What Should Never Be Said to the Other Spouse? - Rabbi Benzion Klatzko

what should never be said to the other spouse something one or two things that should never be said to those boughs well it's making more of a rule the rule is when you say something you can't take it back and that's the reality the reality is when you say something in anger you're not gonna be able to take you back so if I were to ask the women in the room if your husband's say once in the heat of the moment you know you're ugly are you ever gonna forget that ever is there an amount of roses that he could buy you know no matter right and the same thing if you turn to your husband's and say you're stupid you're incompetent you're selfish words you have power and really cuz I'll teach us a zoo how come here is an eyelid the hallmark of a wise person is they see the future you know if you save something it's gonna come back to bite you it will there's not a question about it so it's better to hold your tongue and compose yourself be solution-oriented goal-oriented don't win the battle and lose the war find out what do you want from your spouse did they upset you how are you gonna present it to them so they don't do it again so it's not just one or two things you have to speak to your spouse like they are a very important person they're not your maid than I your servant they're not your dog they are the most important person in your life and the words that you say have weight and among the things you never say is the word divorce unless you mean it unless you are serious about it if you say divorce or get hey the you know this is grounds for divorce you've burnt the chicken again it's really you you may think you you you said of joke you devastated the other person you destroyed the magic that Hariyama cautiously created behold you are holy to me created magic and then magic dust surrounds you and your spouse in this beautiful magical bubble that you're able to live in and you want to pop that bubble all you gotta do is say the word divorce one time you mean it's possible that it's not forever it's possible that that magical night that we had that that commitment that we made is not going to last forever oh no what do I do now you've destroyed it be very careful not the word divorced and not the word ugly and not the word disgusting be very careful and I will tell you that when I interview people and I interview people for positions and campuses across America and I interview students for trips and positions one of the things that I listen out for very carefully are what we called charged words charged words means a word that was used when a different word could have been used and the word that you used was an extra strong word and tamiya charged word is a big fat red flag if a person says if I ask us - how are you with your with your father and you say you know my father's an idiot instead of saying you know my father and I we don't get along you just threw out a charged word it's not I'm not gonna think that your father's innate I'm gonna look at you and say wow why did you choose such a word what is it about you that you have to throw dynamite in and explode it in front of me sort of a total stranger to Rabbi be very careful with your words when you use a charged word when there was a different word you could have used that word will not be forgotten and if I ask any of you do you remember things that your wives said her husband said going back to three four or five years that hurt you I promise you there's not a single person in the room that doesn't remember at least something that hurt them deeply because something else could have been said that was sweeter softer and more solution-oriented [Music] [Applause]