Why do people go Off The Derech?

Hey guys, welcome to the eighth podcast of Clappy and Frank. >> It's been a tremendous, tremendous journey. Like and subscribe. Forward it to all your contacts. Last week's episode, we had thousands and thousands of views. Bruce Bachmann was a tremendous success. Everybody loved him. We're going to have him back in the very near future. But tonight, we have a real special guest. We have Moshi Frank's youngest sister. >> Yeah. >> Dvorra >> Burkowitz. Burkowitz and we're going to be discussing a topic that really needs to be addressed about bullying in schools. >> Right. Dvar is a [laughter] >> special educator. She's been in education her whole life. She worked in camps with children who have problems emotional family and I always wanted to talk about people bullied and OTD off the Derek people. So, Dora, what would you say the leading cause of people who leave the fold of Orthodox Judaism? >> Um, so I think there's a few things. I wouldn't like say it's like one thing. Why are you laughing? [laughter] So, basically, there's a few things. Number one, I think most of it is emotional. Like did they grow up in a home where they had two parents, two parents together, happy the parents are like happy to well one part I would say the next part after that they're happy to be from but first of all that they're just happy that they're happy to live every day and that they got what they needed emotionally. So a lot of times when it's just too much for them and if you speak to any OTD person they're never going to say like oh I had an amazing childhood everything went great and then I fried out. No, it's always like I had this happen. I had that happen. either they'll blame the teachers, the schools, the parents, the family that they came from or whatever it is. And then later on they're just like, "Oh my gosh, it's too much. I can't handle life in general. So maybe if I stop a little bit more rules, a little more restrictions, Judaism, then I'll be happy." So they they or sometimes it's just like um maybe they'll start with drugs and then just to relax them or whatever it is. But it's mostly mostly emotional. everyone sees it's just that they cannot handle like I even spoke to someone I know I was one time in camp and she was just like at one point everything life was too hard it was too much for me so then I'm like oh I'm going to fry out and I was like how is that going to help you exactly but she's like because if there's just too much I need to do then maybe that will be easier because then I don't even know what it is or sometimes people can't get off their phones because they're so stressed and they need to be constantly distracted from their own emotions so then they stop keeping shabas >> or yeah that type of thing but a lot A lot of times they have abuse in their childhood whatever it is and then they think that not being firm is the solution or a lot of times like some like I know for example let's say I grew up and obviously it was not perfect but I my parents were obsessed with being Jewish they were so excited about it every time like I let's say wanted I saw like a dance machine I remember I was like oh my god I want to get this dance machine how am I going to get it just tell my father I'll learn Tanya for sure I'll get it like anytime I wanted to anything Jewish they will pay the most money for. They're so happy. Even now, like just like a few weeks ago, I wanted to get like the bigas. So, I knew like I asked my parents. I didn't want to pay for it. They'll pay for it. No problem. Of course, they are dying to pay for it. It's not even like a question. So, I grew up that it was like the best thing in the world. Judaism is the best. It's not a burden. It's fun. Like for example, I went to someone's kitchen and the mother was like, "Oh my god, I wish I could go to that Broadway show. Sucks." So what the kids are going to be like oh you know >> but from people who are not allowed to go to Broadway shows >> well that family they weren't like she didn't want to bring them to I think actually the rebel was against it >> I think somebody forgot to tell me this rule my you knew about this I didn't grow up going to brother so I have not yet been to a Broadway show ever in my life neither my wife >> and neither have I basically >> so you're saying I just want to little >> recap >> recap so far you said people who have a unhealthy emotional upbringing and number too is their parents are not happy to be religious like you used to say back in the day they say it's aid you know people would mumble away that it's so difficult to be from and therefore >> right and anybody's life is so hard so let me just take away one little thing that's difficult oh Judaism let me you know >> if that >> if a kid had a very bad childhood and his [clears throat] parents I find that a lot of parent a lot of children their they grew up that their parents are bouvas >> and they try to be like extra from like you have to do all day you need to learn all And they like they like it's like abusive to the kids. They were harassing them all day and the kids you know a lot of these families are 13 14 kids. The parents didn't even grow up with it. So they don't know that there's like a healthy way of like letting kids do a certain I know in my class in my grade the kids that the parents were belove they were like extra strict on them like they had to have the bestim and they want them to don and learn all day and they want them to like outdo the gaz like they're really from families and I saw a lot of those kids got very rebellious and what I tell me if you this is the way you feel. So I feel like when they re when they didn't get enough love and attention and they were kind of like abused, the way that they get back at their parents is that like like being not was not only like against God, but it's like to get back at the community at the yeshiva at the parents, right? >> Is there an element? >> Yeah. So for sure I agree with that. And but also you have to remember that like if let's say even if they're not Jewish, a non-Jewish person, if they brought if you're brought up with any type of pressure that it was too much for you, you're going to say, "Hey, I'm when I grow up, I'm going to go extremely opposite. Like I met this girl who wasn't Jewish and she's like my parents were obsessed with me being in the top school lawyer this and that. They were non-stop like berating me my whole life. Guess if she wanted to be a lawyer. No, she's like no way. I just want to relax and do nothing and whatever it is. So they're basically what you're saying also like I actually went to a home where like one time the father was he was also a BU but happens to be interesting that I know a someone who's like a yeshiva of a school where the kids like are now not from and he said that it's not it's half Bouva and half G families that they fried out. So it's not necessarily true even though what you're saying is true that sometimes yeah they want to be super firm and they're scared about it and also a lot of times they could be like oh I did so many mistakes in my life. I want to compensate by being extra from now and they are like so obsessed with it. A lot of times not to generalize but I'm generalizing but a lot of times bachelas are very emotional in the first place which is why they became from so now they're just being like that and now they're becoming extra from so they're putting that on the kid with Judaism. But the thing is it's their personality. They would put that on with anything. It's just that that's their personality. So maybe their emotions weren't regulated which also happens to be a lot of gadget people also. It's nothing to do with anything. It's just generation. Um and the basically so they'll just put that on the kids. So whether you're extra firm or whether you're non-Jewish, your parents are whatever obsessive with oh my god you have to have the best grades and this and that you're going to you think hey how do I relax and go the opposite? You're going to just go the opposite. But a lot of times actually going the opposite is not really helping because you're not actually you're just like fighting against them but you're not actually coming to peace with what like you felt which is like I'm not good enough being the way I am. So yeah. What were you saying before? I forgot already. >> So you're saying crying out even though it seems to be the solution for them personally. It doesn't actually do anything because they're not being healthy or they're not reaching a healthy state in the first. >> Exactly. Like I follow this girl on Instagram who like fried out and every single day she's just writing, "I'm depressed. I'm this. I'm that." She's completely fried out. Very nice. Wow. Now you can do whatever you want, but you're depressed and all these things. So you see it doesn't actually help. Maybe like they've got help in other ways to actually work on themsel and figure out their thoughts and you know their emotional >> I want to ask you a question. You said you work with children with dyslexia. >> Yeah. >> So they have trouble reading and they have trouble probably compre with comprehension and understanding things. I find that a lot of kids that struggle ac academically they're also the same kids that get bullied. >> Okay. Kids that that that have a hard time learning and comprehending and going with the program, they get bullied. >> I think that children that get bullied the most in school also fry out because this is the yeshiva system that they grew up with. This is how they were abusing the yeshiva and also rebies like they couldn't learn. They couldn't do properly and they would get punished for not behaving and it it it's all hand in hand. I know we don't want to discuss it, but there was a a boy, a labeer boy. We don't want to talk about it, but he committed suicide. And they say he was terribly terribly abused by his by his peers, and they made fun of him, and it was terrible. And he put a whole note. And within a few hours of this story happening last week, his classmates were on radio shows in Israel saying that that he was very, very much bullied. How do we stop bullying in schools? >> Right. So I think the main thing is is that if you have an insecurity in whatever it may be, let's say if you have a big nose or you could get bullied if you're have an issue with learning, you could get bullied. If you come home and you have someone to speak to that is going to listen to you and say, "Oh my gosh, like believe you first of all, cuz some parents are like, "Yeah, it's not a big deal." Whatever. Push it under the rug. Then you could get support for whatever it is. So yeah, you could always blame the school the school system and all these type of things. uh if you have it that you come home, they believe you, they help you, they support you. Of course, there are things that the school should be doing is like trying to help stop bullying or let's say have Korea programs like me. I >> hold on one second. >> Yeah. >> The parents I would imagine that in most healthy homes, the parents are and the siblings are not the ones that are bullying the kids. But when you throw them into a school with 25 kids, kids by nature, I think a lot of them are bullies or maybe the kids that don't get enough love and attention at home, they take it bullies bully, >> right? hurt people hurt, you know. So, I think the parents should not be the victims. You're saying something about the parents maybe at home. I think that it's the schools that take on a lot of the burden and responsibility. >> Um, so I do think that anything like when you're a child, right? So whatever happens in the outside world, whether it's school or you're going into the street, you're how you were brought up and what your parents told you every single day about you and what you could do, what you could accomplish, who you are as a person that you're fine no matter what, you take that message with you to whatever happens at school or in the street. And if they want to, if they come home and they believe in you and they're like, I'm going to, you know, >> you're saying the house could undo some of the damage that these kids that are going through depression and bullying and anxiety. >> But also, a lot of times the parents themselves are depressed or whatever. But in the in the olden days, no one even knew what that was. They're just like, "Yeah, whatever." You know, angry and depressed. But now we actually have things for it. So a lot of times the like I know like let's say, for example, I have this kid who has terrible anxiety and she can't fall asleep at night, whatever, right? So now, of course, we're diagnosing her and she has anxiety and this and that. We're getting her services while I speak to the mother. She has terrible anxiety. The whole entire phone call. She's like, "Oh, what's going to be with this? What's going to be with that? I can't sleep at night and I'm busy literally talking to her about how her daughter can't sleep in class and she's busy the same way." But >> the mother needs the medication. Right. They should share. They should share the script. >> Exactly. So, a lot of times, cuz in the olden days, it was just about survival. You come from the Holocaust, no one was wondering about how you feel. They didn't have time to wonder how you feel. You're busy going to the laundry and cleaning like I mean not the laundry we're >> dodging bullets bombs surviving but now we have so much time we have you know a washing machine to do the wash we have phones to do everything so we have time to think fail also another thing which I heard from Jacobson which is really cool is that he he said that I actually asked him this question once at a speech I was like why is it now that everyone has so much emotional issues like what happened before and he said that he thinks that now is the time of Msiah where all the emotions from the other generations are coming like now to the front and we need to actually work on them cuz Msiah's about to come and all the issues are coming up now and we're here to like elevate them. So I thought that was really cool. But wait, >> so you're saying that if someone has a good, supportive, healthy home to come to a good safety net, we don't anticipate any major problems when they face the world because they feel confident enough, they feel healthy enough, when they engage the world, whatever the world means to their classmates. Either they will be bullied or they probably maybe even not be bullied because they're strong and the bullies usually go after the weak. They're not looking for a big fight. They want easy picking, >> right? So, I feel bad to say like it's all about the parents because it sounds like crazy and it's a lot. But first of all, it is a lot about it and it's not like like easy at all. Like right now, I just took like a parenting course because like people are like, "Oh my gosh, like where are you spending money? I'll just like watch videos." But it's literally we're bringing up the next generation. How are we doing that by how the way that they're parented? So, how is it not make sense for me to pay and work hard? So, I feel like it's actually a lot of hard work for the parents and but of course there is about the school and also but a lot of times like it's interesting I I I feel like I'm blaming the parents but I kind of am but like for example at the park I saw this baby who's been treated bad by a babysitter right and like everyone in the park's like oh my gosh we have to text her send a picture to the whole crown heights like who is this babysitter is crazy whatever meanwhile you find the parent and she doesn't even care which is interesting because I thought that in the first place like Why in the first place do they have this type of babysitter? Probably the mother didn't really look into her, doesn't really care so much. When we actually told her, she was like, "Yeah, whatever. Big whoop." Like, "My kid was probably acting bad." So, I think that a lot of times >> everything represents everything. >> My point is, yeah, that a lot of times it has to do with that. I'm not saying that >> one second. To drive a car, you need to take a learner's permit and you need to take like 20 hours of of of driving lessons and you need to schedule a road test. that if you do a K turn, a three-way turn, and a reverse turn and go on the highway and park parallel park, if you want to drive a forklift, a helicopter, to be a pilot, like five million hours, you know, but to raise children, the most important thing in the entire world, there's no course, there's no documentation. It's very simple, you know, to be Benjamin, a wedding chick. It's nine months later, you have a kid screaming and yelling and parents have to work. So there's no manual and there should be there should be courses on raising children. Well, there is tons. Now >> I go on I'm saying but people you don't know if I have four children. I didn't I didn't take any courses. I mean I once logged into one. No, what I'm what I'm saying guilty guilty as charged there. There should be a bigger emphasis. >> Yeah, >> there probably should be a bigger emphasis in the yeshivas. And you go on the trains and you know you see people the way I'm talking about not always from people but I'm saying other people. Imagine what's going on on the trains. Like you literally see people abusing their kids verbally, emotionally, physically, like the whole train, nobody knows what to do. Like, do we call the police? Do we like, you know, push the mother, child services, whatever. You know, maybe the person will pull out a gun, I don't know, knife. It's it's crazy. It's wild. And just get ready for the trains and buses coming up under Dr. Mandani over here. >> You know, that guy's like way younger than me. I don't know. We're not going to go there. My point is is that it is a major it is a major thing again. And and I'm asking a ne the next part of the question is is that the parents have to work today both parents to pay the bills. It's not a luxury. When my father was growing up in the 50s we whatever you made in a month salary on average across America whatever you made on a salary in one week you paid rent or your mortgage or a little bit over a week but that was normal. The wife stayed home. Now with our lifestyles with property costing millions and rents are high, which is a whole, you know, talking about that's how this guy got into the office with the promise of rent freezes, whatever. We're not going to go there. But um cars, tuition, sleepaway camps, internet, three phones, everybody's bills are crazy. If your husband only worked, you would starve. So the women are working full-time. So you're talking about the women in the park that you see there these ladies that watching the kids. A lot of parents hire full-time help because they need to survive. Either because the w the woman is at work all day, so she can't watch her babies. Or second of all, she needs to has many children and she can't watch her 2-year-old and she's working part-time. It's like this is a story about almost everybody I know. And I've heard stories about people their kids are in Leforts Park and the nanny the kids fighting with the nanny and throwing the carriage and she just picks them up and grabs them and it's like they send a video and like you look at the video and nothing happened. It's the mother that can't afford the help. She's jealous and she's like, "Oh, that's what they're like." They're like, "They're mirroring. They're mirroring on other people." They're like, "You see, that's why I don't have help." >> Ellie, my friend [clears throat] Ellie says, "Me first day if everyone's looking at their phone hoping that some pes has a major disaster." [laughter] Exactly. >> All I I can tell you that I >> I'm hoping Kish Pes closed down, which one there's no food cuz they're, you know, >> I I just want to say >> out of care, let's just say. I just want to say that I made fun of people that had full-time help my entire life because in my house growing up, my mother had a cleaning lady like four hours a week, you know, like raising six kids, whatever, maybe twice a week, whatever. And I made fun of these people like, "Oh, these fine schmeckers, full-time nannies, help, whatever." Now, we have four young children. We have full-time help. And even like on the weekends, we like tell her, "Come Saturday, come Sunday. Just like just help me out, you know, do the dishes, do the laundry, help with the kids." >> Don't you have a unique situation? We all have a unique situation. My point is is that you need a lot of help to survive. But back to the kids that are being bullied, they're being they're being tormented by other kids in the class that are bullying them. And I feel that the yeshivas have to take a much much bigger step. >> I actually happen to think that recently the ka that yeshivas all have amazing programs. Like I took a whole course on Ka Lab Shiva. They all have really good programs >> because a lot of times when boys can't read, they feel really bad about themselves because they basically can't learn or do anything because they can't read. So then they get bullied or they feel bad about themselves and then because of that people feed off of that and then they bully them or he was saying like they people like look down at them because they can't read. But I actually think there's been a lot of improvement in that area. Obviously, there always could be more about like to compared to the past there's >> I went on Sunday for a tour of a yeshiva um about a 90-minute tour that took me through most of the yeshiva and it's you wouldn't recognize it from the yeshivas that we grew up today. Therapists and psychologists and game rooms and computer rooms and everything is fancy. We are and so here's the other thing. Going back 30 years ago, the kids were abused. They were mistreated. There was no therapist. There was no psychologist. Today we have to get bullying under control to a better level. Do you feel like sometimes the kids today are too pampered and too spoiled and that's why they like go on drugs and like >> um Yeah. So I think there is a point in like there's like basically there's something called like gentle parenting which people are like oh my gosh gentle parenting which is like basically it sounds almost like you're gentle. You just give them whatever they want whatever they say but however they feel like oh I feel like I don't want to be in the park now. You just take them out. But really there's then there's like the course that I took which is basically like kind of saying like this is how you feel. I understand but this is what we're doing now. And yeah there is a thing about being spoiled. I think it's I don't know if I would call it spoiled but it's more like they feel like they're entitled. I think the word's like entitled like oh yeah you just like more like you get to just you know like do whatever you want. However you feel that's what goes. Yeah. I do think that there's a thing like that which I think people should be aware like this is how you feel but just because you feel like that doesn't mean you get to do whatever you want like very much validating their feelings which is a huge step because in the old days no one cared how you feel just do whatever you want to do and have a great day um like so that is it's this is how you feel but then now you know whatever we're doing or in a explaining nice way I think that nowadays the people everyone the kids are much more sensitive and you can't just say like oh cuz mommy said so that's why you're doing like in the olden days they would just do that or um my parenting course that I took which could sound controversial does not believe in any punishing at all. Zero consequences. I'm actually going to try to start it. I know it sounds crazy but I'm already doing it with my daughter and it's actually working. Um but >> so she she doesn't like meatballs on spaghetti for dinner and she takes the entire plate and throws it onto the carpet. >> So >> you don't believe in punishing any punishing? >> What you do is like basically I'm just like, "Oh my gosh, did you throw it on the floor?" Because first of all, she doesn't actually do that. That's not her personality >> and not your kid. This parenting course that you don't punish the kids no matter what. >> So what you do is let's say they throw it down. You're like, "Oh, okay. You just threw that down because you didn't want it." Right? So first you acknowledge them and then you're like and then you basically are just like, "Okay, please clean that up right now because it's a big mess." But it's also much more >> tell you that they're not cleaning it up. >> I'll tell you what, it's a much more bigger thing than that. It's, you know, like there's a long but short way and short but long way. So, you're talking more about the short ways like I want my kid to clean up the mess and I want them to listen to me. This is what like that's more of like not this type of whatever this type of parenting. But here it's much more that you build on the connection so much that they care actually when you're like I really want this house to be a mess. You have conversations with them all the time about like for example let's say this situ if they're 19 months old. >> Wait one second. So let's say they they um let's say they spill a thing, right? So great example. Then you say, "Could you please clean it up?" And then either they listen or they don't. So you just kind of ignore it. And then later on when they're cal, it's called safe and social. When they're calm and social, you say, "Hey, it's basically called you, you have like a you, me, weak conversation, which is basically first you acknowledge them and say, "Hey, remember before you spilled the meatballs cuz you really didn't like them." And then they say, "Yeah." And first you understand them. That's number one. Cuz kids just want to be understood after they felt >> everyone. Exactly. But everyone wants to be understood. So first you understand them and you show them your rever them. Then goes me which is basically I say well I really want to have a clean house and could you understand that I really want to have a clean house. Our house is not clean. What should we do next time that you don't want to um that you don't want the food? And actually I do this with my three-year-old and it works amazing which is crazy. Like for example she was yelling at me yesterday. We were in the car. She she was like yelling and yelling and I said um I you're yelling at me because you really want whatever it is and she's like um basically she's I'm like oh you're yelling at me because of that whatever cuz you feel a certain way and she's like yeah and then I said but when you yell at me it really scares me which is also very >> um you have to be in touch with yourself to know which is also another thing I think very important >> because in the olden days it was like I'm the parent I'm not going to tell you if it scares me or not like I'm you whatever. So I said, "When you yell at me, it really scares me. Like, do you like when people yell at you?" And she and then she understood me. And then we had together, we had a a thing together, which I was like, "So what should we do instead next time that you really feel whatever?" And she's like, "Oh, maybe we should say this." And I suggested something. And guess what? For the rest of the night, she didn't yell once every time she did the new thing that we said. So I really think this works amazing. But it's a lot of long but short way, which is in the end, like let's say when I'm which is really cool. Like let's say we were leaving the park. My daughter was the only one that didn't wasn't crying and screaming when we left the park because we have and this other parents like oh my god how did you just let her how did she just do that and I was like because there's a lot of behind the scenes going on conversations understanding her everything's understanding where she's coming from but we can't do that there's no like oh you're just getting away with it but there's no punishments really um but yeah so that's like what I would say >> very interesting so if a parent sees a kid's getting rebellious Yeah. >> And also like doing things that are not so firm like the beginning of the OTD and it's a family that's like very firm and so it's obviously from a lack of communication that probably they were having growing up and not being understood. >> Yeah. Like it didn't start just from there. No way. >> No way did it start from there. It started from a long time ago. Either they weren't aware, their parents weren't aware. Um whatever it was. So instead of starting confrontation with your 14-year-old kid that's starting to miss yeshiva and starting to go places they shouldn't be going, if the parents have a a better open line of communication and speak to them about what's good for them, what's bad for them, show them more loving care and it can become more of like not a punishment or grounded or taking things away from them, there's a a very good chance that you could still get them back on track. >> Sure, you could first understand them number one, where are you coming from? Like why are you doing this? But not like why are you doing this? It's more like, "Oh, you're doing this probably because of that." And like relate to them like, "Oh, when I was a kid, I also, you know, didn't like that." Or like a lot of times I'll tell my daughter that, like she'll tell me like, "Oh, I'm shy now." And I'll say, "Oh, yeah, I also was shy a lot of times." Or whatever. And that automatically calms her down. >> My great brother Malam Frank, who's our producer today. >> Yeah. >> Says that anyone who becomes or fry usually means they have emotional problems. Therefore, they don't mind switching their whole lifestyle to either direction. What's your comment about that? >> Um, so I wouldn't say necessar first of all, my mother's a buba and she's amazing. So I will not say that I don't think they have emotional problems. They're definitely more expressively emotion. I don't that doesn't make sense. expressing they're they're more emotional and yes my mother is emotional but I w but first of all I do think crying out for sure they have emotional problems and baluva I wouldn't necessarily have I think they're just full of emotion I wouldn't not agree that they have all have emotional problems no >> I always say that I'm not a balchuva because I never did any chuva [laughter] >> I think the term chuva balchuva is I think it's also a little bit mis misused and misunderstood and who who do we know who's really close to Hashem and far from Hashem. It's very subjective, >> right? But I do think it takes a lot to want to change your whole life. Like it is like whoa. Like it's it's a lot. Like yeah, as I said before, like people that cry out a lot of times are like my life was so overwhelming and so heavy that I have to just do something about it. Like that's it. Like I'm done. But it has nothing to do with Judaism. They just it was too >> The demographics the demographics of people watching our show are 13, 14, 15 year old girls and then the 70, 80, 90. No, there's at 30 I I speak to people teenagers and also people 50s, 60s, 70s. >> I I had I I I oversaw very traumatic bullying growing up in Yeshiva. Like we're bar wasn't me but there's like some kids like I remember like in second third grade they really really torture the kid. They used to sing songs about him and kids in the class used to dance around and call names and I wasn't really I was not one of those kids and I was like I always had a soft spot for people like for the underdog till today I always take the side of the underdog no matter what the situation is business life I'm always with the underdog but a lot of kids and teenagers that get bullied um their classmates are scared to stand up to the bullies because they think they'll be the one to get bullied so they kind of like just take like a pass a background role >> right >> how do we make it more popular for kids and teenagers that they right away step up to the plate and they stop the bullying themselves because as much as the par >> you never stood up >> I'm saying that when I was when I was already like in high school yeah but when I was a little kid I was too scared >> right makes sense it's people are adults are like that the same way no one wants to rock the boat ever >> no now I always fight for the underdog and get involved in politics and take on fights >> your sh like the underdog shabby >> my sh is the coolest sh [laughter] >> says nobody So, what do we tell what do we tell teenagers that especially girls? I heard girls there's drama and clicks and non-clicks. I heard it's like frail over there. >> Well, you know, I think the nature of life is there's always going to be the weak. There's always going to be the strong. There's always going to be conflict. There's always going to be the successful, the less successful. And to a certain degree, school maybe I think the big issue with school is that if someone's a nerd, right, once they leave school, they could find other nerds online. They could find people and they could gravitate and they're not held to this social game, so to say, in school, which makes it harder as they get older and they're not restricted in a specific room, space, class. people who of our different personalities, it's easier as they grow up because they just find their crew, you know? >> Yeah. Like Mr. Beast, I don't know why I'm mentioning, but he said that when he was younger, he thought he was so weird that he was obsessed with YouTube. He everyone's like, "You're such a weirdo. You're obsessed with YouTube. What's wrong with you?" And look at him now. But also, he said that once he was out of school, he realized there's so many other geeks that are also obsessed with YouTube. like you said like he felt >> I think online communities like gamers and tech people >> until recently they didn't have a place to really social forums and groups and they feel it's a community with them >> and if they were just geeking out in their class there's only one or two of them they didn't feel like you know >> they had a community to support them so I think today just because of the internet everyone finds their place in the world much easier obviously coming from a healthy strong parents and family is the key to success and uh the key to everything having that support system >> but also like some people after school go to different things outlets that they have dance art different things like that. >> How would you say a parent could build self-esteem in their kids? >> You have to ask that to my mother. She's obsessed with this. But um I think it's like first of all I only have two kids. I my kid is only three. So like I'm sounding like oh my god woo I have so many kids. Like you both have older way older kids. What I think right now um is very much like I feel like people a lot of times treat kids like they're younger like she just said that whatever like or like people let's say will laugh at my daughter cuz she'll say something cute and I'm I was like don't laugh at her like she's a regular person like she's a human. So I think that um like it's very important to treat them as not as an adult but they're a regular human being with feelings and emotions. That's number one. Take their opinion seriously. believe them when they say something like don't just be like yeah whatever. Another thing is I don't know if this has do so much with self-esteem but like when you say I'm going to like oh I'm going to ask her now to go to sleep. A lot of times as parents we're like yeah they're not going to listen to us. Let me just say it anyways. Like you're already coming with the assumption that they're not going to listen to you. I actually started telling myself like basically like the sky is green and then I would be like go to bed and it would literally work because I'm confident in it and like they're going to listen. Like I think it's a lot also the belief that we have in ourselves of our kids like you could write down compliments about them randomly like at work actually when I didn't have I mean I had extra time at work I'll just write down like Sarah and like all the things I love about her um I think a lot of is what you actually believe it will automatically come onto them it's not even so much about what you say about >> in sales and I tell this to my all the time with big deals I say I have to sell myself before I could sell it to somebody else like I today got a few items to sell but I I have I can't post it on my art groups because I first have to do more research, >> get better stock images, get images of the one that's coming to me, etc., etc., and I have to really look at auction records. And once I see like the whole story behind it and I get convinced that it's something that I would want, then I can explain it to a client. >> Right. Right. >> So you're saying that a lot of parents when raising children they have to build up their own emotional >> in their own head >> in their own head about their child what they want to deliver what they want that kid to understand or the emotion or feeling they want to give over to the kid they should first >> also believe that your kids have good intentions like for example why did they um like my daughters are always fighting of course over their dolls right so let's say she hits her and it's like why' she hit her she's like I'm so scared she took my she's going to take the doll so really her intention is she's just scared she's going to take the doll, right? But right away we're always like, "Why'd she hit her? What's wrong with her? Like, why is she hitting? She's so aggressive." Or whatever the words that's going to come through our head. But instead to really respect them as humans and they have good intentions behind what they're doing. I think that really helps self-esteem to know that a lot of times we also as adults doubt our own intentions like, "Oh, why am I doing this or whatever." That comes a lot from our upbringing which is like now we're understanding much more how really to understand them and know that they like they just have fears or whatever it is. That's also another thing is like respecting them as I said like respecting let's say if they don't want to give their grandmother a hug don't be like go give her a hug she doesn't want to give a hug you are you going to make force someone else to give her a hug like no like respect them as people they have boundaries they have things they want to do things they don't not saying that you let them do whatever they want no way um but very much like just respecting them as humans and of course like complimenting them when they do good things and when they have a hard time with to be like, "You're having a hard time now. You're a great person, but you're having a hard time. Like, your kids, obviously, it's super hard, but my girl was having a tantrum today." The first thing that I was going through my head was like, "Oh my god, I hate this. Like, just why can't you just shut up already?" Like, crying about something so stupid. Obviously, I didn't tell her that. But don't tell her that. That's step one. Don't say, "Oh, you're crying about the dumbest thing." Try to focus on the positive and work on your own emotional skills more than >> but this is if you're a successful parent and you started at two three years old having an open conversation with your children tapping into their emotions explaining them cause and effect what happens to the parent that has 10 kids didn't give any love emotions you could always start whenever and now the kids 15 years old rebelling getting kicked out of yeshiva camps how do you come in then and start damage control and having that open line of communication >> so anyways there's something called twisted parenting out. You guys ever heard of it? Basically, it's um this guy who takes kids that fried out like terribly and he um basic he like does like workshops for the parents and different things. He basically tells a fish. >> Yeah, exactly. Okay. I forgot his name. >> Home Sweet Home. >> I don't know if it's called that, but >> I think his organization is called Home Sweet Home. >> I think it's called Twisted Parenting. >> Top guy. Top guy. >> Okay. So, like what he does is called love bombing, which is basically he um he what's it call it? like he just tells them like give them whatever they want. Basically do the extreme opposite of why they feel like that. So for example, a girl wanted a TV in her home, give her a TV or don't. He did something as extreme as basically someone that went to Avi Fishoff. So every day she would go to a certain place every week or whatever to to do like illegal drugs. So instead of her going with some creepy guys, her father would take her along there. I know it sounds crazy, but eventually she actually >> saying she was a drug she was a drug addict and she needed to take it like so he would take her to this place. would take her as in basically the Avi Fishoff. That's what his method is. It's basically like I'm going to do whatever you want to do because the why do they fire in the first place? Cuz they felt not loved by their parents. We all want to feel loved by our parents. So he basically did the extreme opposite. I know it sounds crazy, but he literally took her to that. So it's like basically at 15 or whatever, there's so many organizations now. There's so much out there like crazy. Could you give us three content creators or people that you recommend for parents that they could learn from short videos that they could be better parents to avoid trouble? >> Okay. So, first of all, I love Blammy Heler. She's amazing. She's And then I would say after that is probably Dr. Becky. >> Who's Blammy Heler? >> She's She does parenting. >> She's Crown Heightser. >> No, she's like I don't know where she's from. She's from Tom's River. But I took her course. She's amazing. Incredible. So sweet. I always like voice note her. I >> Dr. Becky. >> Dr. Becky is Becky. Sorry. She's incredible. And then I don't know who else two. I don't have a third one. Like I just >> You have a third. >> Follow recommend. Tell me. >> I need I need to be I need to start taking these courses. What do you >> do? Do you have any uh >> my mother her name is Sierra Frink >> LCSW. >> But yeah, so I would recommend >> Dr. Becky and Bloom Heller. I'm just you know looking for >> my I love them. my social media feeds. Dr. Becky does show up. >> She does? >> Yes, she does. >> No way. That's so cool. Do you like her? >> Yeah, I do. >> What's her background? Who is she? >> I don't know. I just like >> She blew up in co I don't know. >> Jewish from >> She's not Jewish. No, not Jewish. >> She's not Jewish. >> She just comes up in my streaming. >> I My personal opinion when it comes to psychologists and therapists or even marriage therapists or you it has to be somebody from your community. No, not like if you're lobage, it can't be a lady from Tom's River, >> right? It's very hard to go to a Park Avenue therapist who doesn't know what it means that the husband's coming back from the fbrang in Shabas afternoon because he likes the fabbrang doesn't understand what the kids night say the say the shin said this in the morning and the yeshiva's demanding like they're not going to understand >> I don't think this is so like that because it's more like just emotional situations that happen happens to everyone no matter where general tips >> general tips on raising children okay >> I'm not talking about therapist personal therapist yeah for sure you should use someone that is like like you. >> Hold on. We just do a little Can we talk about our sponsor? He says we shouldn't talk about it. It should be like organically discussed. >> Not talking about anything. I'm hungry. I didn't eat in a few hours. >> There we go. There we go. >> We have over here a Butcher. Butcher, which is the greatest butcher shop in Crown Heights. It's on Albany Avenue. It's a beautiful butcher shop. They make beautiful, tasty beef jerky. Time for some snacks. I need energy. >> I asked him why he made this. He told me that Prepared food is a lot of health regulations, >> but if it's packaged, it's fine. >> Nicest people in the world. >> Welcome to a fancy restaurant. It's delicious. >> CH Butcher, you want to try some? >> Yes. Thank you. >> And if you don't like it, >> I don't really like jerky usually, but whatever. >> I don't like spicy, but this barbecue is delicious. >> What do you make? >> Mhm. >> Butcher. >> Oh my god. It tastes like I'm actually eating meat. >> 70 calories a serving. That's nothing. One gram of fat, low in sugar, high in protein, >> high protein. Yeah. I know protein is is all the all the all the rage, right? >> Basically a meal in a bag and it's delicious. They have share them are amazing. >> Mhm. >> Got the rub on them. >> Crown Heights. Doesn't get better than that. >> Doesn't get better. >> Doesn't get better than that. Whatever you have there. They have barbecue. What's this one flavor? Spicy. >> I don't like spicy. I'll try it anyway. Whatever you can't eat spicy food. I'll try it out. th Brusher available on online and soon Amazon. Also, I want to mention that our special guest here has a is she is a children's clothing advisor, right? >> Um I have a WhatsApp group and Instagram called Lil Fashion Finds. Lil Fashion Finds. >> How do you spell that? L I L fashion_finds >> and what's on it? >> So I basically post um baby clothing, adorable clothing, very practical and cheap for mothers and mothers are loving it. They're all >> range. >> So like I would say probably everything's under 30, but every every so often I also do more expensive stuff if like they're super cute, I think it's worth it or whatever. >> Um but I >> What age group do you say you target? So, right now I only have a three-year-old and one-year-old, so I just do kind of that even though people are constantly asking me, could you do mothers? So, here and there I did mothers. Um, but yeah, so it's that it's super fun. It's from home, which I love. I The group grew like tons in three months. I actually started it in June and now we're in November and it has almost 2,000 people altogether. >> I hear you're making a lot of money. Is it true? Um, not that much money, but [laughter] a little more than pennies, I would say. But I make money on commissions. But I basically just really wanted to do a side haul side hustle last year. And I was like trying different things. I was trying Etsy for like a few days. Did not work out. Um, making sweatshirts. Thanks for buying my sweatshirt last year. But basically, I was trying I really wanted to do something also because I do special ed and you only get paid for when you're there and you also don't get paid for. Everyone thinks like, oh, special ed, you got your degree, you make so much. Not really. Like, very little because And also, so I really wanted to do something in addition, especially in the summer when you don't work. And >> in the summer, you can't get jobs in day camps and sleep away camps. >> It's very hard, like really hard. So, everyone in special eds, like whoever is out there knows what I'm talking about. So, I really wanted to do a side hustle. I also just wanted to do something from home and I was trying different things and then all of a sudden one day I was just bored. Also, I always used to send links to my nieces and they're not really so into baby clothes. So, after a while they're like, "Okay, just or stop ready. We're we had enough." So, I was like, I'm sure other people are excited about it. So, then also people were always like um like always asking me about my kids clothes. Where do you get it from? How do you get it so cheap? How did you find >> under $30? The husbands are going to love this. Their wives are not going to spend so much money on the kids clothing. >> Exactly. But some husbands are actually a little annoyed because they said their wife doesn't stop buying now. So, he wants them to get them off the group. So, I don't know. It's both ways. But basically, cuz I post really cute stuff. It's also very relatable. Like, I'll actually post something that I don't even think is good and I'll be like, I don't think this is good, but maybe you do. Here it is. Or let's say, for example, I posted a a super cute raincoat the other day. I'll be like, when do you guys actually use raincoats? But here is a raincoat. Very honest. Um, a lot of feedback, so it's very engaging. I'll always put like polls all the time. Like one time I wrote like, "How like for moms, I wrote like, "How tired are you? Like, tired. Very tired. Extremely tired." And like it's just very funny and fun. where I'll ask just about the clothes or the new styles, if they like it. Um, so it's so much fun. It's amazing. I like literally I asked Hasham like so many times like, "Could you think of a side hustle for Maria?" And this just came up and I love it. I think if you love doing something and it brings you excitement and it's easy for you, then that's like your thing. Like I think it's so cool. Um, so I do that. >> Do you love selling books? >> Love selling. >> Did you ever look at books before you started selling them? >> I wasn't so into books. So, how do you develop a love? Cha-ching. [laughter] >> So, basically, one day I made it and I remember I was so excited because 20 people joined. I couldn't believe and I was screaming on top of my lungs when 100 people joined. And now when 2,000 people join, I don't even care. That's how it goes, right? But >> what percent of the links would you say you post the products people actually buy? 50% or more? >> Way less. And >> 50%. Mishy, imagine you showed two people an art deal and 50% of them buy it. You'll be a billionaire by now. >> Yeah, I think I post like around 12 a day and it's interesting actually a lot is that I'll post so many different things and go to different websites and try different things and a lot of times people will buy the same thing. Like the other day >> I posted a bunch of different things and then everyone want like 10 people bought the Target Hanukkah pajamas. Like that was the thing. They're obsessed with Target Hanukkah pajamas >> and you had an affiliate link with Target. >> Yeah, >> Target will give you an affiliate link. >> So it's through Shop Style. It's not like Shop Style does it through Target. So, it's they do it through Old Navy. >> I just want to say I just want to say something about Target and I don't know anybody in Target and I'm not trying to brand Target. >> Target is such a clean nice store. >> True. >> I like it. I went there on Hamo. I made like a trip out of it to take my kids Target to get them toys and we roamed around for hours and I got this really really comfortable sweater. It was like >> location. >> The one by the junction on like Flappish Avenue. >> Atlantic Mall. >> No, not Atlantic. I don't like that one. I'm talking about Flapush Avenue. >> Like by Brooklyn College. >> Yeah. Brooklyn College >> Mall specifically this location. >> Oh, okay. >> Flapish Avenue. It's not so crowded. It's nice. There's a Starbucks. I think they all have a Starbucks inside there or whatever. I went to Sukus and I got I went to this men's section for clothing. It had like this green sweatshirt. It was like 30 bucks and it's really comfortable. I >> I mean you're Mr. Fashionista and so when I are you allowed to talk about >> So no, it's not with your blown stones, your soon to be Todds, >> your fancy belt. [laughter] Where's your Hold on. Burberry scarf. >> There's legendary Burberry scarf. >> Are you allowed to say you go to Target? >> I don't go to Target. I got to tar [laughter] >> tar. I think it's a nice store. I think you could get some good good mits over there. So you have target links and you find nice stuff in the kanak pajamas. Everybody was buying. >> Yeah. >> So like that's what's funny is that I could spend so many hours and every all of a sudden like usually on even I could see the clicks. There's always like that one thing that's like 58 clicks next two clicks. So, it's funny that people are just very similar. I don't know what it is. >> That's how you realize >> interested in the same things. >> When I had my my art gallery, like in a more public area with high high foot traffic, every single person who never knew never knew anything about art, they all like the same exact painting. They all like the same exact art. She had 100 paintings. >> Everyone gravitates to the same exact painting. And that's when I realized that there is some inherent appreciation for art that's relatable, that's nice. It's it's, you know, >> we're more similar than we think, >> right? >> Guy Guy in Williamsburg has a massive silver store. Massive silver store. I'm not going to say his name in store, even though he's a nice guy when he pays for advertising. He told me he has like 150 Beckers. He says every single year there's two Beckers that I can style. And 99% of customers buy the exact same two Beckers >> and they don't know that. But they have to have 200 bakers to look at that the customer can make the choice. But they'll only buy the same two beckers. In life, people Yeah. They gravitate towards the same popular chocolate vanilla type items. There are there is a guy that likes co that likes pineapple ice cream, but most people like chocolate vanilla. >> Yeah. >> But you have to be out there to find out if you're the chocolate vanilla. So, as an artist, you need to create work and find out if people uh you know, my brothers have to stop eating. Okay. I'm trying to promote >> I'm trying to promote new stuff. >> The stuff is so good. So, we don't just we don't just take money from people and promote them. We have to believe in the product. >> And CH Butcher on Albany Avenue just does it right. >> His steaks. It's American. It's it's the top of the line meat. He has the best meats. >> The best meats. The best chicken. clean, tasty, and it's so it's great to have people that sponsor our show from the community. You're supporting the community and they make >> and you love them. So, you don't have to >> top product. It sells itself. >> He's my neighbor. So, [laughter] >> um so what's our what else are we talking about? >> So, bullying has to stop. >> Bullying are done. >> Parents No, no. Parents that will get their kids to have a good self-esteem will be able to handle bullying and overcome it. >> Also, I think they could have bullying workshop in schools. you said like how do you make it cool? You could talk about it in schools and then like just really get everyone involved so that when it happens they're much more aware of it. >> And stop being stopping the bullying saves lives. >> Also, don't bully your kids at home. [laughter] >> Uh our producer asked a question. What about adults who are still mad at their parents when they're 40 years old? Do you have any advice for those people? >> Um my wife went to a wedding. My wife went to a wedding two weeks ago in New Jersey where the grandmother of the was not invited to the wedding. >> Because of like some beef with the I'm not judging because of some beef with the um with the with the cousin's whatever with her daughter. It's so painful. I'm not I'm not judging. I don't know. I have the most amazing incredible parents. I love them. They mean the world to me. Like I I worship my parents. So it's hard again. And there are people that had horrific parents that ruined their lives or they were abusive physically, emotionally, mentally, whatever. I can't imag I'm not judging, but it's so painful to see a grandparent not being invited to their grandkids wedding, >> right? >> It's just so painful. >> So, it's a very valid question. How do people in their 40s and 50s >> get back to having a good relationship with their parents that are in their 70s and 80s? >> Right. So I think that obviously of course if like it was terrible and horrible as you said like horrific abuse and whatever like if you're still mad at them it's fine or if you really have to really have to cut off with them like obviously in specific situations in general I think it's always not a good thing to cut off but if it's very specific but I do think that um basically I think that asked because he liked what I said on it about this once but basically um I think that a lot of times what we're mad at them is literally you how like it says like the like whatever you point at someone else is something you have inside of you. So let's say you're mad at your parents for I don't even know what it is. Maybe they always came late to pick up or whatever you have like trauma from those situations. So really you have to number one you could be mad at them for that and that's fine. But then the next step which is really hard is to say hey this is what happened. How did that affect me? How did that affect my self-esteem? How could I now work on it? um and really try to better myself. But a lot of times people just stuck on stuck get stuck on number one and it's very immature because you're not a child anymore. You're an adult, they're an adult. Stop being like a child that's just like, "Oh my god, you did this to me. So d whatever." Now you're an adult. You have your own life and you learn from those experience because they made you who you are. And if there's something called so obviously that was whatever happened to my life was supposed to happen to me just like a leaf falling off a tree. So obviously whatever happened that's what happened. They're traumatized. They were stuck in school every day for a half an hour. You tell them process. >> True. >> But but at the end of the day, for me to tell them, no way. But for me to tell myself, like the only thing we could work on is ourselves. We can't work on anyone else. Our parents are old. Wherever they are, like I know people in nursing homes that are still complaining about your parents. Do you want to be in the nursing home complaining? I don't. But I think that >> obviously we all want to be loved by our parents. It's the most >> want to own the nursing home, not be in the nursing [laughter] home. >> But basically, I think that step number one, you could be upset at them. Let's say for A, B, and C that they did. But really the next step, acceptance is the next part, which is this is what happened. How did that affect me as a person? How could I work on it to first of all not do that to my kids? Because most of the time when you're just upset and you're stuck there, you're going to do that to your kids in one way or another >> because subconsciously because you never actually fixed it. You just were angry at them and you carried it. So it's like for example, the person frying out a lot of times someone parent let's say someone I know like this Believe I was speaking to, he's like, "Yeah, my kid fried out. I I did the opposite." I know he's doing the same in another way. But it's basically I think that really to the next part number two is to really accept, oh, this is what happened to me and I'm going to forgive my parents. Try to see where they came from because do you want your kids to also do that to you? Because that's what's going to happen automatically. >> This his grandmother wasn't at his wedding. >> I hope his kids invited his mother to the wedding. >> Well, they might not because that's an option to them. So if they see that as an option, okay, I'll do the same. Or they see, oh, this is how you do conflict. you don't like someone, just don't talk to them. That's the easy way out. So, of course, >> people are like, "Oh, well, I just won't talk to my mother." And then guess what? Your kids will say, "Hey, I guess that's an option. Let me do the same." So, I think that >> you're going to end up coming to bite you >> for sure because you're that's what's shown to you as a role model. So, I think number one, it's important to look, you could look at, it's important to look at our past, whatever it is, our childhood, whatever happened to us, to see to learn from it. But then once you see it, to really look at it and say, "Hey, how could I change myself? How could I forgive what happened to me? Because how could you be peace inside of yourself is really to forgive. People that are mad still at their parents, they're holding on. No matter if they say, "Oh, I'm fine." They're not fine. >> You are missing a part of yourself. And every single person wants to be loved by their parents. I think some people also that try to like keep explaining to their parents about things that they did. Like I know for example, like I went over to my mother and I'm like, "Oh my gosh, you did this and that." Like first of all, she did say sorry and great. But at the end of the day, there's no point to go back to them because they tried their best. Whatever they did, as long as they're not crazy horrific people like you just you said, whatever they could do at that moment, I wasn't there and I didn't know what they felt and whatever, they tried their best. So, I think that >> So, what about parents that don't emotionally bond with their children? >> Well, first of all, most of us never got that as we, as I was saying, it's an old it's a new thing to start emotionally bonding. So, they didn't emotionally bond. parents that didn't tell their kids how much they love them and how much they appreciate them. And now that they're growing up, they it it's heavy on them. Should they tell their parents, "Hey, you don't tell me how much you love me." And >> so I don't think that is a good idea as I just said because first of all, they're just when people come to attack you, you automatically defend yourself, right? That's how it usually is. So they're probably going to defend themselves or maybe if you're lucky, if you say it in a really nice way, they might say, "I'm so sorry." or whatever, which is very nice and all. You could do it. It might help you. It might give you some relief, but really the work is in yourself. That's where it really is. So that's where like I could also it's funny when people try to change people because I'm still trying to work at myself just to go to sleep on time and I still can't do it. So how are people going around trying to change someone else? >> I think when people when people are dating should they ask the person that they're dating like what's your relationship with your father, mother, grandfather, grandmother? >> Yeah, I think that's [clears throat] important. >> I think I don't think do people ask these questions? >> I [snorts] don't know. But yeah, Manis Friedman one time did say that like when you who you marry like you should always ask them like oh how is he with his father >> about somebody going out with somebody that's from a divorced family. You see, in the from community, we could have this conversation. In the non-Jewish world, I think the divorce rate is like 50%, the marriages don't go, keep going out with anyone, >> whatever. Exactly. >> I think it all depends on the circumstances of the family's upbringing because there are some spouses that get divorced and they have a perfect It's becoming cool now that people get divorced and they have a very good relationship with their ex. You know, they keep it civil and clean. And if the kid grew up with a very healthy upbringing that mommy and Tati didn't get along but you know and then they moved on they got remarried and they had you know nice custody arrangements but if a kid grew up with baggage with hatred with a bad childhood and you know I could understand why somebody wouldn't want to date that person. >> But some people think that it's just inherently in them that they have a break and in their whole entire life like it's not something even if they were civil or whatever. First of all a lot of times they should get married it's their fault. No, they should get married, but >> they should get married to somebody that also grew up in a divorced house and they should and then they'll get married and then the kids >> Well, they'll just get married to someone that's okay with that. >> What about people that don't What about What about people >> were amazing? But >> what about people What about people that don't get divorced and the kids grow up in a toxic toxic toxic house? Maybe if the parents were divorced, >> it would have been better. >> It would have been better. I one time said on a very famous podcast that I don't even use the word D. I don't even use the D-word, but I'm saying another topic. I remember in yeshiva the rebi told us that the ma gan is before kadosh in shazi because people have to know that when you get married there is a possibility that it might not work and there's a civil proper terror way to end to end the situation I'm saying >> it just means that kids just like people can handle conflict how they going to deal with conflict do they see marriages will do whatever it takes to stick around or oh my parents worse I'll do it you see a lot of siblings forget parent I see some any or I see a trend one sibling gets divorced and only five of them like they're all like >> what >> no like you see >> this is one family or you could see a real case study a few families where multiple siblings get divorced in the from community >> correct >> more than one family >> yes >> I only could think of one but okay [laughter] >> okay I've seen a few times so I'm saying there's just we say people look at their parents as an option people look at their siblings you know >> I think a lot of times when parents get divorc the kids also do >> well they didn't grow up in a healthy upbringing. So now they don't know what a proper marriage is like. So then this scientifically it's probably that they have a bigger chance of getting divorced. >> No. >> Anyway, anything else? We cover everything. Flappy. >> Also want to make one more shout out to our sponsor area 53. >> Kids love going there. >> Kids love it now. Much >> the adults going the adults love it. Now I hear a lot of group works go there for paintball shooting. >> Paint shooting khan parties. Mention clappy 15. T L A P Y15 for a 15% discount and then they know that people actually watch our podcast and they will keep on sending us money. They send us money. >> Then you'll keep on doing the podcast. >> We keep on doing the podcast and we could still be unemployed because if we're too overmployed because we don't have money, we can't continue to do the podcast, right? >> 100%. >> Because Clappy unfortunately has a 9 to5 and it's not so easy getting him in the studio, you know, juggling everything. So, Area 53, Fairox, uh, what's it called? Ganinja Park, all >> I just wanted to mention something else. Our guest today, it was it's your first time ever going on a podcast. >> Yeah. >> So, everybody should be nice and put positive reviews, >> nice with the comments, >> encourage her and tell her how with practice she's going to become very popular. >> Also, the first lady >> on our podcast. So, how' we do? Are we were we womanlike or were we too tough? Or you could you give us a review? >> We're really great. Thank God. Thank you so much. Really sweet. Come >> spicy sister. We have to be nice. The next person that comes on is not getting any special treatments. >> We didn't know, you know, until now was a, you know, a guy's uh >> We did try. We did try. You had We had You had an allergic reaction. You almost died on us. >> Correct. We had a few failed attempts [laughter] >> to what? Woman. >> Yeah. >> And today we al whatever. It was not It's You know what I realized? Getting the guest is the hardest part of the podcast. getting them showing up and so far we most of all or all of our guests never been on a podcast before. So it's >> yeah we're not like we're not like the competition that wants to see who's famous and popular. No there is no comp when you say D divorce can we same rule C. >> It's not like basically we don't look to see who's already famous. We make the people famous. We make them popular. >> Entertainment guy told me that SNL Saturday Night Live they're known to create celebrities. So I want to be the podcast. Ex everyday people is that right? We create celebrities and you said you love the underdogs. I think that's something we have in common. We like the underdog. We like promoting them. Not that you're the underdog. [laughter] You already have 2,000 people in your little shop WhatsApp group. So let's make that clear. >> But uh thank you so much. >> Thank you for the greatest podcast studio. I'm hoping we do a call a better deal next time. >> Peace out everybody. >> Available. fancy studios. You bring your guest to his studios on 53rd and and >> third right right at a whipstick building. >> The people think they're coming to some big fancy corporate, you know, who knows what. So they feel like amazing already. Thank our producer Man Frank and we have to thank our bodyguard and the king of prank calls Melis. Thank you so much for coming. >> Thank you. >> And uh we did all the call out. You know what's crazy? people in the streets like, "Could you do a shout out for me?" I'm like, you know, I don't know what to say. It's so at least I can do shout outs for the people in the room who make this all happen. >> 100%. Very, very appreciative. >> People in the air, right? >> Yeah. >> You think we'll get you as a guest one time? >> Oh, >> and probably hopefully. Thanks so much.