Torah Ohr Vshavti B'sholom #2: The Day I Discovered I Was like a Chick in an Egg

Looks good here. You could I could start? Okay. You press you press start. Should I go to the door? I want to thank small silver our IT uh technology guy who's here today gracing us with his presence. And he says what CNN does with 300 staff we do with one man. Huh? And he says it in a and the message is even better than CNN. Let's hope, right? No, we know that, I mean. Yeah, okay. You should call your small. Thank you everybody for coming. Good morning everybody. Okay, we began on Thursday. The first year was the minor total of the year the first minor of the shaft of the Shalom of base of the and we're holding close to the second paragraph, close to the end of the first paragraph of the shaft of the Shalom of base of the. Today's class is graciously dedicated by our dear friend who for many years was one of the pillars of this class of Schliemann color in honor of his beloved wife Blimie's birthday on you'd base kiss love the 12th day of kiss love. Happy birthday and the Shalom of the Shalom of many long happy healthy prosperous tranquil and serene years with abundance and thank you very very much of Schliemann mazel tov. I shall not lock her. So, to summarize one of that at least one of the main points the wanted to this minor the asked a bunch of questions and one of the main focus of the questions is why the stones become such a major factor in the whole story. When you have a video goes to sleep on the way to her and he takes stones and he puts them by his head. When he wakes up the stones suddenly become one stone The the become one stone and he takes one stone. And then he takes that stone and he turns it into a matzeva. He builds it up into a monument and he pours oil on it. And then later he makes a promise that if Hashem is with him and gives him everything he needs and protects him and brings him back to the home of his father and Hashem Elokim. What's the What's the crescendo? What's he going to give in return? What's going to happen? The stone that became a matzeva is going to be a base Elokim. Everything is about the stone. So now the Rebbe started to explain the idea and but to put it in uh maybe more in simple words, it's basically that there's two perceptions of the universe. That's what it really boils down to. One is many stones and one is one stone. When Chazal say that when Yaakov went to sleep, he gathered all these stones and they started to fight and everybody says, "I want the head." And everybody is quarreling with the other one because I don't want the legs. I don't want the thighs. I don't want the torso. I don't want to be near your chest. I want your head. I want the head. I want that everybody is fighting. Rashi brings it. And then what does Hashem do? He turns all the stones into one. There's a merging of the stones. So it looks like just, you know, it's a cute story. Why did it happen now? What's the whole point? But really it represents something much deeper. Because you can ask a question, how does it help if all the stones become one? Your head is still only on one part of the stone. Right? If you're lying on a mattress, the mattress is one mattress, but your legs are one part of the mattress. Your head is another part. So they should still fight. Even if we're one stone, but who's getting the head? The head can't be on every part of the stone. You took 12 stones and you made one big stone. You should have strength. So you have one blanket. You have one mattress, but the head is still only a the head the head didn't become the feet. It's a good question, no? What's the answer? The answer is because when you're one, you don't mind if the other one has the head. Cuz you're one. They stopped fighting not because everybody gets the head, because I don't mind if you get the head. Or if you want to put it in other words, you're getting the head is also me getting that because we're one. And that changes everything. You see it in the relationship. Who gets the head? I get this, you did this, but I did this, but you did this, I did this. And you could go your whole life like that in different relationships. And people do it. And it's it's a sad thing. It's a sad thing not because they're not right, because they're stuck in a perception of what's it called zero-sum game. Zero-sum game means what you have, I don't have. And what I have, you don't have. And therefore we're fighting over limited resources. And life has limited resources. The question is who who's going to get it? So today I got it, tomorrow you got it, then the next day I want to get it. But I'm smarter, so I want to get it more often, but I want to get it in a way that you don't realize that I got it. And I could live in that space. And it makes sense because that's the space of different stones competing over the same head. Anybody relates to this? Right, but if I don't know of anything else, this is the way to live because it's it's me or you. And even if we're together, so I have to compromise. Okay, so today I have that, tomorrow you have the head. From one to two it's me, from two to three it's you. But that's we that's a torturous perception. That's the perception what he calls olam hapirud, the world of fragmentation. What Yaakov's entire perspective his entire agenda his entire Indian was Vayetzei Yaakov M'Beir Shava, Vayeilech Harana to be able to introduce a different consciousness. And the Alter explains that avanim, the word here is stones, because stones in Sefer Yetzirah in Kabbalah, stones are called oisios. Oisios are called stones, letters. And the whole world is made up of letters. And because well, somebody made me the chashmon. It says in Sefer Yetzirah that two stones build two homes, three stones build four homes, I'm sorry, six homes, four stones build 24 homes, and five stones build 120 homes, and six stones build, I believe, 760 homes, which means that when you have a word that's made up of two letters, when you have two letters, you can make two words out of it, which means two homes, so to speak, because a word is like a home. A word is a is is a is a vessel through which an idea can be can be conveyed. And then, of course, if so, that would be like one part of the home. And then, a few words together, which is like a few bedrooms, becomes a sentence. And a few sentences together becomes a paragraph, and that becomes a chapter, and a few chapters together become a book. And in the book, you're like convey something. Something lives through the book. So, it's like a home. It's a structure through which something can be happening. If I just If I just write gibberish, abracadabra, it's it's not a home. It's like taking a bunch of rocks and putting them together. It's not It's not a home. You need a structure. And then, you could live there. There's a space for you to sit. There's a place for you to sleep. There's a place for you to eat. That's a deira. So, oisios in Kabbalah are essentially the merchandise, the the building blocks, the building blocks through which any emotion I want to convey I'm now trying to convey an idea. Words, letters have to be put together in a certain sequence. And it's always about the sequence. It's always about the sequence, cuz you can have the same letter to make up a sentence of trash or meaningless or stupidity. And the same sentence could be pure eloquence. Like, wow. You know, sometimes you read a sentence, wow, that's a way of saying it. You know, he nailed it. What a home. What a home. But you basically took letters and you put them together. So, stay above and by the stay bottom. Somebody sent me, I guess they checked it out mathematically. It's pretty interesting. Now, after the sheer somebody sent me was very interesting. About how the stones work. Um Just want to find it here. I didn't know. How far it goes. Like cuz at some point you stop counting. Ah, okay, I found it. So, from here So, from from from from from two letters you make two words. Like av and by, right? From three letters you make six words. Four letters 24 words. Five letters 120 words. Like aleph kaph aleph lamed heh yud mem kaph 120 words. Six letters 720 words. Seven letters 5,040 words. Eight letters 40,320 words. Nine letters 362,880 words. 10 letters 3,628,800. 11 letters is already 39,316,800. 12 letters is 479 million plus. And after that the Sefah Yetzirah says another few you'll be able to you'll stop counting. In other words, it becomes so astronomically gigantic. So now the question is, this person writes to me, so I want to ask you a question. He said, now if you take all the 22 letters of olive base, which Sefah Yetzirah says to do cuz those are the letters through which Hashem created the world, and you make every possible combination of them. Okay? How long would it take you to read every possible combination of the 22 letters? So if you have all the 22 letters and you take every possible combination of every single one every single one from all the 22 letters, every single possible combination, which we heard there's many many combinations. How long would it take me simply to read or in other words to visit these homes, to visit each of these words? How long would it take me? So he says, if you give a round 3 seconds per word it's going to take you 100 trillion years to read it all. If you give 1 second per word, it's going to take you almost 36 trillion years. 36 trillion years only. That's it. But if you give a little more, if you give 3 or 4 seconds, it's more than 100 trillion years to read it all according to AI. I didn't do it. Stop for a coffee. And the uh you can't stop for a coffee. No, no. No. If you stop for a coffee, you ruin it all. And that trip says you have to understand this because every tzeruf is another creation. The diversity of creation, physically, spiritually, in every single word is all different combinations of letters, the same letters, but it's different combinations. Mayim mem is water and aleph shin is esh. And that becomes the divine energy which morphs into the spiritual and physical energy of that creation, which is called chemistry. The chemistry of everything on a physical level and then deeper on a spiritual, metaphysical level, on a divine level, this is called hishtalshelus. And it's all atzmius. And the we call it avanim. Why such a strange name for avanim? For stones? Because that's the paradox here. On one hand, it's the structure of the home that allows a person to live there. You look at a home and you say, "Wow, this is a place where I want to go into." A bedroom, a kitchen, a dining room, a living room, another room, whatever it is, a foyer. You sit this is a place it's a dirah that's megaleh the adam. It It It brings you out. This is your home. On the other hand, nobody's going to say that the even, the brick or the stone or the piece of wood that was used is actually comparable comparable to the energy of the person. It's a domem, it's lifeless. You see rocks everywhere. You see bricks everywhere. You don't say, "That's my home." So, on one hand, there's such a disparity between the person and the home. On the other hand, the home, when it's used right, becomes a place where you live. This is my home. To the point that it becomes like synonymous. Like this is your home. The Gemara says, "Kol me shain lebayis ain lo adam." Right. Homelessness de- demoralizes a person at their core. Everybody needs a space. Sometimes there'll be huge fights between homeless people in the subway because this is my spot. It's a subway spot. Take another spot. No, no, this is my house. This is my dollar house. I'll kill you. Cuz without a home like you need a space. I don't know if anybody here felt what it means to be homeless, like really homeless. Homeless doesn't mean, you know, that you don't want to come home for a couple hours. It's It's It's It's something very real. Huh? Yeah. You see, it destroys a A kid feels he doesn't have a home. Yeah, yeah. If home is not safe, yeah. Safety You have to have a a safe home emotionally and physically. It's like it's essential. The Gemara says in Yevamos, called me shain lo bayis ainu adam. It's not an adam. The Torah Gemara Tosefos over there. Dach samach gimmel ereg gets dort. Emes? Yeah, yeah. Kol me shalay shaday shaday belay bayis belay brachaya. Samach dalet kentsan. Somewhere in that zip code. Very good. Ma mem yud mem, it's the meyam. Mayim is meyam. From the yam. Yud mem is yam, yeah? So, the letters yud mem have them an energy right? That channel the divine oisiyos that that create the sea. Just like aish has the energy that creates the fire. Or chamar the donkey, or gamal the camel, or aryeh the lion, or dov the bear. And that's why the names of adam are so significant. Because when adam names everything, he's not just giving random names. A table, a chair. A salon, a tree. The name is actually the oisiyos with which it was created. And therefore it continues to be created. And from the name you can identify the sharish, the energy of it. And those are the oisios. So, when you look at the world, you could look at it in two ways. That's the paradox of avon. On one hand, it's a home. The avonim are all channeling in safe. So, everything is infinity. And also everything is really one. Because it's the same source, it's the author. It's like when you read a book, the first chapter is not in a fight with the last chapter. It's the same author. One sentence doesn't get into a fight with the other sentence. I WANT TO HAVE these letters. What You're all conveying a story. It's a cohesive story. But when you look at the world, we don't see that. We see ego. Because that's It's two perceptions. One perception is when you see the ice divorced from the idea that it's conveying. It's just a diamond. It's like a brick. It's lifeless. You don't see the in safe in it. That's why it's called avonim. That's why it's called stones. The even the guy the person who's living in the dira, it's This is a medaber. This is a domem. And yet, in a physical world, we know that the home is where you express yourself. You live there. And the home does something for you as much as you do something for the home. So, there's two perceptions of the world. One perception of the world is where the letters are just fragmented. In other words, I don't see them as divine letters channeling a cohesive story. Everything is on their own. So, I fight for my turf. You fight for your turf. So, what does that look like in relationships? It's always a zero-sum game, always. And even if there's compromise, but even if there's peace, the peace is about compromise. It's about okay, I got this, but then the It's always like quid pro quo. It's very transactional. But essentially, at the heart of it is I need to protect myself. You need to protect yourself. In other words, I go into an ego space or an insecurity space. And what Yaakov was trying to accomplish was a different paradigm in existence. Vayikach mei'avnei hamakom. Avnei hamakom represents the diversity of the Isis that constitutes the whole universe and bring it back to Mira to the cosmic intelligence of my love which is like the author that's channeling a story through all the Isis and therefore really they're one even though each one manifests the story in a different way. Because you can't create a story from one letter. If you just have a billion times that's not a story. You need combinations of different letters and not just 22 different letters but each one each needs so many diverse combinations trillions and trillions and zillions and zillions and zillions and it's momish what matter looks like. All matter is made up of the same material. Of atoms. So what make the difference between matter one one entity and another entity if they're all made up of the same of the same material. Ultimately atoms are the building blocks of all matter is the same building same Lego game. It's the same pieces of Lego. The answer is combination. The way things are combined literally to them. You have 22 letters it's a very limited amount but the makes up endless endless diversity to the point that you don't recognize one from the other and what's their connection? That's the external perception. Once you go deeper and you see the actual building blocks and the building blocks are each one conveying their homes for to convey the inside so it's really one. So that's why when Jacob looks at the stones they merge into one is cuz his observation of it redefines reality. And now you stop fighting who gets the head because you having the head is me having the head. It's a different it's a different way of living. So there's a very deep peacefulness over there. It's a very deep safety. It's not such an easy avoid it because naturally I want to protect my turf if you want to protect your turf and this is where all divisiveness comes from. Every in the world every fight in the world. Every argument in the world. Every argument in the world. whether it becomes violent or it stays verbal, whether it's an argument internal or an argument external, whether it's a big argument that involves countries and civilizations and tribes and nations, or it's a little argument in your home or in your family or even in yourself, what is it? It's from an understanding, a lack of understanding of the truth of the avanim. It's the external perception of the stones rather than the internal perception. And we live in that world where that's naturally the the intuitive way to go. And that's the whole hidush of the story, that that was the main nekudah. You toifes? This truth is written in stone, very well. Very well said. And that's why it says vayosem me rashei seif, he brought it all back to chachmei elah. So, really, what does that mean in a very real way? It means that in everything in life, you look for the nekudas achdus. There's a deeper oneness here. And it's really a training, it's a training. Everything in the world. It's part of oneness because everything is ultimately carved out of infinity, so everything has infinity. But the way infinity, so why don't I see infinity? Somebody once wrote, "If all the doors of perception were cleansed, everything would appear as is, infinite." Because everything is carved out of infinity, so everything is infinite. And that's why the deeper you go into any physical structure, what's called modern physics, the more you find infinity, the more you find something that's higher than rationality. Cuz essentially everything is carved out of infinity, but because it went through isius and every isius contained and has a shape and it has a feature and it has a number and it has a character, so it literally gets metzumtzam, it gets filtered and restricted through the letter so it could manifest the part of the story that it has to manifest. The squirrel tells its story and every squirrel tells a different story. Hashamayim mesaprim kavod Kel u'maaseh yadov magid ha'rakia. Yom l'yom yabia omer, v'lailah l'lailah every creature marbeh ma'aseh Hashem just literally like every letter in the book and every word and every chapter and a good writer knows you don't ignore any words. Every word means something. Lo yafchit u'lo yosif. So you don't add then you don't subtract. If you're saying an extra word, get it out. I once saw a speech from Rabbi Lau, the former Chief Rabbi of Israel. He was telling people how to give speeches. So he said, "Most people take the first page of your speech and throw it in the garbage." What's the beginning of most speeches? "Good morning, everybody. I'm not sure why they invited me to speak, right?" Then I'm thinking, "I'm also not sure." That was a joke. Um but since they already asked me, so let me talk about So my name is We know your name. It says it on every card. And I was We know where you were born. And then there's the introduction and the introduction he says, "Throw it out. Get straight to the second page. Last night 1:00 in the morning I got a call." Okay, now I want to hear. But lo yafchit u'lo yosif is very important. Why? Because every word it's saying something and if it's not saying something, scratch it, delete it. Like somebody once said, "When you give a speech you have to know three things. Stand up, tell them what you want to tell them, tell them tell them what you told them and sit down. If there's anything more or less, scratch it." TELL THEM WHAT YOU WANT TO TELL THEM, then tell them tell them what you told them, sit down. And as an MC once said, "The speaker doesn't need an introduction, it needs an ending." But every word is is is significant, it's meaningful, it's osious. And that's the avanim, it's a stone. You don't use a stone. A good contractor knows every brick needs to be evaluated for and accountable for and if it's not accountable for, why is it here? And the same is true with everything in the universe. When the Baal Shem Tov says that everything is Hashgacha, and that even a leaf that falls off a tree and goes and rolls and ends up here, it's part of the divine providence, he wasn't only saying that it's not a mistake. He was saying that it's essential. This says the Baal Shem Tov that it's essential to It's essential to the cosmic intelligence. In other words, there's a point where this little detail is fulfilling an indispensable, meaningful purpose that is essential to the entire cosmos. Now, you say that doesn't make sense. This is a little worm. Nothing is going to happen if this worm disappears. But that itself is coming from a very superficial perspective. That itself, that question itself, it's a normal question, but itself it's coming from a superficial perspective. So, by the choice of it brings it all back to the youth. The youth he said is the letter that contains because youth is the smallest letter which is an which represents bitter. It's the letter in which you condense yourself to a point of almost complete surrender and that allows you to channel something beyond yourself and that's the cosmic intelligence and love which is called law which is the author of all the like the author of the book and over there all the live in a unified consciousness not by diluting their not by diluting themselves and and obliterating their differences. That's not how you have a book. If you start obliterating the difference between base you don't have any message. It's by recognizing that the configuration and all of them is rooted in oneness. And that's that's the story here of So, it's a much deeper it's not superficial story. The stones fighting is essentially representing how consciousness works. And the stones making peace as a result of presence is essentially how consciousness works. As I said last time, our observation of reality affects reality. So, his you know, sometimes a person walks into a conversation and their very presence already changes the tide of the conversation. Why? Because they're they just give a regulated presence. They bring in a new reality. Not getting stuck in the in the what the Tanya calls Mishkan the Chiviya, the snake skins, you know, the snake skins. You don't get You don't allow yourself to get stuck there. I'm not going to be going down this rabbit hole, that rabbit hole, that rabbit hole. You remain in a certain state and you inspire in a certain state of conscious you inspire it around you. Sometimes people are not ready and that's yeah, that's sometimes sad they're not ready for it. They just, you know, they think you're part of the enemy, so they have to fight you also. The island for state dominion. This is the key for all Shalom Bayis. This is the key for relationships with other people, with yourself. This is it. This is this this is like my own home. When was Jacob doing this on the way to get married? He knew it's not going to be simple over there. With Mata Leia, Mata Bilha, Mata Zilpa. Huh? With Mata Shvei Lavan, it's not going to be simple. If you don't live in this space, you're done. You're finished. You become part of the problem. And it's a normal thing. In fact, it says in Medrash Rabba, this doesn't actually doesn't bring this that it was 12 stones. And the fights of the stones were really the fights of the Yud Beis Shvatim. And Jacob said if these stones are not going to become one, there's no purpose for me to get married. I'm not going to be able to get married. So now we're toifes with this mind, we're toifes the emes of it. Every stone represented another shave. In other words, represented a different stream of divine consciousness. And we see how hard it is for Jews to get along. 4,000 years, 3,600 years after the story, it's still hard for Jews. Why is it hard? Because it's something so essential, so difficult. It's a challenging task. And that's what Jacob had to confront before he got married. And ultimately until the stones did not become one in his own life, there would be no hope for this family because the fragmentation would not have a solution. Jacob saw a vision that even though the stones are going to fight and they're not going to get along, and at some point Joseph would be thrown into a pit and sold into slavery, at the end the end of the story is that the stones could become one. Let's hope that we will be able to achieve that in our times with our consciousness. But you have to realize how hard it is. This is the first thing that Jacob confronts. And that's why you see till today, it's a fascinating thing. Jews don't have so much on the sign of homicide in our communities. Jews who grew up with Judaism and even who didn't, more secular, you see that internal murder is is very very rare in the Jewish community. There was a woman who called me, she wants to take her kids out of Jewish school, she hates all the education and this. So I told her, I said, "Listen, I'm not going to be the one to defend all the educational systems and all the schools. But the one thing is you should realize that I don't think there's a public school today in the United States of America that doesn't have a metal detector when you walk in. Even for fourth graders and fifth graders and sixth graders and eighth graders. But any Jewish school, you can go from from Satmar school in Kiryas Joel to your most modern modern Jewish school on the other extreme, they both don't have a metal detector. So that says something. That says something. That they're that they're not worried about that. They're worried about other things. You see, that's not the biggest incentive. Something there's a respect for life that's embedded into the Jewish DNA very very deeply, beyond what people imagine. You see other cultures, you see the world, you you begin to appreciate it. But when it comes Jews getting along, oh, here it is. Yeah, no. Here. Murder they won't do, but everything else. Till then. And sometimes in the most religious places, where lo sirtzach is is Whoever heard of such a thing, murdering somebody? But when it comes to this element, the fighting, you see on the contrary, if I'm more religious, sometimes I have to fight you much more. I have to hate you much more. So, this is what Yaakov is confronting. It's It's a very genuine thing that he's confronting. It's not a simple thing. And it's That is also very deeply embedded. And you see how deeply it's embedded already from the first generations. Kayin killed Hevel, but they weren't Jewish yet. Once they become Jewish, so Yosef is almost killed at the end. He's not killed, but everything else thrown into a pit, sold into slavery, bashed, etc. And then you see with Moshe Rabbeinu, right? The Egyptian he kills, the next day he sees two Jews fighting. They don't kill each other. But lama sakarya. So, this is something that is a very very big big deep deep challenge. Why is it important to know that it's a deep challenge? Cuz if it's a deep challenge, it means everybody could fall into it. And not fall into it necessarily willingly or premeditated cuz I'm a bad person. No, it's camouflaged as religion, as holy. Choreh Don't say clearly, but that's what Chazal say that they killed Choreh. Listen, this this this If you go to Tanakh, there was civil war and there's murder. I'm not saying there was no. But relatively speaking, when you look at Jewish history, it's not It's not our thing. Huh? Real estate. Real estate, kugel, whatever you want. But But this is a very big nisayon and it's a very big challenge. So, that's the whole idea that he's saying here, what he does with the avnei makom and they become one even. over over he calls it chachmei lev, the Yiddish Hochma, which means the cosmic intelligence from which everything is authored. It's like It's like you have a book, but it's one author and it's his mind. So, that's the Yud. The Yud represents the ice that it's a caliphate of Hochma. The hey is bina. So, it's really bringing everything back to Hochma Ilah that there's a there's a there's a there's an intelligence a a mysterious intelligence that is beyond us, obviously, cuz I'm just, you know, one little manifestation. So, we're not always going to see the whole picture. But, it's a certain surrender and and and recognition that there is a a larger intelligence that's playing itself out. I wouldn't call subjugating. I would say uniting it, integrating it. It's not subjugating. When you take No brick in the house has to be subjugated. It just has to become part of one singular story. No letter in the book needs to be obliterated. It just has to realize you're part of a word, you're part of a sentence, you're part of a paragraph, you're part of a chapter, you're part of a book, you're part of many books. Right? That's what it is. And it's hard in in a book it's easy. It's not hard for one letter. But but in consciousness it's hard. Consciousness it's hard. Right? One of the stupidest thing a person could say is, "I'm only focusing on one cell in my body." You're not one cell, you're 60 trillion cells. Focus on each cell, but as part of 60 trillion cells. The heart says, "I don't care about the brain." The brain says, "I don't care about the heart." Doesn't work that way. But what the moment we realize 1 second, when I say I'm only focusing on me, it's literally like saying I'm focusing on one cell in my body. Because relative to the universe, it's one cohesiveness. So, I'm one cell, you're another cell. My cell is made up of 60 trillion cells. It's It's the same It's the same It's the same lack of awareness. I'm just busy with me. I don't care about you. Do Whatever happens to you. Call yourself I rave him I said to myself I said I rave him is mixed. It's integrated. I'm just you're responsible out of guilt. I rave him. The Gamora says call yourself I rave him." So the Gamara says "I rave him means three things. Guarantee, that's the literally we're a guarantors." But then the Baal Shem Tov says "Pnimiyus ha'Torah, why are you Why am I guarantee for you?" Because I rave him comes to the word "ta'aruvos". Because the word "integrate", we're mixed. And therefore I rave him from the word "va'ahareivna". Every Jew is sweet. Zis faranander eat. Klal Yisrael are rave him is a bazeh. It's sweet. It's sweet for me when my leg is doing well. It's sweet for me when my chest is doing well. The brain is happy when the pinky is feeling good. Brain is not sad. So when we realize essentially my perception of myself, I'm just focusing on one cell. You don't do that. But the whole universe is oilam katan zeh hu adam. The Gamara the Chazal say that the person is an oilam katan and the universe is a guf gadol. It's really one large body. And the truth is it's We can even see it, okay? The oxygen, I can't Nobody lives without oxygen. If you don't have oxygen for a few seconds, we know the results, chas v'shalom. The oxygen that I just took into me, which was me, I own it. Where was it a few seconds ago? In your brain. It was literally in your brain. So that's really what's happening. I'm literally I just absorbed the oxygen that was in your brain, and a few seconds later, Reb Isaac is going to be taking the oxygen. So where exactly do you begin and I end? Where? On one level it's very comfortable to say I end here and you begin here, and that's it. But that's a very limited perception. There's no such a thing. Mamesh. And it was inside of you. And then you released it. Thank God. Thank you for releasing it. And it goes into me. So if you look at a deeper level, really you're talking about oneness. Now of course there's oneness in yourself, there's oneness in your family, there's oneness in communities, oneness of a nation, but it's really the oneness of the planet. And the ecosystem knows this. The sun and the moon never make this mistake. The winds never make the mistake. The clouds, if they make all this make mistake, everything shuts down. The The ecosystem is perfectly designed. Everyone is giving and taking. They all know it. Every worm knows this instinctively. We're the ones who don't know it. Medicine is already proven that it's exactly like this. So, the cells are not cohesive. So, if the cell decides that it's by its own, that's the definition of cancer cell. Yeah. Because eventually it's going to kill the entire Yeah. the entire Yeah. When a cell decides, "I'm independent. I don't need anybody. I'm disconnected." There's a name for it. It's cancer. But the same is true with the universe. It's just we can get away with the universe we can get away with it. I can go into my own hole and fight the world and survive, but it's only an external way of survival. So, this is a it's a very real truth. Now, it's it's not here to make you crazy. You know, it's enough taking care of my life. Now, I can't give everybody else's life. It's just idea of consciousness of of I have to take care of my life cuz that's the what I could do. I can't control other people, but it's about placing yourself, knowing where you are in the picture. So, it's the word I don't think the word is dictating. The word is you uniting, integrating. Integrating is the word. It takes a lot of This is a lot of avoid This is really This is This It's what also connected to the previous my my sorrow we learned about you know, we begin as completely connected and then we become separate and then we need to reconnect, right? We spoke about interdependency. Essentially, in the inside, there's no issues. It's all one. And then the issues create the diversity and therefore can create fragmentation. And now Yaakov is going into Haran, he's going to bring it back. It's interesting that DNA is also made of bases, amino acids. There are 20 of them. And you wish it would be another two, right? Because it's 22. But there is another two, and there's actually a third one. There is three stoppers. So, it's almost 22. Wow. But actually there's one This two stoppers actually Yeah, we spoke. So, DNA is an amazing example for this, because DNA is like ISIS. It's literally ISIS. It's literally letters. And it's the chochmah, it's literally the chochmah of the entire of the entire system, every living organism. And it goes back to an intelligence, there's a chochmah there. But then it becomes diversified. And how many types of combinations are there? And the sequence is everything. You know, we share 99% of our DNA with a chimpanzee. And yet nobody looks in the mirror and says, "Hey, good morning, chimp." I mean, unless you're Charles Darwin. Nobody I I see it by other people very clearly. And other people we see it. Yeah, over there everybody is Charles Darwin, besides myself. Yeah. Huh? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But 99% 99 I think even more than 99%. So, the question is 99 so So, most of me should feel like a chimp. Why do I feel like a human being? But this shows you that that one little tiny tziruf, that one little tiny configuration, that sets apart human DNA from from mammal DNA is everything. You know, that that's the imprint that makes you you. So, that tziruf is literally everything. And even between people. As much as we're connected, everybody feels different than everybody else. No two people ever felt the same about life, and they never will. Even twins, identical twins who grew up in the same placenta and fought over the same nutrients in mom's womb, everybody's different. They may seem identical, but we all know they're different on so many different levels. What is that? And their DNA is mama's identical. And yet there's still something there's the the the signature of God. Thank you so much. Remember the signature of God and that's you. And that signature you have to protect because it's in the world. So, that's step one what Jacob does. So, he takes all the stones, he puts them in and that's when he goes to sleep. And in the morning, we see them as one stone. What's that we see them as one stone? It's more than the physical miracle. It's the spiritual miracle. In many ways that's bigger than the physical miracle, right? The stones they got one, okay, they stopped fighting. The spiritual miracle we know is much deeper. When you can go into that state where those diverse stones in your internal space become one. In a marriage, this is this this is the moment of a miracle. This is the moment of a miracle. When a husband and a wife stop thinking and experiencing life as me versus you. And that's a big one. And nobody can do that without safety. Cuz if I feel that if I let go and I become one with you, the next thing I have a stab, of course I'm going to sit in a bulletproof vest like this. Like this and you're not getting in. And I'll make compromises, but that's it. Uh you understand, right? It's normal. If if you're going to insult me, you're going to you're going to use my softness against me, I'm not going there. But this is what a lot a lot of people struggle with. A lot of people struggle in it. The sometimes we go we go into so many so many defensive place. Everything is defensive now. Everything is defensive. And it's it's a very hard. It's very hard. It's a very this is a very big challenge to really letting go because the anxiety wants to keep us locked up. I I everybody understands this, no? Huh? Unfortunately. It's survival mode, exactly. Survival mode. Yeah. The stones become diamond instead of the I I hope you understand the paradox of a one and that's the key word here. On one hand, the bricks channel the person on one on the other hand they're diamond, they're completely infinitely remote from the person's consciousness. And that's exactly what our world is. On one hand they become a home dear becomes a home for in sight. Everything is infinity. You're in awe. You're You're looking at a tree and you see God talking through the tree. You look at a leaf, you look at a red bird in your backyard or even a blackbird or a gray bird and you see ain safe. Cuz it's all I see is conveying the author. Or all I could see is a dead diamond. A dead ice. What is an ice? It's dead. Nothing. It's a dead world. You know sometimes a person speaks and you hear the life behind it. It's like you come to life. And then there's like dead words, you know, heavy words. They're like heavy weight. They're just dead. They're They're like disconnected. They're not embodied. It's a dead universe. And it's It's not It's not about the world. It's where you are. David says "How rough." He comes to the rivers and they're all clapping their hands. Really? You ever saw rivers clapping hands? How rough? Really? I never saw rivers clapping hands. He came to the river and the river was like, "Yay, David! David! You're amazing!" The mountains are dancing. Yeah, you ever went to Utah to the mountains? They were all dancing? I never saw uh Very good. So the is, yeah, the mountains are dancing. And if you don't see the mountains dancing, it's because you need Mason. Start dancing, the mountains will dance. Exactly. How rough? Yeah, how rough? Yeah. So you could say it's just poetic language. Mountains don't dance and rivers don't clap hands. Huh? But they do, yeah. They may not clap hands. But they give quite a standing ovation. Go to the ocean, you'll see the oceans are Mikol mayim rabim adirim mibe yam adir mimishbar yam, yeah. Simeah hayim adama. Of course. Yeah. The spectrum of consciousness is not simple at all. The even looks like diamond. On the other hand, here it unites. And that's exactly why is this a call to one and because on one hand the is this are diamond. Look at the ain sof. You know how much of ain sof is conveyed in the reality of the universe? The answer is like diamond. It's physical, it's finite. You don't even feel there's an energy. Forget about ain sof and infinity. And that's one perception of the world and I can get stuck in that perception. Or the ice opens up. And we see it also with letters. You know, you could memorize Mishnah's Balpa. You could memorize words in French or in Russian that you don't understand. If you have a good memory, people do it all the time. They memorize davening, they memorize brachas. You could memorize Gemara, you could memorize a ma'amar, whatever you could memorize. And you know all the letters, you know all the words and you don't understand nothing. So how much of the truth is in the letters? There's words in davening you say every day. Kodeshim. Anybody knows what that means? Pnoi Kodeshim. You've heard of that I'm sure over 50 years. No. But okay, you're looking up an English sitter today. I'm not going to spoil the I don't I don't want to spoil your tynook. No. I'm just giving an example. So how much of the truth of something is in the letters? If I could memorize a whole Maseches of Mishnayos and I don't understand a word, literally. So I have everything and yet I have nothing. But I have everything. It's like piano notes. You ever read somebody could memorize all the but they don't know what it is. So they they have everything they have nothing. So on one hand have nothing, literally nothing. You can memorize and say words and say more words and say more words. People read Slichos. You ever see read people read Slichos? You know those piyutim? They read and they have a very good nigan they don't know what they're saying. The Rosh Hashanah davening, the Yom Kippur davening, sometimes Shacharis davening. I'm not saying it in a judgmental way. I'm saying it cuz we're trained that way. You say it you say you say it. So I'm saying all the words everything is here but I don't understand a word. Yeah. And it's nice Hebrew. It's beautiful eloquent Hebrew. The Kinos of Tisha B'Av eloquent. You read the Tanach sometimes it's it's unbelievably eloquent and and I have it. I'm reading it. And yet you know you have literally nothing. So what is it? What is it? What is it? Does it have or does it not have? That's exactly the paradox of the universe. That's why it's such a it's such it's such a beautiful example. You have everything the moment you could see in the letters what it contains. Or if not I have nothing I just have a letter. And that's exactly what the universe is. It's all this. So the Isis contain everything. They're channeling everything, but they're channeling in a way that if you don't open yourself up to it, you have nothing. It's just letter. You have letters. The potential is there, but in reality, all I have is diamond. Literally diamond. And that's like, you know, somebody who knows piano. Now, suddenly they look at this sheet and they start smiling and they start humming. Na na na na. Other person, I don't know what what what what are you smiling? What are you smiling? Just a bunch of mar- markers. Like what what are you smiling about? Why? Because this person didn't see in it notes. They saw music. The notes are the Caleb for the music. It's not diamond. It's music. It's alive. It's not diamond anymore. It's Isis. The letters are nothing. Huh? What? The music. Music notes. Cuz you see it, right? This person literally starts smiling, starts humming, sits down by the piano. Another person says, "What are you getting in a small for?" And this is literally how the world works. This is the ultimate of the Marshall there. That's the make of the Marshall. It's animated. Yeah, it's it's it's it's Yeah, yeah. Yeah. What what do you say? >> it's not the letters. It's the mindset. Like like the like the Roma is saying that you could have the diamond like the rocks that ended up coming to life. Then you can have a madaber not talking. Of course. Of course. Right. Right. But but don't You're right. But it it's not right to say it's not the letters. It is the letters. It's the letters that are If I understand the letters, may I must I can understand my Arvin. If I know what may mem all of you mem stuff you may I say something. Sometimes there's power in just reading the letters. For sure. For sure. Some Yeah. Cuz there's an energy there. Because there's a real energy there. There's a real energy there. The shallah says that sometimes a person is not in a state of expansiveness and they should just say the names of the masectas. Brachas, Shabbos, Brachas, Payos, Maiklaim, Shviis, Trumis. That's what he says. Even the names. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Marabu masacha Hashem and then this kulam be chachma asisa. They're seeing the chachma. So the letters themselves have it. That's the power of oisios Torah. They have kedusha. It's real kedusha. It's not a joke. It says in Torah she beksav even an am haaretz who doesn't understand gets an aliya, makes a bracha sa Torah. Afilu lo yada min Torah she beksav peh na yoiseh if you don't understand min Torah she beksav. The letters themselves have a kedusha. Bereishis bara Elokim es hashamaim v'es haaretz. Cuz they are conveying it. And yet in that itself there's different levels, right? There's the oisios. The way they're more doimem. And then there's the way the oisios open up. They open you up. And that's the whole world. And bimayila so you have here the two perceptions. Oh wow. My introductions and summaries have too many oisios. Huh? Yeah. Huh? Needs an ending. What's the next thing that Yaakov does? He takes the stone. He already put it by his head. They became one. Now he wakes up in the morning. The Torah says that what does he do? Vayosem oisom matzeiva. He turns the stone into like a monument. And he pours oil on it. What's the idea of this? So, the Alter Rebbe now is mamshech. It's the second column of the ma'amar. In the Hebrew, it's page 41. I mean, in the Hebrew, it's chof alef column two. In the English, it's 41, the second column. In middle of the page, mamesh, the line starts mamesh b'chinus midas like 18 lines from the bottom. So, Yaakov makes all the even you see. So, the b'chinus chochma ila. That's sums it up. Yaakov took all the stones and they in his in his heart, in his mind, they became one. Which is the letter yud, raising them all to cosmic chochma ila, this cosmic divine intelligence. And then he turns the even into a matzeiva. An even itself is like a yud, like a rock. And then he makes a matzeiva. A matzeiva is like a tombstone, a monument that's like a vav. Like when you have a narrow Imagine a narrow rock that becomes like a tombstone, it looks like a vav, extended downwards. Now he does something on a deeper inyan. You could take the world back to its source in your consciousness and it becomes condensed like a yud. Can you now bring it back into the diversity? Can you bring that consciousness back into diversity? You could turn it all into a yud, which is a moment of like surrender. Everything becomes condensed. Will you let go of the egoic mind so everything converges into oneness. That's yud. Chochma ila. Now he makes a matzeiva. So, from the yud, he brings it downwards into vav. So, the chochma ila should be able to be manifested lemata. Down here. What do we mean down here? In a consciousness of diversity. That's what lemata means. In Torah and mitzvahs. can neither to me take a vav and look at take a look at the vav. If you'll see the top of the vav is a yud. And then the yud just extends downward downward downward downward. So the yud is bringing it all back to that seminal point which is law. And now the vav is you have that point and you don't lose that point but you bring it downward. So now it's an opposite motion. It's going downward. Torah comes from it's essentially divine cosmic divine intelligence. But it extends below in a consciousness where everything is physical. Once he makes a matzeva he takes oil and he pours it on top of the stone. Oil represents in Kabbalah like it's a Mishnah the anointing oil of holiness which is which is law. So why is he pouring oil on it? Once it becomes a matzeva he now wants to pour on it that the should be revealed even in a state of matzeva meaning even a state of law which extends which is the way Torah and mitzvahs is manifested down here in physicality. He gives an example from all the examples of the He gives an example of a part of a law. Talk about someone exchanging a for a an ox for a donkey. Using this example as something that is as tedious and technical as anything else. It's basically a business transaction between a cow and a donkey. Or as you would say today between two cars or two computers. Two cars I guess. A part of a law. You say this is kosher this is possible. This is a kosher this is a disqualified sukkah. This is kosher tzitzit. This is possible tzitzit. This is a kosher safe attire. A kosher tefillin. Possible tefillin. Yeah. This is a kosher bris. This is a not kosher bris. In other words, you're always dealing with the wall is too high, the wall is too low, the eruv is cut, the stick is not long enough, it doesn't connect. So, the Torah is all very physical things. In cause you even give us my love my mission to my love my love. Pouring the oil on this stone which became a matzeiva is that they should be able to be the consciousness, the giluy is the consciousness. Giluy means revelation. The embodied consciousness of the divine intelligence down here commercial to my love the way it is in a higher state of consciousness of youth. Well, come on all the says in brochos. I think of my love will be the best of African beer. The just like by Martin Tyler. They received the title with awe and reverence. And with complete complete surrender and say a sweat. My Adam my Adam African also now when you learn it should be the same way. Peter my love my love my love so you will be the just like my love there was a war. Why? So, I believe it's really the top class because everything was revealed. It was the ultimate revelation of my love my love my love my love my love. Right, it's even hard for us to appreciate what this means. What does it look like? All ego was shattered completely. What does it look like when you experience in your bones the presence of my love my LOVE RIGHT THE CORE of the author of everything. And suddenly it fills your system. Just think that's what happened my Martin Tyler. Of course, they didn't live. My love my love my love my love means the ego left. The ego expired. It's done. Checkmate. Checkmate on the ego, you know, you're done. Your king is just surrender. It's all over. My love my love of course you're in awe. It wasn't awe out of fear. What are you going to do to me? It's just awe that there's no ego. You're completely surrendered. You're completely in a different state. You're subsumed in infinity. You're literally subsumed in infinity. What happens when you experience the experience Anybody begins to relate to what this this is? This is like real This is like the experience of this is this This is what happened at Mount Sinai. There was a Before that, the curtains were down. And after that, the curtains came down again. And then back to the chest gate. My My Kool-Aid, your Kool-Aid, my bank, your bank. But but but but but but but but but But the curtains are down. But at that moment, the curtains were up. You felt What does it mean they they saw God? How do you see God? Somebody once asked me if there was a video video of Somebody took a video of Mount Sinai, what would show up? Huh? Yeah, I think a tissue box. I don't think the video would detect it. It was It was It was an internal experience. In other words, Huh? It It was real. It was real. It's the It's the internal state. It's not whatever you're looking at. It's the reality. The moment you see Everything is different. It's not like it was fanfare drama, you know, God did fireworks. LIKE, "OH, WOW, GOD, YOU'RE A REAL MAGICIAN. YOU'RE MUCH BETTER THAN Uncle Moishe and all the puppet shows for Lag B'Omer." That's just our our own, you know, little immature understanding of religion, you know, God is there and suddenly he like, "I'll show you a good show. You'll freak out. Isaiah How much you're going to die from fear? You think you saw firecrackers on July 4th? We'll show you a bunch of firecrackers." Kailash of rock. It's a whole different vart. It's an internal space where you experience the world as infinity. Of course. Of course, it's the ultimate bliss. It's infinite bliss. So, you say, "What happens?" But usually, the curtain is down. Everything is through the Isis. So comes the Gamoran says, "Malalan, just like then it was that way, Afkan, should also be that way." What's Pshat? How can that be? The Khidish is Af K'ma Sh'at M'boshish M'tumin V'davin Gashmiya D'giliya Al Yad D'gili Khakhma Ila Mamesh K'ma Sh'a Asur M'shakaze V'asur M'davin Afikha. That that's the whole part, that even the way the Torah comes down into physical reality, so the Khoyri talking about technicalities, it should still channel for you this Khakhma Ila Mamesh like then V'asur M'davin Afikha, my words are coming through your mouth. So you become a channel. So this is a Haflo'o D'kavod Alter Rebbe saying here, that when the Gamorah says it should be by Matan when you're learning it should be like Matan Torah, it's not stam, you should. It's really opening yourself up to the possibility of the experience. The possibility it is the same. Ultimately you will. Yeah. It's not you should like guilting you into it. I'm not. He's explaining to you what the real reality is. The real reality is that Khakh There is a moment of Khakhma Ila where it's stripped from any physical incarnation. The real Khidish though is Malalan Afkan, that even though now I'm learning a piece of Gamorah, I'm learning Khumish, I'm learning about a part of the Khumish, but really what is it? It's Khakhma Ila. It's really the infinite intelligence of the divine relating to the physical reality. So essentially at that moment, what the person is capable of they were tuning into the frequency, your words are just channeling the divine and there's no separateness whatsoever. Even though you're talking about something physical, but it's the Yud becoming the Vav, which is the oil being poured on the stone and you therefore you can go into the same frequency of oneness. And therefore there's an or, but in mobility, but that's the opposite. Now, we know that not everybody always learning does this. Nobody's going to say I'm having Matan Torah without Torah Why has all talk about this? Cuz this is really the potential. This is the energy that is embedded in it. This is the possibility of it. You could try it. Not It's not delusional. It's not talking about hallucinations here. The opposite. It's not about the drama of it. Like I'm on a high, I'm in ecstasy, I'm hallucinating, I'm I'm dreaming, I'm having fantasies. It's Matan Torah, now I see fireworks. It's the exact opposite. The whole point here is no, it's gashmius. It's a very, very mundane moment. It's my body, using my lips, using my brain, grounded in a very physical world, learning Torah. And that's the void. But that itself is infinity. Right? That's the Infinity doesn't just mean when I surrender everything and I'm out of this world. That's the yud. But actually, it's it's bringing it down into this reality. I can open myself up to that vibe, so to speak, cuz that's a real vibe. Could be channeled through me relating to this physical thing. And that's the most healing experience of unity. That's the most internal healing experience. Cuz you're in here, you're here, but you got nothing. That's why there's such simcha over there. This is the such the such a deep bliss. You're not abandoned, and you're a complete channel. And and and and it's like ego death. You're in your ego, and you still have ego death. And it's not because all the curtains were open, and we were taken into a different world where there's no physicality. Or there is physicality, but you just see the ain't safe. It's on the contrary. It's grounded in that person. You realize that your words really and therefore my eyes is are just his eyes. It's coming through my mouth. Like he can not get a magnet like we always talk about. You never like when I use the words ego death. Which part of you doesn't like the words ego death? I want to know. Because you were hurt by it. I understand. You were. You were. It's fine. We were all. Ego death is a glorious word. Ego death means Ego death is not the death of yourself. It's the death of your prison. It's your prison cell. You want to get rid of it. Imagine somebody puts me into a prison cell, locks the door, and says, "Here you are." And then somebody says, "You know what? I'm going to destroy the gates." That's what ego death means. Destroy the gates. It's the destroying the prison cell. You should hear the words that I'm a higher. I'm living under a rock and somebody takes away the rock. Ego death is not death of self. Ego death is death of my death trap, of my of my prison cell, of the chains, huh? It's actually exposure, yeah. I never say something, yeah. Ego death means the sense of self that is insecure. The sense of self that has to be terrified. That it always in competitive negative competitiveness. I always have to prove myself or flatter you or impress you or get your validation or overwhelm you. It's always the zero-sum game, easing God out. Make sense or no? Of course, if somebody takes ego death But I'm talking in a nervous system. So speak to your nervous system. It's very important. But, I'm not invested in those words ego death. It's not the word ego death. It's it's bittle, whatever you want to call it. It's the idea of letting go of the un- the undoing of the of the of the rock that I have to live under and I feel that I'm always living under. Yeah. It's glorious. It's really glorious because, like you said, it's literally the moment that the soul is reborn. Like a t'chiyas hameisim, it's resurrection of the dead. So, ah, wow, it's it's a it's a new self. It's like a panim chadashos, it's literally like a You know, I a few a few weeks ago we spoke about the kind of imagine I'm a chick living in an egg my entire life and I decided I came up with a philosophy that the only reality is this egg. There's no other reality and I built castles in the egg and I make money in the egg and I get validation in the egg. And I look around the egg and I'm trying to impress all the parts of the egg to be able to say what a good guy I am. And I literally live there and there's nothing else and I invest my entire energy in that egg. And then one day All the baskets in one egg, pun intended, literally. And I live there. And my fighting is there, my love is there, my romance is there, my ecstasy is there, my spirituality is there, my religion, my God, everything is in that egg. Even God is on top of the egg, but he's in the egg. But everything is in the egg. My marriage is there, my kids are in the egg, everything. Huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I am a mark of column in the egg. The membrane of the egg is column in. The little chick is my mama column in. Everything is there. And then literally, literally the egg cracks. And I look and I say, "YOU'RE DESTROYING MY WORLD, YOU LOWLIFE gun of gosling." So now I dedicate the rest of my time to kill the person who managed to crack that egg. And what am I really killing? I'm killing my redemption. I'm killing my Messiah. I'm killing the one who wanted to do the biggest favor to the chick. Crack open the ego and set yourself free. Now what if I tell you that literally, literally, this is really what I am saying, I could live my entire life in that egg and really taking it seriously. And it's not my fault, I don't know of anything else. Of course, it's also part of it. And one day I'll be able to understand why that is true. But imagine I stay there without any inkling of anything else. And when people hear this metaphor, they like think that and I'm talking to myself also, we think we get it cuz it's like it's a cute metaphor. But what if experientially, I mean that's what I have found in my own life and I think maybe some people can relate to this, experientially we the biggest tragedy is we we don't get this. We don't get it. It's a metaphor. Yeah, it's cute. I'm in an egg because I'm petty or I get selfish or I get angry. So I'm I'M GOING TO TRY NOT to get angry the next time my child or my wife says something. That's also in the egg. So, what does it actually look like to be able to experience yourself as as infinity? What Rabbi What are you talking about? I don't know what you're talking about. Huh? Sunny side up. Very good. Yeah. By the way, egg is Malashin ego. So, ego death is the egg death. Cracking the egg is the ego death. And even if you want to eat, for heaven's sake, an omelet, you got to crack the egg. It's The ego is not even good to make an omelet. If you If you keep the ego there, EVEN AN EGG, you can't have a normal egg. Even for that, you have to crack the egg. Kal Shakain. To go a little more than eating an omelet. Beautiful question. So, the truth is we don't need the word ego death. I use the word ego death because it's not really ego death. It's really sublimation of everything. That's sublimation of the ego. Yes. But, for some of us who need a little bit of the shock to be able to wake up the system, so I think it's a it's a useful word. But, it's not a holy sacred term that we have to hallow and sanctify. I hear. Even Even if it comes to the ego. Yeah, it conjures I understand it conjures self-denigration and and abuse of things. I understand. And remember somebody who talks about ego death and they have a little bit of an ego, be careful. You understand? Cuz we're going to make everybody have an ego death so that my ego will be able to feel very good today about how many egos I managed to kill so my ego can have another good day in the egg. You know, so that's where everybody has to be careful. Myself included, of course. It's a big trap. Everything could be a trap. Sometimes the biggest trap is bashing the ego. Huh? Especially other egos and you came to the place of enlightenment and let me teach you what it is not to have an ego and look at me. I've Huh? Yeah. So that's why this that that's where that's where the authenticity of it is always the critical thing. The moment you go out of the place, like we said in the last moment, if when bittle is not experience with bittle, it's very dangerous. Bittle also has to be bittle. It could be like everything, like everything. There's a thin wall between between abuse and bittle. Between stupidity and bittle. Between laziness, depression, giving up the spear and real bittle. It's it's a thin I think Einstein said, right? Two things are infinite, the universe and stupidity and the latter and the latter is more infinite. So so so in in real experience, this is like very very real. It's it's real. Real means that we have to appreciate the fact that sometimes I could be so blocked emotionally my entire life that I could learn this for 50 years, learn all the words, hear the most beautiful eloquent metaphors, even share it with others. For many years in my my own history, I grew up with this type of learning. I grew up with this. The the place where I grew up, this was this was like part of the bread and meat and potato. But for so many years, I didn't I didn't appreciate it on an embodied level. It was a beautiful things. It's it's inspiring. It's nice. It's gishmak. It's gishmak to give it over to others. It's even gishmak to tell it to myself. And it's also helpful in many ways because it's a blueprint for how to live. But what I learned is in my own life that as long as I cannot feel it in my actual body in my nefesh habahamis, not my nefesh elokus. Nefesh elokus knows this, doesn't need the nefesh elokus knows this. But the nefesh habahamis doesn't know. Nefesh habahamis is a chick in an egg, literally. That's what it does. And it's trying hard. It's not a bad thing. It's just an It's a little chick trying to live. And therefore, it's not going to get it. It really will not get it. And and all the explanations in the world will not compensate for this because it's not about explanations. It's literally the experience of it inside the body and the nervous system, which is all the nefesh habahamis. That's not the nefesh elokus. Nefesh elokus is not your nervous. Nervous system is the nefesh habahamis. Nefesh habasar bedami, it's the blood. It's the biological system. And that's literally an experience inside. Until I do not have that it's nice words. It's beautiful. It's helpful. It's meaningful. It helps us make the right decisions. My shalom aleichem, it's true. But the experience of it is completely lacking and I won't I didn't even know what I was talking about. I knew maybe intellectually a little bit, but in terms of das, intimacy, you know, Adam Yodahs Hava. Adam didn't only know Hava as a resume, AI. It was AI, literally. Everything could be AI. Beautiful AI. Beautiful AI messages. But it's literally inside the egg. And then everything is ultimately torturous. It is torturous. Like you should and you could and then you should and you should more, and you should more, and you should more. But it's like ultimately it's ultimately miserable at the core. And the reason it's miserable at the core is cuz we I was we we could so be easily disconnected. And cracking of the egg is literally the experiential being in a flow where you just know you know you touched something. And yet still still be voices that say, "You're just fantasizing. You're just trying to make believe your life is good. You're a sick person. You're supposed to be miserable. You're born miserable. You die miserable." Okay. And that's part of dealing with our nefesh habahamis, but it's it's it's it's a real it's you know, you touch authenticity and it's it's just authentic. I mean, you know, part of the part of part of the nefesh habahamis is also to deny anything that's authentic. So, that's also part of the avodah, you know? Like the right now there's a voice inside of me and like selling me stop selling the Brooklyn Bridge. Like, what are you even talking about? Like Do you think anybody knows what you're talking about? You know, whatever. All these things it's all part of the survival instinct. I'm I'm what I I want to bring out here is what Alter Rebbe is saying is that the real chiddush of what Yaakov is doing is you can go back to Yud. And you have to go back to Yud cuz if not that without that I just remain stuck in my egg. The real challenge is now the Yud should go into the Vav. Come down. Pour oil on it. Which is not the Matan Torah malahala and it's af kan. Af kan b'eim b'eir asisa b'ziya. That right here present in this moment, wherever I am in the middle of the day, could be 2:00 in the afternoon. And you're sitting at your desk. And that moment is a Matan Torah moment. And that's the biggest revolution. Af kan b'eim b'eir asisa b'ziya. How? How can it be? Because the physicality could become a channel for chochma ilah. Literally. So, I could be learning about a potter and a hammer. I'm learning a Mishnah. I'm learning a Gemara. I'm learning a Halacha and Shulchan Aruch. I'm learning a ma'amar whatever it is I'm learning Torah, Torah Sheba, because after her Shabbat pet, and literally it's channeling my life. It's my life, the youth coming in to this technical detailed element. And if I open myself up to the full energy that's there, it's a moment of mountain Torah. Even though there's no physical fireworks, but it's much deeper than fireworks, because it's coherence. It's real coherence. Fireworks is dramatic. This is not dramatic, it's coherence. It's real coherence. And the truest moments don't have to be dramatic. We look for drama as a distraction. You know, drama is a need. When you have coherence, you don't need drama. It's the greatest drama you'll ever have. You know what I mean? Yeah, the most still moments will be the most dramatic moments. All drama will not You understand the basic all drama will not substitute the moment of coherence. Drama is sometimes nice. I'm not knocking drama. I could be dramatic myself. But I'm not going to be knocking drama at the moment. But nothing compares to coherence. It's like a silence, called Mama Dhaka. Called Mama Dhaka, because the coherence is everything. That's the ultimate drama. Very often drama is just another escape. It's a beautiful escape. So it's more dramatic, IT'S LESS DRAMATIC. DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA. It's really pain. Drama is an escape from pain and drama is like another beautiful distraction with other other billion distractions that we have in our world. And the moment you crack the egg and suddenly you see sunlight, wow, I didn't even know what I was missing. The Rebbe used to say that you can't understand Geulah if you never experienced what Galus is. You cannot understand what Geulah is if you never experience what Galus is. You understand? That's very very important. The worst thing, the worst enemy to Geulah is not Galus, it's that Galus becomes Geulah. Right? The worst thing, the worst thing, you know, a lot of people don't like that I use the word trauma in my classes. I get a lot of flak about it. Not you, not you and not him. But I get pretty it's interesting how much flak I get for using that word not so infrequently. Huh? People don't like it. Yeah, so I'm not again, I'm not going to just like ego death is not a holy word, trauma is also not a holy word. Right? But what's interesting is why people get upset that the word is used. It's trauma is not They don't like to hear that that it's traumatic for them cuz they don't So I want to explain. And I I don't mean trauma is not a holy word, it's not one of the seras sedibras and ego death is not one of the seras sedibras. But the real issue that people don't understand and I also didn't understand it for many years, I'm not even blaming anybody is that the depth of trauma is not the word trauma. The depth of trauma is that I could live my entire life literally in an egg. And the egg is reality. And it's not even my choice. It's really not my choice and I try so so hard. And yet I can't liberate myself from it not because I I don't want to because this is reality and my entire God and love and everything goes into this reality and this is where it lives and I don't even know what it looks like afterwards. And then if you're lucky, God cracks your egg and what you think is the curse of your life was really the greatest blessing of your life. Cuz it literally literally for the first time you became a sunny side up to steal Nechama's brilliant metaphor. And if he doesn't open himself up, he's going to be a boiled egg. Yes. And then at least and then I have bechira. Then till then I didn't have bechira. Till then I didn't even have bechira. There was no agency. I was literally a trapped soul doing the best I can and I have to have compassion. You have to have compassion. Sometimes we try to And this is not a philosophical truth. This is not philosophy. This is not scholarship. It's not what I'm talking about. Scholarship is nice. Philosophy is like nice. History is nice. Insights are nice. This is not a vart on the parsha and it's not a some safer. You take this thing in a bissel. Huh? Okay. We'll take a break here and be as I shall we will continue Thursday morning. Everybody have a beautiful day and a beautiful week. Try to have the mind that try to have the mind that Yes. Yes. Oh, no. No. Sorry.