To Find Yourself In Hashem Or to Lose Yourself In Hashem? - Likkutei Torah Tazria "Sos Tasis" #1

the yeshiva dotnet okay we're gonna start today bei Zi Shan a new minor its size tosses wasabi la cara which as you know is one of the Sheva bravas since we're getting ready to tube of La Jolla I'm totally shocked at how much a symbol of they have she does him with relationships commissioners at the end of panic test our justice area it's fine parshas Caesarea da off on the olive when they see the English paper so you have to go basically to the via Cara which is the first the first unit thank you the first unit of the safe German and you're looking at a page page 39 the first unit of the book page 39 it's touchy area huff I'm an Aleph page 39 but you make sure your invite Ukrainian I mean you've got to go to the first unit I'm sorry for repeating this and look at the tighter the units of numbers repeat themselves with every commish so when you say page 39 there's a page 39 of a ikura and by mid part in devar m and then share share it so it could be three different page 39 that's the reason it has a different name is because the government calls down the printing press and they weren't allowed to if it would have the same name they would never be able to get permission so it was a way of it's the same safer of course it's branches but you come amid but Lauren but Latonya is my mother why was the name changed simply for to get around that's our only cook there's one saver apparently look good there is really one say fishes just different parts of Cornish Terry is very anxious mice and then the katana starts Baku day and goes by Iran by mid but varam and each one has the oven title of that of Chanukah forum this has space solution in cazuca but the sauce has reassured him a whole section of gem at the end okay so you got it ah Tyra Earl is topical fits a design which is 1837 Lakota tiredest uh fresh guess which is 1848 a decade later there was a big asada was printed and Slavitt de they've closed it down there was a whole Zach you know Czarist Russia and its best alibi Holloway Czarist Russia was something unique okay so the Huff you see I'm an owl of page 39 Caesarea the Miami begins sighs tossers visaji la cara the kibbutz banana the size of the simcha now today when people usually write China they always write a date on the top then then a lot of people didn't see that as very significant like just like you did they'd hold on to birthdays and a lot of the details that we would find very interesting right like they're a bomb Rhoda Peter Shan Gomorrah yeah if you wouldn't write on top okay I'm writing you know Monday morning Marcia's coude I'm here I'm enjoying the weather in Barcelona you went straight to the toilet not to the Nautilus shells but the SEPA said that was very Mac but on his grandfather's dates because he had obviously and a special feeling so sometimes in his writings he quotes of discourses from his ADA and he says like we heard from him then and then so this moment for example we're gonna learn we wouldn't know the date we know soy sauce is mr. Gerlach era but that summer said dick has a say for Derrick mitzvah statistics obscenity is the grandson of the ballot Anya so he says like we heard from my grandfather in the winter of tough cough iron Bay's at the wedding of my brother in Lord of knock'em the mine we're on sighs tosses recycle hot car so basically we have a date for it so the winter of tough client base would be the winter of 1811 or the beginning of 1812 and it's significant because this would be the last year of the Ballentine because he would passed away he would pass away in the winter of 1812 or 1822 1812 was tough tough I am given a night baby I am so cough dollar Tavis tough go fighting mo so probably in the secular number would be 1812 I don't think was 1813 yet because the Russian calendar you know is a little whatever so so this was a winter before the mid-tier ever was of allah Tanya's son and his successor had a song of Nachman and his wedding by the time you said this mine we just like to undermine the Kate said miraculous narikala which was set at a wedding of his grandchild with the grandson of the grandfather Amit's Olivia took my did River there's love in a consonant this was said at the wedding of his grandson and it begins with one of the Sheva brachot sighs tossers verse allah karim the Cubans but now the sake of a similar so this is the new Sackhoff Sheva brachot now let's understand what it means in pastures sighs fusses for Sahgal ha Cara sighs come from the word sussing joy festivity happiness Gayle eNOS so sighs tosses for saga la cara de Cara the barren woman this infertile woman will rejoice and celebrate the kibbutz banal the size of the Simba as her children gathered together to her with joy so we say say Stas Assad cog who suburb is keeping the north-central Basilica Bharatha Tasha miss Sameach CI banal Hashem is miss Emmaus scene with her children so it seems like Co in Yerushalayim would be a metaphor for that Cara for the infertile woman and then when the children come to her it's such a simpler by this person who never expected to have children and to see children and that's the blessing were saying at Sheva brothers he maybemy las Casas HBase bearish but the MS is that in Russian Kurdish the word Casas likes ice tosses as to Perdition ha'la'tha there's gonna be a little dictum Washington pile I made Makai aha Cara the sauce is lost in a cave oh sháá Cara tosses brats mother Tuggle the kibbutz banal for hobbies Russian pile you say the que Ella Kaddish burrows who Shyamala Kaddish murder hold a knife at at us assess our Cara oh man mainly toggle key no fellows artery shava in Russian a cave in history at the one remember you dick Turkey predictor classes in grade five transitive verb vs. intransitive urn huh transitive verb transitive verbs versus an intransitive verb I'll explain what he means one is toss assess pie alignment meaning you're referring to the woman you sinks ice tosses ha Cara tosses are Cara the icarus should rejoin sighs tosses she should rejoin in other words she should rejoice in herself she should be happy because her children gathered to her habit that would be called pile I'm 8 sighs tosses can also refer speaking to Hashem you size tosses you toss this Hakurei you should bring joy to the harem I did referring to that cara herself so I started Sakura she should become happy she should celebrate or like we say in laka by D for example for Harlem sisters I said with a hakama Valaya yo sis ally Avella kaya right so here we're turning to a shaman was saying tosses ha Cara you should bring sensitive our Cara you should bring joy to that car and therefore the mela the saga la cara when you'll bring saucing to her so therefore that color will be joyous and he adds because noise hustlaz offer is shovel with lush in the cave and his terrace you know what that means that means Zafar second person masculine second person and Hebrew grammar is identical with feminine third person right for example knife a philosopher means when I'm doing second person masculine so for example I'm talking to you in front of you not he but you that's called the night of the second person so that in dick look is the same like when feminine miss terrace which is third person when you're talking about somebody who's not here yes yes so let's say I say we say in the ankle okay no right otta Sock'em teraphim Sein so I say at bakhoum what does taco mean stand up but cocoon can also be she should stand up like he talk him huh robbers mark Chavez be leverage Matassa sham Hisako yeah once a star Y it if he helps his wife during the night when the new baby cries cuz they had twins or triplets see he said he's my kind of silly opposite Silvia foster kids the baby starts crying so he wakes up sis Roberts my Chavez beloved I have lots of good thoughts to help but that's awesome the way God made it as he soccer she should get up this was his solemn biased shop I'm not sure how much had helped them but for a chaton soup it is similar maybe it was a good shot so you so what is it so when I say to come right well again tale a what stay late go Tom Boyd stand up so this is lush and xakanaka okay second person but it's the same like lush in a cave in this there is third person right she's a tomboy she top come she should stand up she should walk so here to process huh so to us this is the same thing Costas I can be speaking I could say ptosis as in third-person feminine that courage that should be joyous or I'm speaking to a sham as in second person and saying you ptosis soy sauces you should make her happy it's called pie alignment versus paulius oh heavens that to understand this yes Lahab him filler beer England with something like Arabic he woods banal for this we have to understand the very theme of the bra you're saying that chorus should celebrate the gathering of her songs this doesn't make sense she'ii me a chorus although you loved and may I am a Bonham she it quits all the science a klutz kasha first he calling her on a Cara that means somebody who'd never had soldiers suddenly she has all these children that are gathering so it's a very strange pus sized us is with Sabula hoc arabic keyboards bone man if the bone are being gathered so she's not on a current you could say she used to be him that Carter but now she's a mother so but he says it sounds like right now she's our Cara and she's celebrating the kids but now the size of a simple i'll being sad people thi Cara means somebody who used to be in a car and they thought they'll never have children and now they have children so they become they become happy but when you read it how people shotty says it's difficult to understand because it sounds like that you're calling her right now in our car in she's obviously not on a car interesting so why would you call it said I would only make the question bigger why call her Anna Cara hopefully she won't be right waha Indian the Union and all this is Keaney I'm a result everybody knows the famous my Mikasa the Camorra says plus ik yaki Cecilia Valdez on the plastic in the beginning of practice idiot says that ish Akitas Rhea vo the Zohar so the gemara says in missus missus need the ischium as last ela you let us offer each mysterious illa-allah Dastak Ava it's a very interesting interpretation in the Gemara that if is Sharma's raasleela if the woman generates the seed or the flow first then she gives birth to a male but if ich muss real killer if the man generates the zero first so then the result is on a cave a girl that's what cuz i'll say this is a very loaded my macaws are you know what does this mean what does it mean biologically what does it mean factually scientifically so to speak what did they mean him but here he applies this to the spiritual realm so heavens above a discussion understand what this means in a very session he Nene no darkness is only cliche Misha because it's wonderful nuclear mache mesh everybody knows that kanessa sister all is called an ISA a woman and Hashem is called the ish is called the man that's why the Cossack says commercial consoles by Yo Ma who Hickory is she that de novia Shire says you won't call me anymore speaks about losses of young come anymore by Lee my master you call me is she my husband my husband because by Lee is like Bao Bao abayas so he xiaoyu prophesizes by your ma who that day dick reissue call me my husband another the ultimate relationship with Hashem that the Nabi predicts is when you'll be able to relate to me as your husband Ayesha Nisha he make money should be she shall there is much the same as a stallion let the soccer just like by a physical man and woman cause I'll tell us that when the woman generates the flow first the conception she's going to conceive ultimately the embryo the fetus is going to be a male so Kartini recognizes is only my college borough home same is true in the relationship between the community of Israel and Hashem Ishika necesito mas Cielo when the Isha representing classicist Rho is mass raasleela she generates the Zahra first what does this mean hiney new penis is aru sedullus a thermal Mottola Milo this ERISA doula Tata is the lasat is a term from Zion in aramaic ISA Russa is like this iris arousal the lisara means below mil motto the Seleucid el aceite means no Mottola milah the arousal comes from below mil Mottola milah the woman initiates the inspiration kanessa sister all initiates the relationship she reaches out connected or reaches out his yearning is pining to become close to become intimate but in as well Ishay su casa like it says in beret she's right a sham tells kava your desire your craving will be Alisha to your husband so spiritually it means they say Lucilla Santa that sometimes the Jew the soul has this arousal this inspiration that I want to be with you I want to be close to you this would be physically the concept of Yama's Roskilde the inspiration begins with arousal begins or the flow begins from the side of the caller the woman kanessa sister show in Yin anak revolution a Kabbalah by shame ha loss Maya nuclear in cabbalistic literature this is known as a loss elevated sublimating man man is Rashad Amos Mayan Neuquen which is again a term in Czarnecki sphere reason of this man and Maud mamnoon is my in neuquén feminine waters Maud is my andorran masculine waters Nachman in aramaic is like 'no cava feminine Doran or the higher in Aramaic is soccer so my new cleanest feminine waters Mayan deuteron mod of mass loaded and this is Irish at Avis that's often quoted in volume of mr. man and Maude feminine waters masculine waters what they represent in Kabbalah is the flow water is of course the orgasmic flow so Nachman is the flow that's initiated or inspired or or or big the process begins the arousal begins from the feminine and my Andorran is the water that flows from the masculine that's what he says when it starts with this arugula SATA showing in Annika blossom Kabbalah became a lost my in neuquén if the content I lost my endocrine meaning and feminine waters begin the flow but our economy Seleucid allah a LaVon chakras madman doctrine as Leonidas aha and then comes the service of the Laila it starts with the woman Yama's rasulullah and the Seleucid allah SATA inspires these SaLuSa delaila this iris from below is what initiates and brings forth these errors from above it's this power that brings out the cautions inspiration just like it is in - me sometimes you have a matter that the husband inspires the wife sometimes it's the other way around the wife inspires the husband sometimes one is interested and one needs to be inspired needs to be invigorated this is one of the challenges and many shan bias situations right this perspective that perspective person as these interest person has that interest my interest and I your interest your interest my interest I tried etc etc I don't have to be - everybody understands so the same is true in Russian is you have a concept that Yama's raasleela which is unique that the Seleucid Allah SATA you started from below and then you bring forth the masculine waters the flow of the masculine the flow of the cost in the flow of of Hashem caballos all is a response to your excitement to your enthusiasm to your simcha sahayam to your vagus either you let us offer the product of that is always going to be a male the product of that is going to be a zone hi new what does this mean it's a Marshall of course what's does Mustin and high noon should my leathers penis a Vibhushan missus social no penis time the love that it's going to bring out in a Shama sister all the masculine flow that's responding to the feminine flow what's going to be the child the child that's born meaning the love that is born as a result in the heart of the Jew is going to be my penis car is going to be called a sucker the Caliph was Tata so critical of the hi new penis available what this represents is an excessive experience of love surely penis melee Basham Iovine Cola capacity it's described by the pasta Cantor hilum me liebe shamayim the Angelica Fox Tabares this is a puss akin to Hill and capital I in Gitmo and here is going to give an original interpretation to this possible literally the PASOK is merely Mahamaya what do I have in heaven the inner with you like a fat Steve RS I desire nothing on earth in other words once I have you I don't need anything else mealy Basham I am the in car like a fox t bars Peters shot is everyone learns shot the in ha with you like a fox T bonnets I don't desire anything else because I have you he says there's a deeper interpretation Peters I feel ooh masha in huh even the image I don't walk in hawaika fat state in in Hebrew means width right at aha las employ near ight fire compelling viola in sorry my of M is always with in ha like a fatty I don't want that which is with you in Peter shall feel the Martian income which is the core of law it's close to you it's with you Mars has a safety fate has a moussaka I mean surface I'm sure it that which the nation that's close to you so images that which is car of lockers close to you what's close I know much accustomed love and I'm Alex is referring here to another plastic also until the mom evolved which many say when they put on their towers income occurred I am but article nearer I with you as the source of life quinoa but many people when they put on the Tiffin detalis I say Berkeley now Jie my upper hosta fella came here when a from a car I am but a little nearer with you is the McCartney so that's income that Amazon with you as the source of life because you're the source of life that voice of Fox tea was a shot but I knew my shaco Civ came from a car hang with you is McCartney hi hey McCallum hava refers to the life of Olam haba the tie new gala key and the divine pleasure should new Michelin astronomers McCann Aten which comes forth to the souls in gamate with a wash em with a delight on God they have the light from relationship with Hashem Maximus ago some vas callosum bhagavad Scala more floss Maui's because what happens in an Aidan is basically the neshamah comprehends it's opened up to experiencing in a very profound and wonderous way the reality of godliness so the tiny that in a Shama has from experiencing Hashem is unparalleled that's the timing of grenade now it's hard for us to understand like the Rambam famously in his pure Sean Mathias describes it he says it's like explaining to somebody who was born blind colors it's not shy it's not shot you can't explain it well snapshot that you don't bring it down well you don't have good metaphors or it's still abstract the whole phenomenon the home that see is unfortunately doesn't register by the person because they never saw and because they never had the ability to so in the difference of colors so you're talking mama SH in a completely abstract way there is trying to understand the concept that they can understand about of the people it's only imagining and imagine it it's very very very difficult it's too abstract it's too not real it not it's not based on reality to be able to experience it so that's how the Rambam describes gives another example somebody who was born deaf explain to them various various instruments of music and various voices of music it's the home at sea is not science it's not that that Tom death not that they're colorblind in that they don't have a cushion it it's at the home at sea is is not junk so the Rambam says that's how it is to explain to a person the tiny gavel of course the timing of a Lucas in GaN Eden was the pleasures that we have are completely of a different caliber but when a person when a soul is experiencing tiny elaqid by understanding by becoming a we're according to its capacity of the divine reality it transcends all other pleasures so it's a tremendous tiny house calm flies my the in cozy nonetheless anus saga Zuma gas alibi penis em hell nonetheless this house ugh of the neshamah and innate in this comprehension only reaches emka that which is with you showed over a tough Allah but Allah is law it's something that's ultimately tough will secondary subservient to you income means it's with you it's not uvula Adam Amish it's not you so even in what's in a in kamakura column with you is the source of life which source of life the source of life which is higher Elam hob of course higher la maza to but even a higher source of life now even if I'm holding on to him what's in come in cause you as McClure find the source of light of the whole Olam haba which is a tremendous revelation of godliness that the neshamah experiences and comprehends and that is the timing of granadan even that in cry don't want because it's not you what's that it's not you Quiles macabre to disobey cloth because no thought can grasp him at all this is an expression in isaiah allows a gossamer the comprehension of all the souls is the cleanest aversion it's only in the radiance of the sheena the glimmer of the screener the ray of the screener like the gomorrah says that in gan eden Olam haba in prophecy a few giants a decommissioned battery Sam bearish am bananen Mizzy version from the radians Ziva Hara Ballmer by definition what is as if as if is array it's a glimmer and it's only a glimmer to re bomb it's merely a glimmer villas eyes therefore de belem Allah says in most always a fox tea I don't want in I don't want that which is with you Aloha Ava robert e lee bottle really collaborating so Baraka mama the love is that I want to become submerged I want to melt away in the presence of the infinite one Mohnish all they starve a bit goo for the Malcolm I want to become absorbed I want to become nish I've drawn into the goo for the Malkin the very body meaning in the very essence of the king shall Allah my Allah my Allah McKenna's Eva ara not in the Ray but in the essence of the King completely transcending the red mahogany Shama cleaners you EF Shelia saw that a few shrimp in enemies ever Sheila even though in this space of a relationship you can't have the experience of sitting and enjoying the ray of the shin Hakeem either Abba on the contrary Gina's bit albumin CEA's here the person's entire reality entire identity is going to be so to speak is going to melt away for it's going to be nullified is going to be submerged or capital V skowl Osan Air Base vaca just like when you have a flame and the candle has its own identity but then you bring it close to the big bonfire to the big of hookah to the Victoria and what happens now hookah swallows up it absorbs the flame and now the flame the individual claim is just part of a larger fire so it doesn't have anymore its own Macias this is called VIP table matsyas it's home at seas becomes submerged and nullified in the law or absorbed and then larger flame Hagen after the parenthesis I felt became nonetheless xerath sign of a FAFSA this is her desire Liz bottle middle of the Musa vats Musa to be bottle to be absorbed in his essence Milius nanny documents if rather than sit and enjoy only the Ziva Sheena because even though that is a gavel the Kahana but it's only the ZIF and the order he wants is V in Coleco fats tea I don't want income a card kind what I want is we're starvin but go for the milk for others do this love Nicola finished a car it's called Zara time Kim I'm eyeless house O'Hara on a caver it's the unique my love the soccer over the knee Kevin he motioned item how does the Gomorrah says that women their diocese call its light my thinkin has Auto Show bar das the software is considered a bar das what is he referring to what's the connection here to this follows risotto penis Avira bar now Nick retract this average that we're talking about is called a nav of zone show das hoseok it's a strong das what's not a strong das Shibui her equivalent offal he's ready to choose that which is occur not that which is Tuffle Kagami shallow year the penis yesh even though that means he won't anymore retained his separate identity as a age Verena Hough it's a toughie he does not want that which is Tuffle that which is subservient after he initial almost and enemies is much cleaner even though it has a major advantage because that will allow his identity to remain intact because he could sit and enjoy the ray of the Shema I felt peace and gambol in his room the crime occurred high and even though even this is called the source of all life oh can I call you sued him to get Hanuman Chalisa loggin Adan because I'll say all the sternum of Jahannam are worth it in order to get the gun Adan which means that the tiny Gauguin nathan is extraordinary so profound that all these sort of afghan and my wife at our filosophy who wrapped in us American is guerrilla nonetheless despite its tremendous tremendous milah and greatness it's still called him her the a Mary clogged a bay area in Southborough and you cannot compare it at all to the very light of the inside himself not as if not array Kabhi you'd never alum haba the Gomorrah says Amman office of tests the whole Olam haba was created through the letter yud and their la maza through the letter hey this means to Cole premise Olam haba a neolutionist Nikodim when the Gemara says the me you'd never Elam Hobbit means the whole item Abba is really an akuna it's really one occur that's really the unit so yes that dude is Macar high and that dude is the source of all life and the tiny nook of experiencing that yield and the revelation of that yield is tremendous but when you're contrasting the hood to the a knife itself it's like the ray of the Sun the ray of the Sun how how do you compare the ray of the one ray of the Sun that comes into your home comes into the show comes in through the window how do you compare that to the Sun on the other hand that's what allows us to enjoy this song for a person to take a trip to the Sun they're not planning to go on the Sun shortly the moon yeah but not the Sun because we know what happens if you get close to the Sun when you sit in your house and you have disease our submission give all deck it brings warmth it brings light and brings radiance the same is true with the shimma shimma shimma the ocean bananen that's the whole LM harpist the whole Inaba is the tiny lugar Bella costs and that kind look is um not comparable to any other tiny little transcends its rumps every time of in the world no pun intended ah sitting in this song you know sitting basking and bathing in divine glory so the carnage what's greater than this comes love it and says Miele must remind the in colossal fast I don't want income I know it's my car kyon I know it's amazing and not only that it's a give all the advantage because you're there to enjoy it but if you want you if I want you I'm not gonna be there to enjoy it because in you my identity won't be able to remain distinct it won't be able there won't be that feeling of me of I am enjoying you because for me to enjoy you all I can experience is your ray if your essence would emerge so then ultimately my I would be absorbed in it let's never like the little flame and the bonfire and the bonfire the little flame can't feel ah ah this is a wonderful vacation it's a wonderful other mom is a wonderful sky all there is is the flame because when there's a zip when there's a ray so ultimately it's a restricted and it's like the Sun you go to the side and get burnt up you can't be intact in the Sun it's either you or the Sun it's one of the two the ray of the Sun is restricted it's tailor-made I can absorb it Ziva Sheena is a money to commodity containment but it's tailor-made for the neshamah but Musa Watts must say him himself if that emerges then there's no room for separateness there's actually no separateness it's all one it's all infinity are you inside butter who so it absorbs you completely you become part of it so therefore if you're thinking about yourself and I'm talking about yourself your spiritual self your perfect self your godly self then you want Canadian you wanna alum hopper because in alum haba yourself reaches its ultimate ultimate perfection its ultimate realization but this a ver is a novel he says despite the fact that I won't be here but I'm looking for the truth I want truth I don't want to be a Muslim I don't want perfection I don't want the biggest title of the world I don't want to experience God I want God there's only one challenge to have God there's no experience to have God there's no experience to experience God you can't have got can have a ray of God since some restriction energy to have God there's no experience anymore experience means I'm experiencing you I'm experiencing your light so this is a unique Alva so unique Alva this is the other of soccer soccer who says I'm boy through her equivalent awful even though even though it's not easy to be by today you want the tougher because you want to be there to enjoy it you want to be there but still he says I don't want where I'm gonna be I want the MS I won the ultimate ultimate MS even if that MS means I'm not there I'm not there to experience because in real truth is no separate art the eye gets completely absorbed in the MS that's what he chooses and that is a unique a unique type of a vertebra he says Olam haba is minor dick but it's a you'd I don't want an akuna and it could that represents a seminal point now from our perspective than it could that has quite a lot in it but from mainsails perspective it's only one could the whole model wonder could the in color so fast I want you yourself okay so when Dava de Mello says Miele Barcia my MV in Cola capacity pirates into hilum the Inca with you I desire nothing the touches vemma even that which is with you but it's not you it's with you but it's not you I don't desire even though it's with you it's M cause it's it's it's it's part of you it's with you it's an expression of you it's connected to you and it's deeply connected to you but it's not you and because it's not you so logical fats they I don't want it and what is this immke this is the second per second to him become a curve high in Bartha near your air with you is the source of life meaning the source of life of course comes from you but that source of life is only with you it's not you it comes from you it's image that's associated with you it's connected to you like him it's with you but it's not to you and the reason is because the source of life here is talking about even the highest form of life which is gonna deny la muhabba the Gemara says about that a masochist brushes that tsadikim uhmm para saber ishe and ven and emissive are Chinna so they can sit with their crowns on their head and they enjoy they bask and they bathe in the radiance literally the Raelians as if is the Ray and the glimmer and the light and the dazzling brilliance and brightness and spiritual luminescence of the Sheena so it's nen in missive Regina but the fact that it's nandan missive Regina is because its Ziva it's the ray of the Sheena and that's why there could be Nana that's why I could somehow wrap my brain around us yes not annoy la maza but an item haba ms not in the brute to material setting but in a spiritual transcendental setting on a Shama which is which is spiritual and godly and holy etc can be Nana missive Russian ingen aid neuronal on ha-ah no so that is impostor the C version is called a macaque it's image with you it's it's it's associated with you it's bottle to you it's your Ray it's your red but it's only in cuts with you it's not you that's what it says in Kamakura hi the troops took Amelia Shah my name is capital ing mo came from a climbers capital Ahmed love and what's the passion us and he is obviously giving a much deeper with you like a fatty I don't need anything else I don't desire anything else the intro like a fox t maybe Masha my name is Alicia Fox debarments right yeah the info with you like the Fox tabárez there's nothing in earth that that captures my attention that intrigues me that pulls me because I have you it's like a person in a relationship will say you know if I have you I don't need anything else so he touches even deeper the inner even that which is M saw like a fox T even the McCarthy American Iran why what is he looking for he's searching for least Arvind but goof of the mulk not as if not yet even a name is Eve but that the flame should be submerged in the VUCA in the bonfire even though when the flame gets absorbed in the bonfire it ceases to exist as an independent reality it becomes part of the hookah which would be called bitl limit CEA's Vltava matsyas means it's home at seus its whole identity its whole reality becomes absorbed in davao car but that's the love that he is experiencing and this love is that even though it's at my own reality i should choose to have a relationship with zip Archana why because then I remain intact I am there to enjoy it I am there to experience it so the hider that should be far advantageous it should be far superior to the immature like a fox do I want em ha I want my car time I want God as a source of life as a source of enlightenment as a source of wisdom as a source of inspiration as a source of Thai nope I want Hashem as my battery as my engine I want him so to speak to serve me to fill up I'm look for spiritual Shlomo's I want that a relationship with you I wanted a relationship with you because I become a car I am you are the source of life so you will be the source of my life the source of my identity the source of my energy basket for carat huh before we talk about become let's talk about what he's looking for what do you become his stage to what what is he looking for he's describing what the spirt what this whatever time I was saying what he's looking for because I want because I want you I want I want in other words as he puts it he says he's both her equivalent awful even though he's not gonna be the penis yes she's both her equivalent awful I want to call destruction I would call his scurrilous submersible submerge right but not with not a not doesn't have a distinct identity distinct identity so that's why you call it I envy Efes in terms of a distinct identity it becomes north you're right not north of litter rated and destroyed but the word Nana wouldn't apply here the word Nana wouldn't apply here because there's no distinctiveness anymore it's complete oneness its complete oneness with the source right so even though this is a murder the Cathay McCarthy to the fact that house I'll say all you suitum of gihan Emma could die just to Compton enemies ever seen in other words we can understand what that tie no guess but nonetheless it's a huge the whole other mob bizarre you'd and they used is only a penis in the CUDA the loss gain therefore since its Anika Davila hain law yeah fights listen to these words whoa yeah quits losses hatoful a Kurdish militant League arm Asia like he does not want to make the TOEFL the IKAR just for his own car may now leg arm a means usually for narcissus cystic purposes in the gourmet means for yourself you're doing it for yourself understand here what the reguar may means Hildegard may is what name mean machine it's not lagar may to be a gluttonous self-centered narcissistic the Virata this is Lagarde may to be able to be da fook in Hashem right but he's not going to make the TOEFL the Icahn in other words say the main thing in the main catalyst is McCulloch I am Rashmi lovely garnish alloy so that he should reach his ultimate spiritual the light and his ultimate spiritual perfection the Zohar nicob emission Urschel oil manaslu cabo pros now this is a shot that pretty Elvis when it says you should serve Hashem loyal Manaslu Cabo press how do we touch it brass means a prize the word prize I believe comes from the Greek press writes press but the word press actually is also associated in our lawful you have it often perusal right like we have in the little office of brofist you have bites a eyelash lame of Lila perusal Sleiman would be a whole loaf of bread a whole halwa brucer means a piece a piece of broken piece it's called a price that's why you say a price I give you a part of it like the process bratzman vase I'm out he says vasila when the Commissioner Schleyer manaslu Kabul pros let's understand subpoenas men in ms eva shin and nicola process to beam enemas Eva Sheena that's called price why Shana doc Prusa because it's only a piece it's only a fragment of the divine meal Austin like the expression in you Shia na vi's the authority of yom kippur how they praise arrived last mecca he xiaoyu and avi says he think of fast is that you're not gonna eat and you're gonna bring me sacrifices a fast day means I like really Ryan black Mecca to give a piece of your bread to the hungry person price break off a piece of metal shear share a piece of my bread with somebody else so what's price price comes to word Prusa which means a fragment a piece the Lehane ain't a half it's be presume the ZipZap shall oil monastic are brass means I don't want a price of because I don't want to stick of Eliquis I don't want Peru so I don't want a piece of the divine I don't want the array of God came with starve a bit go for the Malka what I want is I want to be drawn I want to be absorbed xuxa often I want to be drawn but go for the malc in the essence of the malla go for here doesn't mean body as and body good for means to cook the excel the core of the malla the core of the mela Rinna's Bittle batson the absentee aside inside butter home that is very essence is very oximeters should be submerged in the presence in the light of the infinite one which is not array anymore ashes sharm and over there Prasanna scariest lil calorie maha shiva ki te bulky honest and over there the prisoner would be like a drop of water in that clan Takashi it would be like a drop of water in that clan kokosh so you come to the Kiana's you have a notion and now you have you fill up a cup of water you put a drop of water you say now what would you want you want the drop where you want the ocean so if you want to survive you take the trap you take the drop but now what is the drop in the ocean the drop in the ocean it's a drop in the ocean as the expression is a drop in the ocean it's a muscle it's not a perfect Marshall because you're still dealing with physical realities and ultimately even though Kiana's even that plant ik there's sufferance of size of measurement but the concept is that the tip is caleca cv in the oakley honest it's completely bottle it's nullified it's forfeited not only position and not only the elephant not only be revolving you can't even we don't even know the number of what's the ratio between the drop and Okeanos xiv hush Nina the gap is shinmin is a drop in the Atlantic because this is a ray of a shell it's likely and that's what the Gemara means amenazas but you'd never Elam haba what's a huge are you this one letter so the whole lila muhabba is one letter now I ask you a question how much do you know about a person about an essence of it from one letter they say somebody says you'd could you write a biography about you tell me you're writing a book about somebody I said you knew him you read him know you met him know you spoke to people who knew him know so what do you have you heard him say you would how much of your of your personality of your wisdom of your soul of your essence comes out in the letter yud with a letter hey so cuz I'll say what Salem Harbor I'll uh mambas you'd now from our perspective of that you it has a lot because it's not a youth it's Hashem suit that you'd has tremendous energy McLaren SIA the source of life but understand from the perspective of that of the ocean it's a you did sunder kuda the whole thing is wonder coated one port one in sight one spark one fragment so it's enough to create a limb hobble and the hey is enough to create element let's face it Elam house was also pretty impressive say when the ballot Anya was taken to prison it was dark days so he came out the Atticus live so he looked at the he was in Petersburg they know exactly what he was that can Ireland they took him on Island for those who usually engaged in treason I would I went to visit it was very interesting place you can only get this through a boat so when he came out and he looked around that the edifice is of Petersburg at the palaces Petersburg is a very impressive city even then with gorgeous and I don't know exactly what he saw the Winter Palace the Summer Palace but it's not when he grew up he grew up in little little settlers and villages and then in Belarus and Russia Liana very small little so he says it's as a suffix if I finished up goodnight because that's a suppression of stuff and I know the gomorrah says cuz i'll say the Yaak of mayonnaise have made a division he took a long happy to kill Amaya so now we know the Mars is also guns impressive but it's not like I love muhabba but what still all of our Maya is a you that summer could so therefore if I'm thinking about me of course I want alum haba nanny missive are shimmer that's the greatest title in the world but if I'm thinking about truth I don't want press I don't I want the real thing I in the real thing I won't be able to sit on my beach chair right and sip my spiritual pina colada on the hammock of eilam haba and that spiritual hammock of course I'm talking about and bask in the radiance of the divine presence but I don't want your presence I want you I in the you in the you it's ain't safe and if it's ain't safe I cannot remain in as a distinct identity so that's why you can't call this a regular alpha if it would be tight on cowboys you're looking ultimately for survival you're looking for gratification you're looking for perfection you're looking for actualization you're looking for enhancement but what I'm looking for I'm looking for the MS and since the MS is not in the produces also atmos but it's a glimmer of MS I don't want a glimmer I want the full truth I and the full truth I will forfeit my distinct identity that's this above in color to Fox Deportes masha ink and premise your lettuce in a caver you let this in the cave is El penis Ava's suitor this is called small off now when he says here's small love it's not so small legate I've a rabbit's called a bazooka trust me Ava's good to hear it's pretty big it's all relative what's a verse or two you'll hear in a moment when Ava's it is and you'll see that it's big shava here are Manaslu Kabul prosper Ganesha the love is to get oppressing an aid now here he clarifies what this means what star Manaslu Kaaba pressing an egg even that is defined here not like many would define it people say what what why why do you want gonna make you one Canadian because it's ultimate I noticed all the pleasures in the world pale in comparison to their pleasures again Aidan he says know what Canadian is dying who should Hough it's carousel accumulative combined what is he wanting a maiden he wants care vasilich in he wants to be close to so many ones do Vegas inertia Dahanu said to show your abs muscles and a first two machines Luka by his brothers began Aidan he wants that his Atmos the core of a soul should remain intact the way it's completely attached with Hashem in Canaan that's what he one's gonna anyone's the ultimate Vegas so this is a ver this is the Alvin and he was that Vegas in this world remembered is the concept of I'll um criteria but high action in this world who Mario says says about the office that he team on the commercial another bastard that he team on in either made a llama Bimini lomasa and he team on main alum have been Adam Haase but what he's looking for is that Vegas with her shambles L penis nafsi EVC huh this is the concept you Shia Hanavi speaks about nafsi EVC huh Balala the past success my soul desires you at night Adam how miss Avila Sian option here he assumes that everybody knows the puck and everybody knows desire on the pasta it doesn't even bother quoting it so let me just give you a little context Shia uh Navi has an interesting Russian the puss occurs you Shia parry curve of PASOK attest nafsi EVC Kabbalah my soul Evie sitter comes in word over like evil a moisture fly right we say it every morning you remember kavacha Hashem Betsy I'm Eva the mush of law he desired CIN as his residence now she eva my soul desires you at night asks desire grammatically it's incorrect it's saying i double twice i either you say nafsi if supple isla or you say Evie citable isla like in english I'm not gonna say my soul I desire you at night I said my soul desires you at night or I desire you at night not see my soul Evie see her I want you by night my soul my soul and I are two separate beings either say nasty itself or even six of my Lila not now she I want you so desire says we learned the plastic wrong now she is not my soul now she's talking to a shell now she because you are my soul therefore Evie syllable Isla therefore I want you at night now she this is not my soul I want you at night you are my soul now she you are mine effort therefore it is it that's what he says it other Mamas Avila hi an option like a person loves the life of a soul a person the greatest love in life is love too lot love to live the love towards life Varia most people will endure enormous monoliths on enormous measures of pain surgery chemo therapies procedures and difficult difficult refers medicines in order to experience longer life longevity because the tithe that I am is the deepest hiver other mama Savalas high enough when you real what is it that I'm loving I love my I love my soul I love my life when you realize what is your soul your soul is God Hashem is the battery the engine the source the identity the core the fuse of the self in other words the ultimate self is our chef naturally you are my nefesh be suitable ila no you don't have to create a versus sham you have a position every person has other soshim you're just miss placing the word you just don't know the word what you're calling to change the word from God to the real self now she you are my soul you have a visage I'm already because I visage sham we've say the word Hashem as we spoke quite a few times Hashem so we see it in our minds is something distinct you know he's in heaven and this is this big boss or big reality a big force but that's essentially a child like a child like image because Hashem is also now she it's it's the ultimate to you so therefore and you want you you're now she's if we visit cousin a mastaba the high enough sure you're not gonna tell a person most people don't have to meditate to want to live it's so deep they don't even have to meditate on it at all it's instinctive and when it comes to a moment of Sakana they they operate in a whole different way so when a person recognizes that a sham is not she be visa then I desire you because you are my soul so I don't have to create a new desire it's not like I have to learn to love God because he gives me cotton candy in the morning if there is love it's only to him if there is love there's nothing else to her that is reality if you love reality if there's anything you love about life right you're loving life what is life not see that's a look whose behalf does hashem elokenu what else are you gonna love what exactly is it that you love so but may Allah not see EVC Kabul ila so why is it called balelo but Lyla means when I'm in a state of darkness then I experience this love when I'm in a state of darkness in other words when I'm in a lower state of consciousness then I say ah you're my soul and therefore I love you why do I love you because I love me and you are me I find me by finding you I'm looking to find myself in God that's the other both are tremendous love but the question is do you want to find yourself in a shed or do you want to lose yourself in a shower do you want to find yourself in truth why are you ready to lose yourself in truth that's the difference I've izuta I want truth but I want to find myself there in other words I want truth I want the fulfillment the truthfulness the power the authenticity the soulfulness the depth and the meaning in the Vegas that comes from being connected to truth I want care vasilica it's like when you find somebody that you want to become best friends with or you want to have a relationship that more you want to marry them and you say this is the person I want give us LA Kim Lee Taif as mm Melissa says a visit ly tithe it's great it's a shock yes some people find careful with other things tithe but if you're more enlightened than you're more sophisticated and you're more sensitive and you go deeper and deeper you realize that ultimately does one truth is one reality beyond the chocolate and beyond everything else simpler examples will soon come we'll still get back to that vision issue so a versuta is called a smaller level not that it's not a power that's a very deep love but means I'm still in a state of the of of so to speak more spiritual primitiveness I don't know if the word is primitiveness but it's so to speak a lower consciousness a simpler consciousness a more basic consciousness and therefore I'm looking for a llama but what's got a la mama a llama ba is vacant enemy's aversion so it's not selfish in the sense I want to be selfish I want to be connected to you but why do I want to be connected to you but I want to be connected to you I want to experience the closest I want to find myself in truth that's what I'm looking for that's the kaabah process I want approximate so he's not tied to the Kaaba press like we say the Kaaba price you want our shop to give you a nice house or to give you good / no sir that's price in Kashmir so I'm gonna say what you want Skaar no manaslu can trust me do you want Drake Assiniboine inshallah that's what you want so why is it called PLAs PLAs means because it's a Prusa cuz the Vegas in Hashem by definition he's only gonna it's only a Prusa cuz if you have the XM not the true sir then there's not Vegas then it's bit a little bit C's huh it's not so much you want because not gonna be an I that wants anymore you understand he once did not want right to be or to be not that is the question to be or to be not that's the difference here I want to find myself in Hashem and here I want to lose myself in a shell it's a whole different experience now that's called not Legare may because it's losing yourself it's losing yourself so it's not lagar me so why yeah what's coz coz coz he's looking for the hick here not that tough he's looking for the MS immature I don't want Tuffle I don't want what I don't want him I don't want accessories I don't want your mission I don't want you got boy him I don't want you Canadians I don't want your world just will did I want you I want you darn a facet ulterior motives solution above Abbas cultivo the avid enormous league are my you avidin famous good Marvel Bastion now usually right but people do something there's always on the Garmin imeem ask any classic psychoanalyst therapist what motivates people to do things why would I do it if there's no benefit the question is what's the benefit for some people benefit is called I feel better some people benefit means quick fix instant gratification some people benefit may be ruinous mental gratitude mental gratification emotional gratification a sense of identity a sense of physical spiritual health right people exercise to feel better people exercise spiritually to feel better and that's a great thing it's not it's not a yeah not a bad thing that's other what that sound that's what that the world works right life revolves on that on that seer so you say Lincoln may doesn't necessarily mean Lagarde may but you don't think anybody else exists you have compulsive narcissist so nobody else exists that's a different type of the GAR may we're not talking about this little guy may is very subtle you respect life of another person on the contrary maybe you're ready to dedicate your whole life to the other but why because you want the closeness you want the relationship to be so famous now Shiva sister Kodama miss Avila hiya Nava Philippine boy stur Yosemite no surprise so that's why he chooses the press why should I give her our a B you'd never ever mom it's only a Utica Daily Show normal who say about smoochy whenever so that the nefesh should remain intact the aina half-wits least Avila but he doesn't want to become nullified kiss gal oldest neighbor vocab but absent either side in size particle like the Nair the flame gets submerged in the bonfire because he's looking for the essence of the infinite one vanilla penis a visit to zoo Bechet McCamish Edyta college Isis a TOEFL dhikr the high nor manaslu Cabo Pradesh with all the Ganesha look what he's looking for the prize because he's thinking about his own Shlomo's for sale knife CVC cabal lila subpoenas natira Byun Lila he averaged cilicia this is called a love of darkness when their love of darkness it's a love of light but it's an a love where he's relatively in a state of less enlightenment more darkness in other words he's ready not to have full reality full truth because it's a lower state of consciousness this is called a Vegeta vs. Alvarado I once read a story I heard once a story a very interesting story about a you know I'd say it has a profound message about the search for truth the search for truth there was this man who was always searching for the truth all he wanted was the truth truth truth truth nothing but the truth and he said he would give up everything just to know truth just to know MS I don't have to tell you people with some experience of life it's not so easy to find truth in this world it's not so easy to find truth in humanity there's a famous Madras that when I run Ashley wanted to create the world ms told them it's a bad idea this is a world full of Shakur it's a bad idea yes it actually said there'll be a lot of hustle them you know will be this they'll be that what ms said this is all half of a house of a world of lies so what what can hash em do he took me dasa Emmet's some voracious robber partial test fish little loris he cast it to the ground and that's where the Bostick says MS may Eretz tits ma basically emesis bug rubbing in the air it's buried deep in the ground it has to grow why is it buried because Hashem buried it during the time of creation in order to be able to create the world in order to silence the MS so this apart from the Katya famous part the asteroid why did he have to throw away the MS Hashem wanted to create the world and me the circus had said to create the world so it's two against one what he have to throw away me the Samus so the cut scream his classic expression and way of thinking said because if ms is here even if the majority is against it you did not defeat it ms is not defeated by majority I don't care if this one versus a billion if it's true it's true the only way to get rid of it is if you throw it away you throw it away then you don't have to deal with it so this man is saying I want to find truth and I'll do anything and he goes to everybody the truth the truth they one day they tell him that there is the truth you could find the truth but for this you have to take a long and arduous and tedious and complex journey and you have to travel thousands of miles and Shrek through winding roads and tunnels and valleys and fields and forests and jungles and then and one particular place is the place then you'll find the MS anyway to make a long journey a little shorter he goes on this journey and it's very difficult and it takes some months and finally as he goes through his caves and winding roads and pathways and somewhere in this huge wilderness he sees a home and it extends for miles and miles on end and this is according to the maps he had this is the place of truth he walks in and all he could see is endless rows of candles endless rows thousands and millions of candles like little yard cyclists you know little candles and he doesn't know what it is and an old man appears and the young man looks at him and says I heard that this is the place of truth he says yes you have arrived in the isle of IMS in the place of truth is what are all these candles he says every person has a candle and this candle is the true depiction of this person if you look at this candle you'll know everything about this person and you'll know the truth about this person everything from where they live and how they function and the nature of their personality and who they are and even how long they're gonna live everything you look at any candle and you'll see people who are just born there's a lot of oil and the people are about to die there's very little oil and people are middle-aged there's a lesson and you look at the flame the way it flickers the way it dance is the way it sways this is the nature of the person's life everything about this person in terms of internal and external you have here in this flame he says can I see you can I see my community my city you know he's looking for Muncie sure sure sure and he takes them to that place can I see my neighborhood this is your neighborhood can I see my street my street can I see my house my family right there can I see my candle he says sure right there and the old man says I got a go for way I gotta go for a few minutes I'll see you later and he walks up and he comes to his candle and be the healer of him who was tremendous trepidation this is what he's been waiting for the whole life to find to find his truth he takes a look at his candle and he sees that the oil is about to end the flame is tiny the oil is about to end and a few candles down on the same Road is one with a lot a lot a lot of oil so why you think of a kite he was there he looks there by a key a mesh and he picks up the candle any poor person to his capital a lot of oil how open abyss alike this is the upper bhushanam Titus as he's in middle of pouring the old man walks in and says aha so you are the man who's been searching only for the truth and that's the end of the story okay now what you want to do with this story is up to you but it's a sobering story about our search for truth our search for truth do you understand why I bring this story in here you don't understand huh what person says I'm looking for the truth really what does that really mean what does that really mean try to understand the Alvarado neelima sure my name Calaca Fox the about is what it means I'm looking for the truth and I want to be there to experience it or am I looking for the truth and I'm really ready even to surrender that sense of a spiritual identity for the sake of truth because to find truth produces consequences it's not a simple thing truth has consequences even it that use a simple metaphor in a much lower level right somebody came to me for advice I asked them and I said what just before the before before we continue I have one question do you want me to tell you the truth or do you want me to tell you what you want to hear just probably which one you want so of course ask this to any person what is he gonna say of course I want the truth but when I told him the truth he didn't want to talk to me ever again so he said I want to hear the truth do you really want to hear the truth or you want to hear truth in a way that's packaged nicely in a way that's more comfortable a little truth because a lot of truth is powerful what if for the sake of truth I have to say goodbye to everything I grew up with to all of my conventions to everything that is obvious by me I don't even take for granted what if I have to revisit certain paradigms what if I have to graduate certain habits certain conventions certain perspectives and what if in the deepest place I have to actually say I'm ready to surrender my very self for the truth you know all the truth you would die right yeah yeah yeah not taking somebody else's oil yeah he wants the truth but to a certain limit I want the truth but to a certain limit there's another deep anecdote maybe on a similar note I once read a work or interesting book this fellow was also searching for the truth everywhere for years and years and they told him in one cave you'll find the truth he goes into that cave and he sees now to say it nicely but he sees this ugly ugly ugly woman mohnish calculus on Mia's guide and she says you arrived you arrived at the scene of truth and he spends there three months and then when he leaves he says to her they have a message for me she says yeah go tell the world how beautiful I am so very often you know truth it sounds beautiful but sometimes it challenges us very very deeply and it's not pretty at least from our present perspective sometimes we dismiss it and call it ugly because it's so challenging so the deeper love that he's describing here what's called a ver a ver Cesare the suitors other suitor as I said is no small off a Vasudha means that a person really wants to Vegas in Hashem why because they want the the closeness the fulfillment the inspiration the intimacy with the divine they ones in Hashima and not for selfish narcissistic reason so they could say I have this or because there are arrogant people no because of their refinement they cherish how deep this relationship is how beautiful the relationship is but is there no self involved there is a self involved and it's really a beautiful self it's a refined self and say it's an elevated self it's a sophisticated self it's a spiritually enlightened self but it's a self that wants Kira Selleck in Li toys nan in Mzee vagina I want to zip I want the Ray but I want the Ray I want the ray why do I want the Ray because I want to be able to understand this year I want to be able to wrap my brain around it I want to be able to sit in the presence of something I can enjoy it's made for me it's tailor-made for me it's the Ray the ray of the Sun I can deal with I can absorb I can internalize I can cherish it I can appreciate it this is our Manaslu cobble Pross don't give me the whole piece of bread don't give me the whole loaf of bread give me a Prusa give me a fragment why do I need a fragment I need a fragment because there is this is what I will be able to internalize be you're never alone haba okay mhmm a car I am I want that which is with you I can't deal with you I don't it's too I have to be there I have to be there for the show I want to be there for the for the circus I gotta be there but you've never done them ah ah then there's the Jew says I want you but the challenge is that with you there's no I if you the eye becomes completely absorbed in the you there's no sense of I anymore so here's the question does the person choose the Tuffle or the Iker the advantage in choosing the toefl is its leg arm a it's for me right it's a form of subtle spiritual selfishness I say subtle cuz it's not not brutal it's not brute selfishness it's subtle selfishness or he says no I want the IKAR I don't want to drop in that planting ocean I want the aughts miss shall oil Manaslu Cabo Pross I don't want the Prosser I want the ad son that's the question um do I just want to find myself in God or am I ready to lose myself in God I just want to we'll find myself in the truth or am i ready to lose myself in the truth now of course one always has to be careful with these words because it always has to be a choice what do I mean it has to be a choice you know if somebody comes to a child and says oh just surrender your whole identity because it's insignificant and just let it melt away in the truth are they surrendering their identity to the truth or they're not surrendering their identity they don't have even an identity to surrender there's no relationship here it's basically they're not even connected to the truth they're simply trying to liberate themselves from their sense of inadequacy understand what I'm saying you understand if I tell somebody you're nothing and this is the way to redeem yourself so you realize that they're not redeeming themselves by connecting to something they're just trying to make themselves feel better and fill this void because they're unworthy and the only way they're gonna become worthy is through this is they actually have to think more about themselves so in a funny dysfunctional way they're actually not leaving themselves because they're busy filling a void because their only way to justify their existence is by being nothing so that has to do with a whole different psychological problem that we're not dealing with you here we're dealing with a healthy identity that has to make a choice and cook is capable of making a choice in others forfeiting my identity is a choice it's not that when I was nine years old somebody told me I'm insignificant I'm worthless God is the only truth the very best of Aqaba star schemata mr. Gardiner's based on it yet and therefore bittle simply becomes the only term that will make you exist because who you are is so worthless that only if you nullify yourself you exist just don't confuse that concept with this concept because sometimes in religious life the two concepts could be very easily confused you understand what I'm saying if you experienced it you understand what I'm saying if you never experienced it then you don't understand what I'm saying and you're pretty lucky so but it's a very very important idea we're talking here about choices by definition a relationship is about a choice so this is drew mm else is merely mush in mind when kaliesha farts Dvorak's I want your MS it's not that I'm not trying to film to get rid of guilt and to get rid of a void cuz cuz then it's just for carrot in you're not even giving up anything because you're just trying to find yourself and you're finding yourself in the strange in the strange way because you're not to be yourself you have to say you're somebody else whatever it's complicated but I'm just pardoning that because somebody asked me a question after the and I saw that there was a little confusion with that so this is this is two different types of other one is called Adorama and one is called one is called Ahava I have izuta risotto and it's a question really in Yiddish guys it's a question in Yiddish but does one ever experienced a you described in which they completely melt away they completely can melt away and lose themselves in ms or I'm always intact I always have to remain I always have to remain intact now Rob you de la vie has an expression we spoke about it on Tish above in his in his poem CIA analysis a Leela Schlemmer Syria when he says when he vase echoing Chavous Russa I meet Kimberly she Raya when I dream about the return of your captives I am a harp for your melodies speaking to the CI of course that phrase was used in your shall I am shall Zahav right but the original source of it is w who de la vie sia in hallucis Ali anakena Alicia Raya I am a harp for your melodies or with the ladies saying is a very profound poetic idea and that is that sometimes a person is a heart just as the heart plays out a certain song a certain ballad a certain melody certain share I am that keener I represent your melody I am the violin or the fiddle of the heart or the piano or the cello whatever instrument it speaks to your soul which which so to speak is the vehicle it's the instrument for your melody for your sheera so I was just thinking about this by dominating the other day and that is that essentially I would say that in many ways this is an example of this concept like this mind may look at her like many other my Mari man look at the tailor the ballot Anya I find them look at attorney that he is a keen area a heart for the melodies of the Jewish soul what is Ana some of what is a song I'm the king of the shack our heart for the soul what is the soul it's almost like a harp to express the profoundest expression of the soul so the soul operates on these two levels there's one aspect of the soul where the soul wants carousel Achim it wants the closeness it wants the gun Aidan it wants the lockable price but he is also a heart for another dimension of the soul miele Bashar mine vanilla chiffon Steve Moritz that even the Ziva Sheena what I'm looking for is not as if I'm looking for you yourself in fact it's a much said that rights and a very interesting story that his grandfather during da Vernon he says Kaka Enoshima I used to hear from him Bey's difficu say when he would go into a spiritual state of spiritual intimacy he said he I would often he said he would often say this melee Basham I am the in Holika Foxley Boris it's finished dangun aden its villainous Donilon hey Bob Filner's dangun aid not actin its villainous dangun Aden Elliott melee Basha maíam I don't want heaven the in color capacity boretz it will nourish dine gonna dinner alien tanga need not acted it will managed as this Alain it will man needs to be disc Alain I only want you this was the duvet curse that he describes he heard from his grandfather he would say this in Yiddish in other words it's time gun aid and it's dine Olam haba it's yours we're not talking about honor the harbor which is gonna be stomped cholent and cuckoo we're not talking about that I love maja but some people have that perception salt and kugel what I'm talking about that we're talking tonight on harbor not even as a sky so I should have what I want we're talking about dine Olam haba know there's a place where I ask in your presence in your radians in your light but does Villa finished I don't want that why because it spruce it'sit's more cobble Pross it's a process around it will manage to be different Lane I want a relationship with you you yourself I what type of relationship is it going to be it can be called a relationship a relationship my definition means relatable probably can you can have the word of the relation to word relationship this is a scowl Osan airbase vaca the flame of the soul that's merged it merges that's the word it's a merger and it's not a merger of two companies where both of them maintain you know their identity they just get rid of overhead this is a merger where you become submerged subsume the drop goes back into the ocean the tip becomes part of the Kiana's it's not a tip anymore nonetheless nonetheless I'm not gonna settle for a glimmer of truth just because it feels gonna feel better I'm not gonna settle I'm not gonna compromise I want the full full full truth because it's true because it's true not because it's beneficial it's not beneficial but it's true and if it's true I'm ready to give up not my physicality I'm ready to give up my spirituality I'm ready to give up my experience of God I'm ready the experiment to give up my experience of ruffini's there's a void from the ballot Anya so murdered the cavort he said the first Mitzvah after Matt and Tara is right after right after what's the first Mitzvah miss baya Adama tasali that's Adelaide the last possible before that miss bear Kodama Tassili was a vaster lovest choice fo the s lama huh so he touched the first mitzvah after Matt and Tyler miss baya Adama Tassili you should build from me a Miss be an altar from Adama from Bittle visib after a love as a low set of Islamic and a listen to this I'm gonna say in Yiddish how he said and then translate on this miss bear who should slaughter as all a set of Islamic ax Dinah Ali ice undyne Shlomo's slaughter the desire to be a Muslim slaughter the desire for Schley mas you want slain was you want slow Mecca you want Ali ice you want to be oiler you want to be Obama draeger you want to be about my dragon for some this is it he says but that the finish upon the trailer was give that up I want to be Obama Drake I want to be oiler me dargah ladronka you know the expression you'll have I want a condition i want tire I want pushes I want mad Regas I want Seamus what's why most good sleigh Mo's now I'm talking about foolish limas good Seamus he says the first thing is you have to give up the desire to have Shlomo's the desire for Elias Medina why why that's all XIV the place that you're gonna be perfect even even assuming we're talking about not delusional Shlomo's there is again I'm just about learning these things so you shouldn't introduce of soilless here there's a person what slang was for them slam must means basically they feel horrible about themselves so they can have some image that they're perfect it's gonna work for them so that's already you know a little therapy maybe can help over there it's a whole different concept I'm not talking about no matter of Jew who desires my Vegas not only because they're delusional Columbus Chicago I hate him I hate him and they're trying to get rid of guilt their whole life and if they could somehow tell themselves that they're separated from the world and their holy and and they could go into the certain category of people they can justify their existence so then they push it need a good hug and a little love and maybe some exercise and a good diet and whatever some other stuff pusher to get them back to their natural organic holistic self because it's a whole other issue because the moderators are just substitutes for for deep you know obsessions and if it's called you call fog you know fear her obsession guilt so when things are foggy is very hard to serve God when you're in a fog if you're in a state of fear and obsession and guilt you're not serving God you're just trying to get rid of fear you're trying to get rid of obsession you're trying to get rid of guilt you call it a voice a shot we're talking here a Jew whose I was so to speak I know I want to say a healthy person I don't know what that means a healthy person was still looking for that person right but in other words he wants Ali as he wants slang most like he wants I was not for the kugel not for the air-condition not for the air-condition was once a year old overhang it's just something eat interesting passion he was a literacy and his name was a building event verbally oak went atomic awesome he wrote SWAT him on there round bomb and he happened to be a bookkeeper a bookkeeper for for the lubavitcher rebbe for many many years his name was Quinte worked in 770 it was a little real literacy eat and so it was a very interesting contrast over there and he worked he was a very good monkey the big tomahawk and what's fun him on the Rumba so once so one of his smart him thing was a Leo something Elio cigarettes and hug Adama of the safer that he imagines what I'll um Coppola is gonna look like what he wants is I love maja but to look like it was so very interesting she says he says what he wants it what he thinks are the mop is gonna look like at least he wants his i'll omaha buddhist i stand there a good martyr on the stem there it's snowing outside and you could see the snow it's freezing but in the in the in the room it's warm he has a thermos with hot water so he could give himself tea iced and them a tiger martin that my loved one that says hello mama okay so that's better than other people xylem hoppers first a stuff yeah somebody once said that a bala gull asylum harbor they asked about my gondola you wanna lamar be said yet said what solemn hanbok today omaha is that the highway on which the horses go are straight no bumps no ditches no curve balls it's a straight highway is that Salem Harbor everyone defines a llama but to core do they are if I have horses it's a gate the horses go for him the other one was extended everybody to find out them up in terms what's perfection but even if you talk about our mob in terms of he's talking here carousel with Kim of Ziva Sheena you're sensitive to the divine but I won - lamest I want the perfection there's a vast I love a sale acceptable amount I don't need Shlomo's I don't need alius what I want is you what I want is you and sometimes that has nothing to do with Slammers it's a whole different experience I hope the word is not even experienced it's a whole different reality so this is a person who's ready to give for truth to give everything to give even the need for Shlomo's the need for a limb haba the meat for alia now the two gears are cement you have the gears shallower manaslu kabul Pross and i'm an asteroid LaCava prize you sing so well Manaslu kabul prices not to get a price and here it's ominous I don't want the press I want the whole thing I want to EXA yes yes yes we say that a mental illness a person says I'm nothing and how does one distinguish between one form of I'm nothing and another form of I'm nothing huh some people say nothing compared to humanity some people will say I can tell nothing of great session yes but I think are you distinguish between the two it's very important to distinguish between the two not everybody some people mean it when they say it unfortunately someone is suffering from mental illness nothing will usually be very miserable someone who's achieved such greatness that is able to be responsible is usually bhavish like this and that kind of senseless move that person is right so I think I think practically what you're saying is that you can't just jump into this Alvarado if you don't go through the process of a Vasudha or to put it very simply to come and tell a ten year old boy or a 14 year old boy girl you know you're just nothing and the purpose of life has just become nothing just melt away and just jump into the Atlantic Ocean and just become part of the ocean so essentially what we're doing is we're not allowing him to choose to transcend himself to become connected to truth but rather the sense that there's really nothing worthwhile about you you're so insignificant and therefore there's nothing to cherish there's nothing to to celebrate there's nothing to appreciate there's no even sense of self to become selfless the famous Vaart from the up tear of joy of Easter all from ophtho he brings the Gemara says obsession diplomat hey I think it is that maxsa show you how lovely the limits like simply they service master Matt such a miracle level they still much enjoyed some very nervous months the motor learns out from the passing the it says like oh I love matzah and the circle of comets Sheba some tackle of matzah so the juxtaposition and the same process teaches you that the key of mitzvahs marks it can only be from a type of food that the third has to say don't make sure it's not common so for example let's say I make matzo from rice or from potato or famila right you have rice bread of corn bread yeah I forgot the kidneys issue took the spider you take your rice you grind your rice you make flour and do it then you make rice matzo it's the best mots in the world you know why can't become comets it's simply can become a graph she says it's a certain it gets even if an inflate it's not comets chemically it's not the commencement of the enzymes especially not comments the best marks in the world you're not going to the mid some of Madison by the Seder why it has to be from something that had the potential to become comets so you have grain yeah flour barley wheat spelt etcetera yeah flour you mix it with woods on the way to become comets now you can be your to matzah some so fastest a potato vassal hide our piece a circle that would have been much better if the total would have said that you can make mopsa from something that can't become comets because the biggest charged comets is much the worst problem to either the worst thing to eat and pay such as maths of course because it's the biggest charge comments is maths more than macaroons and other stuff so so that's the biggest trash comets nonetheless only that only from there you could be McCain Madsen so the opted off says in IV strong so sort of while ago it's an interesting party says that comets is Yeshua's comments represents inflation Eagle matzah represents deflation humility the only way you could be Makai in the midst of matzah is something that had the potential to become comets if it was something that never had the potential to become comets in other words it's by nature deflated in other words it doesn't even have the potential to become comets then there's no significance to the matter Cygnus not sir practically speaking you tell a seven-year-old you're worthless who cares about you kids what you think who cares what you feel your whole identity is just one schmatta it's worthless it's in significant abhi very humble trust me he's gonna be a humble man that's not the Mitzvah of matzah cuz that's humility that can't come with their comments there's no relationship there there's no self that it's transcending itself there's absolutely no relationship it's just you look up telling your butler you don't exist so you can ask a better question why does our i'ma have to create an ash um and then dinner Samba should choose to be included in the source destroy it before you create it and then you'll have bit tour Messiah then nothing exists so I think that's a very important distinction if somebody is coming from that paradigm then there's something essential missing in creation Kyah bottom line might be shrilly navaja island cuz i'll say miss actor sunedra so Mishnah the flama design a person is obligated to say for me the world was created the whole east side of bree asylum is that there is tremendous significance and value in the creation of in the creation of a human being purposefulness and accomplishment and and meaning in human life Alvis oil amassed on whatever Hatami bulk of a mastaba average cetera et cetera we say every morning my Daniel ofin ethics are the vintage muscle a kind of sumbitch on the side to beat I don't say that you know my whole existence is nothing then when a person understands this and appreciates this right and they evolve so to speak and they evolve and they mature and they develop then there is that moment that the person can choose and say I want complete truth I want absolute truth not coming because I feel horrible about myself a little more so I want to say it a little more subtly and that is if I'm doing it because I feel like nothing then I'm not really entering into a relationship with you frankly if you marry somebody because you feel like nothing and they will give you existence is it a better relationship you think ah it's the best relationship no ego whatsoever I'm shattered I don't exist I don't count my wife she's gonna live my life for me I'm gonna be buckle by matsyas Mama's loaded the best relationship right no disagreements no ego clashes no Messiah huh is that the only problem so what would you say about that there's no boundaries and I would say just even more than that now there's no boundaries not only is there no boundaries but actually I'm not really I'm not I'm not having a relationship with you I'm using you to fill my void I have a bottomless pit of insecurity so I'm actually a manipulating you I'm not in a relationship with you I need you to live for me so I'm gonna suck out every piece of energy from you in order to fill my hole in order to fill my void I can never be here for you there's no I even to be here for you I will forever be parasitic so this complete B parasite so this complete nullification is really absolute opposite of nullification it's really the opposite of nullification you know why since I feel like nothing so now I need I need God or my wife the same thing to fill that sense of nothingness I'm not really thinking about you so in the in these words in these words of saying there's no me there's only you sometimes what I'm saying is this is gonna be a relationship with there's gonna be no you only me you heard what I said when you say there's no me only you sometimes what you're saying is this is gonna be a relationship which is gonna be no you only me because the whole purpose of you is to give me a me and you don't have right to existence outside of that and you all understand that that's not a relationship so that's the clear distinction between the two and the same is true with Hashem the same is true with Hashem okay we'll continue inside the zone nafsi visible ila right you know where we are page page 39 dock off the second column below the middle line of the page that line started as el naschie EVC la la la la so you Shia Nova has an expression now she VC cabal island says we explained this is a very profound caustic the weights interpreted in the ZOA are a very interesting interpretation it's not my soul desires you at night because grammatically that's not what it says it says my soul I desire you at night which is a redundancy you have the same redundancy in parshas yeh say O'Kane yesh ashamed by maka Mazda but are noisy Loy your dotty and Hebrew you cannot speak like that I do you say fellow your dotty or right even lawyer that you don't say and I I did not know in poetry maybe it works right and I comma I did not know but for a noisy lawyer dotty the lawyer dotty but to indict oak right once you say but you could say no your dotty I didn't know well your doctor I didn't know what yeah the pond of my office asks it over the de pon my office I think you know part of développé floor finishes Haleiwa each heart which the author feel safe or a mocking on condition of long service she come with him of the market the rebbe of the Sam cipher the bailiff law he has a safe upon of me officer he touches he touches of work near when I see lawyer dotty means I did not know the unknown okay yes I said mom I was not aware of the amazing you typhus okay yeah Shambhu McComas how do you know a sham is in a place when you're not aware of them i when you lose yourself consciousness the sense of separateness self common but annoying lawyer Dottie I became unaware of the unearthing so here this ayah says now she v6 of a lie that doesn't mean I I desire you it means now she is not you nasty talk because you are my soul therefore EVC you are my soul a person loves his salt call soul life force who doesn't love their life force who doesn't love the the consciousness their energy there he is their heartbeat the life in their brain the human being is reflecting on life and he turns to the Creator and he says Nath she since you are my soul thus EVC I desire you are my soul you are my energy you are the battery of my reality enough she be sitting below you Shayan AVI you want to look it up yeah you want to look at him her to cut off the shy appearance of off persecute us she says that's Belial Eliza called Palaemon Sabinas Ava's you Nicola die in line Li he averaged Cilicia this is a love that's still in the state of darkness meaning it's a lower form of consciousness it's a darker form of consciousness relatively speaking it's a more primitive of Ava's utam why do we call it a shot because it's all manaslu kabul press the shrill holla garmisch alloy i make the tough of the Iker what I want is I want nav she I'm looking from my soul I'm looking for my fulfillment I'm looking for my inspiration I'm looking for my depth no small feat tremendous my dragon but it's called our Manaslu Cobb Oprah's ultimately I want it tough I want to be there for the party I want to be there for the experience I want you and I want to hold on to you knife Shiva Cisco this is a gather of Lila to sell what people this come brings us back to the discussion how he went into this hole sodium gomorrah tells us in the surface need Yama's rosti Loyola the sucker when the woman is Missouri a pillar she generates orgasmic flow first you're led to suffer the birth the baby that comes is a male mashenka the Gomorrah continues ich muss really low you logistic Ava when the man generates the flow first a lettuce Nick gave his wife gives birth to the female to a girl to the Gomorrah says in the 16th on the faucet in shock is really all desire and we know the words in Chuukese Azria are completely superfluous it could say is Shakeel does occur when a woman gives birth to a circle we know that it's a process the Toyota is not here to tell us the whole biological process we know she doesn't just give birth from a vacuum there's a process of Caesarea and this there's more than Caesarea right this there's this a whole developed as a whole just gestation pregnancy development etc why does the Toyota city Shiki Cecilia we all desire what's the Vaart sort of slide Megara and saw in this the issues dealing with in vitro fertilization IVF the third is trying to say that it's based on cases area because it's the big question who is considered a real mother who was considered a real mother with IVF so he interestingly brought this plastic issue he says area the others are the Gomorrah says in need them what the causality what the deposit is trying to say is tell us of art each Thomas Rath ela then saga ich muss really lettuce the case here we're applying this med of this idea as a metaphor in the spiritual life of the jewel there's two states this issue kisses Rhea is Shamas ransom is Missouri's issue Madras tequila means dis iris the inspiration is initiated the arousal is initiated by the Jew ich Missouri Attila means the inspiration this initiated above ISA Russa delaila vs. is seducing the lasat ceases a shaman rasa-lila deserves amish a knish mustard chili let us make a bikini no dad no Chavira sha Adam are you been after the love and the war that human being arouses in his soul him rap is Seleucid the Lacerta live of the year a boy among my lava penis is a lucid Allah Allah the Seleucid Allah SATA is an Aramaic term which means his iris from below SATA in Aramaic is below my love course is above so yes is Seleucid Allah SATA the inspiration from below the Seleucid Allah Allah is the inspiration from above so generally says the Ave of the year that a person is more aided in himself is only a fun it's a seducible esata for the abbe of a year that comes from above the service of the Leila this initiates I initiate closeness to you and as a result you reciprocate love towards me so this is her ooh sevilla satin is lucid Allah Allah so the Seleucid Allah Sapta is the abbe of the year that comes from a person which then becomes a receptacle or a container that initiates the avid the year that comes as a gift from above every avoider that a person does below it shreds are response from above the camera says in yuma other makka dishes as my motto motto the caption is a carbonyl my Allah but this is initiated by me it's initiated by the person it's not that you wake up and you have this major flow of inspiration that's a gift it's a person's a void that the person works on themselves the person works on their own character on their own refinement on their own avoider this is a serviceable status is full of famous erysipelas at akkad Mithila if the Isham as Roskilde the woman begins the process she initiates the relationship meaning shamea gaius as my a person heart of it means if me again from the word jagiya a person a heart of it myself he works on himself he toils with himself la jolla with either the year to give birth to love and for me who have been a state from the spirit of his understanding the person is working on himself he he focuses he meditates he's mindful and he's Mia gates my he challenges himself he challenges his habits he challenges is a dick he challenges his cravings he challenges his superficial instincts he challenges his sluggishness and he focuses and he uses his veena to be my Leland this is Yamaha Stella she is initiating the relationship she's focused on it she's working on it she tunes into it and she wants to make it happen as I knew mrs. de la almudena Madre de Guevara then the response no matter the response of the husband so to speak comes from a very deep and lofty space minimis or her highest she made an insane Borisovich Master Cicero the early the light and the heels that the infinite one gives the Jew flows comes from a place that's open amia sorry vac eyes from his essence from his court by a cellular design so therefore what's the baby what's the child it's also supposed to try to childhood again metaphoric chez Yael of ruin MRA he's given a gift a spirit from above Leo Sava McGinnis avid Abba that the love that comes from this is Ursula Ayla is what love the aviary Abba Dabba Dabba is the excessive the abundant love the My Lai massacre snapshot beyond the comprehension of his own soul she avoids Lee : Elise tava but good for the mouth cause he said before that he desires to be submerged and to be drawn into the very essence of the king since it began with Yama's Rasulullah since it began whatever begins with the person now the flow that comes as a reciprocal response to the person is completely of a different nature it's completely of a different galavan what you're getting is the real depth you tuned due to the real depth because it came from you it came from your initiation so therefore what you're getting is a shamisen our Zilla your ìletís soccer the result of God that gonna be is what type of a Ville what type of inspiration that which is the level of zukar beyond the Dighton color that which you're looking not likable price but the stubble go for the mark however an apartment but sometimes in life Higashi a nice illicit illicit mo mata even though there's absolutely no arousal from below in calls a nonetheless nemesis Lisa Russa delaila Illinois Reesa Reesa de la santé the husband initiates the relationship he initiates the inspiration the intimacy the excitement he Seleucid allah-allah comes forth to be my early research Tata sometimes this happens in life a person experiences an arousal not that they worked on it they didn't do anything something happens and they experience a gift a light a brightness a luminescence a feeling of ease a feeling of inspiration a certain elevation it may be in a feeling it may be in an event and maybe in an encounter maybe in an experience it may come out of the blue they don't even understand what it is this is called Lisa Russa delaila I didn't do anything for it sometimes I'm given on a platter something from above this is to be my idea sort of still Assunta the relationship is now coming from above inviting you in summoning you in the surnicc rakesh Missouri Attila this is proud to Isha's Missouri Attila the ich which represents Hashem the cousin he creates this era he gray he creates the flow the Seleucid Allah Allah zu this is addressed delaila on one hand it's so much mortgage smack you know you're you just invited to the party you're invited to the smorgasbord here eat free lunch but Kiran shanem chef is believed serviceable esata since it came forth without the arousal from below a Naraku penis could say Nia saw her vow highest remaining so far home ultimately it comes from a more external level of light from a more external level of energy from the inside Villa Cain thus I felt PC moderators gunky Nissan Versa Sedan de la santé even though this also creates an arousal from below because when you're given light when you show on a light it inspires you it triggers you you come close we're not talking about somebody who's closed down a pathetic but NASA penis I love that is going to be a bird there's going to be a product there will be results nonetheless may after she uh she said Rosa delaila bacillus after take out the word nonetheless there will be a Lada why because there is a service of lenses like that that's like male and female there was an intimacy here and for birth to happen you need the masculine and the feminine encounter spiritually you need the service of the lasat the antecedent Allaire the question is who does it first just like a child you need mother and you need Patti and you need mommy you need a husband and either way the question is who triggered the process who initiated the flow so that in both cases either it starts with her and he comes along either it starts with him and she comes along or at least so we hope so nonetheless in both situations they ultimately come together to create a child the question is only who created the process so here too even if it starts with him ultimately it arouses her the kanessa see strongly so there's no Santa so there's going to be birth I loved a life premise in the cavers who are visit on this collab but the birth will be ich muss really about this Micaela which represents the average due to the second type of love we discussed lava is Simone Olivet what's this love about I want to quench my thirst that's not Shiva seeker I want you because I'm thirsty for you the Loyalists Abhinav shebib it'll ha saga cannabis may evoke the person is not ready to experienced pouring out the soul in a state of bitl hosaka fat loss doesn't mean that my comprehension is nullified in the sense that there's no separate state of I because my brain cannot wrap itself around this experience so therefore what happens is bit Aloha Saga Knabe if may evoke alike the flame in the presence of the bonfire you wanna know what is so versatile esatas no sir this is allele is what comes from above you want to know what it is to loose at this there's a marshal front of Aaron Carlina a baron Haggadah love carlin you know who Navarre Carlina was if Aaron Kalina was from the senior students of the magnet of Miss rich and a very close friend of older older but close to the bow Latonya very close he's known as it of iron huggable they are the greater burden of iron hoggle of Karlin he passed away very young age I think at the age of 36 in the middle of Domini hello myath pacer and he left a little awesome so you have succeeded by his students why McCullough of schlemm of Karlin who was killed was killed by a Cossack tough Kaufman Bay's 1792 Branca Leonard that's the way either before right before the marga died right after tough go I think pay sucks cough cough one midbass 1772 around baron of carl in was a stick fire he was a stick fire you have to understand who he was they once asked to Bala Tonya to describe his years Shema him so he said that a baron colinear shaman was like somebody who was taken to be shot by the Czar's firing squad and they put him at the target and the shooters are about to pull the trigger see he says the fear that the person experiences that moment that was of iron of Carlin's your shin myeon when he was in a primitive state of consciousness when he calls moisten the kotnis they asked about a tiniest of what was his Eurasian mine when he was in a state of mouth and the godless he says you'll never understand so I'm not even gonna try now what's his response it's brought in one of his biographies called base Rebbe so there's a voice from him they say a voice very very powerful heart there was a year to caped him about ruler who came 10 it's actually a very contemporary art as well and he said he complained he lamented he said when he did sugar he had a tremendous - smacking Yiddish kind right which we see often a person discovers you know the first time they see a Shabbos table and they're amazed children are sitting around the table eating a filter fish saying they retire singing the Goodman nobody's texting television is not on and probably I would say a very significant percent of male children become ballet Julie between the chicken and his soup well between the fish and the chicken anywhere in the world anywhere in the world a significant amount because it's not it's the UM beyonds the atmosphere the gift of course at that point they think that this is a perfect world it's a perfect universe everybody is idealistic everybody is pure everybody gets along the harmony in the homes and the families in the communities it's extraordinary and I don't mean to be cynical they buy into it and they transform their whole lives let's look America Monica Bay Silesia and then after a few years hopefully after a few years sometimes after a few months they realize it's not such a perfect world and they someone's got to revisit their own relationship with God and understand that things are a little more complex then they meet the eye because you know picture-perfect realities are only that picture-perfect so this year comes to the bar and Carl in and he says when he started it became about sure that he was inspired he would dive in with us to us and he would learn with us he us and he had a relationship with Hashem everything of Mitzvah was with a dish maqam of the light he says now it's been many years and he feels dead numb lifeless called a pathetic indifferent detached this is his question to the iron of color Byron told him his apostle King Kai Alice I'll time our sleigh mamela says some major very powerful pasa all-timer don't say I'll my young memories shine in my youth even me Ella he'll I'm a hawk Masha Alta Elsa all people have a tendency to talk about the good old days the good old days what makes them good is only that they're old they're not here anymore because as you know the old days were not so good and they were not so beautiful but they're not here so you could be nostalgic about right what's happening right now you can't be this particle it's happening now but 50 years ago oh my god unbelievable but 50 years ago they were complaining about 50 years before that we're not sure exactly when were the good old days maybe in the Garden of Eden before the Knopfler's but other them didn't like that either so we're not sure exactly this amazingly it seems come back on a thermic handle you know you go back the good old days so slow my Melek says don't say why is it that the oven where is showing him the first days were tightened they was so much better keloid made hush Masha Aldonza it's not a question coming from wisdom that's what he says it's obviously an ambiguous poss it says robotically no what does he mean he says he's referring to your question you're a dilemma you're probably and this is he says he says ever so look how much they'll give you a monster there was a wealthy man in the community who was very generous he was a philanthropist he was at a caring heart and he looked at to Eden who were both poverty-stricken individuals they did not own a ruble to their name and they had big families he calls them both in one day to his chambers he gives them each separately fifty thousand ruble which would basically be giving somebody you know $100,000 seed money two hundred thousand dollars seed money says here go go build yourself a life build yourself a business make investments do something here you have good seed money as a loan God willing you'll do well and one day you'll pay me back the loan you'll have enough interest and you'll produce enough that this money will be able to give back they both thanked him excessively says if i'm cholena one person takes a lot of $2,000 you can't believe his Mazal so first of all he buys them in the cities he needs it's a little food the kids need new shoes he fixes the leak in the house of Chinna to drain into the dining room and the bedroom fixes up whatever he has minimum and then he takes the money you know he tries to piss I should firs here a business seer opens up some little store and slowly slowly he generating a little little profit and still he has a lot of money to use any invest more and invest more and whenever he makes a little money he has extra he puts it away he puts it away and so after two or three years this man that becomes a successful person and he has enough money he goes back to the career after three years he says here's your hundred thousand dollars and the man is so inspired by him he says you know what it's a gift take it use it become even more successful and even bigger it's a gift sorry second person also gets the hundred hundred thousand dollars let's say call fifty thousand ruble ah he's a career first thing is he buys Master Yana citizen illa becomes the honoree at the dinner buys himself a tuxedo and the 3000th of course $3,000 suits the best of the best buys the fanciest home on for Shay gets himself you know the front seat and shoe he's now the DA Brazil called Bernardo la he becomes the rush I call he runs for the Russia call dresses his kids beautifully the problem is the money the money is running out and after a year and a half he's left with garnished nothing nothing he comes to the grid and he says I need another money's money and now you know my budget is much bigger I have to maintain a lifestyle the guy says not only am I not giving you another loan I'd through doctor I mean I walk back the lab okay what you do I want back the last penny sell all the garbage that you bought to decorate your life and give it back to me I want a proton I want he was very upset with this is the marshal you understand the name show Myra Kalina said this is life this is life at some point a person has it's a lucid Allah Allah there's a point in life that the remuneration of them says here here's money what money money's Avenue a kesef his ovens of his you here here's a little dosage of inspiration a little dosage of elevation take it it's borrowed money it's not yours it's borrowed money now there's two types of people one person knows that it's borrowed money so what do they do they know they have to make it on their own so they use this as seed money to inspire their own movement to make a dent within their own life within their own lifestyle within their habits they make a dent within themselves so that it starts becoming a source that generates its own money from within and then after they are successful they're successful they come back and they want to give back the money in a sham sauce keep it you could keep that inspiration - there's another person also gets the same law but he takes it for granted he thinks it's his own money so he starts spending and squandering it nothing was really his it was a flow was a gift and the money is depleted and he's left Mohnish with nothing called kyria Makana makan dr. barn you coming to me and you're saying you're not inspired anymore so now back to the pasta it's like my mother says I'll time I don't say I'll my mmm are you showing him how you type in Miele why is it that in the first days in the early days I was uplifted I was elevated I had a penis I was inspired keloid made hakama the inspiration did not come from your own wisdom I'll toss you borrowed it shout the not from cut out the question south of the word soil a borrower so we learned keloid make huh smash out thousand you're not asking it from Kauffman no keloid made customer it didn't come from Crosman Altos it was borrowed it was borrowed borrowed money is easy you have a huge chunk of money it's not here as somebody else gave it to you of course you were inspired but after a certain point it has to become your own money for it to become your own money you have to internalize it to internalize it has to be part of your system to become part of your system it's like we spoke last week with a foul lane Brennan if you want to get the log on fire versus the can the kerosene is gonna make a fire but if you want to get the log on fire it's much more difficult it's tedious you got a splinter the log of till you catch the log on fire but when the log is on fire it's on fire you're generating the money yourself so on one hand it's easy to look back and say ah it was so good Mauck of course it was Gershman wasn't yours to make it yours is a challenge that unique they say a Marshal's in the mouth summative a similar vein he once told somebody that you know you know you go into certain restaurants or stores every Green has it that they let you taste right they have a whole display of smorgasbord and people some people come Friday afternoon they have a whole avoid the fireman three hours they taste everything they go and since it's a big store Saburo some shrimp they eat up all solid shutters of Shabbos they don't have to eat on campus because it's enough so anyway so did you try a man so this Jew comes in he's hungry and he sees everyone is and it's all free people eat then they leave wow this guy's a real marcasite it's like a rumba demon he takes a plate he fills it up one plate with chicken and one plate with meat and one plate with salads and we'll play with rising outs and he eats a whole huge sudha and he finishes and he leaves the owner starts chasing him he says good Navy sailor give me my money this is why you're discriminating you're an anti-semite why discriminating against me everybody here came in and ate Reese's no no no big difference they I gave samplings they had a sample why because I want to trigger their appetite I want to show that it's good food won't inspire them to buy you take a whole big meal doesn't work that way the baal shem tov says when the heath comes in tosh times restaurant the first time donors here here's some food for free because he wants to show them that it's quiche my Tomoyuki toi Hashem he says when you did sugar he gave you a gift of inspiration he wanted to show you to remember why only that you should ultimately earn the food you should make it yours you should pay for it how do you pay for it you pay for it by making it yours you own it how do you own it it's internalized within your psyche within your system so you got a sampling for free but you want to eat a whole meal this ultimately has to be yours so Baron curliness says I'll turn my Yamamoto stratum by your title Mahler can like make hakama salt also that's the process so these are the two stages we're describing here you seduced Attila SATA versus the service of the Leila SaLuSa the laila happens and nobody knows when it happens it happens everyone knows in their life there's different experiences you go through something very positive go through something very thrilling an enjoyable moment sometimes a challenging moment sometimes he's sitting on a couch I mean I'm Mitzvah it could be a Wednesday after nobody knows how this works Lucinda Leila Hashem reaches out he says I want a relationship with you I want a relationship so here's the difference the fact that this if their sister Leila doesn't trigger anything then there's not gonna be any birth there won't be results you get the mummy it feels good for an hour or two call it a mystical moment the mystical experience and it feels good but the log was never on fire was just kerosene you know he poured a lot of guys a lot of kerosene and therefore there was a beautiful flame but there was no was not sustainable there has to be a marriage between ash and Isha I have to now take it and make it mine but here's the question if it starts off with you it has a whole different results ah it's a whole different result it's a different experience it's a different experience I'll give a simple example in another area but you'll see many let's say you did something you bobbled somebody did something wrong to somebody right they confront you and you apologize you pologize sincerely but it's not like when you initiate and you call them and you say I want to apologize you understand it's a different reality why in both you respond I talk about the second case the person the first case the person was not really was real but you reached out and I responded so that which I get from you as a result is a more external level when you start the process when the Seleucid el-assad to proceed proceed as aru cedilha a look in other words I was not given anything I completely begin to climb on my own on the contrary I start with nothing it's not I got this tremendous flow and I run with it okay give all did you actually initiated this in a paradoxical not pardon in a profound way he says it touches the penis of the inside so the response the love is given from the plumies when the nimmi's has given to you you have the e care this is already a ver ever this is our rabbit because I'm not I'm not gonna I'm not gonna go for the price I don't want the press but if I don't get the pen amis only get the sign is this is if this is all this if is very good smack so then I'm motivated by this is it why does this Seleucid Allah Allah that precedes there's a little Tata touch touch the premise the answer is he says I'll swear look at the terror I showed him in a minor because since the ultimate objective of creation of the world was a relationship with the person the avoid of the person so therefore when the person reaches out for a relationship it touches so to speak Hashem in a far deeper space if we can express ourself that way then the relationship that is initiated from him the relation that's initiated from the person ultimately represents and touches the ultimate objective of recent alum that Kyo still inspired hashem like a pillar to create the world l'm I see a desert itself so therefore that movement in that direction Shriekers something from the deepest depths so therefore the URI lettuce the high lager from there Yama's drastically letters each Missouri a killer there's also most small thing because the woman responds there's always we're talking about the disease ERISA de la santé we're not talking about you take the money and you run with it and you do nothing with it and then it just dissolves after a day but then it's you're like this nakida so it's two stages so when somebody is feeling nothing and they start the whole process from themselves this actually produces something far deeper and greater than that which begins from the flow above us it can be a Lamaze a your death artistic explains it elsewhere that he craves the work of your hands he wants you the real relationship is you the sarissa - Leila ultimately is me you know I'm I'm expiring your sisters all about this class is brought to you by the yeshiva net please help us continue the classes make even a 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