When God Says No: A Live Podcast About Trust | Miriam Rubenstein

Yeah. [singing] [music] [music] I hear my [singing] Hello there. I'm Tanya Kazanov and you are listening to Human and Holy. I am [music] so excited to share today's episode with you because it is a recording of the live [music] podcast. This episode was hosted in Woodmir, New York in the Manchester, which is in five towns. [music] The Manchester in five towns is this gorgeous space for women's study, [music] connection, Torah, community created by Kavi Mandelbound and Danella Wolson [music] in honor of the memories of Dianiela's father, Manny, and Kavi's mother, Esther. >> [music] >> Today's episode which was hosted in the Manchester and sponsored by Daniela and Khavi in honor of their parents Esther Braha Baszar [music] and Hakov Manakim Ben Yikil Hakoen. May their namos have an aliyah. [music] May they have so much nas from the incredible beautiful work that you do. Being in that space [music] was so moving for me personally. two women who had this dream of creating a home for women's [music] events and experiences in the five towns and are building this incredible space for women [music] to come together, be inspired, study Torah, and connect more deeply to their souls. Tonight is a live podcast conversation [music] with Miriam Rubenstein who is a Rebbitson at Hodesesh and host of popular kaburas [music] on the subject of trust in God. Today's episode is a recording of that live conversation where we speak about [music] trust in God. How to trust when things feel really heavy in your life. How to really lean into and experience belief in God's goodness in every single [music] area of your life. How to expand our sense of possibility about what is possible for us even in times of goodness. How to expand our capacity for more blessing from Hashem. [music] This episode is really fun because we have audience involvement. It was so special to meet members from the human and holy community that live on the east coast that [music] I've never met before. So that was such a delight and a joy and also to get to hear [music] from people. So we had a conversation with Miriam about themes of trust where I asked her my own questions and then we opened up the floor to the audience and got audience [music] questions that really pushed us deeper to speak about these themes of trust. So enjoy this episode. It's a really unique one and a really beautiful subject that I think all of us are always seeking [music] seeking to deepen our connection to real trust in God. I invite you to watch this on [music] YouTube. Sit down, enjoy it. It's a really special and unique experience to get to really see the faces [music] of the women who are talking and speaking and sharing. It just creates a different experience for you as a listener. So, I invite you to that. Before we get started with today's episode, quick ask from you. Make sure that you are [music] following or subscribed to the podcast. And if you already have and love what we do and want to support us, then give us a fivestar rating or review. Show us some [music] love. We will pay it forward to you by continuing to deepen the content that we offer you on Human and Holy. Thanks for being here and enjoy today's episode. Welcome everyone. I'm so so so excited to be here. It's incredibly special. We've never done a live podcast recording before so it's a totally new experience and obviously we do a lot of gatherings in LA and we get women together and there's nothing like everyone in one [clears throat] room. to like literally feel each other's spirit energy. It just transforms the experience of the conversation. And tonight I also want you to be a part of the conversation. So we are going to be the order of events will be we will be having a conversation here. I'll be interviewing Miriam. We'll be talking a little bit about themes of trust. We have it's it's a topic that I think all of us want to lean into more in our lives. And Miriam has been leading these kabboras that have truly transformed people's lives and allowed them to step into a miraculous energy in their life which is available to every single Jew and that's what we're going to be talking about tonight. After our conversation we will be opening up the floor for audience questions and I would love to hear from you. So we'll have a microphone we'll pass it around. you can share your question, your perspective, point of view and become a part of the conversation so that we can really have that like interactive element which is what I think makes being in one room together incredibly special. Miriam, you lead Kaburas on the topic of and more and I'm curious to hear how you would define. It's a word that we often use >> and something that you are investing so much energy teaching. How do you define it? >> [snorts] >> Um I think to me is so it would be classically translated as trust in Hashem but I think it's really like an inner confidence and an inner knowing that Hashem is with you that and our mantra is Hashem is good and his ways are good but knowing that believing it um and just having that like inner peace >> that Hashem loves you more than you love yourself and that anything that happens to you is good. >> Okay. So, first of all, it's like a beautiful definition and description of it. And that description of everything that happens to you is good. When it comes to I think one of like my big questions is always what the balance is between like just total surrender to our lives and also being creators of our lives and having agency. Like so much of what it means to be a human being is to be able to create your reality. >> So, what does it look like to both? What is a trust that allows you to like both accept with love and also create a beautiful life and like remove the blockages from receiving more revealed good in our lives and not to just accept hardship but also make space for real revealed braha >> and like miracles also. Yeah. Um that's a good question. So I feel like it's a layered question. There's a lot of layers to that. Uh but I'll I'll give you an answer on one foot. Um >> how do you do that? So I think really like the cla the classic definition and there's like a story from the ashel from the which I thought was appropriate for you um is that you know there was a king who wanted to have clothing made for him >> and he you know had a tailor make clothing for him and he went and it was so big on him and the tailor said you know he said why is this big on me and he said I knew your measurements but I love you so much I wanted to put extra fabric in it because I love you so much and the king said that's so nice but like I'm tripping over it you know I I can't like so there's an idea and there's a concept of like your is kind of measure it it's where your stops and that's going to be individual to everyone so that sounds broad although we still have to do but I'll give you a story that actually happened in real time that I feel like describes this well there was actually um a woman in our kabora here >> who we were in the middle of learning the safer. We were kneedeep in and we were learning actually about histadas as it pertains to panasa which is like again a whole big layered topic and there's many chapters devoted just to talking about this particular subject. So in it it was saying that you're we have to exert effort we have to physical effort for hishadas um for pranasa we have to exert um and that's physical and nothing can change your parnasa more hours is not going to give you more results >> only your spiritual work will right only your amuna only your taking on more things only your Torah only youros which is a very important part of this process your prayers will enable you to gain more. Right? So there was a girl there and she was in school, a woman and she was in school and she said, "How does this relate to me practically?" She was in a very rigorous program and she was working so hard and it was complicated because she's a mother. She had a baby and a husband and she said, "I feel like I I have like no time with my family. Like how how do I like practically apply this to my situation?" So we were talking and again like this unfolded in real time. She um we were talking and I said I really feel like you can dab in for which I guess would be translated as like a shortened path. >> Ask Hashem for that. Like you can do anything with this. You have the ability to ask Hashem like tell him you want to do his will. You want to be a mother. You want to be a wife. You want to give it your all. You don't feel like you have the time but you want to do this as a profession and also give in this beautiful way but you um you need his help and you need it to be shorter to manage your time. So she said, "Okay." And so we just continued on. We're learning, you know, whatever it was week after week. And she said, "I want you to know I did. I dive in for it." And all of a sudden, like miracles started happening for me >> and things really like shortened. She said that even like her workload, she was able to do her papers in way less time. She was able to do accomplish the same tasks in a much shorter amount of time. And it was her tilos. It was because she put it out there. And it was because she kind of became a co-creator in that way by turning to Hashem. But it's our spiritual efforts that really make things happen. It was so interesting. I actually asked her permission to say the story tonight and she said to me, "Oh, there's it was even to the point that her supervisors and the people that were her colleagues around her were like, how are you finishing so much in such a short amount of time? Like why are you finished first?" And why is the super her supervisor would even be like, "You know what?" She said it was like never happens. They're like, "You go home. We're done. We're finished. like we're just done with what we need to do today. And she's like, "I'm supposed to be here till 5:00." And they were like, "You know what? You don't need to." And she was just allowed to go. So, it was Hashem and it was her tilos. Um, but she told me something very cute. She said there was another part to the story that like I I had never known that it's just a very cute thing. She spent all this time dabbing for she just started her fellowship and her future supervisor called her and they're like, you know, there was a change in location and she said she was so bummed because she's like, "How could there be a change in location? This is close to home. home. I worked out daycare and everything, you know, surround this. And they said to her, "You're not even going to believe this, but I see your address on here and it's 4 minutes from your house." So, she's like, "Hashem really really is giving me this." Yeah, exactly. >> Shorter drive to work. >> But I I think that that's it. It's your spiritual work is what is really where you become the partner. >> Okay. I hear this and first of all, that's an incredible story. And I love the perspective of recognizing that if you put in more hours, you're the the amount of effort you put in in terms of like the amount of time, etc. is not going to change the amount that's allotted to you from Hashem. Um, just to play devil's advocate for a second, what would you say about the bare like sometimes that could lead us to doing the bare minimum of physically and saying that you know we're only going to depend on our tilos and our prayers when sometimes the sometimes I can only speak for myself. I think sometimes there is a blockage to work which is really a blockage to the gift and the braha and Hashem's saying just make the kali so that I can give to you. And so we make like a tiny little vessel for the braha, for the blessing in our lives because we're afraid of like what it would actually be like to experience Hashem's absolute abundance. And we actually have to make a larger vessel, not just spiritually, but also physically to make it possible for that to come through. And so that very often is commensurate with like not doing the bare minimum, being able to whatever if whether it's financially or emotionally, wherever it is that we're seeking like real abundance to be able to create a real large vessel in our lives. be the goshmas in the physical world and not just to like basically trust channeling our in terms of creating a vessel as opposed to just asking for a blessing but not having the vessel to catch that. So how do we prevent that from happening or how do we really build a vessel physically that's large enough for the infinite braha that Hashem has. So I think that the idea is the vessel is just a lavush and it's really your intention. The vessel is really just clothing. It's cloaked. So we do have to make vessels, right? And and the greater you are, you really big righteous people don't have to do that as much because, you know, they're worthy of it. But the more we believe and the more we channel our beliefs, the more we're going to get. So just to have the intention that I am creating this physical vessel because I live in a physical world and I need to do this. But to know and understand that that's not going to be the source of my miracle or my braha is not going to be my physical intention. It's all going to be turning turning to God and and asking and and seeking and just taking things on to be closer to him. That is ultimately always what's going to give me. And there's so many stories. So many stories. That's what's special about the too, I feel like, is that you see it happen in real time. Like we're constantly sharing, sharing, sharing, sharing. And I feel like people see actual miracles because they're literally elevating themselves and their levels of trust in Hashem and they're allowing it to happen. Like this girl for instance, she didn't change anything physically. She was already doing the physical work, but she was piling on more and more. And she kept saying, "I'm putting more hours and more hours and it's so hard." And I was like, "Pull back. You're already doing it. You did the histadas for it. Focus more on your prayers, on your turning to Hashem, and with Hashem's help, more will come." And and she saw that, but she saw it in a very sweet way also, which was so special. Yeah. >> Huge blessing. And I I love what I love what you said there, which is that even as you're building the vessel to know that the blessing will not come through the vessel, >> the blessing will come from Hashem. So you put in your effort knowing the Labavat talks about how if you the Jewish people are not limited by nature, but if you >> if you play by the rules of nature, then you will be limited by the rules of nature. So you have to actually believe that you are miraculous to experience those miracles. It doesn't come if you're like totally shut down to it. >> Yes. Yes. In fact, in the basi state for ASO, there's like a whole par devoted to why did the our ancestors experience open miracles much more than we do. And the answer is because they believed it wasn't a miracle for them. This was part of their life. It was there was no difference between tea, nature, and n and a miracle. It was all one and the same. It was all coming from God. So the clearer we see that the clear the more we can receive that. >> Oh, I love that. It was expected. >> Yeah. >> Like expect miracles >> or Yeah. Yeah. And there's no difference. >> I mean, nature is a miracle. A miracle is a nature because it's all from Hashem. It's all from God. So, there is no difference >> at the end of the day. >> Nice. >> How have you experienced these miracles in your life? Are there [clears throat] ways that that you have been able to in certain moments or junctures been able to open yourself up and felt the miraculous miracles? >> Yeah, for sure. First of all, just want to publicly thank Hashem for everything in my life always. Um, Hashem, I constantly am seeing Hashem's hand and it's it's very very special. I'll tell you this last year, um, I felt like I went through some challenges. Um, and I feel like one challenge that like really in in hindsight wasn't as big of a deal as it felt at the moment. Um, but I just I I was tested. I was tested and looking back I see how Hashem was really growing my muscles. um happens to be last th this past year towards the end of the year my father suddenly got sick. >> It was sudden. Um it was serious. We were we were called to like fly in. It was like that kind of a situation and we got to the point where we really didn't know what was going to bring. Even like one of my friend's husbands was my father's doctor and he was like it's very serious you know you and your sister should come in and understand that like you know it's things are not looking great and it was shocking and we all came and were dinging and it's very emotional and I felt so really like it really shook me obviously and I I just remember staying there by his hospital bed and all of a sudden I felt like all like the previous test that I had just went through also we saw the the challenge right before two days prior to my father getting sick. I had the salvation for Hashem. So it was like f I was breathing and then this happened. But I I really felt that Hashem was giving me an opportunity to strengthen myself before this next bigger test and I felt like I walked in with like much stronger muscles. And there was a point we were just in front of his hospital bed. He he was in very rough shape at that point and I was like we have to change this like we have to change the mode and we put on thank you Hashem and we started singing and we started dancing and we opened up at and we said ms moroda and we thanked Hashem from really like from the bottom of our hearts we said thank you Hashem for the miracles that are about to happen and you should know we saw continued miracles from that point on like and really the truth is also I would also like to say even when we looked at the beginning of how he got sick there So many little things that happened. We're like review the story. Look, Hashem was was providing a rafua like a healing before he even got sicker. There were so many like little things when Hatalah came timing it was Hashem's hand. And I felt like when you see the world with that kind of perspective, you give space, you're living in Hashem's miracles. Like when you're willing to look at everything >> as being from Hashem and Hashem's hands and good and sweet, it sweetens everything. And I really feel like we we were able to see a lot a lot of miracles. And I feel like this perspective helps me with so many things in my life. And just appreciating every good thing and knowing that like really Hashem has our back. He loves us and Hashem. >> I love the thank you Hashem in advance for the miracles. You should know my mother still says it and now he's saying it also with her every single day in this massa like just to and she said every time we say it we feel the miracles coming like >> yeah it's really big. >> Yeah. >> Something that I've learned about tila that I felt really connected to was the idea that part of is not just asking Hashem for braha but also about transforming ourselves through the process of where we become receptive to braha. >> Yes. And I think Beton is very similar in that way which is trans how trust transforms us. >> Yeah. >> And I would be interested in hearing if you've seen this or experienced this how the teachings of and really exploring them in real ways together with other women >> if it has created any shift in your own sense of self that has allowed those miracles to flow. Yeah, absolutely. I feel like that's part of the process is you're kind of you're transforming yourself. you're training yourself to be more of a believer. And I think that part of this Kabura style learning really lends itself to that because what's it's it's beautiful to learn on your own. That's super special. It's like a step up almost to learn with a group of women that you feel comfortable with, that you feel comfortable being vulnerable with and sharing your moments and like piggybacking off of each other. And it almost becomes like this beautiful energetic flow of like sharing and we like feed off of each other's energy and we support each other through hard times and you know if somebody's going through something we can we can provide extra support for her and it's like you just condition yourself to live in this really trusting way and seeing the good and it it's yeah it has really definitely changed my life and I believe the life of the women that are learning together like we're constantly sharing that. I feel like that's that is the momentum is that we're we're in this transformative phase of growing and becoming deeper believers and and trusting more deeply and feeling the sweetness of that and seeing how life is sweeter. When you believe that Hashem loves you and has your back, it's a different life. It's almost like you're able to live life with a deeper sense of tranquility >> um and and inner peace. Yeah, I I definitely feel that. >> When you say that life was Can you describe what you mean when you say life is sweeter? >> Yeah, I think so. I'm gonna try. Um I think that you just you know everything is good. So even like my own experience like you could look at this like it's a it's a tragedy. It's terrible. You know my father's sick panic help. I mean, I feel like because Hashem gave it really was a gift from Hakares, I feel like I was able to say, "He has my back. I don't know the plan. I don't know how this is going to end. I don't know what tomorrow is going to bring." Right? And that even in like moments that may seem very dark, he loves me. It's like a hug that you constantly can hold. I know that he loves me. I know it's going to be good. I know that, you know, my father and all of us came into this world with a specific mission and Hashem is guiding us through that. And we just have to keep trusting and keep hope and keep understanding that Hashem loves us and it it it feels like doesn't feel scary. It doesn't feel like you're ever alone. It feels like you're being supported. >> That's what I mean by sweeter. I think that's beautiful and really speaking to what can give us especially when we're facing life's challenges. And I would love to speak to in terms of >> all of us have challenges in our lives and it's an inevitable part of the world and definitely something that we're all experiencing also on a collective scale everything going on in the world. >> But I also love would love to talk a little bit about for the joy and for the braha and for the blessing not just from a place of darkness and brokenness but also from the place of like how good it can be for us. Because I think so much of like moving towards a Messiah redemption reality is is believing how good and beautiful our lives could be. So even in the good parts of our lives where it's already good, trusting that it can be even better. >> Yes, for sure. >> So I want to hear from you on how to begin to expand our vision of how beautiful, expansive, vibrant, alive, joyful, revealed Hashem's braha can be in our lives. what limiting beliefs can get in the way of that and how to work through that so that we can like just expand our sense of possibility about the blessing we can receive. >> Okay, it's very I love that. I think the beginning of that is number one to truly internalize that Hashem is good and his ways are good. >> Is to see life from this place of it's good. It it's already good. Whatever is happening is already good and it's only going to get better. Like we only have what to celebrate. And I think it's looking at I think it's really looking at the world also with like a sense of we're only moving in a positive direction, right? We're only doing we're we're only looking to do good. We're only looking to spread joy. Like everything is intrinsically good whether we see it or not. And then I feel like that's what transforms it. That's what where the sweetness comes in is that like perspective. I I really do think to me it all boils down to Hashem is good and his ways are good. and to see that in everything that happens. And I think that gives you this almost this like personal gula >> like that allows you to transform your world and that light kind of affects everybody around you like you're bringing that light with you to your friends and then it kind it again we're back to this like camaraderie and this um sisterhood of just like your family will benefit from that, your children will benefit from that, your husband will benefit from that. friends are going to benefit from that and you kind of all play off of each other. That's been my experience like the more and when we get you know a limiting belief and when we feel like it's like but but but and what what what and what if that it kind of push that away with Hashem is good. Let me imagine a really good ending to this. Let me visualize even a beautiful ending to this and and live in that space of goodness and understand that Hashem wants good for me >> and all he wants to do is give to me and um >> and see me in my best case scenario you know he he wants that to be good and with that said to also surrender to and whatever that looks like to that's my version whatever that looks like to Hashem I'm able and willing to accept but to understand that [clears throat] everything is good everything is good. And the more we internalize that, I feel like the more we see things through the like this just very positive lens. >> I love that. And I like that you I really appreciate how you highlight the importance of sisterhood >> in that experience like being able to connect with others. And I would I would love if you can kind of like outline what you think specifically learning the messages of in a group setting and offering that support how that allows us to more deeply integrate these principles and ideas into our life with the sisterhood. Um there's nothing like it. There's nothing like a sisterhood. Um, again, learning on your own is so beautiful, but when you take a deep subject like trust in Hashem, it really gets into your kishkas, you know, like it it really gets deep inside. You can't compare that to learning on your own to learning with a group of women where you can really lean on each other and you could really feel comfortable hopefully. What I did realize is as the bigger groups get, the less people share. like when when they're kept a little bit right when they're kept a little bit more intimate. It's funny because the Manchester in this new series that they're starting they DFA wanted to keep it smaller like cap it at 12 right to like preserve the ability to have this intimate um relationship amongst the women but I feel like you know you just can't compare it. There's just a support that comes into it. There's there's a bond that forms when you're learning together on a regular basis and really sharing and letting the Torah in and letting your friends in >> and feeling comfortable enough to be vulnerable through that process. There's nothing like that kind of support. There's nothing like that kind of really a sisterhood that forms through the process. >> Yeah, that's really big. It feels apppropo. I feel like I can't not mention it that there's a group of women who are here from New Haven. my friend Rosie Garevich who runs a Kabura in New Haven that's really like [applause] like this and I think what what I've really seen and I want to shout out Rosie because it's my experience is I think also something about the sisterhood is the feeling of being a when you see someone else living with in your life which like you do and I know that like you see that as an example that's also elevates you to when you see people putting it into practice and being able to >> do it so that's also to another like you get to share but you also get to just be elevated and uplifted by other people integrating those central ways. >> Yeah. And the energy it kind of just like you play off of each other. You're like, "Wow, she's elevating and you're sharing this whole story and that's amazing and I'm taking that in and then I'll have my time in a month or whatever it is to share my story and when I'm ready, you know, when I can integrate." But that your energy is helping me to become, you know, who I need to be through this process. And everyone's doing it on their own and we're all respectful of everybody's process and of their integration, you know, system and and practice. And it's very special to watch unfold like everybody just bloom and grow and to grow together and to like really like love each other through the process. It's so special. >> Yeah, it's huge. >> Okay, we're going to do a few rapid fire questions then I'll open up to questions. [laughter] >> I'll try. Yeah, my my thing with rapid fire is you just feel into it if it's the right moment for rapid fire. And I'm feeling yes, it's the right for rapid fire. >> Okay. [laughter] >> How do you feel? Do you feel that way? >> I'll do my best. Hash will help. Please >> save me. Okay. [gasps] If you could sum up what is in one sentence, what would it be? [snorts] In one sentence. Um, Hashem is good and his ways are good. What's one safer one book of Torah that you've studied that has really deeply transformed you on a personal level? >> Nice. What is the most powerful example you have seen of how trust can transform someone's life? M um my friend my friend's um nephew her I guess it would be her sister then who had a baby who they everybody it's a long story but who they said had um she was told to abort the child she was told that the child will be born very deformed um even when she carried the child all the way through they told her that they were going to let him he would never live >> Mhm. M um and she was led by Sadikim and she trusted the entire way through even to the point she was delivering she screamed in the room the entire time. It's only Hashem. Um they literally left the child to to die when he was born and Hashem kept him alive and showed them he was born with like a ginormous um tumor. He was born not to form that sadik were correct with everything that they told her. And I yeah I through this experience I learned to davin in a whole new way to to scream to Hashem in a whole new way because that time that he was left there um you know we didn't know what it would be cuz typically these children are intubated. They left him. He Hashem breathed life into him. He breathed on his own and he was left there for hours and hours and she was fighting just trusting in Hashem just Hashem that he would live. Um the child he not only live they wound up doing a very complicated surgery he wound up living it transformed the whole way this type of a of a thing is even treated now um and it's a beautiful story by the way tonight is his upshar >> wow >> he's okay it was a real miraculous situation but the odds were stacked against them and they were told by real to hang on and have and every single one of us that davin every we were all up in arms davenining and really like begging Hashem for salvation and he granted it. Hashem granted salvation and it was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life. >> Wow. >> Yeah. Okay. So, I definitely have to slow down the rapid fire and ask you when you said that it changed how you do and it changed how you talk to Hashem. >> Yeah. >> What do you mean? Tell us. >> Um I I could not believe that they were like leaving him to die. This was Hashem's child. And I like even emotional talking about it. I found a piece inside myself that I didn't even know I had a scream inside that was so loud and so strong. And so I even want to say maternal that I just screamed to Hashem. And I remember even there was a point in my Tila. I was like, "This is your child. Forget it. If if they're leaving him there, we don't need doctors. We have you, Hashem. you create a salvation for this child. You breathe life into this child. And I remember just I mean there was many of us many of us screaming like that. But I screamed so hard and so deep. Um I I almost like I felt at some point that Hashem was like it's going to be okay. It's going to be okay. And I remember even speaking to my friend and saying I feel like there's something shifted like it's going to be okay. And she said I know I also feel like that. and and many of us did that were like involved in for the child and they shortly after started surgery and Barashem he had really a miraculous recovery. When you said I discovered a scream I didn't know I had. >> Yeah. >> I think that's a very powerful sentence to think about how allows us to access the unadulterated desire for braha within ourselves. Yes. >> And very often when we're in fixing mode and not in asking, when you can't access the depth of our own desire and that like scream that you didn't know you had that you can only access through talking to Hashem. >> Yeah. It's really powerful. >> Yes. Very very deep. It's like that like nishama >> type of a cry. Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Wo. That's beautiful. If you're sitting across from someone who's struggling to access this and in a challenging spot in their life specifically and and not really feeling that they can lean into a belief that it's going to be good, >> what would you say? >> It's a good question. I would say you're human. That's very normal. Um, but I would say is really try to make space for Hashem. >> I would say be consistent. um davin every day. But I would say talk to Hashem from your heart. Go in a room, a quiet room by yourself. Speak to Hashem in your own language from your own heart and unload. >> Talk to him about what's going on. Talk. And it might be hard in the beginning. And you might only be able to do, you know, 2 minutes, 5 minutes, whatever it is, do it. And accustom yourself to doing this consistently. and a relationship will grow >> and you'll feel unburdened and you'll find Hashem and you'll find connection with Hashem's help. >> Beautiful. >> Yeah. >> And to someone who's in a positive space and wants to lean into to like expand their sense of possibility. What would you say? >> The same thing. >> I would say consistency and I would say make time for Hashem every day to connect, to talk and to develop a relationship with the Kesh. Absolutely. Yeah. >> Nice. >> Thank you so much. Stay. >> Pleasure. Okay, >> you're you're not done. >> Um, but what I'm going to do is I'm going to open this up to audience questions. >> We have a microphone which does not impact the room, but which I need you to hold if you're asking a question. But does anyone have I'm going to invite audience questions. If anyone wants to ask a question to the front, I'll come and give you the mic. >> Yeah. Okay. Awesome. You're pass. >> Here we go. >> Hi everyone. Um, your name? I'm Talia Zenelli. I'm from Cedahurst originally, but now I live in Woodmir. Nice. >> Um, I just wanted to comment. So, I'm in one of the Kaburas with Robertson and Rubenstein, and it's been really life-changing. Wow, I feel like I'm getting emotional. Um, I didn't expect that. Um, but basically, I learned with a really incredible group of women. Um, and everyone, I feel like throughout this, it's been like over a year already. Um, everyone's been been like really growing and we're all really close and even when Rabbits and Rubenstein had her baby and we miss her. Um, we still got together just so we can get together and learn about Amuna cuz we feel like really impacted our lives and we thank you. Thanks so much. >> Oh my gosh, my greatest pleasure. >> Thank you. Thank you. Um and my question is what is the step that a person should take after the enode meaning like when a person receives god forbid like bad news or there's nothing bad but news that they would rather not receive or whatever it is and they accept that it's from Hashem and they they accept that it's good what's the step after like what comes next >> is that does that make sense >> yeah that does make sense okay um actually something that we learned in our in the Manchester group and I think we also learned this in the one of the aoras is that um there was a beautiful piece um from Ravasher Fry. It was a letter that was I'm just trying to look at it. There was a letter that somebody wrote in to Ravasher Fry um that he was sick and he needed a rafua. So we'll use that as the example. And what he answered to him was this, like we're going to dab in for you and because we should always dab in for everybody, but you have work to do for yourself. And as an example, he gave the story of um Melisy who Hashem sent the Nvi to tell him that he was going to he was going to die. He be ill and die. And um his response to a na'vi from Hashem. So we know it was a decree because Hashem sent clear nua right um he said just please finish your nu and go and he would not accept it as reality. And what did he do? He daved and he daved and he daved until he literally like broke it broke like the chambers of his heart which he destroyed all of his ego. He destroyed anything that would prevent him from being close and connected to Hashem. And his tilos changed the outcome. He literally he he lived a long life after that. So we see that decrees can be changed andos are very very very powerful. And I would say of course the anal meaning we have to put our effort into ouros and Hashem will decide what the outcome what the best outcome of that is at the end. We can change decrees with tilos all the time and it's very important to do that and there are things we might need to dive in more for that require more tilos and other things but I would say tilos like really hearts deepos like that scream that comes from within to really dive in and to get to our core that's what I'd say thank you >> hi compel um I'm currently living in farit but I'm from Chicago um this is a really cool group of women to be around so wo the Chicago and me is like freaking out. Um, [laughter] but this is really really special and it's very cool. I just started learning the basi with a friend. Um, so this is definitely giving me the to continue. But I I actually wanted to ask you a question based off of what you had just said. We were just reading the basi and me and my friend were discussing how basy says and I'm totally going to misquote it now cuz I'm like nervous. um that you can't change a decree like even like the like as big as like the end of a needle like you can't change Hashem's decree but we were saying like that doesn't make any sense exactly like what you're saying how does that work with tila so my question to you >> right good it's a very good question you can't change a decree with your hishados with physical effort but you can with spiritual effort so that that's the difference really in there like felos can it and it also says like you can't change your parnasa you can change that with your spiritual efforts. So it's felos, your Torah, your mastovim, right? Taking things on yourself that can change things, right? We could change we we can change kos made sorry um decrees made of like barza like like um strong metal even with our tulos. >> Thank you. >> Hi Khenda from New Haven. And what about when the answer's no? Ah, [snorts] when the answer is no, we trust that Hashem is good and his ways are good and we know that he's holding us and that this was the best thing for us whether we see it or whether we don't. >> Like where do you go from there? Like what do you after the answer is no, >> you know, like >> where do you >> if someone dies, >> right? >> Which which happens all the time. Okay. So, I also want to say I'm not Hashem, [laughter] but I will say I I really do feel like the work is from my humble, you know, humble perspective and opinion, um, is to know that Hashem is good and his ways are good and that even when things happen that are hard for us to grasp or or emotionally challenging or physically challenging or challenging on any level, we know that Hashem is running the world and he loves us and it is for our ultimate good. And there is a certain amount of just we just surrender to understanding that we did our best. You know, if we dive in and we tried to change the outcome and we dive in for somebody's health and and the answer was that they didn't make it, right? That or maybe they got longer life, maybe they didn't. Whatever it was that this was part of their mission, right? And Hashem decreed that this is what they needed to get to where they needed to get. And we accept it and we surrender and we understand that Hashem is is good. Yeah. Sorry, I say I'm sorry. >> Yeah, I want to add something that I think that >> part just perspective I want to share is that >> part of the surrender in those moments I feel is also surrendering to the darkness and the grief >> especially when it comes to loss of someone like death which is like crushing and there's >> grief is a holy thing and we really see that honored in in >> um Yiddishkite. So surrender not just in in the fact that Hashem is good, but surrender to where Hashem is showing you, which is possibly a path of grief and >> absolutely >> mourning and darkness and hardship. And very often, Hashem is good or accepting from Hashem, we think means that we are going to be joyful all the time, but sometimes it means accepting that Hashem is showing us that now it's going to hurt and this is where we're supposed to be. Absolutely. And that Hashem is with us in that grief. >> Absolutely. Absolutely. That's a very important point. Thank you. Yeah. Yes. And that it's okay >> and that the grief is okay and that the sadness is okay. And it's not a sra like it's not how do you translate sra? It's not contradiction. It's not a contradiction. >> Right. We can also hold space for both simultaneously. Like you can feel that hashem loves me but it feel extreme grief at the same time. Ariana from Seedhurst. Um, do you think it's appropriate and sometimes like when the bad thing does end up happening, do you think it's appropriate to like see why like to like look into why? I know obviously sometimes like you can't see why and you don't know why, but like do you think it's like could be possible to like see why? Like to like look for why if that makes sense. >> Why a bad thing happens. >> Yeah. Like to like see like, oh, this bad thing happened because like maybe it wasn't supposed to happen right now or like there was something better coming, but like sometimes you can't necessarily see it. Do you think it's like for certain times it's like okay to like look even if you may not find the answer to like look for that. >> So the why meaning like aesh >> I think that can be appropriate to kind of look I mean like says even if you pull out like the wrong amount of change you're supposed to kind of like look at your ways and and examine them. So there's space for that. I also feel like be kind to yourself also right like the idea of is good and it's holy. Um, and sometimes yes, we should always be looking to like better our ways, but I also think just to be careful with that, like not to go down a rabbit hole of being very hard on yourself. Like there's a balance to the whole thing and just to be kind through the process. Like sometimes things happen, right, that are meant to happen. And like you said, just to and sometimes like the message is just to hold space for the difficulty and the ability to grieve and to go through a difficult time and to you know just gain strength and being able to handle that and know that even though this is very difficult like that Hashem is still good, right? And it's not a contradiction to one another if that makes sense to you. >> But never from someone else. >> What do you mean? Oh no, we're not. >> Right. Exactly. We we have nothing to do with someone else's aos and we don't take responsibility for other people. We just you know wish them well and we forgive and move on. But for ourselves yeah it's appropriate to have a >> but also guilt is never never comes from a good place. So >> guilt but improving. >> Yeah. Sometimes people will take ah benef like a place of I did bad things so bad things are happening to me and that is not that's usually ne it's never really the case with betakan we could create miracles out of the ordinary like if if something >> [snorts] >> um naturally was not supposed to come to me I could create it like a special vessel basically and make that thing happen but you're not going to create bad things like you're not go because you didn't have and it's not that that's why something bad happened. >> No. Right. Right. I would say that's a different topic. Like there are times in life where we are supposed to look at ourselves and be able to introspect and improve and I I think that's more of the ones that I was referring to. I don't know if that's what your question was specific. And there's there's space for that to rid ourselves of guilt and and like destroy ourselves that would be unbalanced. I think it's hard to to see a bad like a bad outcome and to reflect on yourself and to feel like you could have made a difference in that. Like I always I I feel like that would always create kind of like a guilt that would not bring anyone to a good place. >> Um it's not really about guilt. I would say there's a space to say I mean like it just this is something that's brought down in the Torah that you know if we if we find that something went wrong there is space to look within and say is there something I could have done sometimes the answer is yes sometimes the answer is no but we're constantly improving on ourselves it's not about guilt guilt would be um I don't think that that would be the right approach but I I definitely think that there's a space to introspect and see like is is there something that I could have done better is there not etc. But we really for the most part we try to give ourselves a really good space to keep growing and to keep it positive. >> Hi Mahuba from Paracway. How would you I guess give advice to actually take it practically of knowing the idea of and actually feeling it in the heart >> and not just saying but feeling it. >> That's a really good question. Um there's probably several answers. What's coming to me now is I really think your tilos that's what opens up your heart um and talking to Hashem. So formal tilos and even and informal tilos and I really feel like that's where the connection happens when you really turn to Hashem from your heart even if it's hard. I feel like that's what slowly like strips away the barriers and just like showing up in a vulnerable way to Hashem. That's what open I feel like that's really what opens us up and makes it be like really in the heart. M >> this was so beautiful. Thank you so much. >> Thank you for having me. This is so special. >> Thank you so much. Thank you all so much for being here and I want to bless everyone because I think there's a power in a gathering and everyone being here and especially on this topic of to bless everyone in this room that we should all be able to experience this that we're describing as you said not just to be able to say it with our words but to really feel it in our hearts that there's nothing but Hashem that Hashem loves us and that it's good. And also, as you said, to be able to expect the miraculous in ways that really creates that effect in our lives where when we start to look for it, we see it and we reinforce it and we do things that allow us to really feel the miracles. Um, and that's my braha to all of us. It was such an honor to meet you and to to me there's something very electrifying every single time I meet someone who's like [music] so tapped into Torah study, their relationship with Hashem, and their Yiddish guide. So, thank you. >> Thank you for having me. Such a treat. 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