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So the Gamban writes a letter to his son
and he says to his son, "Accustom
yourself to speak gently to all people
at all times." Now the Ramban as we went
over in the last few shim, he didn't
use words for no reason. Every word is
calculated. Literally, every single word
is calculated.
First and foremost, he tells us to
accustom yourself. Prepare to deal with
your problem before the problem arrives.
If you're going to manage a family, a
business, a relationship of some kind,
you have to know already ahead of time
that relationship, that business, that
family will have problems, will have ups
and downs. It happens. That's life. A
life with no problems is called death.
Life that's alive has problems.
Sometimes money, sometimes health,
sometimes difference of opinion.
Problems, problems happen. So the Ramban
says accustom yourself. Get ready for
the problem before it happens. Meaning
prepare yourself. One time there was a
bunch of American millionaires came to
the uh training grounds for IDF fatal in
Israel. They were big donors.
is to the to the army. And one of the
old little Jewish ladies, she saw the
guys training. The guy's training, the
climbing, the jumping, struggling.
Couple of guys get injured, all types of
things. And she feels so bad. This
little old lady, she goes, "Please,
please, please tell them to stop. Tell
them to stop." So the general looks at
her, goes, "Why?" She goes, "I'm willing
to write a check right now." She says,
"I'm willing to write a check right now.
$2 million. $2 million. I'll write your
check right now. just instead of giving
them all these mountains to climb, just
make it a flat ground so they can walk
nicely. He says, "Thank you, men, for
the $2 million, but if I take your $2
million, we're not going to have any
boys left cuz they're all going to die
in war if they don't train like this. If
they don't train like this, if they
don't struggle, if they don't break some
bones, if they don't climb some
mountains, if they don't make themselves
stronger, they're not going to survive
the real battle. So, thank you for the 2
million, but no thank you. We need to
train for the problem before the problem
arrives. The same thing applies in life.
If you're going to manage a business or
manage a family or manage any type of
relationship, you have to already
prepare for the problems before they
arrive. You have to prepare yourself
psychologically. You have to know, okay,
one day my wife, my husband is going to
make me angry about something. Already I
know I need to control myself, control
my temper, not get angry so fast, not
get angry at all. Not jump conclusions.
Let him speak. Let us speak. Let me hear
what they have to say before I jump down
their throat and kill them. They did a
study on the psychological effect of a
person and how it affects them
physically. So he took two groups of
people. One group, they gave him a
basketball and said, "You guys train and
take this basketball and all week shoot
free shots from the line and we want to
see how you improve after a week." the
other group. They told them, "You guys,
same line, but imagine that you're
shooting. Don't shoot nothing. We're not
giving you a ball." But just imagine
that you're putting the ball in the hoop
the whole week. That's what they did.
One week they're actually shooting the
ball. One week, the other group is not
shooting anything, but they're imagining
it. After a week, they evaluate it, take
the records, go another week, take the
records, another week. They do this for
a little over a month. After a month of
training, one is one group is imagining.
The other group is actually shooting.
Who's a better shot? The ones that are
shooting the ball wrong. The ones that
are shooting the ball are not good. The
ones that imagine are good. Why? The
guys that are shooting the actual ball,
they're seeing it actually miss
constantly. Miss, miss, miss miss, miss
miss constantly. Eventually it goes in.
Eventually, even a broken clock is right
twice a day. Eventually goes in. But
they see that they're terrible and
they're trying to get better, but it
takes a while. The other guys in their
imagination, they're always going in.
They're always going in. They're always
winning. I'm winning. I'm winning. I'm
winning. He thinks he's Michael Jordan
by the end of the month. So finally,
they actually gave him a real ball since
in his imagination, that's actually how
it was. Literally, his physical nature
changed to the extent that he became
better physically. Meaning if you train
yourself psychologically, mentally, you
train yourself, you can do anything,
including physically. You train yourself
to be a winner, you will be a winner.
You train yourself to be a loser, you'll
be a loser. But at the same token, you
have to know what to train yourself for.
There's this fake teaching called the
secret
taught by all types of speakers that
call themselves motivational speakers.
And they tell you if you think good,
good things will happen. Well, many
people thought good, then they got hit
by a truck. Some people thought they're
going to win the lotto, but then they
got cancer instead. A lot of people
think good, but doesn't necessarily
always happen. Meaning, you have to know
what to train yourself for. You have to
know what to think. And the Ramban says,
"Yes, you're supposed to think. Yes,
you're supposed to train, but train for
things that are within your ability.
Things that actually mean something.
Train yourself to change your attitude.
Train yourself to change your nature so
you don't overreact. You don't
underreact. You don't take things in a
certain way that's incorrect. Learn how
to behave under pressure.
Everybody's a sadik when everything
looks good. When they have money in
their pocket, when they have a job, when
they have things going for them,
everybody is good. Everybody's good. But
that's not going to show who you really
are. What's going to show who you really
are? How do you react under pressure
when things are not working out? So says
you have to train yourself before the
problem happens. If you do, you'll know
how to deal with the problem when it
finally arrives.
>> One, two, three.
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One, two, three.
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