was surprising to you all right now you got to go do it Miss the Army column but you brought it up yeah yeah I brought it up the the other yeah it's so hard for me it's so hard other class I know but we understand I definitely but once a week I get on the phone and I talk with people this I could handle this and and also you see it's different here CU I get to crack jokes like the amicom is so serious I have to like there's a certain tone you know I'm like in my rubinic tone I'm being so serious over here I get to make my jokes and I and I got my Gatorade like much more [Music] relaxed my shahak mug we don't know who won the by the we just want to re uh repeat that whoever gives the biggest donation to soulwords it's the comment is pinned in the chat ss.org donate whoever gives the biggest donation tonight in who lives in the United States is going to win the shahak mug okay all right awesome call thank you so much enoy your marriage enjoy your husband okay thank you than my pleasure okay awesome all right so youel do we have any more calls we have one more call we have one more call want to take it I'll take it sure say monkey pleas okay Maly please put on the next caller hello hello Maly please put on the next caller hello hello hi Rabbi hi um I'm quite new to your channel to be honest and uh it's my first time calling in into any podcast okay can you believe I've never I've never call I've never called into a podcast so you have more experience calling into someone else no I've never so you have more experience calling into a podcast than I do so I'm going to follow your lead what's up yeah what's up talk to me um so don't bring straight into my topic uh last week I mentioned in the chat that I am a I've been identified as a highly sensitive person it's a new term that I've personally never really heard of until last year yeah HSP highly sensitive person yeah yes exactly and uh I mentioned I have trouble throughout my life until now as as well with feeling their intense emotions I sometimes don't even know what to do with them and uh I did watch a few clips of your shorts about it hence I found out of your channel okay um so I'm just wondering what advice would you have for me to [Music] um I guess to manage through my life with being a sensitive person H well first of all to continue doing what you started doing which was educating yourself that's how you found my channel you were looking for information about this and it's a blessing that this information even exists today because once upon a time not so not so uh long ago there was no information so continue educating yourself um but you know I spoke about to a caller an earlier caller about about self- advocating self- advocating is just so so powerful um like I'll give you another example because you talk about highly sensitive um you know like let's say I don't know if this is a particular issue that you have but like you ever feel like a social outing is is is just overwhelming not for any particular reason just like it's your social battery gets drained and it's like you just need to go be back by yourself and you're a Fortress of Solitude absolutely okay fine so self- advocating is knowing how to communicate that in a way that other people can choose to accommodate or not in other words sometimes we force ourselves to do things that we really aren't comfortable doing and we end up paying the price and the people we associate with end up paying the price it's like when you're a people pleaser and you make too many Comm commments and then you let people down so you know when you say yeah sure let's have plans cuz you want you know you want to be nice and then the reality is you're going to go out there and you're going to get drained and you're going to start being a grump or you're going to act weird and then then what was the point so self- advocating is so big it's like you know what I'm really up for getting together for coffee for a half an hour is how do that sound to you and if the person was like getting together for half an hour not even worth it it takes me a half an hour to even to get to your side of town okay no problem no problems then we don't have to do anything no problem and no no offense like I'm not offended hope you're not offended but self- advocating is really important just be realistic about what you're comfortable with and and be honest with yourself and be honest with others that's that's a huge thing that's a huge thing and um right and I've been trying to implement that more throughout bits and pieces of my life um and I I suppose this is the latter half of my question because uh I'm also trying to explain my more sensitive side to my mom and my husband for instance because they're the two closest people in my family to me um sometimes I don't feel or think that they truly completely understand what I'm talking about but more on the cognitive side they do understand but not quite on the emotional side and I understand that uh I force them or change them or whatnot but I hope that they can understand a bit more feel a bit more sometimes of how I feel and I do try to verbalize as much as I can give them a full-up picture so uh yeah that's uh that's another part that I I probably want some advice as well yeah okay they try their best to cater yeah MH yeah relationships are tough relationships are tough and and especially if you're a sensitive person um yeah we had a call a caller earlier who I was mentioning that concept of a neurodiverse marriage where she's neurodivergent her husband is neurotypical and thank God it sounded like they were happily married but um you know relationships are are tough for everyone but especially when the two people are going two different speeds and on two different wavelengths and have two different ways of processing reality and two different levels of of of of of energy and two different levels of what they're comfortable with and it's uh it's tough listen all I can tell you is what I said before about self ad ating the more clear you can be the better uh clear doesn't mean obnoxious it doesn't mean like you're bossing people around doesn't mean like you're telling well this is the way that I needed uh it just means being honest now until you know what your needs are you can't even be honest so like I mentioned to you continue educating yourself because the more you understand yourself the more you know what your needs are and then step two is now be honest about it and I really think if you just continue to understand yourself and communicate your needs honestly that you you will reach an understanding with the people who are close to you in your life and this is all very new to you like you're telling me you you're really just this is like the past year that this is all happening so there's a there's a very steep learning curve and uh you're still you you're still learning you're still finding your way but just continue to seek knowledge seek Clarity be gentle with yourself that's a big thing be gentle with yourself and accepting of yourself um push yourself to grow but don't break yourself never never be right or shame yourself um just be respectful and gentle toward yourself and and be hon honest with others and be gentle with them as well yeah I think I think those are helpful I love how that is absolutely really helpful and I love how you put where um the analogy of two different people going at different speeds yeah my husband actually recently got diagnosed with adhp so explains a little more sometimes when he's not focus he's not neurotypical so both weirdos but you're two different kinds of weirdos Hashem has such a sense of humor exact okay it's going to be great you're going to figure each other out and you're going to figure out how to communicate your needs there's going to be an understanding and it's all going to be great it's going to be great don't worry fear not thank you so much my pleasure really my my pleasure and my honor okay so um y do we have more calls do we have more or did we no more no more calls on the line okay thank you what there's a thank you where sh on the Google Doc on the Google Doc okay um oh yeah hold on a second let me pull this up properly um no that's not it let me just let me get the right thing uh uh now going through all of our images ah there it is okay you ready okay it's going to happen we'd like to extend a special thank you to mendal Simon and 9 by9 tech for powering this call and show and making it possible for us to connect with our amazing audience 9 by9 Tech offers a One-Stop service for all your communication needs along with personalized Tech Solutions catered specifically towards your business visit 9 by9 tech.com today that's 9x9 tech.com thank you mandal and the team for your incredible support okay and um okay so you s do me a favor come behind me okay can you stand behind me all right okay okay can can stand right behind me yep right here okay right here okay so I'm sure that you thought all week about what song you wanted to sing with can I hang up the phone by the way uh yeah what song you want to sing with your dear old dad Sunny ball what do you want to sing actually haven't thought about it I was let down by the cyber bully but thanks to your words of you let that cyber bully rattle your cage not really I thought about it and I also decided that I don't care that's right I'm not going to let him stop me from having a moment with you a and you know I enjoy singing as well again I don't think I'm any he wasn't calling you're singing horrible he was saying my singing was horrible oh so maybe I'm just self-conscious yeah oh wait hold on a second I forgot to show something in the cyberbullying yeah we got KGB over here I just want to show some I want to I want to show you guys something that's the 9 by9 thing I just want to show you guys something I want to show you something hold on a second one one second one second one second here wait a second oh my gosh from all my old shows uh we going through everything over here 9 my9 okay hold on a second I wish this was more more professional I wish wish okay all right so this dude this dude and I call him that I use the term loosely because I don't know if he deserves even to be called a dude this dude he made a comment earlier and he he deleted it cuz he knew that it wasn't nice so you know there's a spark of goodness in him um but my son-in-law screenshotted it yeah so we had it even though he deleted it and it says listen to this again with the backhanded compliment he starts he he like lures you into a false sense of security and then he slaps you listen this your world your words are Pearls of Wisdom truly profound you're singing and taste in music though absolutely Dreadful like impressively bad but hey at least you're wise and then one of my friends one of my cyber friends posted back and said funny how you felt the need to insult while praising quite the talent if Rabbi to's wisdom resonates with you perhaps take a page from his teachings on kindness and humility constructive feedback is one thing but unnecessary Ro rudeness that's just noise I love it I love it mandia Herz get down here come from Cove get out of your Co save and get down here to the studio what's Manny saying he wants us to sing Ney but uh that's a fast song and I want to sing slow songs L shishi kumzits L shishi kumzits that's right men Herz get down here and sing with us will you close up the store already come down here and sing with us you didn't think about something no [Music] it [Music] it it it the door come in open the door is here he's here he's here open the door he says he's here he's here go look and see if he's here he just texted me that he's here this guy is he's the best cousin in the world where is he is he here yep he's here amazing taking off the headphones all right all right oh he's not going to fit in here okay how are we going to smush in here how we going to I like the little corner here you couldn't see this okay so I'll show lined out you sit in the chair you sit in the chair I'm the captain now by the way talking to the Dennis the Dennis Saar reference a hockey player for the Blackhawks in the ' 80s at you know that one oh that's right I want to know which which cup is more Shak see how it's like lines it was hard to see and then we have I was trying to do the para and this tonight okay so who fills up this sh better right so so the cyber bully did not get his way cuz I continued to sing the other bully but but the chat bully just like yeah the chat bully just like people sing who don't have a awesome voice so people do have an awesome voice they could also sing and that's that's how God made them so we're going to let you solo Oh no yeah 100% I'll be I'll be back here if you'd like saying it's your your your pick [Music] look I I I'm I'm still working on it almost there okay do you need some uh I'll get you a cup and you can have some no I I just drank Snapple a no shout out no free shout outs brought to you by us you uh what's hey Tavis I mean Ser Tavis there's nothing oh give usowski yeah yeah yeah yeah you're so happy you got your way oh think that the top again first explain that this is an honor of the fast day this is an honor of the fast day is that something that you should do about fast day no what you tell me you're the the is in conjunction with the Corb explain explain so yeah so the song is shes which we sing so eloquently in SCH before shakas every morning and they would do this by the Rees F bringans they'd have canther taleski who I was a really big fan of it by the way everybody else used to run out cuz he used to T Schley as they call him he used to schle out but I really enjoyed it he would sing by the re fing this song it was a cantoral piece by I think I'm not sure who who wrote it but the kovitzky saying it but uh he would he would do it abbreviated CU he didn't want to keep the RBI waiting but it goes something like this [Music] I you [Music] [Applause] know for [Applause] [Music] no they say TV adds 10 pounds how many TVs did I eat so um we want to know uh for December 6th shabus what nigun should I use for um for Kusa which oh I I heard the inside scoop no and you're just going to roll it through I'm roll through it yeah exactly but what would you what what would you do if it were you I I stopped doing a lot in theam here because the crowd's diverse and not enough people I feel know want I really don't want to be up shabas at the yat at the soul word's house when you're thein what niggan are you going to do this this like this locks it in that I'm going if you sing the my wife may watch this later we we're breaking it to her gently yeah like this uh I usually do I like sham let's hear a little [Music] my [Music] am oh [Music] [Laughter] [Music] [Applause] la [Applause] it goes more you probably explained this niggan in the past with Ellie Marcus probably we don't need explanations people just want to hear the music but this I'd love this nigan do you know why CU you'll be killing me it's like eight minutes longer than the actual words take you you can be done excessive disproportion oh yeah just for singing sake hey I have the mic now let me just sing long a long N Ready I was explain to my kids why H Sal is so long tell the story was it so the fifth fourth oh my God I'm sorry it's alter education sorry the fourth treby he was not well so his compos this nigan to keep him down by the manura lighting longer cuz he wouldn't leave till they finish singing finish on there solu so they composed a rather now it's not that long but I guess longer than saying it to keep him down in the Shool as long as I could stretch it out I heard your father Liv yes he was more proud I think he he lit by Misha on Friday that went around the chat faster um do you like seeing H Anders I like it I have I have a funny stick could it my Mas and Yesa was like he love he loves we're not disparaging anybody but they commercialized a little on the some of the kabad classics it was like and it was like a thing so if you went to London and you learned under Rabbi menal Gordon it's like every year it's like not trauma but it's like you remember it's and you have to bring it down that's the correct way authentic way authentic commercialized to make it uh palatable for the world would you want would you like to sing no no I just did it for eight nights okay all right you want to do another Nan first US want first doesn't have a choice want to very I'm willing and able to do you want me request one you got one that's here [Applause] [Music] [Applause] another kha song [Music] what do we do we go it [Music] again am [Music] am [Music] [Applause] [Laughter] it [Applause] [Music] am [Music] [Applause] am [Applause] am am [Music] I think we're tapped out let's see how are the comments going on the YouTube I guess he's getting bullied today you're not going to get bullied oh yeah actually the hurs are going to Bull hurs I'm worried about okay let's let's see Mendy tried the Gatorade electrolytes very important who are these people you recognize these names no it's not yum Kipper though okay drink the Gatorade lots of drink the Gatorade okay a lot of drink the great Gatorade comments I'm a power a guy no endorsement no no shout out no free shout outs yeah no free shout outs okay you got any other uh want just see back Captain then no no no I'm good I'm good any other you want to no really you good whose wedding is that okay that's okay all right fine so thank you mena Herz for coming down thank you y Mali for coming down and we're going to end uh the live stream end stream not telling anybody about this nobody's gonna find out I'm going to send it to Misha and then you're MAA Kari no my your no