You Represent Him... Whether You Realize It Or NOT | Living With Emunah #380

Good morning Boca Towel, welcome back to Living With Emunah, great to be back together. I'm glad the rain didn't keep you away. Okay, kept some, kept some away. Everyone is where they're meant to be. Emunah series is generously sponsored by Dr. David and Bella Morgan in memory of Rabbi Dr. Brian Galbut and in memory of Bella's mother we remain tremendously grateful. Dr. Alan Chazanow remains tremendously grateful to the Morgans for their generosity. Also the series is sponsored anonymously in memory of the fallen soldiers and alumni of Benei David Machina and Yeshiva Na'aleh. We continue to daven from the bottom of our hearts for the soldiers recently injured in Lebanon. Rabbi Chaim ben Meir ben Aryeh Leib ben Matana ben Sylvia David ben Ziva Leon ben Ruth ben Revital Eitan David ben Tova ben Mordechai ben Meira ben Asher a complete speedy and painless Refuah Shleimah. Two additional young men who were injured Jacob and Verad and Hila ben Shulamit we should hear only good news and besuros tovus. This morning's shiur sponsored by Eve Marks in honor of her grandparents by Josh and Talia Zizook l'ilui nishmas Chava Viga Dishna bas Mordechai Yitzchak dear cousin Vicki Frolick who taught so many how to live with Emunah by Zivia Cooper in commemoration of her father Dr. Mel Daniel Mandell David Nosson Natan ben Alter Michal bas Simcha Yanta on his third yahrzeit. By the Berkowitz family of Miami Beach l'ilui nishmas Avraham ben Moshe Chaim in memory of the great Abby Berkowitz on his second yahrzeit. A great man, part of our extended family, sorely missed. Everyone should find his neshama have an aliyah and anonymously for the Refuah Shleimah an easy smooth recovery for Esther Penny bas Pesel Bryndel. Thank you to everyone for their tremendous generosity. Okay, let's get started. We have so much to cover. Emails, Torah, back into Rabbi David Weiser's wonderful sefer. So much to get into. I don't know if the mic is picking it up cuz I never put it on. Okay. See how that goes. Okay, First I want to share uh three brilliant emails from myself to myself on a recent trip earlier this week to New York. Three great things happened. I made a little note to myself. I just made notes. I didn't write it out cuz I thought I would know what I was talking about. So, let's see if I was right. So, first of all, on the plane I travel for a Simcha in New York this week and uh on the plane I was sitting next to somebody not recognizably Jewish, not obviously Jewish. Um and he's sitting next to me and uh he makes some comment. I don't know how he knew I was Jewish, but he made some comment. Made some comment and he said uh "Terrible what's happening in Israel. Terrible what's going on with Iran." I said, "Yeah, it's really terrible and uh you know, we're praying and miracles are happening." He said, "Yeah, my partner is Israeli." So, okay, he's not Jewish, his partner's Israeli. Uh tell me more. What do you do? He do real estate. Okay, very nice. Then he's FaceTiming with his wife before we take off. And his wife with an accent says something about uh "Oh, I just finished my prayers." So, I didn't I didn't think she was Jewish. Frankly, she she sounded like she might be Muslim. She Okay, she took her prayers. He's interested. Okay, good. Nice guy. Good conversation. Then he turns to me and he says, "I'm a Hagbah specialist." I didn't know what he was talking about either. So, he explains since he's a big strong guy, since he's 13 years old he specializes in doing a Hagbah. He likes to lift the Torah. And he tells me his wife was born in Turkey, but grew up in Israel. Is Israeli. Maybe that's his partner. I don't know business or that was his wife was partner. Anyway, all of it was a great conversation. Turns out he was Jewish. It was lovely. Made a new friend. But the best part is he must have texted his wife cuz he said to me, "What do you do?" I said, "I'm a rabbi in Shul in Boca Raton." We had a whole conversation. In the middle of flight he shows me a text from his wife that God put you in a seat next to the rabbi. That's where you're supposed to be. I thought, "Wow." Not great? So, from now on, his wife is giving the Emunah Shiur. She's uh Anyway, that was Emunah story number one on the way up. It was really good story. Then Yechiel and I went to the wedding and we pulled up and we're in traffic because it was Brooklyn and we're uh trying to park to get to the wedding. And in the car in front of us on the back of the car is a magnet. And the magnet says, "You are where you're meant to be." And on top of it it says, "Emunah Shiur." "Emunah Shiur, you are where you're meant to be." I said to Yechiel, "What a coincidence." What a coincidence. Somebody in Brooklyn gives a Shiur where they say, "You are where you're meant to be." Okay. I thought maybe that person, you know, the greatest form of flattery. Okay, but you are where you're meant to be. Emunah Shiur, interesting magnet. After the chuppah woman comes over to me and she says, "You know, Rabbi, I love the Shiur. I listen every week. In Brooklyn, all the cars look the same. You can never find your own car. So, I made myself a magnet from the Shiur and I put it on the back of the car so I can always find my car." So, people are making their own magnets. "You are where you're meant to be. Emunah Shiur." Amazing. I'm She came up to me. Amazing story number two. And then the next morning, I had to go to a bank. Don't ask why. In Clifton, New Jersey. We're staying at my daughter's in Passaic. Had to go to a bank there. Take care of something. Had to be out of the state of Florida. A bank there. I walk in and a woman is at the bank says, "Hello, Rabbi Goldberg." I said, "Hi." She said, "I live part of the year in Deerfield." I said, "Wonderful." She says, "My husband used to love to come to the afternoon kollel at BRAS. He came to the Shiur." I said, "Remind me. Tell me who your husband is." She says, "We're from Texas. He's very tall." I said, "The big Texan." Of course I knew her husband. Such a special man. So, may I started to tell her all about, "Your husband had the biggest heart. He was always so warm and welcoming." I remember I said to her, "I remember your husband loved the chuvahs of Reb Moshe Feinstein. He would love to talk about chuvahs of Reb Moshe Feinstein." She got a little emotional. She said to me, "You know, she said today is my husband's yard site. And what are the odds that Hashem would have me run into you in a bank in Clifton, New Jersey at this time? Right then at that moment had to be in a bank in Clifton, New Jersey to run into her on her husband's yard site to tell her nice things about her husband." And that's it. Those were the three emails I wrote myself. Those are my Emunah stories of this week. Every week we all have our own. You can write yourself, by the way. It doesn't make you crazy. You can write yourself. It's important to remind ourselves, to write ourselves, to review how much you talk about it. We grow our Emunah the more we talk about Emunah, the more we tell Emunah, the more we share Emunah stories with each other, with our family, with one another, then the more the more Emunah there is. Our daughter in uh was in Israel Jerusalem last week. She was going out of her mind. She was packing trying to get in for Pesach. Her two little kids can I have a heart. I learned their ages since last week. They're They were driving trying to get it all done. Plus, she's still working full time her seminary. And just at that moment she felt like, "I don't know how I could do this all. I don't know how I'm going to get it all done." There's a knock on the door. Her first cousin lives in Bet Shemesh. Was in Jerusalem. Stopped by to say hi. He said, "Let me take care of the kids. You go do what you need to do." But in our chat our Hashgacha Protis family Emunah Hashgacha right at that moment that she needed it a knock on the door. Eliyahu Hanavi. Eliyahu Hanavi came right at the price right in the moment that she needed it. You got to have a family Hashgacha Protis. And if you don't have it for your family, have it for yourself. Tell yourself Emunah stories. Tell yourself keep a journal. A personal journal of the times you saw Hashem throughout the day throughout the day. It's unbelievable. Get into the Uber yesterday to go to the airport to come back and an African-American driver in the Uber I hear Mordechai Shapiro music. I said, "What's going on over here?" So, I said to him, "Is this your playlist? You enjoy this music?" And he said with an accent like he came from the islands, "I like to see my clients and put on the music they'll enjoy." Now, turns out he was a better DJ than a driver. Practically had to bench Como when we got to LaGuardia Airport. But, it was very kind, very lovely. Hashgacha Protishem, amazing. I got to go to the airport with Mona Heshapir. Okay, now to other people's emails now that we covered my own. My daughter left some textbooks in the kitchen breakfast area. The books were there for months. They did not move, so I assumed she didn't need them. She had another set at school for other reasons. So, on a cleaning spree a few weeks ago called Pesach, I got rid of those books. Oops, last night she came and said, "Where are the books?" I was putting away Pesach groceries in the basement, so I said I'd look for the books when I was done. Of course, I knew where they were. They were gone. But, Hashem had sorted out the problem. A colleague had texted me 2 weeks ago asking if I wanted a huge stack of textbooks our kids were done with. Given they're expensive, I said, "Yes. Thank you very much." In that stack were the same copies of the ones that were missing at last night. Thank you, Hashem, for solving this and avoiding a very angry teenager. It's the little things that are really also the big things. Little things, the little wink, the little nod, the little hug from Hashem, they make us feel they make us feel good. Dear Rebbetzin Goldberg, thank you for the munashram because it really helped me get through difficult times. I live in Israel every every year my parents make Pesach at home. Two of my mom's sisters live in America. My mom's brother lives in Israel like us, along with my grandparents. In honor of my grandparents' 50th anniversary, my sister's bat mitzvah, my cousin's bar mitzvah, my cousin's bat mitzvah, my grandparents planned to take the whole family away in Israel for Pesach. This would have been the first time my parents didn't have to make Pesach. We were all looking forward to it all year. We don't get to spend too much time with our family in America. Although I wish I could say the story has a happy ending where everyone is able to come, unfortunately, my cousins decided to cancel because of the war. My family and I are very disappointed and instead of spending Pesach away with our cousins, we'll be home. Even though it's disappointing, Baruch Hashem, I'm able to see that I am where I'm meant to be. So is the rest of my family. I understand even though I can't see right now why Hashem wants me to be home for Pesach. It must be the right place. May Hashem allow us to all be zoche to be in Yerushalayim together this Pesach. Absolutely. And kol hakavod. It was very gratifying, satisfying, also an honor and a chiyuv. But I've heard from many many many people who have tried to travel to Israel, from Israel, within Israel, that embrace your place, that language, that lashon is making the rounds. It's nice to hear that the refuah before the makah we learned last week about that remarkable remarkable woman, Ms. Piton, who lost three of her four children and said, "Faith is not born in a day. Faith is not discovered in a day. You have to be working on it your whole life so that when you need it, that emunah muscle is there, it's strong, it can lift you, support you, and it can and it can carry you and it can carry you." So we've been learning and we've been saying embrace your place, we are where we're meant to be, what's our mission in this moment, what's next for us? Because little did we know we'd need to draw from that bank account we've been making deposits into in those moments that we have to embrace we are where we're meant to be. But I'll follow up that email with the next one. Dear Rabbi Gober, hope you're doing well. I'm in seminary in Israel. I was planning to come home for Pesach, but the war and recent flight cancellations, things have been pretty uncertain. I'm not sure what's going to happen. I know I'm really lucky to be here in Israel. Seminary has been very special. Same time I was really hoping to be with my family for Pesach. It's a little hard emotionally trying to figure out how to think about everything. I'm trying to understand how much hishtadlus I should be putting in trying to get home and at what point I should stop pushing so hard and just trust whatever happens is what Hashem wants. So that's a great question. That's a great question. And this person is not the only one who asked it. I got it from several people. And it's the question that we've examined and we've studied and we're still studying because there is no clear answer. You open up the Shulchan Aruch and there is no siman and sa'if that tells you here's hishtadlus, here's how much effort to put in for your health, how much effort in shidduchim, how much effort in business, how much effort in trying to arrange a flight home. There's no clear spelled out definition of effort. And so I'll draw from the principles that we tried to share which are what's reasonable. If you do less than the reasonable amount of effort, then you may not be leaning on emunah, you might be leaning and waiting for a miracle. If you take excessive effort, you do too much initiative and effort, then where's your emunah? Then you think it's all up to you. You think you're in charge and you're in control and you need to make space and recognize that really it's up to Hashem. So, the answer is always what is a reasonable. We're going to get into this more. What is a reasonable amount of effort? What is a reasonable amount of initiative? In this case, for those who are trying to arrange tickets in both directions, but whatever their plans were, a reasonable amount of effort is an insane effort. Anything less than storming the counters of El Al in the airport, on the phones, on WhatsApp, on website, and you're unlikely. Anything less than filling out every link from every group, from every person you ever heard of, to get on every list to have any chance of getting where you want to go is is too little effort. So, reasonable effort in this case happens to be what ordinarily otherwise would be excessive. That's reasonable. But once you do that, and I've been in contact with many who have been doing that. Once one does that and says, "I filled out the links. I followed the suggestions. I made the phone calls. I sat on hold. I asked for what I asked for." At this point, then you let go and let God. At that point, you embrace your place and your mission in the moment you say, "However it will turn out to be is where I meant to be. Where I'm meant to spend time." What other What is the alternative? I say this every week to you. Can't believe you come back. What is the alternative? What is the alternative to embracing your place? Denying your place? Living with regret, disappointment, frustration, anger? That won't change your place. That doesn't get you on a flight. That doesn't bring your family together for Pesach. That doesn't change your reality. All it does is sacrifice your mental health and sanity, your physical health and well-being. well does it drive you crazy. But when you take a deep breath, and with a smile you say, "We'll find out on this adventure what's next?" We'll find out on this next journey, on this next encampment, which really is itself a journey. As we wrote about in our article this week, what's the alternative to it? And so what is the right amount? I think is whatever is reasonable. And each circumstance, time and place will determine and dictate what is reasonable. So what's reasonable ordinarily is different than what's reasonable in extraordinary circumstances. We are in extraordinary circumstances and times, and there's a different amount of what's considered to be reasonable. Baruch Hashem, bli ayin hara, one of our children already came back, and the other right now is on the third leg of our trip from Tel Aviv to Athens, Athens to Munich, Munich to Miami. And Baruch Hashem, bli ayin hara, that's Ordinarily, imagine your seminary student, you say, "I booked you a ticket home for Pesach. You're going to be going to Athens, to Munich, to to Miami. You're going to stay in an Airbnb far from the airport. We're going to" They look at you and they say, "Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?" In these times they say, "Thank you so much. How did you How did you get that? I can't believe it. How did you manage that? How did you get that? How did you get that? Thank you so much." The times dictate what's reasonable, what's ordinary and what's extraordinary, and therefore our efforts should commence. Hi. Here's our moon in real time. I brought three of my teenage daughters to Boca last week for a two-day mini vacation. Two conditions were: we had to wake up early to see a sunrise down by the ocean, and we had to go to the shiur at 9:00 a.m. They loved the class. Fast forward 12 hours, it was time to board our flight back. Delay after delay until the captain announced that we would be diverted, and that our airport was closed until 2:30 a.m. Either wait around to get back or exit the plane. We kept quoting the Rebbe Goldberg's mantra, "Being stuck is also part of the journey." So we got off and called my husband who was in London. We woke him up bright and early, and he told us to Uber to Lakewood and worry about the park car in Newark park parking lot the next day. 10 minutes later he called to thank us. Because we woke him in the middle of the night, he checked his own flight and he saw it was cancelled. He was able to reschedule because of the crazy hour, he got on a different flight. We got the Emunah punchline. The girl said, "You must send an email to the Emunah shear. Our delay caused my husband to get able to get out of London fat kosher v'sameach." Beautiful those little moments where you can say, "This was annoying and frustrating, but I found out why and it worked out." Often we don't, sometimes it takes a long time. Sometimes that happens fairly quickly. Those moments it's a hug, it's a wink, embrace from Hashem. I write this letter at 9:00 at night on a Tuesday after realizing I lost my wallet. That's in the chapter in the book on the lost wallets. It's a growing chapter. After frantically looking around for several minutes and realizing my wallet was nowhere to be found, I quickly called the gymnastics arena that I was at with my daughter only to realize they were closed, there was no one to speak to. I know many people have written to you about something like this before. As an avid listener to the podcast, top 1% on Spotify I might add, yes, it's a flex. I realized I had not lost my wallet for any reason other than I was supposed to. Instead of freaking out, worrying, and literally losing sleep, I decided I was going to use my Emunah muscle, which is probably as big as one of Arnold Schwarzenegger's biceps, and instead of being a warrior, I would be a warrior. I left a message at the front desk voicemail cuz after all we have to do our hishtadlus, and then I let go and let God. Writing this email now, I have no idea if I will find my wallet or not. I very well may have to call the credit card company to cancel my cards, got a new driver get a new driver's license, replace some cash, but okay. I'm always also aware that I got I may very well may be able to write a follow-up to this part tomorrow morning saying that when I woke up I got a call telling me they had my wallet with all its contents. Either way, it's for the best. I love this email that's in the middle in real time. We don't know how the story ends. Cuz Emunah and Hashgacha Pratis are not only, and I lost my wallet, it was perfect cuz when I went there someone had a heart attack, I gave them CPR, brought them back to life. We don't know. We don't know. The better Emunah stories because life, in real life, it doesn't always have that happy ending. In real life, you can't always tie a neat bow around it. In real life, you don't always find out why this was perfect and meant to be. Often, it's frustrating, but that too is Hashgacha Protis. That too, as I'm writing this, I'm remembering something that happened to me earlier today. I'm a physician's assistant in New York. Today, in the hospital, my morning rounds, something happened. I went to go see one of my patients schedule. I walked in the room to find a book open on their table. It's not a nor- not an abnormal occurrence, but something told me to look again. Closer inspection, the book on the table was a Bible. The patient was not Jewish. Also happened to be in a comatose state state, so seeing an open book and a Bible in front of them seemed rather out of place. I stopped, and before examining the patient, I looked at the pages the Bible were open. As I looked down, I couldn't believe it. There it was. It was open to the book of Psalms. Can you guess which Psalm it was open to? That's right. Psalm 23. Remembering this now gives me chizuk, that no matter where I whether I find my wallet or not, no matter the outcome, Hashem is in charge, and it's all for the good. Thank you for the weekly words of inspiration for helping me even in the smallest silly moments of peace and tranquility. I hope you're pro- I am proud of you. I hope you're proud of me. I know I am. And PS, I'll let you know. Please do. Let us know how that turns out. I am proud of him, and he should be proud of himself, because in those moments when we in fact use our Emunah muscle, and we're learning in Tanya, we just learned this morning, the competition, the fight between the head and the heart, the ego and the Elokus, who are we? What defines us? How do we react? Are we impulsive? Do we indulge our animal impulse, our ego? Or are we able to reign supreme, to be sovereign, to have discipline, for our godly soul to dictate what we'll do in that moment? And each time, whether we turn down the Cape Cod potato chips at midnight, or whether we choose to not, in his words, freak out and lose our cool over a lost wallet, when we in fact express our godly soul, and it defeats our animal impulse, be proud. We should be proud in that moment. Should be proud. Should be proud. Something to be proud about. That is what we're meant to do. That is That is what we're working on and what we're fighting. Dear Rabbi Goldberg, started listening to your mini series. I love hearing the the darshaning of the emails in the beginning. I appreciate the story doesn't need to have a traditional happily ever after ending. About 5 weeks ago a motzei Shabbos the shaliach of my shul let me know that a boy was interested in meeting me. After taking a quick look at his resume, I had a feeling there might be potential. References were called on my behalf. Everything pointed to this being a wonderful idea. He didn't just sound great on paper. Meeting him confirmed he truly was. We continued to date for a few weeks and although we were still getting to know each other, I was grateful to Hashem for the opportunity to spend time with someone who was a true mensch. One day while we were out to eat, he suggested we cross-reference our genetic testing results. I tested 1 year ago. When the genetic counselor called with my results, she reassured me I had nothing to worry about. Everyone carries something and my something was rare, non-life-threatening, unlikely I'd run into any problems. As I was telling the boy that I usually forget to even ask about results cuz I had nothing to worry about, he pulled out his own report. It revealed he carries the exact same gene. I couldn't believe this. I was shocked. But managed to reason with myself that it would probably be fine because after all it wasn't life-threatening. That, of course, was a major oversimplification of the situation because when thinking about one's future children, there's more to consider than at least they will live. We scheduled a call with the genetic counselor hoping there might be some reassuring perspective. Unfortunately, it wasn't the case. As limited research has been done in this area leaving us with a decision to make. I wish the story had a better ending, but we decided it wouldn't be responsible to take the chance given the gap in research. Needless to say, it was incredibly disappointing. According to the screening data, the US, UK, France, Australia, New Zealand, approximately 14 in 100,000 have this gene. .01% of the population. Of course, it's an oversimplification as the gene is more prevalent in Ashkenazi communities. Still, I couldn't help but think, I am genetically compatible with 99.99% of the population and the great boy I'm dating happens to fall into the .01% Despite this even with the disappointment, I was overcome with the feeling that it is such a bracha to end things with someone on such good terms. For whatever reason, we weren't meant to continue our relationship. Rather than feel hurt, which so often happens when a relationship of substantial length ends, there's something deeply deeply comforting about knowing this wasn't about choices or mistakes. It was simply a reality neither of us could change. There's a certain comfort in feeling this was completely out of our hands. So, I don't know why Hashem had me meet such a special person without the chance of it working out. I also don't look back at our time spent together as a waste. On the contrary, something could be a bracha even if it wasn't meant to last. I don't have the full hindsight now, but I know that everything's for a reason. Hashem will give us both the right person in the right time. Thank you so much. What a powerful email. I actually followed up with her because I suggested there are PGD, preimplantation genetic diagnosis. There are ways that even when someone two are carriers, for whatever reason they chose not to pursue that and of course that's their their right, but I'm wowed by her strength, by that strength to interpret that way. How many others would say, "God, where are you? How could you? I don't need you. I don't want you. Why would you?" Instead, she says, "I'm comforted to know." What a Muna. So powerful and we can draw, again, we can join on the hotspot of those who are fire with a Muna to help grow and strengthen and increase ours. Okay, one more and then we'll get back into our get back into our learning. So many good ones. I want to start by saying thank you for the share. I found your share on Apple podcast. Spotify was not the shadchan this time. About a year ago, I started listening at part 294 and made my way through the shiurim and now I'm all caught up. I'm now going back to part one. I'm trying to catch up entirely. I've gained so much chizuk and many times shiur I was listening would connect with something happening that day and inspire and strengthen me. I'm in my mid-20s and live with a chronic illness that affects people both physically and mentally. It's not easy. I've been through ups and downs, many, many downs, even after I thought there were nowhere lower to go. Been to doctors, have tests and appointments. I tried medications and treatments. Spent money, time, effort to heal. Baruch Hashem, I've made improvements. I'm now dealing solely with physical illness and not struggling with the mental. Here's my question. What's darshan this as we dive back in? While going through so much, I've become a much stronger and more mature person. I've also lost my connection to Hashem through tefillah. After getting so many no's, or more accurately yes's that I translated into no's, it's gotten too hard to daven and ask and not see the yeshua that I need. I don't daven formally every day. I don't daven shacharit or mincha. Even on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, I struggle. When I do try, I have a very hard time getting the words out. Speaking the words has become too much, especially with formal prayer. I resigned myself to only informal talking to Hashem in my own words, but even this is too hard. At this point, I don't even say the words out loud. I just think them. I have my time of day where I sit down and think all my tefillot, my thank yous to Hashem, everything I want to tell him and ask of him, and go through my day with him. Given that tefillah is so powerful and loved by Hashem, I wish I could at least be able to daven verbally and even more to daven formal. I'd be grateful for any chizuk or guidance the Rav could offer on this. Another powerful email. Here's somebody who spent their life in chronic pain and understandably is struggling to connect with tefillah and doesn't say, "I get a pass. I'm exempt. I I pay the price. I give to God in my own ways." She says, "I miss it. I long for it. Could you give me chizuk so I could get back to it?" People are extraordinary. People are amazing. And people are an inspiration to us if we open our eyes and we see and we listen and we follow and we friend. I don't mean online, offline, people. They're amazing. So, number one, if you're listening, you are amazing. You're amazing. And then the person says, she writes, "I'm struggling. I don't daven. I really want to daven again. I do set a time every day where I sit disconnected from everything else and I think what I'm grateful to Hashem for, what I ask him for, what I need, but I don't daven. I don't daven. That is the holiest and highest, that is the deepest and most authentic, that is the most sacred form of tefillah there is. The rest of davening that we do is so we can get to that level of that davening. So Hashem says, "Open the siddur and say this text cuz even when you're not going to feel like it, even when you think you have nothing to say, even when you're not in the mood, I want to make sure we keep the channel of communication open. But the real davening takes place between the lines of the siddur. The most authentic and the most real davening happens when the siddur is closed. We're talking to him from our heart. We're pleading and talking. When we're in conversation. When we're expressing gratitude. When we're thankful. That is the most real, the most That That is the highest level of tefillah that there is. So you, if you're listening, should not think I'm not davening. You should know that you are davening. Halavai our davening would reach the level of your davening. Okay, you also miss the will and the want to open a siddur and say those words. Talk to him for it. Ask him for it. And get back to it slowly. Open the siddur and say one line and close the siddur. Open the siddur while you talk to meditate, don't even look in it, and then close it. Do little things, small incremental growth. Advance. Progress. Little by little and you'll be back. And ask him in those conversations that you think you're not davening, but at the highest level of davening, ask him, "Hashem, I don't feel, I don't connect, I don't want right now to open the siddur to talk to you, but please help me come back cuz I miss it. Help me." Talk and ask for it. That's exactly what we're learning in Sha'arei Tefillah from Rabbenu Bachya ibn Paquda. I gave you handouts. This is the till the end of this chapter and after this we're going to go to another piece. We're going to learn something from the Ger Yeshiva together. But I want to get to it. It's going to still take a little bit of what a little bit of time. But he's been telling us, "Talk. Daven for davening. Ask for emunah. It sounds paradoxical. It's counterintuitive, but it works and it's right and it's righteous. So, number one, know that you are davening and number two, daven to daven. That's what we say, "Hashem s'fatai tiftach." Maybe say those words even when you don't feel like opening the siddur for now. "Hashem s'fatai tiftach u'fi yagid tehilatecha." That's a pasuk in Tehillim. It's a pasuk in Tehillim. David Hamelech himself. Why did David say that? He must have hit a wall where he said, "I can't open my lips. I don't want to daven." David Hamelech, don't think you're alone. Don't think you're the first and don't feel ashamed or guilty for it. David Hamelech, King David, the great author, the great poet, the one who gave us all of Tehillim and most of our davening. David Hamelech himself said, "Hashem s'fatai tiftach." Open my lips. I don't feel like I don't want to. I don't feel adequate or eligible. I don't feel worthy of talking to you, so I need your help. "Hashem s'fatai tiftach." So, when we're not in the mood or we don't feel right or we don't feel worthy, say those words even without opening the siddur. That opening line that we normally introduce our Shemoneh Esrei Amidah with, say those words. "Hashem s'fatai tiftach u'fi yagid tehilatecha." Hashem, I don't feel like it, but help me. Move my lips. Open my mouth. Help me. "Hashem s'fatai tiftach." Pischu lanu midvar Rav Nachman bar David Abuhatzeira. Kuf lamed vav. Okin Darshimu Gemara. Top of the left-hand column. Good morning, Rav Mustafa Koffi. Hamispallel, sar she'eino einav l'mata v'libo l'ma'ala. When someone davens, you put your eyes down and your heart up. Einav l'mata, your eyes down. She'be mashma ro'eh b'einav yadai lo. B'zeh l'inyanei matzah she'einam gashmi'us. When it comes to the gashmi'us, the here and now, the material, the physical, so a person should be gratified and satisfied with what they have. What I have is what I need. What I have is what's meant for me. I can work and try and take reasonable initiative to have more, but after I do, when I look and take inventory of what I have, what I have is from Hashem, what I have is what I meant to have, what I have is what's right for me. Einav Lamata, when you're davening, when it comes to gashmius, when it comes to the physical material, look down. Belibo Lamala, but your heart should be up. Bedvarim she believe, berus of the liba. When it comes to matters of the heart, when it comes to ruchniyus, spirituality, then don't look down and say, "Eh, I'm spiritual enough. I'm enough of emunah, I daven enough, I'm religious enough, I'm kosher enough, I'm Shabbos enough." No, when it comes to liba, when it comes to your heart, when it comes to your spiritual health, Einav Lamala, Liba Lamala, look up. You can always have more, always growing, always advancing, always progress, always more and more and more. Never done, never finished, never complacent, never apathetic. Always more. What's next? What's next? How can we grow? We're never finished, we're never done. We're never done. Always we get it backwards. We get it completely backwards. Too many of us, not all of us, but we get it backwards. When it comes to the material, the physical, we say, "Never enough. I want more." Buy the next thing, work hard for more money, get more of a return on the money I have. More and more and more. We never meet with our financial advisor and say, "Good, shine. Yeah, good." We say, "Wait a one second, but the market did better than your investments. Why did we miss out on what the market got? Why don't we have more? Why aren't we making more? I need my money to make more money for me." We go to our boss and we don't say, boss says, "I'd like to talk to you about a potential raise." No, I'm good. I'm good. What about I have? Yeah, more, more. I need a raise, I need a promotion, I need more, I need more, I need more. We never say the car hit 100,000 mi, I'm good. Let's take it to 200,000. We say, "What's the new model? I need more, I need the latest. We never look at the the phone that we have and we say it's good it makes calls, it's connected, it's good enough. No, there's a new model. What are the latest features? You got to download the latest iOS, the newest version. I need more and latest. When it comes to the physical material world, we're never satisfied. We want more and more and more. But when it comes to spirituality, say, would you come with me to the shear? I'm not ready. Been going my whole life. I went to enough shear and I heard enough brushes. I read a partial enough times. I've said enough Ezra. Enough already. Enough, it's good enough. It's good enough. Whatever time I make it to shear, good enough. However much part of davening I don't talk, good enough. The shearum, it's good enough. It's a shape, it's got a K in it. It's a good it's good enough. It's got some Hebrew writing on it. It's good enough. When it comes to the material physical world, it's never enough. We always want more. When it comes to the spiritual world, it's enough. Our children, they better not become can't become too from. They have to stay just like us. Not too much, not too little. There was a famous comedian who had a line about the people who drive next to you on the highway. If they drive faster than you, they're a maniac. And if they drive slower than you, they're an imbecile. They have to drive exactly the speed you go. So the speed limit is 50. If you're from New York, another reason they moved to Florida, mayor just lowered the speed limit today to 15 mph. I don't know why, where, what, whatever. Some say just collect collect more tickets. I don't know. I don't know what But whatever the speed limit is, 50. So if you drive 52, anyone goes faster is a maniac, slower is an imbecile. If you drive 59, anyone who goes faster is a maniac, anyone who goes slower is Everything in life, everyone has to be just like you. So your children, 9:00 minion shabbas morning, usually get there 9:15. If they come there at 9:16, what's the matter with them? If they got there at 9:14, so so from, so right wing, so fanatical. What happened? They flipped out. They have to come exactly when you came. Talk in the parts of davening exactly when you talk. Eat out exactly where you're willing to eat out. Do exactly what you do. Everyone's so worried, so fearful, so afraid the children will flip out. What's going to happen? It's the greatest bracha in the world, your children. It's the greatest bracha. Look at this world and look at the direction people can go. I love to quote my uncle, Rebbe Elazar, zichrono livracha, my beloved, my wonderful uncle. My uncle used to say, "At a bris we say, 'Zeh katan gadol yihiyeh.' Zeh katan, may this katan be gadol. May this katan grow up be gadol." You're at the bris, you hope to be at the barmitzvah. You go from being a katan to a gadol. Zeh katan gadol yihiyeh. So my uncle would add, "Zeh katan gadol mimeni yihiyeh." May this katan, right now he's so small, he doesn't know, he's not mature, he's not developed, he's not advanced, he's not observant, he's a little pipsqueak, a little nothing. Gadol mimeni, he become greater than I am. Not just may he become a gadol. Gadol mimeni yihiyeh. Zeh katan gadol mimeni yihiyeh. Is there a greater bracha in the world for us than our children to be bigger talmidei chachamim, to have more yiras Hashem, to have greater middos, to give more tzedaka, to live with more patience, to be a better husband, a better wife, a better mother, a better father? We want them to surpass us. There's something deeply wrong with a parent who says they want their child to be exact Don't be Don't be Don't make more money. Don't be smarter. Don't be firmer, for sure not. Don't be No, that's wrong. That's wrong. Chazal said the Gemara says, "L'chol adam mekaneh, a person can be jealous of everybody chutz mibno umitilmido." You can be jealous of everybody but your children and your students. The result was that they're one and the same. Your students are meant to be your children. They're supposed to be that feeling you have is the same. So you you you could and should never ever be jealous of your children. Of your children. You want them to surpass us. We should want them to surpass us. So we get it totally backwards. When it comes to the physical material world, more and more, next, latest, greatest. I want more. Spiritually, I'm good. I'm good. Good where I was. I'm good with the length of my shmoneh esrei. I'm good with my understanding of the parsha. I'm good with the level of the tzedakah I'm giving. Good with the amount of chesed I'm doing. I'm good I'm good good. I'm good. But we got it backwards. It should be exactly the opposite. Yitain einav lemala velibo lemala. We learned last week. Hashamayim ki Hashem hu Elokeim bashamayim mima'al veal ha'aretz mitachas. That we learned that a person should do the opposite. When it comes to the material physical, I work hard trying to earn and have more. Whatever I have, I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. It's what Hashem It's what I'm meant to have. But when it comes to spiritually, I'm never good. Never good. Libo lemala. Always looking up. Always more more. Where can I add? Where can I grow? Where can I progress? Where can I What can I do more? What can I do more? Tefila bo ofen zeh gam segula lekabalas hatefilos. When a person davens in such a way, it's a segula that the rest of our tefilos will be heard. That word segula, it's a trigger word. Maybe just for me. But that word segula, we don't mean segula here as in shortcut. Segula is not shtick. Segula is not something that you can mindlessly do and you don't have to care about anything else. What he means is that if you daven in such a way, all your tefila is elevated, is enriched. All of it is more powerful. Kikashe libo lemala berush delibo leshamayim, zocheh shetala tefilaso lemala. When your heart is looking up to heaven, when you want more, so your your tefila ascends with it. If you're looking down, looking down again as the Rebbe is expressing, looking down means material physical and satisfied done. Looking up means spiritual, more, growth, aspiration. So, if you're looking up, if you're if you have great ambition spiritually, when you look up, boom, you send your tfilos sonic speed straight up. Next page. The tight, the translation of that possuk brilliantly is, again, Hashem looks and he says, "Why are you asking for that thing? Are you looking for the physical in that thing or the spiritual? Why do you want a bigger house? Do you want a bigger house to host more people? Do you want a bigger house to host more parlor meetings? Do you want a bigger house to coordinate more chesed? Do you want a bigger house cuz you want more people sitting at your seder table?" The planning of that Pesach is of course cleaning the house and making menus and finding a way to pay for matzah. But the most important planning you'll do for Pesach is figuring out who might be alone if you don't invite them. Who needs an invitation? Who deserves your company? How can you open up your own kodish when you say via echo? How can we make sure that we're going to share the bounty and the plenty and what we have with others? The Pesach preparation is not just about cleaning the physical, it's about who can I call that I haven't spoken to for too long. How can I collect clean out the chametz of selflessness in my life? That's part of the Pesach prep. So, why do I want this house? And Hashem, help me earn the income that I can buy the Pesach things. Why? For myself or to invite and host others? Why? Why do I want all these things? Hashem examines what's underneath that request for that gashmius. We daven for our health, our mobility, our well-being. Why? Hashem says, "Why are you asking for those things? Cuz you want it for you? You just want to get back on the tennis courts tennis courts and the golf course? You just want it for you to go on vacation? Or you want it because you realize you have a mission and a purpose?" I've said this in many contexts and I'll repeat it. Our entire davening is not only transformed in our presence, mindfulness, and sincerity when we say it. It's transformed in where it goes and how it's received when the driver of our davening is not about us. It's not ego, but it's Elokus. In other words, imagine the boss calls you and says, "I have an assignment for you. I have a critical mission mission for you." You say that that fantastic. I'm all in. I'm ready. I accept it upon myself. But I need I need an expense account. Can How am I going to get where I'm supposed to go to do it? Will you pay for the ticket? And food allocation and other expenses that will be needed for the mission. So when a person says to Hashem, "I'm here in this world for a mission. Life is not about me. It's about what I can do for you. But I Hashem at there expenses and I can't do it if you don't help me with it. So please help me earn an income and help me do well so I can use it all and dedicate it. I don't mean give it away. Live in a big beautiful house and drive a wonderful car and wear beautiful things. But all of that doing to be an agent and ambassador of Hashem. Do it to be a kiddush Hashem in this world. Do it to interact with others and draw them close to him. We're learning in siddur if it's now kedusha. Nekadesh Hashemcha barabim. Kedusha according to some might be a kiyum, a fulfillment of the biblical obligation to make a kiddush Hashem. When you respond to kedusha and we turn to one another and we say, "Nekadesh Hashemcha barabim. I am prepared and committed. I affirm my responsibility to sanctify you in this world." It means I walk around, I am a brand ambassador. I'm a brand ambassador. I'm a brand ambassador. I represent God. And the way people will interact will either bring them closer or not bring them close to him. It's a brand ambassador. Everybody's talking, so I might as well also. Zevy Samet, the great basketball player while he was the last 4 years, who in the sweet 16 while he has never gotten further, farthest they ever got, Division 3 this year, scored I think 43 points in that final game. Wears a big kippah on his head every game is such a mensch and used his place on that team and being an absolute superstar to promote and share divrei Torah, to try to spiritually elevate his teammates, many of whom took on greater observance throughout their time playing with him on team, coaches, opponents who saw the kiddush Hashem that he is. Superstar basketball? Absolutely. Hashem gave him talents and gifts and he's worked hard to hone them. Absolutely. He's a fantastic young man. We We had him on Behind the Bima a couple years ago, maybe last year, and it's worth listening. He's a fantastic young man. He's a fantastic young man. But he said, "Why do I have this basketball? Just to play basketball? No. Hashem, you gave me talents and skills. You gave me the ability to play ball. I'm going to use that to be a brand ambassador. I'm going to wear I'm going to wear that yarmulke on my head when so many others throw it off while they play sports. I'm going to be disciplined and regulate the way I act and react on the court and off of it. I'm going to use the spotlight and the microphone for the talents and skills you've given to tell everyone about Hashem and share divrei Torah on a regular basis. Really extraordinary extraordinary kiddush Hashem. Some people are wowed by his basketball. And it's worth it's worth being wowed by. Super super impressive. Not nearly as impressive to me as this kiddush Hashem. Much more impressive. Much much more impressive. That's a choice that he made about how he was going to use it. And that's a choice each of us have. And the talents, the skills, the gifts, the opportunities, the invitations that we have, the resources, the time, the energy, Hashem gave it to us. And we need it. Cuz if we're going to fulfill our mission, we have to have an expense account. So, coming back to davening, when we turn to him and we ask, what are we asking for? Hashem, I like nice things, so please make me have a lot of money. Hashem, I enjoy feeling healthy, so please let me let all my parts work. Or is the tfila Hashem, when my knee hurts and I need it replaced, I can't get to shul to daven to you. I can't attend the shiurim and feel close to you. I can't make and deliver food to help other of your children. So, please help my knees and my hips and my joints. Help me get over this cold or this flu. Help me feel well so I can serve you. That is a categorically different tfila. Our prayer is entirely different. It's with purpose. When it is couched in the context of, Hashem, I'm asking for these things not for me, but how can I best serve you? Of course, if you're healthy and serve him, you'll also feel good and enjoy it. Hashem wants us to. He wants us to. Of course, if you have a big beautiful house and you can host others, you're also entitled to enjoy it. Enjoy. Of course, if you have a car and you offer rides and carpool and you're delivering things to people who need and you're using it in wonderful ways, you could also enjoy that it's plush and it's heated and it's cool and it's this feature and that. Enjoy. He wants us to enjoy, but he wants us to enjoy in the context of serving him. It's all about how we serve him. And so, and so he looks and he examines each of our tfilos as R' Dov Ber HaChasid Era. That's a taitsch term Odim Medabrim V'einam Yishmaim. Odim Medabrim, while they're speaking, says Hashem, I check, what are they really saying? Ego or Elokus? What are they really asking for? For themselves or to serve me? What's this really all about? What's it really all about? How are we living our lives? That's what this is all about. Nishmasi, my soul. Is my soul on fire? Am I a body? Am I a soul? Am I in a relationship with him? Am I living for me? Am I living for others? What is my life really all about? And here's the crazy thing. I just said it in Tanya Shiur this morning. I'm going to keep saying it and keep writing about it. And I'm just working out of it for myself. And I hope it'll help and inspire others. Here's the crazy thing. When you live for ego, for yourself, and you think that's going to bring the greatest happiness, it's the opposite. The people who are living for themselves, who are driven by ego, are the most unhappy, depressed, anxious, miserable. And when a person lives for Elokus, when a person lives for a mission and a purpose, and why am I here, and doing for others, they find the greatest happiness. The greatest happiness, the greatest purpose, the greatest fulfillment, the greatest tranquility, the greatest peace of mind, the greatest peace of mind. If you're feeling miserable, and there are reasons to. Certainly don't judge or blame anyone who does. People who face, as we read, chronic pain and chronic illness. If you've ever had, I saw someone in Shiur this morning said, "I won't be at the Tanya Shiur. I have a root canal. I got to go to the dentist early this morning." Ooh. Have you ever had a toothache? Now, imagine the pain of that toothache never subsides. You never get relief, and it can never be healed. And you're just living chronically with pain. People who live with chronic pain, that's what they're living with. So, when they seem a little bit off kilter, when they seem a little bit short with you, when they seem a little bit they could have been a little bit nicer, don't judge them. You have no idea, or maybe you do, what it's like to live with chronic, chronic, chronic pain. To live with chronic pain, the empathy and empathy we should have for the people who live who live that way, with chronic pain. With chronic pain, and still have emunah, and still daven, extraordinary. Absolutely extraordinary. Absolutely extraordinary. But, a person who's living now with chronic physical pain. A person is feeling down and out, depressed, anxious, worried, doesn't know what will be. You want to break out of it? Here is the advice. It's not mine. It's what mental health professionals are giving more and more and more. Volunteer. Volunteer. There are a group of women who after this year, which is about to end, every, what's today? Wednesday. Every Wednesday morning now, they go from here, and you don't even have to go outside, you don't even have to get wet, you don't even have to travel far, they go from here to the closet. I don't mean the custodial closet. They go to what we have now at BRS called the closet, which is a great effort. People are donating gently used clothing or brand new clothing they never wore. We talked about how you should clean your closet. And if there's ever a time of year, it's this. I think we're doing our Pesach workshop this Sunday morning, where I will give my usual diatribe polemic rhetoric about how it's not spring cleaning, it's Pesach cleaning. If you want to do spring cleaning, that's just to make tomorrow my or happy, it's not for Hashem. Pesach cleaning, Pesach cleaning is for Hashem, and they're very different standards of halacha. But this is the time of year that people go through, and you can do one or two things with it. You can just throw that clothing away. It can still sit and clutter your home, or you can give it to our closet, which is then open for people who come and shop and pay a dollar, three dollars, five dollars. Closet, I think, already only opened twice and brought in maybe five, six, seven thousand dollars. It's bringing in money that's helping other people. It's helping people clean, and it's helping people go into Yom Tov with gently or brand new clothing they otherwise would not necessarily be able to afford. What a beautiful win-win-win mitzvah goreret mitzvah, goreret mitzvah. Called the closet. Similarly, on Wednesday mornings, you can volunteer for Shefa. Shefa means an abundance, a flow from Hashem. It's also chef, ah, which is extra food, food rescue. So many people cater events, have events, have simchas baruch Hashem, have things, and was at a dinner of a school dinner last night. There was so much food, I said, "I hope you're calling Shefa." So much left. Do you know how many people hundreds, thousands of containers have been filled with those food that have fed hundreds of family all without anyone spending any money cuz it's held at BRS, there's no overhead thanks to the generosity of this community both these projects. But you know what both of them rely on? The reason they have no expenses both of them rely on volunteers. Volunteers. The group of women, you have it included who stay after every week on Wednesday to go to the closet or also help for Shifa. We'll tell you that they walk away not feeling like I gave but I got. It just added meaning to Wednesday morning. Could you have a better Wednesday morning? Make a cup of coffee in the Shala's corner. Have a pastry or slushy. Come to the Amuna shear. Nourish your soul and then go volunteer and live a mission and purpose for others. Your Wednesday is made. What a morning. Wow. What a morning. Unbelievable. But that volunteering it'll it you don't say when I volunteer for others now I feel worse. Nobody ever said that. Ever. Ever. Makes a person feel awake, alive, feel good, feel they're giving, feel they're living a mission, a purpose and for others. And Hashem is looking. So says Rav David Khazera, when we're going and turning to daven then ask ourselves as we're saying those words. Again, part of the agenda we put out a real the other day about cuz we said it here. Look at your calendar. If you don't think you have anything to daven for then look at your calendar. What you have on tap that day will dictate determine how you're going to daven, how you're going to daven. But the other thing to look at in ourselves when we daven is why am I asking for this? Whatever I'm asking for, why am I asking for it? And if I can couch it and deliver it if I can communicate as a dash sham I'm davening because I want to be your brand ambassador. I'm your agent. I'm here to serve you. And I want to get in order to be the best one to serve you then I need your help. I need your help. I need your help. So this is our mission and purpose. You can volunteer now. If you can't make it this week or you can find another way or reason to volunteer, you can do it elsewhere. 100% I am personally guaranteeing you that you will feel you got a lot more than you gave. You will You will feel alive if you live for a kiss not for ego. And then you bring that same attitude and feeling into your davening. Shh. Your davening is going to be all together different and you're going to want to daven and look forward to it much much more. May we hear all the good news, peace and tranquility for our people.